Friday, December 30, 2005

'Tis the Season to be Jolly

With tomorrow being New Year's Eve and all, I thought I'd share some of my favorite cocktail recipes with you. I'll be home getting crocked enjoying fresh Italian pizza, various 'tinis and watching my annual New Year's favorites! I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year's Eve.

• Christmastini
1/3 Stoli Vanil
1/3 White Creme de Cacao
1/3 Green Creme de Menthe

Shake over ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with mini candy cane.

• Banana Foster Martini
2 oz vodka
1 oz banana liqueur
2 oz Godiva chocolate liqueur
1/2 banana
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
1 tsp powdered cocoa

Combine all ingredients (except powdered cocoa) in a bender. Blend until smooth and pour into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a dusting of powdered cocoa, and serve.

• Apple Snowflake Martini
1 ounce vodka
1 ounce sour apple schnapps
1 ounce apple juice
Sugared apple slice, for garnish (see below)

Pour vodka, schnapps and juice over ice in cocktail shaker. Shake until very cold, then strain into a chilled glass. Place apple slice in glass for garnish.

To present this drink, push the apple slice up against the inside of the glass. Keen observers will notice that the apple core's pattern looks a little like a snowflake.

• Church Lady Martini
2 oz gin
1 oz dry vermouth
1 oz fresh orange juice

Pour the gin, vermouth and orange juice into a cocktail shaker half-filled with cracked ice. Shake well, and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with lemon, lime and orange peels, and serve.

• The Elf
Lime wedge, for rim
3 teaspoons superfine sugar, for rim
1/2 ounce Midori
5 ounces champagne

Wet rim of champagne flute with lime wedge and dip rim in sugar to coat. Pour Midori into glass, then add champagne. Stir. The sugared rim gives it extra sparkle.

• Absinthe-Minded Martini
3 oz Bombay Sapphire gin
1/2 oz Mari Mayans absinthe
1/2 oz Grand Marnier orange liqueur
dry vermouth
1 orange peel

Properly chill 1 cocktail glass. In mixing glass with ice, pour gin and absinthe, and stir. In your cocktail glass, roll 1/2 oz of dry vermouth and throw away the excess. Strain other ingredients into cocktail glass and float 1/2 oz of grand marnier over top. Garnish with orange peel.

• Down 'n Dirty Dry Martini
3 oz gin
1/2 oz olive juice

Shake the gin and olive brine with crushed ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Rub the rib with a wedge of lemon and drop into glass. Garnish with two cocktail onions, and serve.

• Hypnotic Martini
4 oz Hpnotiq liqueur
2 oz Malibu coconut rum
2 oz pineapple juice

Combine all ingredients over ice in a cocktail shaker and shake well. Strain into a martini or cocktail glass and serve.

• Rudolph's Nose
1-1/4 oz. Barbancourt's Traditional White Rhum
Cranberry Juice
1-1/2 oz. Lemon Juice
1/2 oz. Major Peters' Grenadine

Mix in a tall glass. Add ice.
Garnish with a lemon wedge.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Collage Casserole Vol. 2

[1] The Omega Man has nothing on the pre-Thanksgiving grocery store rush
[2] Mister Bunny refused to get out of a warm bed at 5:30am to go shopping on Black Friday.
[3] Merry Christmas to me!
[4] Mission accomplished. Total time: 23 minutes. I bypassed those poor suckers at Kohl's, Wal-Mart, the mall, etc. and went straight to Albertson's (grocery store).
[5] Davy Crockett lives!! ...and needs stamps.
[6] A sure sign that I'm sleep-deprived: I jumped out of my hide when I rounded the corner at the grocery store and saw this. I thought it was a dog loose in the store. In actuality it was a stuffed toy horse. I need some sleep.
[7] I thought this was really cute. I found it at the grocery store. It's a cat-shaped bottle of bubbles, to play with your kitty! Here's a description via their website: Hartz® AT PLAY™ Blowin' Bubbles Cat Toy is a great combination of a cat's two favorite toys - catnip and bubbles - that will provide hours of entertainment. Remove the cap and squeeze bottle to raise bubble wand and blow catnip mixed bubbles without any mess!
[8] Cracked vinyl seat. I loved the texture. Like an aqua-colored desert.
[9] One of the creepy dummies at the BBQ place I frequent. Me no likee.
[10] Only in Texas (or Montana) could a Whataburger interior look like this.
[11] Why do I find Kris Kringle so doggone cute?
[12] My Christmas tree
[13] GREAT sweater. God, I wish I could wear something like that. Great colors too.
[14] Some cutie at Target, named "Benny." How cute is that? He needs kisses.
[15] One of my favorite Christmas decorations. I use it as a lamp indoors.
[16] Can you see the face of Jesus or Mary? Yeah, me either, but it was worth a shot. Plus, my friend Derik and I have a running gag about this kind of bullshit "phenomena" which seems to happen quiet often here in Texas lately. Ech. Get a life, people. A tree isn't going to cure your Cancer or lame leg. Sorry folks, keep movin'.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Say What? Vol. 6

[ Caption this! ]

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Movie Reviews

Fingers at the Window © 1942
Synopsis: The City of Chicago is gripped by an Axe Murderer. The streets are empty at night as there has been six murders and six people have been caught...
Comments: I wish this one was on DVD. It's a shame that more of the "undiscovered" gems like this one are still waiting in line for a proper DVD release. A fun movie with some great suspense. Basil Rathbone plays a great villain. Think The Thin Man, but with a cat. Perfect for a crisp autumn evening.

The Interpreter © 2005
Synopsis: Political intrigue and deception unfold inside the United Nations, where a US Secret Service agent (Penn) is assigned to investigate an interpreter (Kidman) who overhears an assassination plot.
Comments: As with most political thrillers, it took a few chapters on the DVD before this movie finally took off. I was a little disappointed by the lack of suspense, it was few and far between. It did, however, keep me guessing as to whether or not the Nicole Kidman character was "good" or "bad." Movies looks great and Catherine Keener was great, as usual, as the acerbic FBI agent.

Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story © 2005
Synopsis: Stewie, the maniacal baby genius, is distracted from his plans for world domination after a near-death experience...
Comments: Another funny installment as always, but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm glad I rented this instead of buying it. The Family Guy team seems to really be cashing in on its popularity. To the point where it's almost a turnoff for me.

Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis © 2005
Synopsis: A group of teenagers who, in an attempt to rescue their friend from an evil corporation, end up releasing a horde of blood thirsty zombies.
Comments: Saw this premiere on the Sci-Fi channel. Peter Coyote looks really tired. I'm so not a zombie movie fan, but this came on around Halloweentime and I couldn't resist. It was fun, but nothing to write home about. Definitely a rental. Great movie poster!

Batman Begins © 2005
Synopsis: The story of how Bruce Wayne became what he was destined to be: Batman.
Comments: I like to call this movie Batman Begins...After Chapter 13, simply because that's how far I had to advance the DVD before I actually got interested in the movie. Chapters 1-13 were waaaaay too Highlander meets The Karate Kid, for my tastes. I could give a shit about hearing about (again) what a "tortured soul" Bruce Wayne is, how his parents were killed, the extent of his bat phobia, his Kung-Fu-esque early years, etc. I just wanna see Batman fight some cool villain. There, I said it. Well, he does and once that part kicked in I enjoyed the film. P.s. What the hell was Katie Holmes of all people, doing in this movie? Ech.

High Tension © 2003
Synopsis: Two college friends, Marie and Alexa, encounter loads of trouble (and blood) while on holiday at Alexa's parent's country home when a mysterious killer invades their quiet getaway.
Comments: I'd been anticipating this movie for a long time. It's been out overseas for years and was finally released here in the states. I was looking forward to an "old school" slasher flick sans the comic relief, WB cast and radio-friendly soundtrack. For the first hour or so, I got that. In spades. Then the plot "twist" came into play and ruined the entire movie for me.

This movie was truly disturbing for me. Especially the first 45 minutes or so. Seriously stressful. I've seen tons of slashers and I have to admit the murders of the family in the beginning were truly unsettling. I can't get the father's demise out of my mind. It literally made me sad. I felt like I knew these people, so when they were brutally murdered I was affected; scared, disgusted, outraged, etc. I wanted some vigilante-style vengeance. Which of course, is the mark of a well-done piece of cinema...then came the plot twist and I lost all respect and interest for the film. An otherwise perfectly good, potentially great, film ruined by an unnecessary, cinematically illogical plot twist. So disappointing. So close, yet so far.

MST3K: The Brain That Wouldn't Die © 1962
Synopsis: After a car crash, a man keeps his wife's head alive in his laboratory.
Comments: This is one of my all-time favorite episodes of MST3K. Besides being the premiere episode with the new host, Mike Nelson (God, he's hot!), it's just a hilarious episode from beginning to end. Favorite lines (issued by Tom Servo): "Diarrhea is like a storm, raging inside you." And (asked by Mike during an interview with the "head in a pan"): "When you were in that fire, did you make your own gravy?"

The Batman vs Dracula: The Animated Movie © 2005
Synopsis: Gotham City is terrorized not only by recent escapees Joker and Penguin, but by the original creature of the night...
Comments: I gotta tell ya, I am normally not a big fan of a lot of the new "cartoons." I normally find their half-ass, computer-generated, lack of detail style of "animation" a big turn off. However, I really enjoyed this movie! I don't know if the subject matter (Dracula) had something to do with it or not, but I really liked the look of the film, the music and even the plot. Never a dull moment. I bought the DVD. It's nice to be surprised again.

Jack O'Lantern © 2005
Synopsis: One year after a deadly car accident, Jack returns home and tries to get past the recurring nightmares that haunt him. As his deadly visions become a reality, Jack soon realizes that each new nightmare is uncovering details of the accident that he had forgotten and someone is using him to exact a deadly vengeance.
Comments: If you're even contemplating renting this movie, save yourself the time and take $4, roll it up tightly and set it on fire. Like I mentioned before: "What a shitbomb. It should have been called Turd-o-Lantern. Oh my God, what a complete and utter waste of celluloid, not to mention $4. Why this was released in "Widescreen" is beyond me. Avoid like the plague!"

Shallow Ground © 2004
Synopsis: A naked teenage boy covered in blood appears at a remote sheriff's station one year after the brutal unsolved murder of a local girl..
Comments: Interestingly enough, I rented this movie at the same time I rented Suck O'Lantern. Both were debut films from budding new directors. Like night and day. Seriously. Shallow Ground had such an original premise, looked amazing, had great special effects, above-average acting (for a horror film) and a fantastic score. I bought this one. Recommend!

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events © 2004
Synopsis: Three wealthy children's parents are killed in a fire. When they are sent to a distant relative, they find out that he is plotting to kill them and seize their fortune.
Comments: Since I've limited my exposure to Jim Carrey for some time now (remember when he was in everything?), I was ready for him with this movie and it payed off in spades. He was excellent. I loved the look of the movie, it's dark humor and the characters and situations were a lot of fun. Really enjoyed this one.

Night School © 1981
Synopsis: A well-known anthropology professor is the main suspect in a series of gruesome decapitations of young coeds at a Boston night school.
Comments: An oldie, but a goodie. Fun 80's slasher starring Rachel Ward in her movie debut. Suspenseful murders. Fairly good pacing. Saw the ending coming a mile away. If you like 80's slashers, this one doesn't disappoint.

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave © 2005
Synopsis: A college student creates and sells a drug called 'Z' on campus which resurrects the living dead, who wreak havoc at a Halloween rave.
Comments: Again, this one premiered after part 4 on the Sci-Fi channel. Had a fun premise, but wasn't executed as well as I'd hoped. Definitely made with the "X-treme" generation in mind. Think House of the Dead meets an episode of the WB's Smallville, only with a smaller budget. Again, another fun movie poster!

Unmasked Part 25 © 1988
Synopsis: Jackson is a lonely serial killer who is really beginning to question the point of all his killing....
Comments: This movie wasn't quite what I was expecting, but it was an okay 80's slasher, though it was obviously trying to be something more. Maybe the fact that it was a British film mocking the American slasher that didn't quite translate well. I'm not sure. An obscure tongue-in-cheek slasher with not a lot to offer. For fans only.

Bad Moon © 1996
Synopsis: One man's struggle to contain the curse he hides within... and his last-ditch attempt to free himself with the love of family...
Comments: Werewolves creep me out. Mariel Hemingway creeps me out. Michael Pare, on the other hand, is H-O-T. Creepy, fun werewolf movie. I enjoyed it...even if Mariel Hemingway was in it.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Post-Holiday Fashion Extravaganza!

Whether entertaining at home or enjoying your leisure hours, you can look your prettiest at holiday time in these at-home fashions. They're all in the spirit of the season — gay and colorful. You'll find them delightful to wear, from the simple breakfast coat to the charming hostess gown. No matter which you choose, you're sure to garner a wreath of compliments.

( From Left to Right )
• Here's a gay way to start your day — in a breakfast coat of bright, bold checks. Made in dress styling, it's just right, too, for supermarket shopping and that later morning coffee and chat with your neighbor. Red or black checks. Under $9.

• You'll look angelic in this snowy coat of down-soft nylon tricot. It's made in dress length with zippered front. Red floral appliques on shoulder and pocket provide gay color notes. Should you prefer pastel colors, the robe is made also in pink or blue. Priced at about $25.

• In this delightful gown you'll be an elegant hostess on stay-at-home evenings. Designed with a wool-jersey top, shoulder-wide collar, and combined with a graceful skirt of shimmering satin. Color choice is Christmas red, royal or turquoise. The gown is priced at $35.

• For at-home glamour and casual comfort, this pajama set is ideal. You'll love the soft quilted-nylon topping with its new flared sleeves. Your color choice is aqua, red or white. The sleek trousers with front zipper, are made only in black. Set is priced under $18.

*Courtesy of Everywoman's Family Circle, December 1959

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Happy Holidays from Kirkkitsch

We've Come a Long Way, Baby

I just wanted to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas from my blog to yours.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Ah, the 60's. What a Radical Time That Was

While straightening up the computer room (I have company coming over, I had to), I ran across some of my vintage magazines. This particular "Exclusive New Peanuts Story" was especially written and drawn for Women's Day readers by the creator of Peanuts, Charles Schultz, circa 1968. Merry Christmas.

[ Click Images For A Larger Version ]

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I Beg Your Pardon

Ah, the immortal words of the Kon Kan 1989 one-hit-wonder I Beg Your Pardon (for those wondering where the post's title came from). I've included 2 recent incidents that were not my fault...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Incident 1: I beg your pardon! I, sir, did not, I repeat did not break this giant peppermint stick. And for your information, I also didn't eat one or two chips that "fell" out of the damaged wrapper. I'm insulted that you would make such an assumption, sir! Good day to you. I said good day!

Incident 2: I beg your pardon! Could you park any closer to the driver's side of my car? Yes, I realize that technically you are within the confines of the allotted parking space. However, you completely ignored the fact that there was someone who still needed to gain access to their car, while you left AMPLE space for you to open your side of the car and exit.

By the way, in the spirit of Christmas, I did not key your car or insert superglue into your passenger side keyhole, like I should have (and have) done in the past. I did however fold your passenger side mirror in to meet your passenger side the process of getting into my vehicle. I hope you'll understand,

Random thought of the day: I don't know how many of you out there use a digital camera, but I pretty much take mine with me whenever I leave the house. Upon returning home I don't always remove it from its case and replace it in the charging base until I am ready to upload the images to my computer. In most cases when I come home, I deposit it on a table/counter top somewhere and retrieve it later when I am going to be using the computer.

Here's my creepy thought for the day: Once in the base and uploaded to the computer, wouldn't it be creepy to be looking over the images and discover that you don't recognize the last one? Upon a closer look, you realize it's of a stranger taking his own picture...and judging from the surroundings, he's in your house. Then you hear something behind you...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Recent DVD Purchases

I have an affinity for vintage cartoons of the 30's and 40's. So, when I ran across a Bosko DVD recently, of course I had to get it. I also had to buy a copy for everyone I know. I LOVE BOSKO! Considered one of those racist, "baudy" cartoons of yesteryear only makes Bosko that much more of a taboo to love. Regardless of what Bosko was supposed to be (No one really knew, but there were tell-tale signs all the same), I find Bosko incredibly sweet. He reminds me of Mickey Mouse but with more charisma. One of the funniest things I found out about Bosko was that he dropped the 'F' bomb in his 1933 episode entitled Bosko's Picture Show when he exclaims "The dirty fuck!" OMG, that kills me. I gotta buy those DVDs one of these days. Meanwhile, here's a little more on the history of Bosko via excerpts from Bosko Uncensored by Gary Johnson:

Long before Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck took over as the major breadwinners for the Warner Bros. cartoon division, another character paid most of the bills. His name was Bosko, and today he's little known except by cartoon historians.

Bosko resulted after creators Hugh Harman and Rudolph Ising left Disney Studios, enticed by higher wages and promises of work on Oswald the Rabbit cartoons for Universal (who had recently stolen Oswald from Disney). In 1929 Hugh Harman and Rudolph Ising created a cartoon star which they named Bosko. Harman and Ising used a pilot film (Bosko The Talk-Ink Kid) made in the Summer of 1929 to sell the idea of a cartoon series that would compete with Disney's Mickey Mouse and Silly Symphonies. This was the first talking animated cartoon. From 1929 to August of 1933 the Looney Tunes series consisted entirely of Bosko cartoons.

While Bosko inhabits a world of funny animals, it's not immediately apparent exactly what Bosko is. In Leonard Maltin's Of Mice and Magic, he reports a conversation between a porter and animator Jack Zander: "I know Mickey Mouse and Krazy Kat, and Oswald the Rabbit … but Bosko the what?" asked the porter. What indeed. The first Bosko cartoon, "Bosko the Talk-Ink Kid" (1929; a demo made to attract potential backers), made this issue clear as Bosko stepped forward and said, "Well, here I is and I sho' feels good." Then he does a soft shoe dance. It's guaranteed to make many modern audience members groan in disbelief at the broad African-American caricature. Fortunately, however, subsequent Bosko cartoons make his heritage difficult to decipher. He immediately loses his Deep South accent -- until the final moments of each cartoon when he reverts to a Southern, black accent for "That's all folks." (These words long pre-date Porky Pig's stuttering finale for the classic later period Warner Bros. cartoons.) Never does Bosko's heritage come into question. He merely inhabits a "funny animal" world -- almost never encountering other humans (except for his girlfriend Honey) -- so his status as a human becomes irrelevant. Instead, he becomes a nondescript "funny animal" himself.

Elf (2003)
Comments: Though I feel that Will Ferrell is bordering on overkill when it comes to Hollywood's latest 'go to' man when it comes to schtick, I was pleasantly surprised by this Christmas movie. It had heart and actually made me tear up towards the end.

The Dukes of Hazzard: Unrated (2005)
Comments: Like you don't already know why I bought this movie: HELLO, Johnny Knoxville!! ROWR! I could have given two shits about the movie otherwise. Annnnnd, as much as I hate to admit it, Jessica Simpson is white-hot in the music video, singing a cover of Nancy Sinatra's These Boots Were Made For Walkin'. Ow!

Just Before Dawn (1981)
Comments: One of my creepy 80's favorites. It's nice to see that they finally digitally remastered & cleaned up this once too dark movie. Plus, it's a 2-disc, so you know there's plenty of extras. Bravo! Also, there's something about Chris Lemmon (Jack Lemmon's son) that I find attractive.

This one's guaranteed to creep you out. Rent it if you dare.

Purple Noon (AKA Plein soleil ) (1960)
Comments: Alain Delon is gorgeous in this, the predecessor to 1999's The Talented Mr. Ripley. I've been wanting this one for a lonnnng time. Finally found it for well under $10 on

Death Curse of Tartu/Sting of Death (1966/1965)
Comments: I bought this movie for the so-bad-it's-good Sting of Death. It tells the tale of an insane marine biologist who manages to turn himself into a bizarre half-man, half-jellyfish hybrid who falls in love! It's a Technicolor monster show a-go-go! And you gotta love the theme song sang by Neil Sedaka, which started the dance craze that didn't sweep the nation: Do the jella Jellyfish!

And as with all Something Weird DVDs, there are plenty of drive-in movie trailers and other assorted goodies.

Friday After Next (2002)
Comments: I loved the first Friday, but in all honesty I could give a shit about any of the sequels. The one and only reason I bought this is because Terry Crews gets shirtless (When doesn't he? Hey, I'm not complainin') and makes his pecs bounce.

Peter Pan (2003)
Comments: I normally am not a fan of the Peter Pan story/mythology. I think the only thing I even liked about the Disney version was The Lost Boys. They were just so adorably odd in their various animal constumes. Like Club Kids before I knew what one was. Anyway, this was a great, visually-beautiful version that I actually enjoyed. Jason Isaacs was great in duel roles as both Mr. Darling AND Captain Hook. And for some odd reason I found him kind of sexy as Hook. I have no idea why. I hate long hair on men.

See Arnold Run (2005)
Comments: Pure eyecandy, nothing else. This movie sucked sooo bad. OMG. And the casting was horrific. I only bought it because I wanted to see the flashback scenes to the bodybuilding years and because Roland Kickinger is kinda hot, even though he has a serious case of Gynecomastia (A side-effect of Steroid use). I'm surprised he would allow himself to be seen, let alone filmed, before having remedied the condition.

Cartoon Craze: Bosko & Friends (2003)
Comments: *See above

Amityville Horror (2005)
Comments: I already blogged about how horrendous this CGI-laden cineturd was. I also said Ryan Reynolds is beyond hot in this movie and I would buy it for that and only that reason...and I did.

Running on Karma (AKA Daai Chek Liu) (2003)
Comments: I stumbled across this movie on eBay ages ago, but never took the time to find out much about it. Months passed and I saw a picture of what appeared to be some hot-looking Asian bodybuilder. I was smitten, so I did some research and found out the image was a still from the movie Running on Karma. Apparently the lead Andy Lau is wearing a body suit. Who knew? It sure fooled me. Oddly enough I still find it hot. It must be part of my internal wiring. Here's a synopsis of the odd, but fun movie:

Biggie, a disgraced Buddhist monk and bodybuilder who can see other people's karma. He makes his living sneaking over the border from China to Hong Kong where he works as a stripper, stuffing his g-string with cash until he's arrested, goes back to China , blows his bankroll on beer and chicks and then does it all over again. When he runs into a cop, Cecilia Cheung, during a nightclub raid his supernatural "karma vision" shows him that she was a WW II Japanese officer in a past life. The officer's penchant for decapitation has left Cheung with a bucketful of bad karma that has to be worked out in this life. At the same time, a seemingly insane, Indian contortionist kills a cop, and the entire police department gears up and goes hunting, hoping to put a bullet in the head of this cop killer. Biggie's caught in the middle, and he decides to do what he can to keep more people from getting killed. But, as Buddhism teaches over and over again, if you can't let go of the material world, you're going to get hurt.

Viking Strong: Reloaded (2004)
Comments: Workout video of incredibly hot bodybuilder Tommy Thorvildsen, whose major homophobia I clearly remember when he was first new on the bodybuilding circuit. Still, he has amazing pecs.

The Return (AKA Vozvrashcheniye) (2003)
Comments: I haven't watched this Russian thriller yet, but it sounds promising: Two teenage Russian boys have their father return home suddenly after being absent for 12 years. The father takes the boys on a holiday to a remote island on a lake in the north of Russia that turns into a test of manhood of almost mythic proportions.

Everyone on IMDB seems to be giving it rave reviews. I guess it can't be too bad. Plus, it doesn't hurt that the lead (Konstantin Lavronenko) is a cutieface.

Along Came Polly (2004)
Comments: I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Ben Stiller has fallen into the same overused schtick category as Will Ferrell, but this movie still made me laugh out loud. Plus, I just enjoy Jennifer Aniston. She just seems like a cool person and it comes through in the characters she plays.

You must rent it for the basketball scene alone. I laughed my ass off!

Bad Santa (2003)
Comments: I finally gave in and rented this holiday hit and really liked it. My parents even liked it, so you know it's funny...and filthy. I die laughing every time I watch the scene where they try to teach the kid how to defend himself. Rent it, it's funny.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Most Labor Intensive Easiest Meme Ever

I got tagged by • Monty. God bless her. Here's how it works: Remove the TOP blog in the following list, and add YOUR blog to the bottom.

Funky Bugs

Then you get to select FIVE people to pass the link love on to. Check the following blogs in the next day or so to see if anyone is as confused as I am.

I choose....

Monty says she likes to think of it as a way to meet new people, rather than a Meme. I like to think of it as evil in its purest form.

Cookie Pusher

[ Click Images For A Larger Version ]

Hey! Look what my mom unearthed on her last cleaning spree! All the old cookie cutters we used to use to make cookies when I was a little kid! See the orange ghost? I remember my mom and I making cookies for my 3rd grade class with that one. There was also a jack o'lantern and a witch, but I guess those are still MIA. As you can see from all the colored cookie cutters, we were big on Hallmark stuff. I remember loving to go to Jean's Hallmark in the strip mall. I was obsessed with Snoopy and stationery when I was a little kid and they had it all. Hallmark still has cute stuff, but it's just not the same. They carry (at least the ones here) a little too much foo-foo fluffy angel crap now. You know, Precious Moments figurines and the like.

Anyway, since I cancelled Christmas with my parents again this year, I've decided to spend the day listening to my Christmas records, watching Christmas movies and making cookies of all shapes and sizes. I don't care if it is Christmas, I'm still making some pigs, owls, ghosts and witches. So nyah! Take that PC police.

Nip/Tuck Season Finale Tonight!

The Boston Herald — “Nip/Tuck’s” resident slasher the Carver is definitely Matt (John Hensley).

When that mask is pulled off at the close of tonight’s two-hour finale (starting at 10 on FX), expect to see the face of the teen gay-basher.

Unless the Carver is really lesbian anesthesiologist Liz (Roma Maffia).

Or maybe it’s icy psychiatrist Erica (Vanessa Redgrave), Julia’s (Joely Richardson, Redgrave’s real-life daughter) control freak mom.

Given the skillful way the producers and writers have handled the mystery, which has stretched two seasons, you can’t rule anyone out.

Even the photo FX leaked last week of bad bi-guy Quentin (Bruno Campos), bloodied and tied to a bed, could be a plant to lure us off the trail of the true assailant.

It promises to make for a scary night, the cap to a brilliant, traumatic season for the characters and viewers. From the aftermath of the Carver’s assault on Christian (Julian McMahon) to the revelation that the arrogant doc was conceived in rape to the kidnapping of Kimber (Kelly Carlson), the plastic surgery drama has drawn its scalpels on its characters with chilling precision.

The cases, ranging from an obese woman literally growing into her couch to the grieving mom wishing to donate her dying daughter’s face, have anticipated headlines with eerie skill. (On a creepy sidenote, yesterday the morning news shows reported that alleged rapist Peter Braunstein, the New York fashion writer who posed as a firefighter to gain access to his victim, is a big fan of the show and the Carver story line.)

Judging from the sneak peek, the Carver goes on a rampage tonight, attacking a sorority house and saving the worst for Drs. Troy and McNamara (Dylan Walsh).

The Carver even may start slashing below the waist, if the preview is to be believed. Could someone be in need of penile reattachment surgery? On “Nip/Tuck,” nothing is out of bounds.

Monday, December 19, 2005

I Found My Christmas Spirit...I Think It's Dead

Recently, while dusting the tops of the curio cabinets in the dining room, my hand brushed against something gnarled and dry. No, it wasn't my other hand (smartass), it was this: A long-forgotten mini pumpkin from 2 Halloweens ago. How sad is that? Not to mention a commentary on how often I dust the tops of the curios...ahem. Anyway, I decided to share this with you because I thought this pretty much summed up how I have been feeling lately. Kinda "eh." I just can't seem to get into the whole Christmas Spirit thing. I'm not necessarily sad or down in the dumps, just not feeling it. Whatever 'it's' supposed to be. And speaking of 'it'...

Last night while I was washing the dishes (AKA The Leaning Tower of Pizza), I was surfing for something to listen to on the radio, when I came across a call-in advice show. Hurray! I likes my talk radio...sometimes. So, I'm listening to this young woman getting emotional on the phone about not being able to find the time for herself, her problems and trying to cope with her families'problems as well. She's the only girl in the family and the first one to go off to college, but when she comes home she has to deal with her parents and their problems, not to mention her siblings, finally having to just come out and tell her Dad "Look, I can't even deal with my problems, much less yours." I felt bad for her and was curious to hear what the host was going to tell her.

His response: "Do you go to church?" Aye carumba, I was listening to religious radio. Goddamit. Through tears she sniffles and says that she "used to." Wrong answer, Connie. I could see what came next from a mile away. "Then you should start going back. God wants you to come home." Then he asks her if she'd like to talk to a "Hope Counselor," to which she tearfully replies 'yes' but she has one more question, which he totally rushed her through only to cut her off with an upbeat game show host-tone "Thanks for calling, Connie! We'll be right back after these messages!" WTF? So I listened to some more and the host had the same pat answer for every caller: Go with Jesus/Bible/Church. This qualifies as advice? It's almost as good as my mother's advice whenever I feel depressed or stressed: "Try not to think about it. Keep busy." Um okay Dr. Joyce Brothers. You're a wealth of knowledge. But back to the radio show....Man, what a cushy gig: Answer the phone, ask questions you already know the answer to and then sprinkle some magic Jesuses over it and make it all better. What a gyp. I felt bad for some of these desperate people who called in hoping for some logical, tangible advice, only to get handed a sack of magic beans. I don't know about them, but I felt cheated.

What does this all have to do with anything? I dunno. I've really got nuthin' for ya today. I'm so far behind on everything I don't know where to begin. I still have Thanksgiving decorations on my front door for Pete's sake! I am just not into Christmas this year. What I once enjoyed is now just a hassle. God knows I've had plenty of time to get ready for the season, the stores have been shoving it down my throat since August. It just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. Maybe I'll have something a little less convoluted for you to read tomorrow.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Touched by the Blog of Sugarfoot

Sugarfoot tagged me with this meme a few days ago (I swear to God I had it filled out and ready to go on Friday...then I forgot who tagged me and couldn't post it without a proper link reference...DERR!), so here's how it works...I complercated. (P.s. If I tagged you and you don't 'do' memes, trust me, I will not stop loving you.)

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. scott
2. nathan
3. eddy
4. sara
5. kirk

Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to so they can do this meme, like so:

1. Sarafenix
2. Blog, Tarsier, Blog!
3. Lady Mac
4. The Daily Bitch
5. Cyber Chocolate

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I dunno. Going to school still, listening to Cause & Effect's "You Think You Know Her" and optimistically thinking there was a dream date out there with my name on it.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Same ol' shit I'm doin' now. Eatin'...Sleepin'...Payin' bills

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Bisquick sausage balls
2. Apple sauce (yeah, I'm an old lady)
3. Munchos potato crisps
4. Raisinets
5. Cucumbers

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Miss Me Blind by Culture Club
2. Alone Again (Naturally) by Gilbert O'Sullivan
3. November Spawned a Monster by Morrissey
4. Somebodys Watching Me by Rockwell
5. Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off all of my and my parents' debts
2. Visit my online friends and take 'em shoppin'
3. Remodel my house (interior and landscaping, baby!)
4. Get fit the 'star' way: personal trainer/gastric bypass/syndicated TV show
5. Stalk all my favorite celebrities Tour L.A.

Five bad habits:
1. Eating when I'm not hungry
2. Being nice to people
3. Powernapping
4. Procrastinating
5. Loving too much (The sarcasm is palpable, isn't it?)

Five things you like doing:
1. Sleeping
2. Watching movies
3. Reading
4. Writing
5. Eating

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Chaps (I'm kidding. I'd wear them again. I'm kidding! ...or am I?)
2. Tube socks
3. (God, this is such a chick question, I'm having a hard time coming up with answers, so I'm gonna wing it.) Ummmmm...a beret
4. Anything sleeveless
5. Life-size bowling ball pendant

Five favorite toys:
1. Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga/Mappy joystick game thingy
2. Portable DVD player
3. Electronic Scrabble game
4. Digital camera
5. The MP3 player I will someday own

Friday, December 16, 2005

Ivan Dujhakov

I think this guy is the hottest thing ever. OMG. I have an affinity for Russian, Czechoslovakian and Hungarian men. They just have this look that I love. I think it's the short hair and the brooding light-colored eyes. Whatever the case, Ivan here is as close to perfection as I've seen in a long time. *Click on the image to see more of Ivan: Page 2

Thursday, December 15, 2005

On Newsstands Now

You know I'm a sucker when it comes to magazines, especially when they have someone I like on the cover (Jake Gyllenhaal, Vince Vaughn, Ryan Reynolds, Branch Warren).

Well, here are all the ones I've been pouring over lately. They're all chock-full of great articles on books, music, movies, food, etc...with the exception of Men's Fitness and Muscular Development. But hey, if you like muscles, "performance enhancers" (AKA supplements), or Biggest Dick contests cleverly disguised as informational, machismo-laden articles, these magazines are just what you've been looking for!!

Entertainment Weekly-
Why I Bought It: Once I saw this cover, I had to buy it. Jake Gyllenhaal is just the hottest thing. He's so doggone cute. And even though my friend (hmph!) Derik claims Jake looks inbred, I vehemently disagree! I'd give Jake some kisses any ol' day.

Also, it was interesting to see how the normally vehemently friendly cashier at the nearby Kroger, who I've had a pleasant in-passing friendship with for years, suddenly clammed up and put on his solemn face, once he saw me buying this. What? You're not going to talk to me about movies today? Oh well. So be it. Get over it, Charlie.

GQ: Gentleman's Quarterly-
Why I Bought It: Duh. Vince, baby, Vince! He's so pretty. He needs some kisses. There weren't nearly enough pictures of him inside (try 3), which was a little disappointing, but still worth it. He makes a dynamite cowboy (you must rent Clay Pigeons). ROWR!

Lots of interesting things inside:
• FREE Starbucks Christmas postcards
• Fun, but unrealistic Christmas gift ideas. Who wouldn't want an $875 paperweight? What affordable stocking stuffers! Jesus Christ.
• The 2005 GQ Poll:
-77% Would give up drinking for a year if it would end the war in Iraq
-59% Would give up drinking for a year if it would wipe out all their credit card debt
-49% Believe the Bush daughters should volunteer for military service
And much, much more
• A GREAT, incredibly informative article called "Homeland Stupidity"
i.e. Taxpayers have paid for:
-$3,300- Bulletproof vests for dogs
-$5,000- Leather jackets for all the officers of the Washington, D.C. Police Department
-$461, 745- Awards banquet for the Transportation Security Administration. Includes $85, 552 for the event planner, $81,767 for plaques and $1,500 for cheese displays.
-$19 million- TSA (Transportation Security Administration) Center in Herndon, Virginia that houses 79 federal employees. Includes:
$25,392 worth of artwork and a 4,200-square-foot gym.

And it just keeps getting worse. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't read it myself. Who am I kidding, sure I would have believed it.
• Great article/photo spread of Prison star, Wentworth Miller. ROWR!
• A HOT full-page photo of actor Jeremy Piven. Double ROWR!

Men's Fitness-
Why I Bought It: The cover and the related article/photos inside. Otherwise, pretty nominal fair. Ryan Reynolds is lookin' fuckin' hot as usual. Definitely prefer him with a beard.

Kraft Food & Family-
Why I Bought It: I didn't buy it (though it is a $2.99 value)! I signed up to receive it FREE over at Kraft's web site. It's the nicest FREE magazine I have ever seen. Seriously. Full color throughout, beautiful photos, brimming with innovative recipes you make with every day products. Excellent.

Why I Bought It: I wanted the CD & DVD inside. Plus, I really loved the paper they used for the cover. I know that that's completely tactile and strange, but it's GREAT.
-Plus, great articles on books, music and movies.
-The CD has 21 tracks from new and upcoming albums. Ingenious! I had no idea that Charlie Sexton and Echo & the Bunnymen had new albums out! And while I'm on the topic, did you know that the following 80's staples have out either new or remastered/remixed/expanded CDs:

Human League
Killing Joke
Culture Club
The Eurythmics

I also 'discovered' some new artists I am currently digging:
-Metric's 'Monster Hospital' track is catchy fun!
-Imogen Heap's 'Hide And Seek' is awesome. Electropop to the 5th power. Infectious!

Muscular Development-
Why I Bought It: This month's cover man, Branch Warren is smokin' H-O-T. God, he's fuckin' massive and has the best pecs. HOT photo spread with Branch inside.
-Article/photo spread on Egyptian beefcake, Fakhri Mubarek. He's beautiful. Damn!

Why I Bought It: Because I subscribe to it! This magazine is always consistently AWESOME. Covering everything you'd ever want to know about: Music, Movies, Books, Fashion, Under-the-radar celebrities, Shopping, Television, DVDs, Clubs, Paparazzi and more.
- KICKASS Gift Guide
-Article: 'Downtown '74: When New York Changed the World'

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Note to Passerbys...

I'd just like to tell anyone who may have passed by while I was driving east on Park Row this evening, that I was not, I repeat was not deep-throating a Jones Grape Soda bottle. I had just purchased a turkey sandwich and was taking a drink of soda when I hit a bump in the rode and soda splashed out over the edge. I was merely trying to catch it (though admittedly not in the most appealing fashion) from running down the side and getting on my clothing.

I'm glad we've cleared that up.

Mystery Solved

For those who are regular viewers of Comedy Central's The Daily Show, some may be wondering what last night's cryptic "in memory of" conclusion was all about. I know I was scratching my head.

As it turns out, one of their interns committed suicide. His name was Bill Clarey (*At this time the #7 top search on Technorati).

As one blogger put it "If life is bad for a cute guy who gets to live in NYC and work on the Daily Show, what hope do the rest of us have?" No shit.

NEW YORK (AP) — Monday's taping of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was canceled after a staffer committed suicide over the weekend.

Bill Clarey, 24, was a Daily Show intern who also worked as a receptionist at the Comedy Central series' New York offices, according to network spokesman Steve Albani. Colleagues learned of Clarey's death on reporting for work Monday morning.

Clarey "was a wonderful and dedicated employee and all of us at Comedy Central and The Daily Show are devastated by his loss. Our hearts and prayers go out to his family and friends," the network said in a statement.

A repeat episode of The Daily Show was aired Monday night. Production resumed Tuesday with taping of that night's show featuring Howard Stern as guest. The show goes on a two-week production break after this week.

Birds of a Feather

*Again, another old post I never got around to posting. My apologies.

I find the fact that Republicans don't want to be associated with the KKK, just too ironic. "Oh, we're not like them. They condone and perpetuate hate and intolerance." Oh yeah. You're nothing alike. That's why I found it bemusing when the KKK recently formed an alliance with the Religious Right, all in the name of making sure that Proposition 2 doesn't pass, here in Texas.

I find it hypocritical that these same people like to present themselves as life-affirming well-wishers, while at the same time using scripture as their scapegoat anytime they do/say something that can be interpreted as intolerance. Example: "Oh we don't hate them {"The gays"}, we're praying for them." It'd be so refreshing if they'd just be honest with the rest of us and admit they're a bunch of bigots. Some of us can see the forest for the trees.

Proposition 2 Supporters Distance Themselves from Anti-gay KKK Rally

Houston Chronicle — Twelve members of the Ku Klux Klan clamored against gay marriage at a pre-election rally Saturday, struggling to regain relevance in a society that recoils from its racist past. "We're asking Texans to support Proposition 2 because God supports it, not because the KKK supports it," said Steven Edwards, calling himself the Texas Grand Dragon of the American White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

Both opponents and backers of Proposition 2, the constitutional amendment on Tuesday's ballot banning same-sex marriage, have expressed dismay at the Klan's entry into the debate.

But UT student Marti Bier, speaking at a nearby anti-proposition rally held by No Nonsense in November, took advantage of its presence. "It's not about marriage. It's about hatred, it's about prejudice, it's about bigotry and it's about discrimination," she said. "If it were about marriage, the KKK wouldn't be here."

*To read the rest of the article click here.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Carver is...

Today's post will probably only appeal to those who watch Nip/Tuck (tonight on FX!! Next to last episode before The Carver's identity is revealed in the season finale).

After pouring over the episodes from season 1 & 2 and picking up clues here and there via the Nip/Tuck Myspace profile page, here's my theory:

Remember Megan O'Hara from episode 1.6? She was the one who wanted breast implants and had an affair with Sean. She committed suicide, but...what became of her husband, Jim O'Hara?

Now on the Myspace profile page, The Carver reveals that one his favorite movies is Gone With the Wind. Well, the protagonist of that movie was named Scarlett O'Hara, the same last name of Megan & Jim. Also, the name of the actress who portrayed the 6 month old baby, Bonnie Blue Butler in the movies real name is JULIA Ann TUCK. The Carver also reveals that his favorite television show is According to JIM. Are you starting to see where I'm coming from with this? Jim could be seeking revenge against Sean, his practice, his profession, his world for the fact that Megan had an affair with him and subsequently ended up killing herself. And remember, Jim was around when Christian was having sex in the office, so he could have easily retrieved a used condom from the trash can. Plus, you don't need to have a medical degree to make two cuts, The Carver's m.o.

At the end of the video clip we see Julia's eye. She could conceivably be the next victim, The Carver's "masterpiece," since Jim still holds a grudge against Sean.

WARNING: Possible spoiler alert! The next few sentences may or may not be true, but just in case they are, don't read past this point if you don't want to know!

Spoiler: Rumors are circulating that Kimber's implants will be mailed to Christian & Sean's office in an upcoming episode. Megan also wanted breast implants. See the connection?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Kirkkitsch's Gift Guide '05

What would the season be without another "Gift Guide?" I'm sure you've seen them in newspapers and magazines, so why not a blog, eh?

A couple of the items I may be forced to give myself (like the DJ bag and the DVDs), while others I may save to surprise myself on Valentine's Day or say, any given Thursday. Why wait for a holiday, right?

Now, are you sitting down? I hope so, cause I have some shocking news that even I couldn't believe: Wal-Mart actually has something I want. OMG! Is Hell freezing over? Is there a new world order? Whatever the case, I have to admit I really like their little mobiBLU MP3 player. I wants an orange one! I really like the design (cube). Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I'm still a Mac/Apple user for life, and they are the forerunners when it comes to MP3 player innovations, but that doesn't mean I don't like choices (ahem, ORANGE, helll-ooo). Besides, I'm still holding out for them to introduce an MP3 player that's the thickness of a credit card and has Project-o-Vision so I can turn any blank space into a fully-fledged entertainfoment© system! (The term entertainfoment© is an original term invented by myself)

Also, even though I totally want the Edgar Allan Poe action figures, the Sigmund Freud and Houdini action figures look awesome too. Houdini ROCKS!

So, I've compiled some fun and unique gift ideas for every price range. So whether your spending $4 or $4000 (shyeah, that's gonna happen), there's something here for everybody...who's weird like me.

A: CEOs Shag Art
32" x 24" woven acrylic yarn on quarter-inch canvas mesh. Rug portraits of Forbes magazine's most philanthropic CEOs by artist Rob Conger.
Cost: $4,000.00

B: L'il Edgar Allan Poe
2.75 inch (7 cm) tall posable plastic figures comes with a collectable, twelve page, mini color comic book chronicling Edgar’s crazy adventures! * Watch the Adventures of L'il Edgar by clicking here!
Cost: $4.99

C: Burton RED Ordinance Audio Hat
• Plug into portable MP3 player/Walkman
• DJ-Style Headphones
• One-Touch Mute
• Volume Control on Cord
• Flexibile Padding
• Soft Fleece Lined Headband / Earpad
• Moisture Wicking Mesh Top keeps you warm and dry

Cost: $59.99

D: Tomato DJ Bag
Made from 100 % PVC, this bag has got dual front closure clasps and a sturdy and adjustable shoulder strap. And in case you need some more room, simply remove the yellow banana key ring, click your heels together, and tah-dah!!! You've got a tiny pink tote (hidden inside), perfect for collecting a little treasure trove of found art objects.
Cost: $40.00

E: The Merry XXXmas Book Of Erotica
Naughty or nice? Either way Santa has a treat for eager readers who just can’t wait till Christmas morning. Replete with visions of sugar plums, big juicy candy canes, and stockings eager to be filled, The Merry XXXmas Book of Erotica is a blazing-hot feast of holiday erotica sure to jingle your sleigh bells and curl your mistletoe.
Cost: $10.42

F: Unseen Cinema - Early American Avant Garde Film 1894-1941
7 DVDs – 20 Hours - 155 Classics of Avant Garde Cinema! "Unseen Cinema: Early American Avant-Garde Film 1894-1941" reveals hitherto unknown accomplishments of American filmmakers working in the United States and abroad from the invention of cinema until World War II, and offers an innovative and often controversial view of experimental film as a product of avant-garde artists, of professional directors, and of amateur movie-makers working collectively and as individuals at all levels of film production.
Cost: $72.70

G: Push Pin Graphic: A Quarter Century Of Innovative Design And Illustration
(Hardcover) Part design and illustration studio, part pop culture think tank, Push Pin Studios made a phenomenal impact on visual culture from the 1950s to the 1980s, representing an important chapter in postwar graphic design. Founding member Seymour Chwast partners with key figures from the design community -- as well as co-founder Milton Glaser -- to provide a visual history of the studio by way of its signature publication, The Push Pin Graphic.
Cost: $31.50

H: Chip Kidd: Book One : Work: 1986-2006
Stylishly designed and richly produced, this witty volume works both as a retrospective of Kidd's renowned book covers and as a memoir of his career in publishing. "I did not grow up yearning to become a book designer," Kidd declares in his prologue. "What I wanted to be was Chris Partridge on The Partridge Family."
Cost: $39.99

I: mobiBLU MP3 Player
* Available exclusively on the Wal-Mart web site only. 1GB ($129.72)/512 MB ($99.72). Available in 6 colors: Black, pink, blue, red, orange and silver. • Smallest MP3 Player in the World- Measures less than 1 inch cubed and weighs less than an ounce!
• OLED Display- Self-emitting blue OLED (Organic Light Emitting Diode) display provides superior sharpness, and a bright, easy-to-read display
• FM Radio Receiver and Recorder- Lets you listen to and record FM programming. Listen to your favorite programs over and over or save it on your PC!
• USB 2.0 Flash Drive- By connecting the product to PC, the Windows system automatically recognizes it as a removable disk. It also transfers music files at blazing fast speeds, and can be used as storage for other types of files
• Voice Recorder- Built-in, high-quality microphone allows you to record notes, a class or interviews for your memoires
• Five preset EQ modes- Normal/Rock/Jazz/Pop/Classic; you can also create customize equalization to suit your taste
• SRS WOW 3D Surround Sound and Bass- Enhances your music listening experience
• File Navigation System and Unlimited Folder Capacity- Plays MP3 files saved in multiple folders; those files and folders can be selected and played as if in a Windows environment
• Easy & Convenient Built-in Clock With Date Display- Helps you get there on time - on the right day!
• Sleep Timer- Fall asleep to your favorite tunes or radio station without worrying about having to shut the mobiBLU off
• Built-in Lithium-Ion Battery- No extra battery or external charger is required; easily recharged by connecting into the USB port on your PC
• Resume Function- Automatically restores previous user settings and track location when the unit is powered ON in case of sudden power down
• Firmware-Upgradeable- When new functions for the mobiBLU are developed, you'll be able to download the updates necessary to enjoy them on your mobiBLU player
• PC/MAC compatible
• Comes with 5 FREE music downloads

Cost: $129.72

J: CHOXIE: The chocolate with MOXIE!
Target Stores new line of premium chocolates. The Target Choxie collection is crafted using fine ingredients, including fruit purees, exotic spices, fragrant teas and high-quality cocoa. Wrapped in whimsical, brightly colored packaging, Choxie consists of several varieties, including Truffle Meltaways, Chocolate Truffle Bars, Thins, Flakey Truffles, Artisan Truffle Tiles, Truffle Temptations, Bitesize Chocolate Tins, Boxed Chocolates and Peanut Butter Bites.
Cost: $5.00 and up

Other groovy sites for one-of-a-kind gifts: Publish your own book!
Knock Knock

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Pink Floyd Has Some Competition

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Builders working on a new subway station at the southern tip of Manhattan have found the remains of a stone wall thought to be part of a fort that protected the city in the late 17th century.

New York City authorities said on Thursday the 40-foot (12-meter) section of wall had been found at a depth of around 10 feet in Battery Park, a green area that looks out on New York harbor and the Statue of Liberty. "This wall most likely is a portion of the gun batteries that once protected the city in the late 17th and 18th centuries and gave rise to the modern park name," said Robert Tierney, chairman of the Landmarks Preservation Commission.

He said the city and the Metropolitan Transportation Authority would work together to preserve the remains, which were described as "an important remnant of the history of New York City."

Among the artifacts found in the area -- where a series of forts were built between 1625 and 1780 -- was a 1744 George II half penny in very good condition, city authorities said in a statement.

The wall was found during construction work on the new South Ferry Station underneath the park. "Because this project was within a historically significant area, archaeologists considered it likely that archaeological resources would be found, although no one guessed that such a large portion of the Battery could have survived," the statement said.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Richard Pryor Dies at 65

LOS ANGELES - Richard Pryor, one of the most groundbreaking comedians of the late 20th century, died Saturday morning of a heart attack at his home in the San Fernando Valley; he was 65." *Click here to read the entire article

This came as very sad and unexpected news to me. Richard's been making me laugh for decades. I think the first time I ever saw him was in Uptown Saturday Night as Sharp Eye Washington. And it just blossomed from there. He was in so many of my favorite films: Silver Streak, California Suite, Stir Crazy, and the list goes on. A genuine comedy legend is gone. R.I.P. Richard.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Infomercial Innuendo

I have bouts with insomnia, so I am no stranger to late-night infomercials. Sometimes I stumble across one that makes me laugh for one reason or another. I'm sure these are completely unintentional, but then I find humor in the weirdest place. These are my current favorites:

[1] Meet Dr. Ho (no relation to Dr. No). First, you gotta love someone who's responsive to the name "Ho." It's just fun to say. "Hey, Ho!" He's hawking his revolutionary massage system. It comes complete with:

DR-HO'S Massage System
• An Owner's Manual
DR-HO'S Fast Pain Relief Guide
• An Instructional DVD
• 2 Clip On Carrying Cases
• A Personal Travel Bag
• 2 Large Flex Tone Pads
• 4 Electrodes with Gel Pads
• 2 Pairs Replacement Gel Pads
• Foot Relief Massage Pads

[2] And speaking of pads... Check out the unfortunate name of one of Dr. Ho's satisfied customers: Kuntz Electroplating, Inc.. Do I really have to explain this one?

[3] And last, but certainly not least, there's the folks at IcelandHealth, who are hawking their product, Omega-3. And though it's sold me on its benefits, I'm always suspicious of any infomercial that doesn't tell you how much their wonderful product actually costs. This usually translates into "expen$ive."

Annyway, to the reason this infomercial cracks me up. While various "active" seniors demonstrate just how active this product allows them to be, this one clip in particular stood out. So, like the immature manchild that I am, I enjoyed countless rewinds, laughing more each time.

As you can see, Gram Gram and Peepaw have taken the grandkids to the ball pit at the local "fun place." As you can see, Gramps is a little too into it, while some of the balls land in an inopportune location. This obviously hasn't escaped his granddaughter's attention. Dirty girl.

Damn You, BlogExplosion!!!

For those who use blog traffic generators, Blog Explosion has my latest addiction: Pot O' Gold: virtual scratch-off lottery tickets. Yep, instead of spending a dollar, each game costs 1 credit. You can 'win' anywhere from 1-1000 credits, which in turn can be used to generate self-promotional banner impressions, "battle," etc.

I'm one of those instant gratification types, so this whole lotto thing is a lot more fun to me than that blog battle thing. Besides, why throw away 10 measly credits battling when you can throw away 40+ credits on virtual lotto tickets! Woo hoo! Me likee. *Click the scratch off card to see how it works and what I won.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Voices Carry (a Big Stick)

A few months ago Nathan posted a request on his blog for people to share their 'coming out' (and I don't mean debutantes) or stories of homophobia, etc. It gave me an idea to blog about something that's been happening to me for years.

First off, let me preface this by saying I don't necessarily believe in the term "homophobia." Defined as: an irrational fear of homosexuals. It's not "fear." It's sooo many other things: bigotry, ignorance and hatred. The first two words are interchangeable, but you get the gist.

So, on with my tale of woe. A few weeks ago I visited a nearby Taco Bell drive-thru late one night. I placed my order and when I got to the window the two donkey jockeys (too harsh?) manning the register apparently found my voice hilarious. So much so that they could barely stop braying long enough to tell me my total. Once they got my money and the window was closed, they huddled together, talking to each other, looking over at me and continued to die laughing. Obviously making fun of the mariposa (i.e. fag). The didn't have to actually SAY it, I'm not completely clueless.

Then, when they opened the window to hand me my order I said those 5 magic words: "What's the store number here?" Chuckles' face fell and she got all serious as she said "372." I flashed her my pearly whites and said "Thanks!," before driving away.

Okay, first off, I know that my asking for the store number, filling out the customer service survey online and complaining via their web site would get me nowhere. I have zero aspirations of receiving any form of customer service when it comes to these faceless corporations. HOWEVER, I do have that momentary happy tingle when I see the look on their face when I ask for the corporate phone # or store #. It's the little things, right?

Secondly, it's not like this is an altogether new experience. I've been forced to deal with this bullshit for decades. And though some may wish to write me off as being paranoid, trust me when I say I'm not. I'm verrry observant. I KNOW bullshit when I experience it. I should, like I said it's been going on for a lonnnng time. Here's some examples:

[1] Recently while at the State Fair with my friend Derik, he went up to a stand that served wine to see what kinds they had, while I stood behind him, waiting. There was a straight couple standing at the register to the right of him. When he asked the vendor what kind of wines they had, the woman in the aformentioned couple, head down, "covertly" looked over at him, then me, looked like she was gonna burst out laughing, then, head still lowered, turned to her boyfriend and whispered something. Then he "covertly" turned his head to look at me, only to see me staring him in the face with my arms crossed, giving him my "Problem?"-look (that's right, bitch, I won't hesitate to eat you!). He quickly lowered his eyes and turned away. When she turned to look (not realizing he'd been "caught") I gave her some ice as well. Naturally, Derik was oblivious. I guess I should be too, I'd probably be a lot happier. I am far too idealistic when it comes to everyone being treated fairly. I tend to dwell on this bullshit, which I know is pointless and ultimately hurts no one but myself, but try as I may, I can't help but get pissed off by this behaviour. I just can't wrap my mind around why people feel compelled to make a problem where there initially wasn't one.

And for the record, I am so not about coming off as some "bad-ass" that's gonna "go there" in a flash kickin' ass. Surprisingly, I've never been in a fight. Not even when I was in school...BUT I'm also not the type to turn the other cheek while someone thinks they're "getting away" with something.

[2] Note: Picture me delivering my side of the conversation with a completely stone face. Think Droopy. I call it my "I'm so over this shit"-voice.

For this story, refer to the bootylicious cashier in picture one. She works at Whataburger. Late one night I went through the drive-thru and placed my order. Upon arriving at the window:

Shequan: I thought you were a woman!
Me: okay.
Shequan: (looking puzzled...thinking) I thought you were a woman, so when I saw you at the window it scared me.
Me: um okay. are you going to be alright?
Shequan: Here's your drink.

Sigh. Why did she feel compelled to share that with me? What was the point? Again, another case of rampant retardery.

[3] While at the grocery store earlier this year, an old customer from the store I used to work at, recognized me. He had his kid in tow, carrying them. I normally try to avoid most people associated with past employments, but he tracked me down in the toilet paper aisle and said "Hi! How's it goin'?" I said hello AND THEN his little kid says "HE TALKS FUNNY!" The dad just laughed. I stared stone-faced. Then she chimes in again with "WHY DOES HE TALK LIKE THAT?!" He laughed again. I continued to stare blankly. He quietly slipped away.

Yeah, I know what some of you are thinking: "Well, Kirk, she's just a child. She doesn't know any better." Um okay then. Then by that reasoning I can take a dump in her Barbie Dreamhouse because I "didn't know any better." I didn't know! All better now. Or better yet me I'll exclaim in a doe-eyed fashion "God, why's your dick's so tiny?!"

Here's my point: I don't lisp. I don't float. I don't swish. I don't deliberately draw attention to myself. I'm very low-key. I treat everyone the same until they give me a reason not to, then the kid gloves come off. It's not my job to make excuses for something I have no control over. It's also not my job to educate your ignorant condomless night-o-passion (AKA "cum cherub"...."vag urchin") that you had to break up the monotony.

Thank goodness I'm such a goddamn people person.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Lord of the Bling -or- What a Difference a Lay Makes

Last night while at the grocery store, I noticed a copy of the latest issue of Premiere magazine. I had to do a double take. Did you know that Peter Jackson, director of Lord of the Rings, had lost so much weight?! I sure didn't! Amazing what a little LASIK eye surgery, a new wardrobe and losing 70lbs. can do for you. Oh, and the money doesn't hurt either.

Guys Gone Filed: Volume VI

Vol.1 Vol.2 Vol.3 Vol.4 Vol.5

Okay, okay, I know a handful of these guys are nothing more than pretty boy-emo-clones, but what can I say? I likes my eyecandy! Besides, it's hard to find any hot guys these days who don't have some kind of something that sets them apart from the masses, whether it be their pooka shell necklace, assorted piercings, "fin" hairstyle, breakin'-all-the-rules facial hair (which I don't really mind, to be honest...within reason), baseball cap, rubber cause-du jour bracelets or kickass tattoos! So bear with me and just focus on their cute lil' faces and buff bods. Shhhh shhh now darlin', no talking. Just sit there and look pretty for Daddy. 'k?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Nip/Tuck Tonight!

For those who watch FX's Nip/Tuck, tonight's episode looks like it's going to be seriously insane. I just saw the preview for tonight's episode and it literally gave me goosebumps. Here's a synopsis of tonight's episode: A plane crashes just after take off in Miami. Julia's mother might be one of the passengers. Christian, Sean, Julia and Liz are all trying to save the lives of the people that survived the plane crash.

Nip/Tuck airs tonight on the FX channel at 9PM (CST). *Check local listings for time and channel.

Teenage Thunder

Recently while browsing through my CD collection, looking for something to listen to, I stumbled across my 'Best of' Sique Sique Sputnik CD. It made me think of the first time I ever bought one of their CDs. Well, actually it was before CDs (God, how old am I?), so it was an audio cassette. I vividly remember getting it at some podunk mall in Abilene, Texas, while visiting my grandmother. My first impression was that this was THE coolest cassette EVER! Why? Because the tape case was WHITE instead of the usual black. Mind-blowing! Yeah, it sounds super-retarded now, but at a time when no one else was doing it, it was some coooool shit.

Naturally, both my mother and my grandmother wanted to see what I got. One look at the group and they began to question just where they'd taken that wrong turn in my upbringing. I remember the puzzled looks on their faces upon seeing the lead singer donning a fishnet stocking over his face and sporting a day-glo mass of mohawk hair. They couldn't fathom why I liked them. They must all be on drugs. Damn The Pot! Damn you Nancy Reagan and your "very special" episode of Different Strokes!! Grown-ups can just be, like so square!

*NOTE: Check out the totally huge "cell phone." That's hot. Also, check out the picture where the lead singer is wearing a pink jacket. I defy you to tell me that's not Jo Polniaczek (AKA Nancy Mckeon) from The Facts of Life)!

Anyhoo, I remember loving the fact that they sampled all kinds of great stuff from old movies, cartoons, etc. It was great. Like pop culture with a beat. I loved their first album, but unfortunately, Sigue Sigue was pretty much all surface and not much substance. Sure they looked super-awesome, but I wasn't all that thrilled with any of their future albums. A song here, a song there, but nothing that made their albums a must-own. Definitely before their time, but also very much a product of the decade. The only instance I can remember one of their songs ever going remotely mainstream was their 'hit' Love Missile F1-11 being played during the shower scene in 1986's Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Not a bad career pinnacle, being immortalized in a John Hughes film. I can't say that I don't love having them in my CD collection. Good memories. Even better eyecandy.

For those who may not be familiar with the band, here's a little background, courtesy of Nostalgia

Ex-Generation X guitarist Tony James formed futuristic glam band Sigue Sigue Sputnik (named after a Russian street gang) as a kind of latter-day Monkees with cheekbones, coloured-hair and space outfits. James poached from cyberpunk novels and films (especially Blade Runner) for the band's image and the group were showered with publicity and record deals before they had even played a note.

In February 1986 they released their debut single Love Missile F1-11 (produced by Giorgio Moroder) which sailed on a sea of hype to Number 2 in the UK charts.

Although 21st Century Boy also made the Top 20 (and their debut album actually sold advertising space between the tracks!) James' moneymaking ruse soon ended. Despite an avalanche of intentionally lurid press, the band dissolved and James subsequently joined the Sisters Of Mercy in 1991. Kavanagh would go on to Big Audio Dynamite, though James would make an attempt at resurrecting Sigue Sigue Sputnik later in the 90s.

Degville recorded the dreadful solo set World War Four in 1991. He reunited with James and Whitmore in the late 90s, buoyed by Sigue Sigue Sputnik's continued popularity on the Internet. The trio recorded a new album, Piratespace, and toured during 2001.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm Makin' a List and Checkin' it Twice...

*This post will remain at the top of the blog through Thursday, December 15th. New posts will be posted below.

Well, it looks like it's that time of year again. That's right. If you'd like to receive a Christmas card from me, e-mail me with the address you'd like the card sent to. Please be sure that you put "Christmas Card" as the subject of your e-mail, so that I will know you want a card.

Naturally, should you wish to reciprocate, I'll gladly give you my information as well. So what're you waitin' for? Get crackin'!

Wow! It's Like it KNOWS Me!

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

• Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
• You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
• You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

• It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
• You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
• While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

• At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
• You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
• You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

Homo Libris

Pulp Friction: Uncovering the Golden Age of Gay Male Pulps by Michael Bronski © 2003

Noting research that included reading "just over 225 novels," cultural critic Bronski (The Pleasure Principle) delightfully chronicles gay pulp novels from their emergence in the late 1940s through the post-Stonewall era in this expansive, exhaustively researched amalgam of fiction and gay history. In the earliest novels, homosexual characters were often drawn as angst-ridden men living hideaway lives. These mild tales gave way to the more outrageous and sexually intrepid plot lines of the 1950s and early '60s.

The Gay Detective by Lou Rand © 2003

Before there was Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City, vintage pulp writer Lou Rand delivered this high-camp masterpiece. Set in Beat-era gay-mecca-in-the-making San Francisco, the 1961 novel stars a sissy gumshoe, his butch ex-Marine assistant, a nymphomaniac on the make, and plenty of dishy humor. This flamboyant whodunit is now available for the first time in three decades.

*To see more pulp-related books I want, click here.

Get Out Your Hip Boots

*I wrote this post back in October, but neglected to find time to post it:

WebMD Medical News — People are walking on eggshells as Halloween approaches. Spooked by fears that little ghosts or goblins might get hurt, many cities are advising parents to keep kids indoors on trick-or-treat night. Some cities have actually cancelled trick-or-treating, in favor of indoor parties. A mall in Chicago's suburbs has put the kibosh on Halloween festivities. Deep in the heart of Texas, San Antonio has scaled back its world-renowned Day of the Dead celebration.

In Arkansas, Gov. Mike Huckabee is discouraging parents from letting kids go door to door, fearful that parents will flood emergency hotlines with questions about suspicious candy. What's really in those Pixie Sticks anyway? Could it be anthrax? "We're just saying use good common sense," says Sgt. Terry Hastings of the Little Rock Police Department. "We're giving the same suggestions we have for years -- go only to houses where you know people." After all, Halloween has always made people jittery, Hastings tells WebMD. Remember the days when the only thing we feared was a razor blade in our treats? "Even when I was a kid, we had to watch our candy," he remembers.

Removing the "fright factor" -- and inspiring kids to help others -- that's what pediatricians and psychologists advocate this Halloween. "Kids are frightened enough," says Susan Pollack, MD, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Kentucky and a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Injury and Poison Prevention. "They don't need a big burden of extra scary stuff," she tells WebMD. "This Halloween is an opportunity to be imaginative rather than scary. We need to lessen the burden of violence on our kids."

April Lloyd -- mother of a two-year-old -- couldn't agree more. She's organizing Halloween activities in her Atlanta neighborhood called Kirkwood, passing out maps of designated "safe houses" where kids can trick-or-treat without getting freaked out, she tells WebMD. Her fears aren't so much based on recent events, says Lloyd. It's more about re-creating the gentler tradition she remembers from childhood. "Things are so different from when I was a kid," she tells WebMD. "People just don't trust each other. Last year, people in my neighborhood didn't know what to do. Some went to the malls, others didn't go out at all. This year, we want to give kids the same kind of trick-or-treat night we had."

'Halloween Lite' is the brainchild of Frank Farley, PhD, a psychologist at Temple University in Philadelphia and former president of the American Psychological Association. "Halloween is many things -- there's the fun side, the thrill side, the excitement of kids dressing up, playing make believe, going out in neighborhood trick-or-treating with their friends," Farley tells WebMD. "We wouldn't want to change that."

It's the "horror side of Halloween, especially the graphic dress-up -- the bloody limbs and gruesome masks" that he finds ... well, horrific. Thumbs down, too, on the ultra-violent Halloween movies. "They're just relentlessly violent ... scary stuff, blood and gore," says Farley. "This year, when the national fear factor is at the highest level it's been in decades, I don't want to add much more on top of that." He'd like to see theme parks tone down their Halloween adventures -- or that people will avoid them altogether. "They can be pretty bloody -- quite realistic," he tells WebMD. "Even an adult can jump out of his seat when this thing falls out of ceiling."

Better yet, bring some real-life magic into this yearly tradition -- make it a good-deed night. Farley's kids are making little white boxes with a red cross on top, and any contributions will go to the American Red Cross. Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF -- a tradition for 51 years -- has dedicated its campaign this year to helping the children of Afghanistan, says Mia Drake Brandt, a spokesperson for the international relief organization. "We're on the ground in and around Afghanistan, and the money will go directly to help children there," Brandt tells WebMD.

One year, her daughter's class raised $150 -- not a huge sum, but it bought one water filter pump, giving clean water to one impoverished community. "Millions of children in impoverished areas die from diarrheal dehydration, which is caused by dirty water," she says. Every nickel, dime, and quarter collected helps buy children the medicine they need, helps improve communities, says Brandt. In return, trick-or-treaters reap big rewards in terms of self-esteem and compassion.

"Parents want kids to feel good about themselves, and Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF has always done that, " says Brandt. "It helps children become compassionate and aware, which is the most basic part of being a good human being. It give kids a feeling of power in the best sense of the word, that they can help make the world a good place." Brandt lives in New York City, and her children's grandparents live six blocks from the World Trade Center. "We've all been hurting since these things happened," she tells WebMD. "The way to relieve the suffering of others is through action. The smallest child realizes that."

Her three kids will be out trick-or-treat night -- including her 10-year-old son, who is developmentally disabled. "He saw the huge cloud of smoke at the World Trade Center," Brandt says. "Now he wants to take care of everyone who was hurt by it."

"Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF has quelled his grandiose need to house everyone in our house, to rebuild the Towers. He's very excited about gathering the money. Of course, it's a good thing for anybody to do. But it really makes sense to him."

Oh bruUuther. { insert sarcastic monkey fart noise here } I don't know about you, but I just belched up a little vomit.

First off, I'm all for the UNICEF thing. I've always thought that was cool. Compassion in realistic doses is always a good thing, but give me a break with the whole "Now he wants to take care of everyone who was hurt by it." and "He's very excited about gathering the money." song & dance. Yeah right. Not half as excited as you want him to be, I bet. I'm sorry, but I am so not buying it.

Do I believe that a child could be effected by 9/11? Sure, of course I do. But am I realistically supposed to believe that it's STILL in the forefront of a kid's mind FOUR years later? Now if the kid's parent(s) were directly involved somehow, yes, I could believe that, but let's not get nuts. It's suspiciously like those stage mothers who tell their kid(s) that they (the kid(s) want to be a star, coercing them into repeating what they practiced earlier. What, are you going to fuck "make love to" his first girlfriend for him too? Whatever. If something like 9/11 is still in the forefront of a child's mind 4 years after the fact, trust me, someone's helping to keep it there. Kids today have the attention span of a squirrel with A.D.D., so you'll forgive me if I find this whole "angel in disguise" bullshit a little hard to swallow.

My point: Compassion and awareness are great qualities to instill in your child. Heck, they're great qualities for any age. However, let's not get too absorbed in our own little fantasy world of "My child is a prodigy of all things honorable...and he's/she's humble to boot! (but mommy wanted the newspaper/TV crew/reporter to be aware of their humility)." Whatever happened to letting kids make their own decisions? Reality isn't always a bad thing, 'k?

Saturday, December 03, 2005


You gotta hand it to Saturdays. They're the best. Besides the whole 'weekend' factor, you gotta love Saturdays for the incredibly bad TV.

It seems like a lot of my TV memories happen to fall on Saturday afternoons, when KTVT Channel 11 was perpetually showing something I felt compelled to watch for whatever reason: Frogs, One Dark Night, Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Asylum, etc.

So, today I came to the conclusion that I'm really bored. How do I quantify 'bored,' you may ask. Well, I'm watching Mexican television. Jaws: The Revenge, to be exact. And I don't even speak Spanish. But I swear I heard one of them say "lock 'n load," but I could be wrong. It's all Greek to me. Like Fred Sanford of TV's Sanford & Son always used to say when someone would greet him with "buenos noches: "Yeah, bones and nachos to you too."

I have now watched Halloween (it was a boring Saturday in October), Leprechaun (boring Saturday in March) and some Jean Claude Van Damme movie...all in Spanish. Wow. How incredibly sad.

And it's not all confined to the Mexican channel. Sci-Fi is showing some shitball movie called Frankenfish right now. You know it's gonna be bad when someone named "Tory Kittles" is the lead. Not to mention that one of the main characters just discovered some mutant fish scale that resembles a small hand fan: "It's a fish scale, but I've never seen one this big before!" Delectable!

Hopefully your Saturday is far more interesting and/or productive than mine is turning out to be. I'd blog more, but I have to go watch Retard Cinema, or whatever it's called.

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