Thursday, August 31, 2006

Idiocy: Don't Leave Home Without It

Hi! You know me? You may not recognize me from the front, since you probably see the back of me the most. I'm the woman who's in front of you, in the middle of the aisle, wherever you need to be. I'm oblivious to anyone else in the vicinity and like to make frequent stops to just stand and think. It's so nice to have those moments the middle of the aisle.

I'm also the one that likes to stand in front of the shelves where the item(s) are that you need most. Yep, that was me manhandling that bag of cereal on the discount shelf. Ohhh, you got me again. That was also me fondling a bag of Jolly Ranchers for 10 minutes, trying to determine just how many are in the bag. Oopsie. That was me again, standing in the middle of the check out area, looking over my list and digging in my purse. I hadn't actually chosen a checkout lane yet, but I thought I'd block at least 2 lanes while I decided what my next strategic move would be.

If you still don't recognize me yet, I'm also the one who:
• Realizes after everything has been rung up, that I'll be writing a check. And I don't have a pen.
• Digs for exact change.
• Forgets to have her 'discount card' ready, even though I've shopped here for years.
• Has a fistful of coupons with specific instructions which I choose to overlook, then complain about when I don't get my savings (i.e. Save 50¢ when you buy 2...)
• Doesn't get the hint, however heavy-handed, that I'm in your way (and doesn't care).
• Stands in the middle of the aisle and reads nutritional labels.

Hope to see you soon! Maybe we can spend some time together in the produce section...then again on the cereal aisle...and in the meat department...bakery...and the canned goods aisle...and the frozen food section...

Beverly Hills Teens © 1987


Ages ago when I used to chat in the chat room over at BlogExplosion, I struck up a conversation with someone who said they used a service that edited out the profanity, nudity, violence and sex from DVD movies. I think I was more shocked by the fact that up until this point in the conversation, they seemed relatively normal. Things were never the same after they told me they utilized this service.

Before I get too far into this post, I just checked the site, to see if it was still around after all this time, and as it turns out it's "Going Out of Business." I love it! Though, I know there are surely others out there that are doing the same thing (editing movies for "offensive" content). I also looked at their current list of edited films and among them are Adventures in Babysitting, Airplane!, Dead Poet's Society, etc. Talk about depressing.

The irony is, I feel like people who use this service don't actually like movies. Maybe the idea of them, but not the actual art of cinema. How can they? When a director makes his/her film, they do so with a particular vision in mind. If you come along and edit that vision, whether it be through a service like this or on network television, that vision is sacrificed in the name of someone else's morals and in the end, alters the entire perspective of the film.

I can't help but think that people who go to such lengths have much deeper 'issues' that are only going to get worse as time marches on. The other thing I find more than a little disturbing is that I'm sure some of the customers (if not the majority) are parents. These fuddy duddies are helping shape these kids' future psyches (and your future son/daughter in-laws). Yikes. BIG yikes. It's a therapist bill just waiting to happen.

I know how crazy it makes me when I see The Breakfast Club on television and hear Claire exclaim "Flunk you! Why didn't you listen to John?" or hear Bender exclaim "Eat my shirt" Ugh. And people actually pay for this. I'm not being facetious when I say this is seriously depressing. This one is a definite deal breaker. Too bad we can't edit these people's wombs.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Thrift Finds

Here are some of my most recent thrift store finds:

• I found this great framed drawing (18.5 X 9) of a circus procession (love the lil' monkey Ringmaster riding the elephant!) for $7. Click the image for a better view.

• I found these two like-new records [It Takes Cha Cha...- Warren Covington and the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra © 1973 & Harry Belafonte- Calypso © 1965] at the Salvation Army. I had just seen them a little earlier in the day at another thrift store, and was tempted to buy them then, but they both had split sleeves and/or the record was heavily scratched. I'm glad I waited! 50¢ each.

• How great is this little trio of apothecary jars? Numbered 1-3, they all have chrome lids with handles and the jars are made from heavy crockery. Once I tightened the handles on each with a screwdriver and cleaned them up with a little Cinch, they looked great! My plan is to put them in the bathroom and fill them with Alka-Seltzer, cottonballs, etc. They were priced at $3 BUT because they had the discount-tag-o-the-day on them, I got all three of them for $1.50!

• Thinking ahead to Halloween, I snatched up this little hanging ceramic own candle holder to hang from my front porch come October. Very sweet and only $1.59.

*While standing in line behind a woman who had managed to put every piece of useless shit imaginable into her cart, I had plenty of time to wrestle with the owl, trying to find a secure way to hold it without dropping it (I had other stuff in my hands as well). So stupid me wraps his fingers up and inside the owl's head, forgetting that years of soot from the burning candle was there. Needless to say, I got it alllllll over me. Rhee! I swear it was like something out of an episode of Three's Company. Before all was said and done, I looked like a chimney sweep. Ack! Thank goodness I carry this in the car at all times (especially when I know I'm going thrifting).

ZOOM: Best of the 70's VHS. After I'd already checked out, I happened to notice a small rack of VHS, CDs and audio cassettes. I found this PBS blast from the past for just .50¢.

Beverly Hills Teens: Roughing It VHS. Am I the only one who remembers this 80's cartoon? No one else I know seems to remember it. I remember it vividly because I loved the theme song and because there was nothing else good on during their timeslot. It was fun to watch this totally 80's cartoon all over again. Typical monologue" "He may seem fabuloso-- but underneath he's still mondo-grosso." LOL!

*I also managed to pick up (not shown) Real Life's (best known for their 80's hit, Send Me an Angel) 1990 CD Lifetime (a really great album that I used to own, but misplaced) [$1] and the cassette soundtrack to one of my favorite boxing movies: 1992's Gladiator, starring Twin Peaks hottie, James Marshall [.25¢]. ROWR!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Apocalypse Meow

Meow. A district judge in Pennsylvania has been asked to decide whether that word is a harmless taunt or grounds for misdemeanor harassment.

Police charged a 14-year-old boy for "meowing" whenever he sees his neighbor, 78-year-old Alexandria Carasia. The boy's family and Carasia do not get along. The boy's mother said the family got rid of their cat after Carasia complained to police that it used her flower garden as a litter box.

The boy testified Tuesday that he only meowed at the woman twice. Carasia testified, "Every time he sees me, he meows."

The boy's attorney, David Martin Jr., asked for a dismissal. "This is not something that police should be wasting their time with or wasting the court's time."

District Judge Joseph DeMarchis will wait 90 days. He said his decision will be based on how the boy and his neighbor get along in the meantime.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Nuckin' Futz

The other day, a friend of mine sent me a link to an article about how some 'anonymous' (AKA coward) fucktard had written in to British media regulator Ofcom, to complain that they were offended by 2 episodes of Tom & Jerry shown on Boomerang (a subsidiary Turner Broadcasting/Time Warner Inc.) that contained scenes that "glamorized smoking."

In response, Ofcom has decided to edit any scenes or references in the series where smoking appeared to be condoned, acceptable, glamorized or where it might encourage imitation. Adding "These are historic cartoons, they were made well over 50 years ago in a different time and different place," she added. "Our audience is children and we don't want to be irresponsible."

As I write this post right now, I have a throbbing headache. I can't even BEGIN to go into just how retarded this is. This is exactly why I refuse to purchase the American-released versions of the classic Tom & Jerry DVD volumes. Instead, I bought a boxset from Japan that is unedited and contains the original character of Mammy Two-Shoes, instead of the thinner, caucasion version which replaced her. Personally, I liked Mammy Two-Shoes and I'm more than a little tired of being perceived as liking such things as un-PC. Fuckin' ridiculous! What's next? Will the soon-to-be-released Dick Tracy Animated Series be editing out the Jo Jitsu and Go-Go Gomez characters entirely? Gimme a break already with the bleeding hearts!

So, as a gay man, should I be boycotting Three's Company, episodes of Sanford & Son, scenes from Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Boat Trip? Shouldn't we be re-editing Breakfast at Tiffany's to make sure no "Asian-Americans" are psychologically scarred by Mickey Rooney's racist portrayal of Holly Golightly's cranky landlord? What about all those movies from the 40's and 50's where caucasion actors/actresses portrayed characters of another race, like Dragon Seed, starring Katharine Hepburn? What about Peter Seller's portrayal of Inspector Sidney Wang (an homage to the character of Charlie Chan, originally portrayed by actor Warner Oland, an actor os Swedish origins!) in Neil Simon's Murder By Death? OUTRAGEOUS! Call my lawyer! I want reparations!

So, I figure why stop at smoking? Let's look at the other agendas Tom & Jerry cartoons appear be promoting:

I don't know about you, but my delicate sensibilities are being overloaded with FILTH! I have to go lie down now, I'm getting the vapors. Feel free to be enraged during my absence. And get that cat and mouse some PANTS! Even the Kool-Aid Man had the decency to finally put some pants on!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Upcoming DVD Releases

Here's a short, but sweet, list of upcoming DVD releases that I just found out about.

Pretty in Pink: Everything's Ducky Edition (Aug. 29)
Shock Treatment (Sept. 5)
Comments: Woo hoo! The 'critically-acclaimed' (i.e. people were HIGHLY critical of) "sequel" to The Rocky Horror Picture Show is finally being released to DVD! Personally, I really enjoyed this surreal, underrated movie, complete with original characters Brad & Janet Majors (even if played by new people). Jessica Harper (Janet Majors) had just done Dario Argento's surreal Suspiria just 4 years previous, so she was no stranger to the bizarro world. Fun, fun movie. Check it out if you get the chance.
Blade Runner: The Director's Cut (Sept. 12)
Hard Candy (Sept. 19)
Grease: Rockin' Rydell Edition (Sept. 19)
Body Double: Special Edition (Oct. 3)
Marie Antoinette (Oct. 10)
Comments: Wouldn't you know it?! I just bought this movie on VHS 2 weeks ago, along with The Divorcee. I just love Norma Shearer.
Rest Stop (Oct. 17)
Comments: I read the synopsis for this movie and it sounds promising, though it sounds an AWFUL LOT like Kurt Russell's 1997 movie Breakdown. Plus, it doesn't hurt that hunky Joey (Call me 'Joe') Lawrence plays the sheriff. I somehow doubt he gets shirtless, but here's hopin'!
An American Haunting (Oct. 24)
Nacho Libre (Oct. 24)
Forbidden Planet (Nov. 14)
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Collection: Volume 10 (Aug. 29)
Comments: Movies in this volume will include...
* Godzilla Vs. Megalon
* Swamp Diamonds (Plus Short: What to Do On a Date)
* Teen-age Strangler (Plus Short: Is This Love?)
* The Giant Spider Invasion
Dick Tracy: The Complete Animated Series (Sept. 26)
Comments: I LOVED this cartoon series! Though it originated in the late 60's, I became a fan of it while I was in junior college and the series made it's 1990 debut to VHS (I still have the poster {shown} around here somewhere). Personally, I like the old VHS poster (red) better than the new craptacular cover art they came up with (yellow). I am SO happy to see these cartoons finallycoming to DVD! They have a great look and style to them that you just don't see anymore in this world of computer-generated cartoons.
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Comments: Though a release date has not been released, creator Craig McCracken said that the series is slated to begin being released in seasons, starting sometime next year.
Beverly Hills 90210: Season 1 (Nov. 7)
Comments: Though I never really got into the whole BH90210 phenomena, I did think Brian Austin Green was cute (even though he was a total dumbass on the show) and liked Tori Spelling when nobody else did (does).

Some other noteworthy titles coming soon to DVD, that aren't shown here, include:
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law - Volume 2 (Oct. 10)
Police Squad! The Complete Series (Nov. 7)
Family Guy Vol. 4 (Nov. 14)
Bugs Bunny/Looney Tunes Comedy (Nov. 14)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

No More Words

My art archives are boundless. I even have a 'Text' folder archive, of misc. text that either made me laugh, tried my patience or just made me cringe. These are those. Though they're all pretty self-explanatory (hint: mad spellin' skillz), I feel the need to elaborate on a few of them:

[1] If and when you buy on eBay and/or, do not buy anything from this seller: 'cashhouse1.' I trusted that this a-hole's description was accurate when I ordered and paid for the Incredible Hulk DVD boxset. Boy was I wrong! I was okay with the fact that the DVD digipack was missing it's outer sleeve, but his description of "normal wear" to the DVDs and digipack case was a complete and total lie. The digipack was beyond destroyed and the DVDs were scratchtastic. NEVER AGAIN. *Note: It pays to use to see all the seller's NEGATIVE and Neutral feedback before you buy from them. I normally do this, but I let this one transaction slip between my fingers.

[2] If Carrot Top and Toni Collette mated

[3] I came across this personal ad on some gay personals site, during a random search a while back. Depressing, infuriating...

[4] Backstory: This little 2-year old boy went missing a few months ago in a nearby town's public park. He was with his 4-year old brother at the time, but when the brother emerged from the wooded area where they'd been playing, the little boy was not in tow. A huge search party consisting of both the authorities and local people searched for him for days, but to no avail. On the last day of searching, one of the search dogs picked up the little boy's scent, but at one point it just seemed to "disappear." The police said that this indicates that the little boy must have been picked up, so now it's considered a kidnapping case.

And don't even get me started on why in the world a parent would let their 2-year old go play in a wooded area unsupervised. Sad, sad, sad.

SO, I get this 'friend request' via MySpace, a few weeks ago. I saw the picture and automatically recognized the little boy's picture from the news, and was instantly creeped out. THEN I went to the MySpace page and was turned off even more by the fact that the person who created the page actually chose a song called 'Where Have You Gone' (it has since been deleted by the artist, thank God) to play on the profile page. WTF? I understand and commend the heart of the concept, but there is such a thing as bad taste.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

'FREE' Rhymes With 'Wheeee!'

Hey gang, I'm giving away a copy of one of the books I'm currently reading, The Revenge of Kali-Ra by K.K. Beck. It's a hardcover book with dustjacket and is in like-new condition. It's a modern pulp-style mystery novel. Here's a brief synopsis: Nadia Wentworth, a big-bosomed, empty-headed Hollywood actress, chances upon a fictional character she wishes to portray. Taken from pulp novels by a jaded 1920s drug addict, Kali-Ra (the Queen of Doom) embodies a dangerous blend of eroticism, bondage, and violence. As soon as Nadia makes her plans known, grasping strangers appear on her doorstep: the author's ancient widow, an alcohol-soaked scriptwriter, and Kali-Ra's current incarnation. Beck's subsequent mixture of spoof, exaggerated confrontation, phoney mysticism, and murder spotlights Nadia's level-headed assistant Melanie, who saves the day.

To make it fun, I created a grid (click it to enlarge, if needed) of some of my favorite things, wherein there are images from over 40 movies. Name just 4 and e-mail them to me. The first 8 correct responses will be put into a drawing and the winner will receive the book FOC. Good luck!

Also, I'd appreciate if you'd take a few seconds and answer my poll so that I can gauge interest in future giveaways. Thanks!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Book Buys

While on the way back from yet another fun-filled visit home, I passed a Discount Books & More (the 'more' was some chirpy parakeets in the back room). Of course, I had to go in, and boy, am I glad I did! I found lots of overstock goodies. And here's the super-cool part: When you go to check out at the counter, right before the cashier finishes ringing you up, you're asked to give the ol' 'Spin-to-Win' wheel a whirl. What is the 'Spin-to-Win' wheel, you ask? Well, it's a wheel that is divided up into 16 pie-chart-style sections, each of which contains a different % off (i.e. 15%, 30%, 50%, 75%, etc.). Whatever percentage you land on, that's the percent that they take off your total!! How cool is THAT?! I just love shit like that. So, I spin and I get 20% off my total, which basically gave me 2 of my books for FREE. Woo hoo! I will definitely be back. Fun stuff!

Charles Atlas' 10 Steps to a Better Body
Synopsis: The original bodybuilding classic is back! For more than fifty years, Charles Atlas - twice named "The World's Most Perfectly Developed Man" - has helped thousands of 97-pound weaklings bulk up, build muscle, and stop bullies from kicking sand in their faces. Without the use of expensive supplements or equipment, this book utilizes Atlas's groundbreaking theory of "dynamic tension," also known as "isometrics," which can be used at home or in the office, by anyone.

*This is actually a 'kit.' Of course, you know me, I bought it for the kitsch factor, not because I long to embrace the world of physical fitness. Pphht! The book comes in a Charles Atlas box and also contains:
-A poster of a Charles Atlas ad
-A boxing lesson
-Charles Atlas trading cards
-A reproduction booklet of the course brochure
-1 'sand in the face' refrigerator magnet
-Tape measure
-A reproduction $10.00 off coupon for the full course

Dizzy & Jimmy: My Life With James Dean. A Love Story by Liz Sheridan
Synopsis: Sheridan, best known as Jerry Seinfeld's TV mother, reveals her love affair with James Dean in a brief book replete with moony dialogue, prescient remarks about Dean's driving habits and a 1950s New York setting. The effervescent Sheridan, known as Dizzy, was a dancer living in a theater district residence hall for aspiring actresses when she met the 21-year-old Dean, an Indiana farm boy who had come to New York via Hollywood. Their instant attraction was soon consummated. Sheridan portrays Dean as a sometimes corny romantic, who immediately began talking about being "together forever" and who needed "always to touch and be touched." While Dizzy managed to work, dancing in nightclubs all over New York or in summer stock musicals, Jimmy was either more unlucky or more choosy, and brooded over his disappointments. Though she touches on Dean's moody episodes and regular, unexplained disappearances, as well as his disclosure of a homosexual liaison with a California producer helpful to his career

Gabby Cabby: The Inside Scoop From New York's Lasy English-Speaking Cabdriver by Peter Franklin
Synopsis: Three hundred million listeners in seventy countries laugh every day as Peter Franklin, New York's radio-active cabdriver, steers them through the city's personalities, politics, and innumerable oddities over the world's airwaves. Now Frankling writes about the great adventure he's had driving a taxi twelve hours a day in the streets of New York City.

Politicians, celebrities, dogs, a transvestite, shoplifter, and even a corpse have graced Franklin's back seat. Upon picking up Henry Kissinger, the wacky hacky decided to have a little fun, as usual. "You look familiar to me. Weren't you the doctor on the soap opera General Hospital? No? The center fielder for the Boston Red Sox?"

Franklin speeds from the hilarious to the touching, such as when he chauffeurs terminally ill children on their dream trip to the big city. Filled with true tales, corny jokes, and even tips on finding a good bagel in the Big Apple, The Gabby Cabby takes you on a wild ride you won't forget.

Pulp Art: Original Cover Paintings for the Great American Pulp Magazines by Robert Lesser
Synopsis: The term pulp fiction has always had a certain resonance; but it is the artwork--bold, energized, dramatic, garishly colorful, and frequently grotesque--that has made pulp magazines memorable to so many people. Pulp Art is the groundbreaking--and ultimate--book on one of America's most important and spectacular forms of illustration art. At last, preserved in this volume are most of the still-existing originals created for the pulp covers, never before seen in all their sharply focused, vibrantly colored brilliance. Robert Lesser, a pioneering collector of this work and an expert on American popular culture, has assembled a gallery of these now-priceless originals.

Miller's Collecting the 1970s by Katherine Higgins
Synopsis: Remember Star Wars, the Sex Pistols, ABBA's Waterloo, David Cassidy, the Partridge Family, and Evel Knieval's daredevil motorbike stunts? All are familiar and popular icons of the 1970s, spawning toys and merchandise many of which are now hot collectables. This is a fascinating and informative look at the decade that saw Michael Jackson's first solo hit and skateboarders first surfing the streets of the USA. Miller's Collecting the 1970s is the latest in the best-selling series that includes Miller's Collecting the 1950s and Miller's Collecting the 1960s. Every item is given a dollar price range.

The Revenge of Kali-Ra by K.K. Beck
Synopsis: Nadia Wentworth, a big-bosomed, empty-headed Hollywood actress, chances upon a fictional character she wishes to portray. Taken from pulp novels by a jaded 1920s drug addict, Kali-Ra (the Queen of Doom) embodies a dangerous blend of eroticism, bondage, and violence. As soon as Nadia makes her plans known, grasping strangers appear on her doorstep: the author's ancient widow, an alcohol-soaked scriptwriter, and Kali-Ra's current incarnation. Beck's subsequent mixture of spoof, exaggerated confrontation, phoney mysticism, and murder spotlights Nadia's level-headed assistant Melanie, who saves the day.

Sunday, August 20, 2006


As I've mentioned before, from time to time I end up with a handful of random photos that I've taken over a long period of time. There's really no rhyme or reason to them, I just take the picture because I like the way something looks. Here are those photos.

• Colorful bouquets of flowers from Target
• One of the neon light fixtures from one of the local malls
• Milk!
• A train blocking my path to lunch at Ho Ho Kitchen
• MORE milk!
• Shopping cart a la Targét
• Screen capture from a late-night episode of The Oblongs
• Cutie-face goldfish hidin' out in the aquarium at the place where I get my haircut
• Organic cantaloupes at Target
Unbirthday cake with butter cream frosting. M-m-m!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Friday Night Highlights

Hey gang! I just wanted to give you the heads up on what's on the tube this weekend:
TVLand will be airing Grease tonnite at 9PM (CST), immediately followed by an encore presentation.
• If you don't want to wait in line to see Samuel L. Jackson's latest tour de force, Snakes On a Plane, you can always rent the new release Snakes On a Train. Here's a quick synopsis: Under a powerful Mayan curse, snakes are hatched inside a young woman, slowly devouring her from within. Her only chance for survival is a powerful shaman who lives across the border. With only hours to live, she jumps on a train headed for Los Angeles. Unfortunately for the passengers aboard, they are now trapped, soon to be victims of these flesh-eating vipers.
• Sunday afternoon, AMC is having a Don't Go in the Water movie marathon starting at 2:30PM(CST). The marathon includes: Lake Placid, Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3, Jaws the Revenge and concluding with an encore resentation of Jaws at 1:30AM(CST).

Check local listings for time and channel.

Thursday, August 17, 2006


You know what I don't understand? No, besides Algebra. There seems to be one constant on these reality shows like Nanny 911, Supernanny and the latest, Try My Life. Couples who churn out MULTIPLE fuckin' kids, then the wife complains about how hard it is being a stay-at-home mom. The majority of these people have multiple kids under the age of 5! WTF is that about? What, are they looking to start their own softball team? How does that make any sense? Then they wonder why they're exhausted and have no "me" time. Fuckin' DUH! Take down the 'Open 24 Hours' sign hangin' from your cockpit!! Geeeeez.

First off, before I get too far into this little rant, let me say that I'm not questioning that being a parent, especially a stay-at-home mom, is indeed WORK. Meals don't make themselves, clothes don't wash themselves, the house doesn't clean itself, groceries don't magically appear and things that most of us take for granted, like the making of doctor appointments, dentist appointments, prescription refills and such, don't just 'happen.' There's someone working behind the scenes and it's usually Mom. Cuz, let's face it, Dad usually lives in a totally fuckin' 'nother world when it comes to dealing with anything outside of lawn care, automotives and dishing out the discipline (or at least the scowl that seems to have taken the place of discipline these days).

So, with that said, can someone explain to me why so many people have multiple children, then act all put out and taken by surprise when they find out that taking care of multiple small children is a 24/7 job? Common sense would tell you that [A] If you are a new parent, get a grasp on the FIRST child and the whole child-rearing process that goes along with taking care of that child BEFORE you make the decision to have MORE children, and [B] If your one outta-control child consumes all your time NOW, is having MORE children not going to exacerbate the situation? It just baffles me how stupid people are. I have zero sympathy for these kind of people. I think it's ridiculous.

And as far as the single mom situation goes, I realize that that's a whole other ballgame. However, having a best friend who runs her own daycare, I've learned vicariously through her that all her single moms use the "But I'm a single mom" card as their mantra to defer any and all responsibility for their children being late, not fed, not dressed appropriately, etc. I think that's bullshit too. I'm sure for the responsible parents out there, be they single or otherwise, this doesn't apply. Why are the rest of us the ones expected to have some kind of epiphany and realize how 'tough' parents out there have it? None of these people had a gun to their head to breed. Birth control is an option (and I don't wanna hear the antiquated "But, I'm Catholic" rhetoric). Stop with the excuses already! It's statistically impossible for there to be that many faulty condoms out there. No one's buying it. And last, but not least, if you're morally against abortion, then DON'T GET PREGNANT. It's common sense, people! And if you do get pregnant, stop expecting everyone else to get tearful every time you make doe eyes and proclaim yourself 'exhausted.' Put up or shut up.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Design Shrine

• As I see it, tissue boxes are a very underappreciated design element. I'm always fascinated by all the new designs available at different store locations. They're like little, disposable works of art. I especially like Kleenex's recent idea to change the shape of their boxes to the more interesting oval shape. VERY cool. Here are various boxes I have sitting in the pantry, waiting to be used. Their brands range from the 'big' names, like Kleenex or Puffs, but the majority of them are store brands. So many to choose from!

• A friend of mine recently sent me a nice greeting card with these Flapper buttons inside. She had brought some over about a week ago and was telling me how she wanted to make them into earrings. I initially thought they were vintage, but they're not! Very cute. Very clever. They also come in a B&W version. I think I'll probably save one and hot glue the other one to the end of a wide piece of ribbon and use it as a bookmarker.

• If you haven't seen the newly-issued DC Comics Super Heroes stamps, they are a must-have! So wonderfully colorful and Pop, I just love them. All your favorites are there: Batman, Superman, Plastic Man, Wonder Woman, The Green Lantern, Supergirl, Aquaman and MORE!

• Around this time last year, I blogged about my love of school supplies and how I still love to shop for notebooks. I practically collect them. This is the current batch that I've bought so far this year. They come from Walgreen's, Target and Office Depot. And though you can't really get the full effect in my scan, there are 2 spiral notebooks (#4 & #6) that are my favorites because they both have lenticular covers. You know, that groovy old-school material that makes the 'wikka wikka' sound when you scratch it and when tilted gives the optical illusion of movement or dimension. SO FUN! I love lenticular stuff! The new Incredible Hulk boxset has a lenticular cover and I have a small handful of lenticular postcards (yet something else I collect).

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Mental Goulash 12

Little things that piss me off: [1] Getting home from the grocery store only to find that one of my bags didn't make it because it's still on the 'convenient' turnstile-o-bags at the checkout counter. [2] When you begin to sneeze and are interrupted, then try to sneeze anyway but can't because now you have a captive audience. [3] Having a snotty nose, hurriedly reaching for a Kleenex and getting HALF or one as it shreds into a million pieces as you desperately scramble to get one whole tissue outta the box!
Why are "gel" pens so popular? Gimme a good ol' ballpoint any day.
A week or so ago, some local black guy decided he'd 'make a statement' about how The Black Man can't get a job, by kidnapping some woman truck driver and taking her hostage at gunpoint in her own 18 wheeler. He then proceeded to take the police on a 4-hour chase. After having several tires blown out and tear gas tossed into the vehicle, he was finally apprehended and the woman was unharmed. Here's the kicker: As the chase progressed through several cities, counties, etc., there were hoards of people parked and standing outside their vehicles on overpasses, at the sides of roads, etc. Several of which were cheering and holding homemade signs/poster boards, one of which said 'Keep On Truckin'. WTF is wrong with people? Idiots.
Watching a commercial for an episode of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days reality show, an upcoming episode told of how an atheist was to spend 30 days with a religious family. Ending with "Will she see the light?" WTF should she be the one seeing the "light?" The real question is, will the Christians she'll be staying with be able to accept anyone's beliefs other than their own?
How fucked up is it that it's 102º during the day...then a refreshing 100º at 10:30PM?! Texas may be the only place I know where a burglar can get heatstroke breaking into a home after sundown.
Evian has started making the mouth of their bottles larger. I like it.
Is it just me or are kids getting worse at spelling and grammar? I can understand a certain extent of slang, etc. (like, fer sure), but it seems like the majority are just LAZY when it comes to spelling words correctly ('juggalo'...'retarted'...). It's as if it's all being spelled phonetically. If you don't believe me, check out anyone under the age of 25's profile on Truly depressing.
What's the deal with the random freakshow hair I occasionally find growing out of the middle of my forehead? I could put a fuckin' barrette on it.
I've noticed that most of the assholes who pull out in front of people, don't use their turn signals and/or drive like fucktards, usually have one thing in common (at least in this vicinity): They're 'patriotic' Americans. They always seem to have an American flag sticker, or magnetic ribbon of some variety, prominently displayed somewhere on their car. The hardcore ones have an American flag on their car antenna
Why do people want to see remakes of movies they've never seen the ORIGINAL of? And don't even get me started on those people who say "I think the remake was better than the original." Yeah, if only the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre had had a kickass soundtrack, cellphones and some half-ass CGI-generated effects, it would have TOTALLY kicked ass! Ech. Whatever.
Why do some people feel like the parking lot of a business is their chance to live out their dream of one day being a NASCAR driver? I can't tell you how many times in the last month that these morons come peeling through packed parking lots, then act all surprised when someone steps out in front of them, attempts to cross over to the store entrance and/or begins to back out of their parking space. Grrrrrr
Why do some employees ask if they can help you, then on the off chance that you actually need turns out they can't help you afterall? Example: I walked into Office Depot the other day. A 12 year old in a shirt and tie runs up to me and offers "Is there anything I can help you with today?" I hold up my receipt and some pens and say I just wanted to exchange them for something else. He says "Oh. She can help you with that." then proceeds to point me in the direction of someone else. Thanks for nuthin', Potsie, now go back to text-messaging.
Why do I always pick up the one item that doesn't have a price or isn't in the computer system?
There's a girl who works at the video store I rent at that I can't STAND. She's such a snot-nosed bitch. I've never been anything but nice (who needs mysterious "late fees?"), but she consistently acts put out anytime she has to actually deal with a customer. So, it was with diabolic glee that I watched her rack herself on the swinging door as she rushed around trying to do everything BUT wait on me the other night. I may have special powers, I'm checking into it.
Why does opening a can of biscuit dough still makes me nervous after all these years?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Isn't it Romantic?

I know I don't get all mushy about love 'n stuff, but today you're in for a special treat. Recently, while browsing profiles over on MySpace, I ran across this song on someone's profile and it really made me swoon. Just when you think romance is dead, the perfect love song comes your way. This one's for the ladies...

Ms. Pretty Pussy by Plies
(Also available as a ringtone!)

She got a pretty little pussy
And she can get it hot and gushy

Ms. Pretty Pussy (pretty pussy)
She can get it hot and gushy (hot and gushy)
Ms. Pretty Pussy (pretty pussy)
I like the way you twerk it for me, Ohh ( X2 )

You got the pretty set of pussy lips I've never seen
If I want to eat you, I can eat you cause your pussy clean
I thought it was all hair, that pussy sat up in those jeans
But now I got you naked I can see how that pussy hang
I better snap out this shit, or I'ma do the wrong thang
I wanna fuck you raw that pussy like is everything
Now all I wanna know, that pussy get real wet
You got a soaker I got to run my tongue cross your chest
Or I can rub on your clit and just play with ya neck
And let me slide my finger in that pussy just to check
Ain't bout who spendin the most money, its bout who fuck the best
I'm a high bitch who a freak baby when it comes to sex


Nice pink, pussy same color as cotton candy
That pussy smell like water, ain't no smell in it
A clean muhfuka she run to the shower when we finish
Little mama got a snapper, pussy be bite'n while I'm in it
A tight pussy, seems like she ain't been fucked in a minute
I like to look at it while we fuckin I can see those lips grippin
Seems like that pussy get wetter, when them toes to the celing
And while she steady moanin, shit I'm steady diggin
And fuck her ever long, I can see that pussy from that position
that pussy so good I wish I was able to take this pussy with me
Just let me lay my head on this pussy for a minute
You got the pretty little best I'd done got period


Cuz, you ever had a bitch dawg
When she that shit it off dawg, and get naked cuz
Pussy just flawless dawg
Talk bout pussy just sit up like a mango dawg
Pussy get supa wet dawg
Pretty lips on the pussy nigga done ever seen cuz
I'm fucked up homie, I seen this here cuz
This over here just fuckes me up dawg, for real dawg
I had to write this one man
Ms. Pretty Pussy, I'll fuck with ya dawg

Dade County! Fuck wit cha boi Mightus!

*Personally, I think he should change his name to 'Piles,' cuz that's what this song is: a big pile.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I Write the Blog That Makes the Whole World Ping

Woo hoo! I feel just like Dave over at Blogography! A mere 2 years into this whole blogging thing and I finally got my very own crackpot asshole (unless you count this one)! Talk about 6 degrees of separation! Yes, folks, my blog was "reviewed" (if that's what you wanna call it) yesterday and I got 2 craptacular thumbs down! And even though the "blog" that reviewed it is a whopping 2 1/2 months old, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

Having taken the time to read some of their other "reviews," (all negative...gee, imagine that), I'm now relieved to find out that I'm nowhere near as bitter as these people. Oh well, I guess if so many people didn't think they were talented there wouldn't be any blogs. Besides, the great thing about blogs is that you don't have to read them. Viva la indifference!

The irony of it all: the same day, right after receiving an e-mail notifying me that "lucky me" had had his blog reviewed, I got a nice comment (regarding my blog) from another blogger, left via BlogExplosion. Odd because I haven't gotten a comment through them for over a year. Ah, the universe really does have a way of working things out.

So, in honor of the folks over at "," (Sorry, I don't handout blog traffic) knowing what a fan they are of my sidebar, AND since I haven't added any in almost a year, here is the latest list of NEW links I'll be adding to the Links area soon! Enjoy!

Michael Anderson

Binais Begovic
Mike Grossi

Blog Resources
dPolls: Online polls repository

Book & 'Zines
Lambiek Antiquarian Comic Shop
RBookshop Discount Book Store

Stanislav Lanevski

Pictures of Girls Eating Sandwiches
Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink

Movies & Television
Classic Hollywood Bios
Commander USA and His Groovie Movies
Wrinkly Towers: Classic Hollywood Picture Cards

Horror Movies
The Great British Ghoul-O-Rama

Upcoming CD Releases
VinylTom the Record King

Politics & Propaganda
Dubyah's Dashboard (For Angry Liberals)

Pop Culture
The Big Cartoon Database
BoondoggleMan: Lanyard keychains
Drink at Work
Gil The Crab's "I Pinch" Merchandise
MODish: Network for modern collectors

Pulp & Kitsch
Camp Kitsch

Mr. Light: Battery-operated candles

Thursday, August 10, 2006


[1] Marvel Legends
Comment: One of my friends saw these on clearance at Wal-Mart and picked one up for me. Very cool. I already own some of the comics, so this was really cool to get. Here's what the box includes: The spookiest, creepiest, scariest Marvel Legends ever put to paper come together in one fright–filled box of terror! This Marvel Legends Monsters Gift Pack features all your favorite Marvel Legends Monsters in 6" super–articulated form inspired by your favorite Marvel comics, from The Tomb of Dracula, The Tale of the Living Zombie, Werewolf by Night, and, of course the granddaddy of them all, Monsters Unleashed Frankenstein. As if that weren't enough to put more chills in your nightmares, you'll also get a special Marvel Monster Poster Book so you can put your favorite fear monger on your wall to keep a closer eye on him! Keep your Monsters in the box—or use the included display stands to unleash the terror wherever you go!
[2] The Rocketeer Movie Trading Cards
Comment: The newsstand I frequent recently starting selling trading cards. I about peed myself when I saw boxes of Dick Tracy, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, New Kids on the Block, Goosebumps, Universal Monsters, Yo! MTV Raps and other assorted retro goodness. All new and unopened! I bought the entire unopened box of The Rocketeer trading cards. $8
[3] Be Kool Soft Gel Sheets
Comment: If you read my blog, you know my history of migraine headaches. Well, I recently bought a box of these Be Kool cool gel sheets. AND not only are they great for headaches, but they are great at keeping me from sweating like a fiend in this ridiculous Texas heat. Sometimes, if I know I will be running errands foe most of the day, I will place one of these on the back of my neck and it keeps me feel nice 'n cool. Very versatile and handy! The strips contain a cooling gel but no medicine and can be easily cut to size. Though not necessary, I like to keep mine in the fridge for extra frosty goodness. Check 'em out!
[4] Crayola Twistables Colored Pencils: 12 pk.
Comment: I love these new Twistable colored pencils from Crayola! Though I bought the 12 pk., there's also an 18 pk. available. I initially thought the colored pencils (we used to call them "map pencils" back in the day) might be waxy or melt-y, but they are just like traditional colored pencil leads, minus all that annoying sharpening! FUN! There's also Twistable crayons and markers!
[5] Sneaux Pipe Skips Chocolate/Orange/White Leather shoes
Comment: I've been looking for "tenny shoes"I could live with. These are them! I rarely buy shoes, but I need something a little more casual to wear with shorts instead of the black clodhoppers I wear now.
[6] Big Poppa Pump Action Figure
Comment: Found this on eBay for 99¢ I luff him.
[7] That Was Then, This Is Now Paperback Book. © 1975
Comment: I bought this book at the thrift store last week for 27¢. It's by S.E. Hinton, the author who also wrote such teen angst favorites as The Outsiders, Rumble Fish and Tex. And get the grooviest part of was signed by the author! How cool is that?!
[8] Vintage Peter Pan Peanut Butter Jar
Comment: I went to some garage sales a few weekends ago. The majority of them were pretty slim pickin's, but I did find this BIG ol' Peter Pan Peanut Butter jar! I Miss glass containers, and this one will make a great holder for all my old map pencils. 10¢!
[9] Assorted Coloring Books
Comment: Think what you will, I still enjoy coloring. However, I do prefer the better quality coloring books, since they are printed on sturdier paper. Coloring isn't just for kids anymore, so that means there's a great variety of coloring books available out there. Here are the ones I purchased recently:

Classic Tattoo Designs Coloring Book
Monsters Stained Glass Coloring Book
Alice in Wonderland Stained Glass Coloring Book
Cunt Coloring Book
Infamous Women Coloring Book

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


[1] AutoCool- $14.99
[2] Pumpkin Patch Hawaiian Shirt- $59.95
[3] TV Guide: 1973 Paul Lynde Show Cover: eBay- $14.99
[4] Grind House Teaser Movie Poster- Not yet on sale
[5] Pull String Alarms: pkg. 72- $3.99
[6] Fizzies Candy: 1 pkg.- $2.94 6 pack $16.95
Comment: Yep! They're back in production! I can't wait to order some! Flavors available: Root Beer, Fruit Punch, Cherry, Lemon Lime, Orange, Sour Apple and Blue Razzberry
[7] Dunkie Donut Head: eBay- Collectible. No price
[8] Vintage Ceramic (Chalkware?) Cat Piggy Bank: eBay- Collectible. No price
[9] Robotic Lawn Mower- $997.00
Comment: On Clearance. Was $1,197.00
[10] Sony Ericsson W800I Walkman Mobile Cellular Phone- $464.49
[11] Thanksgiving Reproduction Decorations- $3.99 each. Set $10.99
[12] Vintage Restored Phone- $160.00
[13] Halloween Reproduction Decorations- $3.99 each
Comment: Wow, remember these? I sure do! We had the ghost (not pictured here, but available) and the pumpkin. I gotta get these! Other Halloween/Thanksgiving decorations I want (not shown) are here and here.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Food for Thought

Hamburger Helper Microwave Singles
When I saw this in the grocery store, I initially thought "What a great concept!" thinking that it would be along the lines of Kraft's Easy Mac. I personally don't like Easy Mac, but it seems to be popular. Knowing that I like the original varieties of Hamburger Helper, I bought TWO boxes, anticipating a new love affair.

Having followed the directions implicitly I opened the microwave and stirred what looked to be the byproduct of a rabbit taking a power dook in some runny cheese soup. The instructions said to allow the concoction to stand uncovered for 3 minutes, promising that the sauce would 'thicken as it cools.' Three minutes later and the sauce hadn't thickened and still resembled the diarrhea with pasta that originally emerged from the microwave.

Since the box boasted "Meat Included!," I took the opportunity to read the ingredients on the side of the box: Freeze dried cooked seasoned ground beef. I looked back at the steaming bowl of dookie goulash. Against my better judgement, I took a bite. If you like tasteless beef jerky nuggets, powdered cheese and flavorless pasta then this is the product for you! If you don't, then bypass this product and fix the original Hamburger Helper. You know, the one wherein you use real fresh ground beef (chicken, tuna...).

Bad Bad BAD. No wonder this crap is already in the discount bin, just 2 weeks after it's debut.
Mad-Croc Energy Gum: Power Peppermint
I have to admit I bought this for two reasons: [1] The packaging and [2] The larger pieces of gum. I spit this out for 1 reason: It was godawful! I'd rather lick the sawdust out of a wooden leg before I chewed another piece of this shitball 'energy' gum. If you wanna see for yourself, the makers are giving away free samples via their website. Prepare to 'Power' yak.
Dairy Queen Moolatte: Cappuccino
Believe it or not, I may be one of the last people on the planet to try an iced coffee drink. Since I don't frequent coffee establishments nor drink it (except in the fall or winter), I'm outta the java loop. Well, I was recently craving a Cappuccino/Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen, but was seduced by their new frosty, whipped cream-topped Mocha Moolatte (also available in Caramel, French Vanilla and Hazelnut varieties). I ordered one and was instantly smitten. DELICIOUS. Next time: Hazelnut! Highly recommended!
Starbucks Coffee Frappuccino Ice Cream Bars: Mocha
Craving some form of ice cream bar, but unable to locate anything that wasn't fat/sugar/carb-free, and since I'm a big fan of Starbuck's JavaChip ice cream, I (somewhat skeptically) took a chance on their "Low Fat" Mocha ice cream bars. Again, DELICIOUS. Surprisingly good! I will definitely be buying more and found it somewhat amusing that the box boasted "Now 6 Bars." My first thought was 'WTF? How many bars were there originally? 4? Good Grief!' Starbuck's and their pretentious marketing ploys.
FlatOut Bread: Traditional
I used to buy pre-made turkey wraps at the Super Target deli all the time. They were so good, but then they stopped putting shredded carrots in them (great for crunch!) and started putting this really fake-y "smoked" bacon in them. It's just awful. Tasted like someone had been blowing cigarette smoke directly into each wrap. Bleah!

So, while getting some pepper turkey sliced while on a recent outing to Tom Thumb, I noticed a display rack of FlatOut Bread. I was tempted to buy the Sun-dried Tomato or the Garden Spinach varieties, but opted for the Traditional. Well, let me tell you, I may never use white bread to make a turkey sandwich again. They're that good! Throw a little turkey, Provolone cheese, lettuce and/or baby spinach, shredded carrots and/or thinly-sliced cucumber, sprouts and/or Claussen Sandwich Slices, add some Ranch dressing or that new Wishbone Balsamic Breeze Vinaigrette Dressing in a spray, and you've got something seriously delicious.
Fruity Cheerios
I like Cheerios, I even like Honey Nut Cheerios. Heck, I even like their Apple Cinnamon Cheerios! So when I heard about their new Fruity Cheerios variety, of course I had to try them.

I first tried them straight from the box. SO good. Not too sweet, but enough to satisfy those of us who prefer sweetened cereals. Also, a pleasant surprise for anyone who is "old school" like me, they taste just like what Trix cereal used to taste like before they got turned into the super-fruity flavored, shellacked fruit-shaped shadow of their former selves.

I have to admit I do prefer them straight out of the box, though they're good in milk as well. I just felt like they lost something in translation, once combined with milk. I'm sure they'll grow on me over time, providing they stick around long enough. Definitely worth a try, especially if you miss the original flavor of Trix cereal.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Movie Rental Reviews

Motor Home Massacre © 2005
Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Kirk, what did you expect from a movie called 'Motor Home Massacre? Citizen Kane with a body count?" Nooo. But you have to take into consideration how long I've been "taking chances" on music, movies, books, etc. Sometimes you get lucky and 'discover' a pretty good time...sometimes, like in this case, you throw away money on a real shitbomb, corn shrapnel et al.

This was one of those movies that was shot on some form of 'not professional' video. You know how I detest that shit. However, there were some laughably bad aspects that really stood out, besides the entire cast's acting.

- The whitebread, red-headed who was the token "homeboy," speaking in painfully bad 'ghetto slang.' Wow. Soooo fuckin' bad.
- One of the main male characters (pictured) who looks like he's 40+ fuckin' years old, trying to pass as a 20-something along with the rest of the cast. Yeah, I understand that in these kind of movies you're expected to suspend reality to an extent, but this was ridiculous. Sorry, you can Lancôme all you want, I can still tell how old you are so you might as well set that sweet bird of youth free. Sure, you can have the sixpack abs, but when you have crow's feet and you're fighting a bald spot, you're not "pulling off" the "I'm 20" thing. Naturally, there's no birthdate for him on IMDB...or his web site...or on the actor's studio site he endorses, or... Gee.
- One of the victims is dragged behind the RV. The other lone survivors discover her and stop the RV, pulling her bloody, barely alive body into the RV. The following dialogue was what made this chapter of the DVD my last:
Guy Survivor: What happened to her!!?
Girl Survivor: I don't know! It looks like someone rubbed rocks and dirt all over her!

Time for the DVD to go back in the case.

Date Movie © 2006
I rented Date Movie because it was a slooooow new release week that week. My review: not funny. Save your time and money. Though, I must admit that there were a few scenes that did make me laugh, but they were few and far between:

- When Julia (the main, lovelorn character) reaches into her freezer and pulls out a “Lonely Woman Frozen Dinner." I died laughing, just from looking at the picture on the box; A woman in her bathrobe sitting at the dining table looking depressed, with a heaping mound of macaroni and fried chicken in front of her. LMAO! You gotta love the Hungry Man spoof of it all.
- A scene where Julia, wearing a dress, jumps on a motorcycle to race to meet the man of her dreams before it's too late. There's a jump cut where we deliberately see that it's a muscular black man in a dress (wearing a motorcycle helmet) riding the motorcycle, doing stunts, and eventually arriving at the destination...another jump cut, Julia gets off the motorcycle and takes off the helmet. The audience is none the wiser. LOL!

And yes, that was it. If you saw the trailer, you saw the movie. It really didn't get any better. Wait for cable, if you must.

David Spade: Take the Hit © 1998
I really like David Spade's sardonic brand of humor. That's why I rented this 1998 stand-up DVD. Technically, it can still be considered a "New Release" since it came out in April of this year, but I assumed it was made remotely recently or I wouldn't have rented it. Very disappointing. Soooo not some of his better work. The whole 'set' was drawn out and there was way too much dead air on more than one occasion. Pick up the pace dammit! Save yourself some time and money. Pass.

The Benchwarmers © 2006
I wanted to see this movie when it was in theaters, but, as usual, I just never got around to it. I'm glad I didn't. Boy, was I disappointed, yet again. It looked so promising too: David Spade (with a hilariously-bad Dorothy Hamill cut), Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite), Rob Schneider (who I found unnervingly attractive in his little green shirt and baseball cap...don't ask, I don't know either) and Jon Lovitz (The Critic). I normally like most of the things these guys have done and find them amusing in their own ways, but I just did not find this movie funny. And it's not that I'm 'above' the whole "low brow" style of humor, it's just that I kept waiting for the movie to 'kick in' with the humor I'd anticipated and it just never did. The nose-picking, lame comebacks and the obligatory whack to the nuts, just ceased to amuse. It all seemed very scripted and nowhere near as funny as these people's previous works.

Everyone over at IMDB seems to fuckin' LOVE this movie, which completely mystifies me. I think it's a mixture of main stream America taking anything they can get that's familiar and die hard fans of Adam Sandler (his production company, Happy Madison made the film), whom I can't STAND. Another thing that irks me about his movies and that whole little circle of people is the blatant nepotism. I 'get' that it's part of the "schtick" to some extent, using all the same pals in these movies (Allen Covert, who I like, wrote the screenplay for this cineturd). However, at what point do you question their talent (or lack thereof)? Oh well, like everything else, I guess as long as the masses continue to take what they can get and eat it with a smile on their face, keep churning it out.

And speaking of nepotism, Spade's pal, Nick Swardson who plays his agoraphobic, sun-fearing brother, in the film, was the one saving grace of the movie. Nick and the movie soundtrack were the only highlights for me.

Mr. Jingles © 2006
If I'd known then (when I was at the video store renting this shitbomb) what I know now (that this "movie" was AKA S.I.C.K. 2 {Serial Insane Clown Killer}), I would have never even gave this movie a second look. Again, I was sucked in by misleading cover art and synopsis. I must admit that as I was taking it off the shelf, I thought to myself 'You're probably gonna regret getting this, but there's no other new horror movies that seem remotely interesting.' Boy, if there was an ever an argument to listen to your conscience, this is it. This was (surprise, surprise) another one of those shot-on-video cineturds. I won't even bother going into detail as to how bad this was, suffice to say it all boiled down to two words: Fast Forward. Not to mention I could have gone a lifetime without seeing fat goth knockers. A lifetime. Avoid like the plague.

Final Destination 3 © 2006
I loved the 2 previous Final Destination movies, but I have to admit I deliberately waited for this one to come to DVD. I was pleasantly surprised how much fun it turned out to be. I felt like the original freak 'accident' that precedes the rest of the deadly events that inevitably follow in these films, was somewhat anticlimactic. The rollercoaster sequence didn't pack anywhere near the cringe-inducing punch that the highway pileup in part 2 or the plane crash in the original. However, I did find the series of freak accidents that followed to be just as much creative fun as it's predecessors. A fun, suspenseful ride. Worth the rent.

King Kong © 2005
I love the original Kong and the 1976 remake, which I faintly remember being a fan of when I was little. I remember having a King Kong iron-on T-shirt and that Burger King offered glasses as premiums when you bought a Whopper. The sad part is that everyone on eBay now thinks they (the glasses) are worth a small fortune just because one of them (not unlike the movie poster) has Kong standing on top of the Twin Towers in New York. Just another case of people misinterpreting "treasure." Trust me, they'll still be hoarding them like they were gold 10 years from now, just like the people who think all that Princess Di and Kennedy shit will someday be worth something. One word: Landfill.

Anyway, I've gotten off topic. My point is, I loved the previous Kong movies and had zero interest in seeing the new CGI-riffic remake, even though everyone I talked to seemed to think it had merit. Well, after forgetting to rent it forever, I finally remembered the other night. And even though I am not a fan of CGI, I liked the movie.

I spent the first 45 minutes impatiently waiting for Kong to make an appearance, but by the time he did, I'd already gotten so involved in the adventure aspect that I forgot all about him. LOL! I think I enjoyed the movie more on the level of a jungle adventure movie than a King Kong movie. I was particularly creeped out by the giant insects and freako monster bats.

Though I enjoyed the movie, I'm still a fan of the 1976 version. It may have some outdated special effects by today's standards, but I liked the cast better (Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridges and Charles Grodin) and loved the Kong rampage in New York sequences a lot more. Overall, the new version was fun and worth a rental, but not necessarily something I'd feel compelled to add to my DVD collection.

Friday, August 04, 2006

WTF Moment #215

As a steady customer of Jo-Ann Fabrics (they have great seasonal stuff, decorations, etc.), I'm on their "preferred customer" mailing list. The sales circulars normally include coupons. I received this one the other day. The only thing about my 'name' that's remotely accurate is the letter 'K.' I don't have a fuckin' clue where the rest of it came from.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

It's Hard to Soar With the Eagles...

Calling Target to see if they received the new DVD release of 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer,' since Best Buy didn't have their shit together...yet again.

Target: (After listening to an automated message and then pressing 1) Thank you for calling Target Eastchase. May I help you find something?
Me: Yes, could I speak to someone in the DVD department?
Target: DVD...(thinking) You mean the Electronics Department.
Me: That works.
Target: Just a moment.

5 minutes passes...dead air

Target: (same operator) Thank you for calling Target Eastchase. May I help you find something?
Me: I'm still waiting to speak to someone in Electronics.
Target: No one answered?
Me: No.
Target: Shame on them. I'm sorry about that. Just a second.

Phone rings in Electronics Department

Target: Thank you for calling Target Electronics. May I help you find something?
Me: Yes, I was wondering if you received the new DVD release of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
Target: Wha...I Know What You Did Last Summer?
Me: No, it's another sequel to the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies, but it's called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. It just came out on Tuesday.
Target: And it's a new release you say?
Me: Yes.
Target: Are you sure it's not Bring It On (All or Nothing)?
Me: I'm pretty sure, let me check.

I sit the phone down and go to take a nap. Annnnnd cut. That's a wrap!

Dead Dog Walking

LONDON (AP) — A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children's museum.

"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

During the attack, Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears' limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tenn., and had loaned it to the museum.

"I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all," Medley said.

A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

And yes, I know some of you will be saying 'But he's just a dog.' *or* 'Dogs will be dogs.' *or* 'That feisty rascal!' BUT you know what? I'd still want to punt that fuckin' dog's ass for a field goal!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Hey Kool-Aid! OH YEAH!

I recently bought a bunch of really great cookbooklets, and one of them I'm especially excited about is a 1976 cookbooklet entitled Kool-Aid Comes of Age. It's filled with all these great recipes using Kool-Aid Soft Drink Mix. I thought one recipe was particularly awesome; It's a Kool-Aid cut-up cake! For those who may not be familiar with what a 'cut-up cake' is, it's a novelty-shaped cake that can be made by cutting up cakes made with everyday shaped pans (circle, rectangle, square). Though this cake was intended for a Halloween party, in the context of the cookbook, I couldn't wait until October to share it with you!

[ Click on image for a printable version ]

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Wouldn't You Like to be a Pepper Too?

Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and she were telling me how she had just bought a new pepper mill. Since I love fresh black pepper on just about ANYTHING, I decided to Google 'pepper mill.' Here's what I found:

Rocket Ship Pepper Mill
Wine Bottle Pepper Mills
Serpent Pepper Mill
Peppino Pepper Mill
Colorful Pepper Mills
Bowling Pin Pepper Mills
Russel Wright Pepper Mill

Of Mice and Mailmen

Hey gang, I just wanted to drop a quick note to let the winners of my blogiversary giveaway know that, no, your local mailman has not been hijacked. I haven't mailed out your goodies yet, but I promise I will be shipping them out tomorrow! I apologize for the delay.

Also, I know I have been really lax in responding to all the great comments you all have been leaving (that's why I keep changing the main page to hold all those posts I haven't gotten around to responding to yet...we're at 22 posts, so far), BUT I will be doing that sometime today. I really do appreciate your comments, I just haven't made myself take the time to sit down and respond to them all.

Anyhoo, thanks for your patience. I appreciate it. I'll be posting late again today, but I will be posting today. Later, gators! XOXO-Kirk :)

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