Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Foul Play

One of my all-time favorite movies finally got released to DVD on November 16th: Foul Play! Sigh. I love it so. I remember seeing it in the theater over and over and over again. At one point, I even had the paperback book (wish I still had it, dammit!). It even had photos from the movie inside! I love it when they do that. I also own the 45 of the movie's theme song: Ready To Take A Chance Again, sung by Barry Manilow AND the LP soundtrack. Far out!

For those who haven't seen the movie, it stars Goldie Hawn, Chevy Chase, Burgess Meredith and Dudley Moore. Here's a brief synopsis, courtesy of the IMDB: "Gloria, a shy San Francisco librarian and bumbling cop, Tony Carlson, fall in love as they solve a crime involving albinos, dwarves, and the Catholic Church." Sigh. A "San Francisco librarian." Neat!

Man! In retrospect, this sounds a little goofy and childish (hey, I was 7 or 8 at the time), but this movie made me SOOO want to be a librarian. Not because I thought I would have high adventures or fall in love with a police officer, but because the library looked SO cool and Goldie's character, Gloria looked so bookish and cool (even as a child, I guess I had a skewed sense of "beauty"). It was the first of many movies that I would see where I found my "true calling," in regards to careers:

The Fog: I SO wanted to work in a lighthouse and have my own radio station (sans the undead pirates).
Desk Set: I wanted to work in the research department of a TV network.
And the list goes on.

The movie is so much fun on so many levels: characters, situations, sets, soundtrack. I'll go down the list and tell you who/what I think made it so good.


The opening song by Barry Manilow, Ready To Take A Chance Again, is so great. I still love to sing along with it whenever I hear it. Charles Fox did all the original music for the film. Some of his credits include: Barbarella, The Bugaloos theme song, The Drowning Pool, Wonder Woman theme song, The Love Boat theme song, Little Darlings, Zapped! and so many more. Toss in Manilow's Copacabana and The Bee Gee's Stayin' Alive, and you've got a pretty great soundtrack/score.

• Stella (played by Marilyn Sokol), Gloria's no-nonsense, self-defense expert/co-worker, is a hilarious. She steals every scene she's in.
• Mr. Hennessey, played by Burgess Meredith has a great scene where he uses his Karate skills head to head with one of the main villains.
• The Albino is SUCH a creepy, original touch. He never ceases to creep me out.
• J.J. MacKuen (played by Billy Barty) is hilariously pushy as the Bible sales man.
And there are SO many more great, original characters.

• Gloria's moviegoing experience preceded today's Scream 2. Creepy, funny and effective.
• Gloria's altercation with the character known as Scarface is suspenseful and creepy.
• Gloria's first contact with love machine Stanley Tibbets, played by Dudley Moore is laugh out loud funny.
• Gloria's visit to Billy Barty's character in the aftermath of their first encounter is another hilarious moment in the film.
Again, so many more great scenes. I just loved them all.

Man! I could talk about this part for hours. I still want to live in Gloria's apartment, 70's or not. It was so great. Every time I see the movie, I have to pause and soak everything in: furniture, knickknacks, wall hangings, rooms. It's all really beautiful (to me). I also dig the fact that Chevy Chase's character lives in a boathouse. Boathouses have always fascinated me: Houseboat, Drop Dead Fred, Murder By Numbers, You've Got Mail, etc. Fun!

So, by all means, do yourself a favor and see the movie. It's so much fun. You won't be disappointed.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Take My Wife, PLEASE!

OMG! I am laughing so hard right now. I've been sitting in the den, watching the old B&W TV and switching over to some Fox reality show called "Trading Spouses," during commercials. Apparently the premise is that two families switch mothers. I don't know all the exact details, but it looks like this time around they traded some Lousiana Bayou mom with some California vegetarian mom. Fuckin' hilarious! I don't know how many episodes this show lasts for, but you GOTTA get a load of the spoiled Louisiana mullet kid, named "ZZ"... as in ZZ Top. ROTFL! Oh my lord, I can't take it! The mullet kid crying on the couch because he misses his mom and her obvious lack of enforcing discipline (like making him brush his teeth properly... LOL!) had me cracking UP! Though the California vegetarian mom is pretty fruity, I totally agree with her that this spoiled ZZ brat needs discipline. SO BAD. The epitome of the kind of fuckin' kids I hate, and see out in public on a regular basis. The kind that use tantrums, the crying routine, sad faces and conveniently doled out baby talk/sniffles combo to get their way and/or attention. Fuck that. And his Whitesnake dad isn't helping, since he's pretty hickalicious himself. Another typical case of the mother doing all the work, whether it be cleaning, cooking or raising the kid(s). No wonder they replace the moms instead of the dads, otherwise there's be no difference to observe.

So, check it out. It's definitely good for some laughs. I haven't seen swamp folk like this since The Rescuers! On the flip side of the dysfunctional coin, when the vegan kids (SO fabulous) almost started crying when their surrogate mom ordered crab stuffed fish, it was hilarious. I swear, sometimes I think going vegan shrinks brain cells. If it's your choice, then it's just that, YOUR choice. Don't try guilting someone else into your set of mores or trying to convert them just because you decided chicken nuggets are 'evil.' Ugh! Retarded!

Cupid's Coming!

Just a friendly reminder that there's just 77 more shopping days until Valentine's Day, so make sure you pick out that jewelry and order those flowers early!

Also, don't forget that shortly after Valentine's Day (Monday, February 14th), it will be time to start filling those Easter (Sunday, March 27th) baskets with lots of chocolate goodies! A mere 41 days after Valentine's Day, so what are you waiting for?!!! Get crackin'!

Autumn In Texas II

[1] The trees in my backyard are finally changing color.
[2] The clock in the nearby small town of Handley, where I rent videos and like to shop.
[3] The creepy Billy Goats Gruff-style-underpass that I have to go under on my way to the library. Spooky. More so when a train is passing overhead.
[4] The chicken vending machine in a nearby fried chicken place that has AMAZING chicken strips and gravy. If you get a golden egg, you win a stuffed chicken! They have them up front and they are really cute. I didn't get a golden egg, but all the eggs have prizes inside. I got a tattoo.
[5] Some insanely green grass in front of the BBQ place I like to frequent. So vivid, I had to take a picture. Beautiful.
[6] The statue of Saint Francis, the patron saint of animals & the environment, in my backyard.
[7] The bark on the trunk of one of the biggest trees in my backyard, right after it rained.
[8] Jesus Christ! The lights in some stores leave me squinting and reaching for my shades. This office supply store in particular is INSANELY bright. I feel like friggin' Gizmo: Bright light! Bright light!
[9] Some cutie-pie working on a water main in a nearby apt. complex. I wanted to give him kisses.
[10] My freakshow next door neighbor's tree in her front yard. Very beautiful. I can't say the same for her. She's a real 24k squirrel. I'll write more about her at a later date.
[11] The north corner of my garage as seen through the car windshield. Pretty.
[12] Captain D's beckons me to come in and partake of some fish 'n chips.
[13] It's that time of year! Feelin' noggy?
[14] This picture doesn't begin to convey how huge and freakishly orange this guy's legs were. I took this while standing in line at the post office. As you know, I normally like to sink my teeth into beefalicious calves. Well, in this case, they belonged to some senior citizen who obviously was an advocate of QT self-tanning lotion. Disturbing on so many levels.
[15] A prime example of the kind of retarded assholes I come in contact with on a daily basis. This dumb motherfucker managed to take up TWO parking spaces, most likely because they don't know how to maneuver this gas guzzler. Moron!

Sunday, November 28, 2004


Every once in a while I'll inadvertently run across news stories that I feel compelled to bookmark and share later. This weekend I decided to clean up my bookmarks, and in the process, I came across these new (and not so new) articles. They're all a little fucked up in one way or another, so feel free to share your thoughts about any that interest you.

The dumber they are, the harder they fall *What kind of retard tries to hold a fuckin' parking space on one of the busiest shopping weekends of the season? Too bad the driver wasn't driving a steamroller or there'd be one less moron in the world. Good riddance!

Immaculate deception
Read more

They shoot presidents, don't they?

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch
*This one in particular cracks me up because of the passage "...amateur body builder." Looking at the accompanying picture, I have to ask myself "Whose body is he building?"

Walmart experiences lackluster sales

Thanksgiving can be a stressful time

Abduction by C-section

One less bell to answer* What they conveniently left out of the article was that Target decided to do this after numerous customer requests. Personally, I find any form of unsolicited solicitation annoying, seasonal or otherwise.

Fucktard kills 6

Voting glitch in Bush's favor

Woman eaten by 18 foot shark

This DVD will self-destruct in five seconds

Comics go digital

Bush may come up with 2nd term surprises

BTW, new links in the following categories: Art (2), Books & Magazines (1), Erotica (1), Food (2), Fun Stuff (2), Gay (2), Movies & Television (1), Music (3), Politics & Propaganda (4), Pop Culture (2), Pulp & Kitsch (2), Shopping (1), Spooky Stuff (2), and Time Machine (2).

Saturday, November 27, 2004

The Legend of Billie Jean

Just a quick post to let you know that one of my favorite 80's movies is coming on the WAM! channel tonight: The Legend of Billie Jean. The movie stars Helen Slater (Supergirl), Christian Slater (Heathers) and Keith Gordon (Christine). It's rebel teen cheese-o-licious! The movie is currently out of print on VHS and unavailable on DVD, so set your VCRs! Here's a quick synopsis: "Average Texas teen, Billie Jean Davy, is caught up in an odd fight for justice. She is usually followed and harrased around by local boys, who, one day, decide to trash her brother's scooter for fun. The boys' father refuses to pay them back the price of the scooter. The fight for "fair is fair" takes the teens around the state and produces an unlikely hero." The movie starts at 9:50PM and repeats again at 1:20AM (CST). Check your local listings for time and channel.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Good vs Drag

Having been inspired by the 1985 movie Mask, starring Cher and Eric Stoltz, I decided to make this list (after I stopped crying like a baby aardvark with soap in his eyes). Tell me yours.

These Things Are Good:
• A crisp autumn day
• Unexpectedly running into a friend while running errands
• Grape popsicles
• Receiving packages in the mail
• A sparsely inhabited library
These Things Are A Drag:
• Stubbing your toe
• Crying children
• Car trouble
• Hot weather
• No money in your pocket

Thursday, November 25, 2004

My Day So Far...

9AM- Turn on heat. Press 'record' on the VCR so that I can watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I have time later. Preheat oven. Put turkey in pan.

9:20- Put turkey in oven. Set alarm for 11:30. Go back to bed.

11:55- Remember to give thanks for the snooze alarm. Press record on the other VCR in the den to record movie marathon for friend. Take turkey out of oven and carve. Put stuffing and mashed potatoes in oven for 45-50 min. Take 4-week-old, unread Sunday paper to the bathroom and run bath water. But Jazz CD into stereo.

12:50- Remove stuffing and mashed potatoes. Remove plastic cover and stir both. Put dollop of butter in center of potatoes, season stuffing and place back in oven for a crispy topping.

1PM- Put Charlie Brown Thanksgiving in DVD player. Take picture of feast for blog. Make plate. Take picture of said plate. Get out lap desk, favorite comforter and pillow and arrange on couch. Return to kitchen for plate. Say brief prayer while standing over plate. Get Cherry Pepsi from fridge, paper towels and take dinner rolls outta oven.

1:05- Enjoy meal while watching 70's cartoon about a bald, bipolar kid, his beagle who cooks, a pushy lesbian and a religious zealot named Linus.

1:25- Discover eyes are bigger than stomach. Return to kitchen with half-eaten plate. Throw away Pepsi can. Help self to a nice, cold glass of milk. Return to living room to watch Home For The Holidays.

2:00- Change full tape that's recording movie marathon. Replace.

3:30- Check e-mail to find an S.O.S. e-mail from Derik who's hosting Thanksgiving at his place this year. Reciprocate with e-mail of encouragement and hope. Grab lap desk, my "Boys Are Stupid" pen and head to the den to listen to records and do some Word-Find puzzles. Eat a piece of pumpkin pie.

4:25- Change tape again. Set alarm for 2 Hours. Take nap.

Happy Thanksgiving

These Things Shall Never Die

The Bright, The Pure, The Beautiful That stirr'd our Hearts in Youth
The Impulses to Wordless Prayer
The Dreams of Love and Truth
The Longing after somethings Lost
The Spirit's Yearning Cry
The Striving after better Hopes -
These Things Can Never Die.

The timid Hand stretched forth to Aid
a brother in his need
The kindly Word in Grief's Dark Hour
That Proves a Friend Indeed
The Plea of Mercy softly Breath'd
when Justice threathens nigh
The Sorrows of a Contrite Heart -
These Things Shall Never Die.

Let nothing pass, for every hand
Shall find some work to do
Lose not a chance to waken Love
Be Firm, and Just, and True
So shall a Light that never Fade
Shine on thee from on High
and Angel Voices say to Thee
These Things Shall Never Die.

I couldn't find a Thanksgiving poem that said what I really wanted to convey, so I've opted to post my favorite poem, written by Charles Dickens. I hope you and yours all have a happy Thanksgiving filled with lots of good memories and laughter.

For those who crave some naughty (and nice) Thanksgiving chuckles, check out the post directly below this one. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Funnies

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I've Seen the Future and it's Fabulous

*As you know, I live to bitch about people, places, things and events. The holidays are not exempt from my rants. I hate the self-appointed fabulous. Boy, am I in the wrong state!

Faced with the task of picking up my pre-packaged Thanksgiving dinner at Tom Thumb, I encountered, as one might expect on the day before Thanksgiving, utter chaos. Out of the many people I encountered, this fabulous foursome caught my eye and held my interest. I apologize for the picture, it could have been better, but it was hard maneuvering around all the dazed and confused old ladies and people on cellphones making fabulous plans.

In order to help things go a little smoother, I'll be naming each person in the fab foursome. [1] Latte Attitude, [2] Little Red Whining Hood, [3] The Real Slim Granny, [4] Strawberry Shortfuse. Now that that's cleared up, you'll know whom I'm referring to as the tale unfolds.

Like 95% of the rest of the planet, Starbuck's has landed smack dab in the center of the local Tom Thumb. It's where the fabulous people meet for overpriced coffee and biscotti. The same coffee and biscotti you can buy a mere 10 feet away in the bakery. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, fabulous. So, Latte Attitude swishes in with her entourage and it's immediately clear that she thinks she's got it goin' ON. What? You want proof? Her first move was to get a luscious latte ('cause shopping can be SUCH a CHORE) and taking a phone call on her cellphone. Why, the sunglasses didn't even come off for at least 10 minutes. And, naturally, the cellphone never left her ear. C'mon, whip that ponytail some more. Whip it good! Whip it real good! BRAVA! May I Armour All your jacket?

Later, in the toothbrush aisle (I'll blog about that at a later date), a mere 4 1/2 minutes into the shopping trip, Little Red Whining Hood (tired of waiting for L.A. and The Real Slim Granny to decide on what conditioner was the most fabulous), ran around the corner of the aisle (hoping they would follow), then came back stamping her foot and pouting "I'm too B-ored!*" *To get the true effect, relax your lips and mouth completely. Now make a forced "B" sound (bUH) while tossing your head back and then tack on an "ored". Darling.) She did this 6 more times (I counted!) throughout their visit. Mommie's precious angel.

This brings us to The Real Slim Granny. Sorry memaw, but that overpriced, pink faux fur coat from the junior miss department at Dillard's isn't a time machine, sweetie. Neither is that Dynasty-on-a-budget disaster you call a hairdo. I'm sure you readers can empathize with me. I hate those women who look as if they have tried everything short of cosmetic surgery, and still come off looking like a mountain goat with laugh lines. They're the ones that shitball products like Dream Lips, Dream Lash and LifTight were made for. Look under their wispy bangs, you'll see the word "Sucker" printed there.

And who could forget Strawberry Shortfuse? She was the envy of all that observed her. Whether it was her hateful Hoedown in the milk section (she was told "No cookies."), her sulky Salsa near the Bratz display or her "No chips" Merengue, I was endlessly entertained with her antics. I think my favorite was when the fab four, as a group, cut in front of a woman and her daughter (shown), trying to beat them to the check out lane (see her cart magically pushed out of line? The Real Slim Granny did that). We can only hope these precious angels grow up to be HALF as fabulous as their foremothers. And I do mean 'mothers.'

Thanksgiving Feast for the Eyes

One of my friends wrote in her blog last month about how she eats particular foods seasonally. It got me to thinking, I do the same thing, but with movies. I have seasonal favorites for just about every holiday.

I'll also be posting a Christmas movie list, closer to Christmas. I was inspired by Diane's list on her blog: Pieces of Me. We even have some of the same movies on our lists! So, without further ado, I present my top 4 Thanksgiving favorites:

Planes, Trains & Automobiles. © 1987
Another one of those movies that has become a holiday tradition. John Hughes: Is there anything he can't do? Every time I watch this movie it's like the first time. It never ceases to make me laugh. I have 2 favorite scenes: One is where the vicious dog in the back of the truck has icicles and frost on his face, and he's growling/chattering. And the other comes at the end of the film when the song "Everytime You Go Away" (the Paul Young song, but performed by Blue Room) starts to play. I swear that scene almost makes me cry every single time!

The Ice Storm. © 1997
This is one of my favorite movies, period. I actually blogged about this movie a while back. The movie takes place in 1973 and has a great cast. A beautifully done "period piece." Though the film does not have a festive mood to it, it does take place over the Thanksgiving holiday and has a great autumn feel to it.

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. © 1973
This is one I watch every year. My favorite scene is where Snoopy gets in a fight with the folding chair while setting up the dining area in the backyard! I also like the scene where Charlie Brown, Linus, Snoopy and Woodstock are preparing the Thanksgiving "feast."

Home For The Holidays. © 1995
I remember seeing this one in the theater. Multiple times. I LOVE Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft and Robert Downey, Jr. in this movie! A must-see for Thanksgiving. I recently ran across the movie tie-in paperback and must go back and get it. It's actually based on a short story in an anthology called Home for the Holidays and Other Calamities by Chris Radant. A fun holiday read! Just 99¢ at Half.com!

So, there you have it folks. Now go out and rent 'em if you don't already own 'em! Or better yet, they're all under $10 over at Half.com! Not too shabby.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

No Good Read Goes Unpublished

*For the fun of it, I've decided to periodically post a page from whatever book I happen to be reading at the time. Hope you enjoy it.

I'm currently reading a book that I am thoroughly enjoying called Men: An Owner's Manual, by Stephanie Brush. This year marks the book's 20th anniversary. For anyone who's interested, you can easily find a copy at Half.com for well under $1, in your choice of hardcover or paperback.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter:

Men have always been with us in one form or another. The study of living with men (or higher-animal husbandry) is fairly new.

There have been civilizations that have consisted entirely of women. (The educational film Hercules and the Queen of the Amazons shows us that these civilizations were made up mostly of women who talked much like Zsa Zsa Gabor; who had primitive fascimiles of push-up bras; and who said things like, "My wanton heart is a flower panting to be pluck'd." According to this and other films, Greco-Roman Amazon civilization could not have survived without extremely embarrassing poetry, and push-up bras.)

Men were common in the Middle Ages: doing things with lances, sitting at round tables, rehearsing plainsongs in very high voices, and other activities. But men have been at their most attractive, throughout the ages, when they were not around. During World War II, women learned to "love a man in uniform" because he was a man who was going places -- such as Omaha Beach, Iwo Jima, and Midway.

In the fifties, there were no men at all: They were either working at their advertising agencies, driving in their Chryslers, listening to Four Freshmen records, or locked in the bathroom discovering embarrassing body odor. No one ever had sex.

And then a great social revolution ocurred, and men ventured back into the public eye, because everyone was having sex (due to space-age contraceptives), and men wanted to be part of the action.

These were dynamic, fast-and-loose times: Women no longer spoke to men of outmoded issues like "morality." Men gorged themselves on an all-you-can-eat buffet of sensual opportunities -- they were being invited to live (together, in the same house) with women, and no one felt the need to invest in color-coordinated hand towels. No one invested in much of anything: Men could say, "Listen honey, I'm going out tonight. For about a year, okay?" And women did not like this much.

Men drastically lost their popularity; women lost their popularity to a large degree, too; and everyone became completely confused.

Monday, November 22, 2004

The Grassy Knoll Goes Digital

Well, it's official. The world has officially gone to Hell in a handbasket. Apparently some British scumbags have created an online game called JFK Reloaded. According to an article posted by The Inquirer, here are the games' highlights: "The objective is to fire three shots at Kennedy's motorcade from the Texas School Book Depository. Points are awarded or subtracted based on how accurately the shots match the official version of events as documented in by the Warren Commission. If you hit Kennedy in the right spots in the right sequence you get a high score. Getting Jacqueline Kennedy, or any other gunmen on the grassy knoll leads to deductions. Each shot can be replayed in slow motion, and the bullets can be tracked as they travel and pass through Kennedy's digitally recreated body." Gee, I wonder if they'd mind if we made a video game about the demise of Princess Di, called The Princess Die-ries. It could be like Pole Position, but with a royal twist.

I remember the late 70's movie, The Kentucky Fried Movie (LOVE 'Big Jim Slade!') having a commercial for a board game with the same premise, called "Scot-Free." THAT was hilarious. This is just capitalism/sensationalism, plain and simple. The things people won't do for money. 'Tis the season!

Hair Dye Does Not a Punk Make

I still buy/read "teeny bopper" magazines, but my choice of periodicals isn't really the issue (no pun intended). However, it is where I got my latest idea for something to complain about. As I was flipping through a recent issue, I noticed a disturbing trend: What's passing as "Punk" today is a load of bollocks (I'm so British), or as I like to call it "poopie dooks." I don't know whether to laugh or cry, honestly. On the one hand, it's funny that some Nerfteen named Ashlee Simpson and some moussed boy band-looking guy with "rebel-teen (pphhllt)" hair named Ryan Cabrera are the new "Sid & Nancy" of the bubblegum set. On the other hand, it's sad because today's kiddles actually consider these prepackaged, snack-size wannabes as "Punk." Puhleeze.

Now, I'm not saying I was some badass, safety pinned, leather jacket wearing, mohawk-sporting punk when I was growing up, BUT I did know what it was and even listened/loved/owned some of it. There's a huge difference between knowing/appreciating the origins of something and worshipping at the Hot Topic alter of faux Punk music.

Gather 'round kiddies, and heed by words: Pink is not Punk. Ashlee is not Punk. Avril Lavigne is not Punk. Simple Plan is not Punk. A New Found Glory is not Punk. Good rule of thumb: If you can find it at Target, it's not Punk. Punk is Wendy O Williams wearing electrical tape over her nipples and performing topless on stage while chainsawing tv's. Punk is Johnny Rotten peeing on a drag queen after receiving head from her. Punk isn't pretty. If it is, it's not because it's trying to be. Here's what real Punk looks/sounds like:

Johnny Rotten


The Ramones

Wendy O Williams

The Plasmatics

The Cramps

The Sex Pistols

Sid & Nancy


The Dead Kennedys

The Dead Milkmen

Generation X


The Clash

The Dickies

The Damned

Circle Jerks

Iggy Pop

Ziggy Stardust

And that's just the SHORT list. Now, I'm not sayin' black dye #5, er Ashlee Simpson should go pee on anyone (except maybe her sister.) or that Benji from Good Charlotte should stop being so doggone cute. What I AM sayin is faux punk can be enjoyable (on occasion), but in respect for its' roots, let's keep it in the category where it belongs. And that category is definitely NOT Punk. "Punk Lite", perhaps.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Curses! Foiled Again!

Well, dang. I was over at Outblog and noticed her post about Target's latest marketing ploy (which, I think is pretty funny, actually). Apparently you can go to their web site and choose different ways of receiving a "wake up call" to go shopping early on the 26th or 27th of November.

After seeing the ten hilarious choices, an evil plan began to hatch. I'd choose the "Woman With A Cat" to call one of my friends at 4AM. *In case you can't see what is printed next to the Cat Lady, here's what it says:

"Choose us, or Mr. Snuggles will be so sad. And when he gets sad his little tiny fuzzy wuzzy ears droop down a little. And then he does this thing where he bats at his little nose with his paw. He also does that when I poke at his face with a feather." LMAO! You gotta go to the site and hear them all, and be sure you click on "watch the films!"

So, I entered all the vital information, clicked enter and then found out... you have to call from the phone number you want the wake up call sent to. Dammit! So, if you had the same idea, forget it. Unless you have access to their telephone when they're not looking.

*The scariest part of all about the accompanying picture is that the woman looks exactly like a stalker I once had, but with a different hairstyle + a big mole on his face. Fa-reak! Even scarier? He's since moved back to a neighboring city.

Happy Animal FunTime Vol. 1

Let me preface today's blog by apologizing to those readers who may be diabetic. I'm sorry. I know cute animal pix are not what all the 'cool kids' are posting in their blogs, but in my defense I am only human. Flesh and blood. A man. (I love The Human League!).

During my various Internet image expeditions, I occasionally come across some pictures that make me laugh and/or smile. These are those pictures.

In addition, here are some fun animal pix links that you may find amusing:

Little Beasts and Kat Kingdom

Saturday, November 20, 2004

According To The "What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?" Quiz, I Am...

Fruitcake Soda

You're gonna get tossed like a drunk midget

Naturally, I'm the fruitcake.

According To The "What Part Of Thanksgiving Are You" Quiz, I Am...


You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.
People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

According To The "What Kind Of Girl Are You" Quiz...

Friday, November 19, 2004

Mental Goulash IV

I'm afraid I'm not always as topical as I'd like to be, since I wait until I've collected enough interesting (to me, anyway) items before I can do another installment of Mental Goulash. So, if some of these things are not-so-fresh, now you know why. Grab a bowl and dig in!

Dammit! I was outsnarked again! This time around it was Stacy. What are you trying to do, Stacy? Ruin me?!! Oh well, I already have the picture and everything so... Apparently 66 ABC affiliates deemed Saving Private Ryan just too doggone violent (what? A war movie violent?) to air, uncut on Veteran's Day. Thanks to the FCC, who has television broadcasters running scared after their decision in September to fine CBS a record $550,000 for showing a brief flash of Janet Jackson’s boob during the Super Bowl halftime show (give me a break), multiple stations across the "United States" opted to replace the film with something else. Knowing what a forward-thinking kinda state Texas is, I know you'll be shocked to learn that here in Dallas, Saving Private Ryan was preempted by a very special episode of...(drum roll please) Oprah. Ah, a Veteran's Day tradition. Fuckin' stupid.

On a recent trip to the grocery store, I stopped poppin wheelies (or "pullin' an ollie" to the emo crowd) in my motorized shopping cart/scooter long enough to notice that there are some new goodies on the shelves. I haven't tried any of them, but perhaps if we ask nicely, the folks over at The Impulsive Buy will. The products:
Air Heads Fruit Spinners (with "Vitamin C-Charged Flavor Crystals!")
Caramel Apple Fig Newtons
Speedo Sportswater (Lol! It's official. They have no souls.)

I saw the first Bridget Jones Diary (eventually). To be honest, I'm not a big fan of Renee Zelwegger. She's too shiny and she squinches her mouth to the side WAY too much. There's something weird about her I don't like, though I do like some of the movies she just happens to be in:
Chicago (Hellllllo Richard Gere! ROWR!)
Cold Mountain (She won an Oscar for that? Whatever. Jude's so purty.)
One True Thing (Actually didn't mind her in this movie. Sad, but good.)
Empire Records (Rory Cochrane was so hot in that movie!)

So, it was no surprise to me when the review of her new Bridget Jones movie (Edge of Reason) was deemed "more of the same." Fuckin' DOI! It looks just like the first damn movie... only twice the romance and 5X the wackiness! Ech. What? They couldn't bear to lose Hugh Grant? Did he have nothing better to do? I thought they took care of him in the first one. C'mon! The first one was okay, though I know many women out there swooned at the possibility of 2 men fighting over a pudgy gal with a wacky personality, but let's reel it in, okay. The ability to gain and lose weight is great PR, but does not a good movie make. When Bridget finally came out of her shell and the movie starts in with the obligatory montage of her working out, taking charge of her life, etc., I didn't get that excited, happy lil' twinge I normally do when I see that kind of stuff happen in these kind of movies (re: underdog). Muriel's Wedding, it ain't.

On my most recent outing to Taco Bell, I noticed that the hot sauce packets had changed. Going the way of the Valentine's conversation heart, the hot sauce packets all have different little sayings on them now: "Bike tires scare me.", "IM A HOT T R U 2?", etc. Oh, and if you're wondering why I put "chicken" in quotations, that's because I got some weirdo hybrid meat in my burrito this time around. I've never had any complaints with Taco Bell in the past, but this time, ACK! I don't know WHAT the source of the meat was, but it wasn't like any chicken I've ever tasted. It cured me of any further forays into their "chicken"-based products. Yes, it was that gross.

I saw these cute lil' froggies at Target recently and came SO close to buying them, even though I don't even need them. Depending on how well versed you are on your pop culture, do you remember those no-slip decals stores used to sell that you put in the bottom of your tub, to prevent you from slipping? The ones that were popular when I was growing up, were the ones shaped like daisies/flowers. I think we had some uggo yellow ochre ones in our tub, though the foot-shaped and owl-shaped ones were pretty popular too (what was it with owls and the 70's, anyway?). Well, these lil' froggies are the new millenniums's answer to the no-slip showering experience. They are made from rubber and have lots of tiny little suction cups on the backs of them. They come 6 to a package for about $4-5. I thought they were very cute, but managed to exercise SOME discipline and not buy them, since I really have no use for them. However, I do think they would make cool guerilla art, leaving one of them on random people's car windows. I know. I'm weird.

Reality TV has recently managed to suck me into watching USA's The Biggest Loser, Fox's Nanny 911 (don't even get me started on these total fuckin' morons who pump out 5 kids then find out they suck as parents.), and even the faux reality show on Comedy Central: Drawn Together (hilarious, BTW). Now I'm seeing that some CBS reality show is apparently returning for its' 6th season (There was a 2-5?), called The Amazing Race. I wasn't interested the first time around, but I saw some of the current cast members and was like ROWR! They're pretty doggone cute, even if Adam does have some faux-hip bullshit thing going on with his hair. Unfortunately, I predict neither will win: Adam's partner is his ex girlfriend (SO not gonna win) and Aaron, as well as his partner are both "models." They are going to be so internally preoccupied with how they are coming across on film (in case this is their 'big break') that they're not gonna make it. Besides, their profile says they have been "inseparable" since their first date. SO not gonna win. They're gonna whammy themselves with their bickering. Still, both Adam and Aaron are pretty eyecandy, however fleeting.

The other afternoon while I was catching up on some work on the computer, I had the TV on in the living room, listening to one of the music channels (Digital cable now offers music channels that play certain genres of music 24/7. Think satellite radio. No commercials, etc.). I had it tuned to the Singers & Standards station (Jazz/Lounge music), when I heard Let's Fall in Love being sung by a strangely familiar voice. You know how sometimes you can HEAR something, but not know who's singing, but still have a sense that it's not someone who has made a career of it, but it's like a side thing? They SOUND like they're an actor or something, but they're tryin' the singing thing on for size. It's hard to explain, but my ear can differentiate between professional and wannabe. Anyhoo, I went into the living room to see who the singer was and 'lo and behold it was Tom Wopat, AKA "Luke Duke" from that 80's TV show, The Dukes of Hazzard. So, that got me to thinkin' about my big crush on his TV sibling John Schneider. God, I thought he was so cute. I even bought his first album... on 8-track, no less! I was a twisted little freak. It was a weird. I liked John Schneider's face, but preferred Tom's body. My point is, it's just a little unsettling that both of them have multiple albums out now, not to mention John's role in Smallville. Them Dukes, them Dukes!

I was under the impression that the movie Kangaroo Jack totally tanked at the box office. Now I see that an animated version called Kangaroo Jack: G'Day U.S.A. has just been released to DVD. What gives? Was this just some leftover turdtacular tie-in from the publicity department, completed before the movie sucked ass in the theater or was this something that was consciously done after the fact? Either way, I'm completely baffled.

And last, and least, I saw this craptacular ad recently while on the Netscape homepage. It made me laugh. Yes, I realize that living in Texas and not being a Dr. Phil fan translates into blasphemy, but I'm not impressed with his corncobbery. I'll leave him to the Blue Collar TV crowd. As far as I'm concerned he's the Dr. Laura of the Oprah set. Now, not only is he going to solve your relationship problems, he's going to show you how to lose weight, too. Lol! Maybe next he'll show us how to lick Oprah's Prada boots or how to cure baldness. Wait. Scratch that last one. Oh! And don't forget to pick up one of "nutritional bars" or shakes, during your next visit to Walmart. Lol! Whatta schmuck.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

My Fetishes

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was considering posting some, if not all of my fetishes. Since then I have been debating whether or not to go through with it, fearing that I may alienate and/or freak out some of my readers.

Then I remembered whose blog this was and said "fuck it." Besides, it was kinda fun.

I know when most people hear the word fetish, stereotypical (and tired) things like spiked dog collars, S&M and/or uniforms come to mind. And that's cool if you're into that. Personally I think there are all kinds of interesting aspects about a lot of the more mainstream fetishes out there. I'm not here to judge what other people like. If you like it, cool. If someone else has a problem with it, then it's THEIR problem. I'm pretty open minded about stuff like that, so none of it really phases me.

Let's just say I'm not easily shocked. Besides, never say never.

You're more than welcome to interpret, decipher and/or define my fetishes however you wish. Get Freudian (or, more appropriately, Jung), if you want to. Whatever floats your boat. I won't go into too much detail about each one, simply because I don't really have that much insight about each and every one of them. Besides, I feel like if I felt compelled to go into detail about each one, with only the intention of making YOU feel more comfortable, that verges on me justifying my personal tastes, which I think is total crap. Besides, there's nothing too hardcore and/or obscene in the fetishes to follow (depending on how sheltered you are). It's mainly about aesthetics with me. I think you'll survive unscathed.

Row A:
This column is pretty self-explanatory. I love em'. Always have. As far back as 2nd grade, I remember being fascinated/aroused by muscles. The bigger, the better. And yes, I've already heard the crack about how "that guy has bigger 'boobs' than I do! (re: women/girls)," so tuck that lil' comic nugget away until you've scheduled a visit to the Funny Bone. I don't get why so many people (at least the ones I've talked to), find bodybuilders so "gross." I suspect the vascularity may be an issue for some people, or perhaps just the complete and utter narcissism of the sport itself. I dunno.

Row B:
Tank Tops
Some people call them "wife beaters" now, but whatever you call them, I think they are SO hot... on the right person. If one catches my eye, I can't help but look. Unfortunately, they're not always worn by the people who should be wearing them, but if I see one out of my peripheral vision, I'll look. It's involuntary now.

Row C:
Big Nipples
Not talking areolas, but the actual nipple itself. And for the record, I do NOT dig that extreme form of nipple enlargement using vacuum pumps and or "snake bite kits." I, personally find that a little creepy and disturbing. Esp. sexy: erect nipples hidden by fabric and/or nipple(s) peeking around the side of a tank top. ROWR!

Muscular calves, to be exact. I remember when I worked at a video store years ago, there was a customer who would come in who was an avid bicyclist. He was thin and pretty nondescript, BUT he had the hottest veins running through his calves I've ever seen. SO sexy. I wanted to bite em'!

Row D:
*Okay, this is where I get into the things about men's faces that I like and/or find attractive. It's kinda convoluted and sometimes contradicting, so I'll try to keep it simple.
I've always preferred brunettes to blondes. On occasion there will be a blonde who has features that I like, but as a rule, I dig brunettes.
Short Hair
I just think it's sexy. Was never a Fabio fan, though he has nice pecs.
"Bedroom Eyes"
I think that's how most people refer to them. I always think of them in relation to that Bugs Bunny cartoon where he slaps the Tasmanian Devil on the back and says "Tag! You're it Baggy Eyes!" Baggy eyes. Lol. It's funny, but that's really pretty descriptive. I like that tired look; dark circles under the eyes.
As strange as it may sound, I have a nose fetish. I like large noses (Within reason. I'm not talkin' Jimmy Durante or ALF here). When I've mentioned that in the past, people have defined "big noses" as a Roman nose. I like that Italian-looking nose, too. I find Johnny Knoxville's nose very sexy. I think it has something to do with the nostrils.
Facial Hair
It's weird that I've come to find this attractive in men, since when I was younger I hated facial hair on a man. However, over the years, the tide has turned and I now find a mustache, goatee, stubble and occasionally, a beard, very attractive. I guess it could be chalked up to "masculinity."
As far back as I can remember, I have ALWAYS had an affinity for men who wear glasses. I just find it very, very sexy. I also think on some level I equate glasses with intelligence.
Curly Hair
One of the reasons I find Vince Vaughn so attractive is his eyes, his nose, his mouth and his naturally curly hair. I know, it sounds like that girl Frieda from the Peanuts gang, but I find curly/wavy hair on a man, attractive. No perms, please.
Czech/Russian Guys
I don't know what it is about Czech and Russian guys, but I find them SO hot. They just have a look that most American men don't. Plus, I also love the accent, though I am not a big fan of the typical accents that most women find attractive. You can have your Australian, English and French. I'll take Czech, Russian and Brooklyn any ol' day. I like New York/Brooklyn accents, as well.
Beefy Guys
Though I have a definite bodybuilder fetish, I can forego the whole vascularity, definition thing for a beefy guy. You know, that powerlifter, off-season bodybuilder-look. This guy in particular (the last image) has it ALL: brunette, curly hair, big nose, pecs, a grimace. Perfection.

Row E:
Big Nose (yes, again)
This is another example of a nose that I like. It's actually a hybrid of looks that I like. I call it the "Duh Look." Though this next statement completely contradicts the whole "eyeglasses=intelligence"-look that I mentioned earlier. I also like the stereotypical big and dumb-look. Though I like the LOOK, I don't think I could be happy with someone who wasn't remotely in the same intellectual ballpark as myself. But then, never say never. Vanity's a pretty powerful thing.
Nice Hands
Okay, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Big nose....hands. I know where this is going." Well, I hate to break this to you, but trust me when I say I do not equate these things in relation to penis size. That's never been of remote interest to me. I don't get hung up on penis size, age (within legal limitations) and/or financial status. None of those things have ever really piqued my interest. I do, however, like a man with nice hands. And by "nice hands" I don't mean manicure-licious. It's more about the fingers, top hand veins, etc. I find a man's hands very sexy.
Shaved Head
I think a guy with a shaved head is sexy. Not completely smooth, a la Kojak, but with a little stubble and/or shadow of a hairline. This picture is also twofold. I like it when muscular guys grimace and/or make faces. Don't ask me why. I don't get it either.
No, not the underwear or the breed of dog. Think boxing gloves, punching, sweat, black eyes. I find it all really sexy. Out of all my fetishes, I actually think I know where this one stems from. I always wanted to learn to box, growing up, but never had the opportunity to learn. I think that's a big part of it. And again, it's very stereotypically masculine.
Otherwise known as The Marlboro Man Syndrome. What can I say? I find them very sexy on the right person.
Blue/Green Eyes
I especially love the combination of a brunette with light eyes. I think that's why I find Czech guys so hot. They always seem to have blue or green eyes. Beautiful.

Well, I guess that about covers it. After typing this up, I've come to a few realizations: [1] I really prefer masculine guys (I already knew that). And [2] I think a lot of the features I find attractive on other men are things that I envy: Being comfortable enough with one's body image to wear a tank top. Being muscular, etc.

Now don't get the wrong idea, these fetishes are just that. Fetishes. Fantasy qualities, if you will. I definitely do not anticipate nor expect anyone I would date to have these qualities. I am a realist, after all. I mean I KNOW the league I'm in, so I wouldn't ever dream of getting someone in the league my fetishes fall under. In reality, my priorities for compatibility go: Sense of humor, intelligence, common interests. And with these kind of prerequisites, what are the chances that someone attractive or muscular is going to have these qualities? I mean, let's be realistic. Bods and Minds don't mix. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I've found it to be quite true. And for those thinking to themselves "Shyeah, right. Like he doesn't care what they look like as long as they have a 'great personality.' That's some Ricki Lake bullshit!" Not true. That's not what I'm saying. Of course, physical appearance plays some role, but for me, it's not THE defining characteristic. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all relative.

Share 'em if you got 'em. Let your freak flag fly!

*You may have noticed I use the word/sound "ROWR!" when referring to someone I think is sexy. For those who have wondered what it means or what I'm referencing, I've included a visual aid that accompanies the last paragraph, for future reference.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

A Dead Fetus Trumps Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Well, it looks like Scott Peterson was found guilty last week (big surprise, like he ever had a chance). Trust me, when a made-for-TV movie comes out one month after your trial date has been set, you can pretty much forget about receiving a fair and unbiased trail. Do you really think people are gonna even consider the defendant NOT guilty after seeing a made-for-TV movie of the events leading up to the murder? Pphhllt. Hardly. TV is our society's barometer for everything these days. It's so much easier than reading a newspaper or waiting for that boring thing called "proof."

I remember when this "hard-hitting" murder case first hit the airwaves, back in April of last year. My first thought was "Dang! He's dreamy." Then my second thought was "A married woman was murdered. DERR! It was the husband. It's always the husband." But that was just my head talking (in both cases). I didn't let my emotions make my decision of guilty or not guilty. I reserved that for when I saw some actual evidence, in order to make an informed decision. Then I found out... she was pregnant. That changed the entire dynamic. I knew right away, what with America's worshipping at the altar of all things baby, that this would be one case that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. Naturally, I immediately saw the usual parade of sorrowful strangers ready for their close-ups, bearing tiny stuffed teddy bears and balloon bouquets. Yep, there was definitely a "child" involved, or in this case a fetus. "Unborn child" was on everyone's lips and they wanted to see someone pay. Anyone, really, just as long as someone paid for this fetus' heinous murder. Don't forget, there was a fetus involved. A baby. An angel from Heaven. Don't forget the baby. To seal the deal, this baby had a name: "Connor" (insert cacophany of "awwwwww"s here). Forget jury selection. Get a rope! We don't need no stinkin' justice!

I find it fascinating how whenever someone is killed or dies prematurely (esp. women and children), how they are automatically nominated for sainthood no matter the situation. Regardless of facts. Wow. This world must be filled with some extraordinary dead people. Maybe that's why the news is always so upbeat and positive. If only all the people with a pulse could be so saintly. Am I applauding violence or premature deaths? Of course not. It's always a sad and terrible thing when people die violently and/or prematurely.

All I can say is thank goodness we paid as much attention to Kristine Johnson's, not to mention Chandra Levy's homicides. I think we can all rest easier knowing those homicides were solved. Oh yeah, they WEREN'T. Though they both happened around the same time that Lacy Peterson's body was found. Sorry gals, you're pretty, but you're no competition for a dead suburban mommy.

So, as it turns out, the jury convicted Peterson of first-degree murder of his wife, Laci, and the second-degree murder of the fetus she was carrying. The jury also agreed on a “special circumstance” that calls for capital punishment — namely that he killed another person — the fetus — while committing a felony — the intentional and premeditated killing of his wife. Personally, I find the whole death-of-a-fetus angle more than a little disturbing. Right now, all those who wanted to see "dead baby justice," it all seems hunky dory. However, I'm afraid it's just going to set up a precedent for future arguments from the Christian Right that "abortion is murder," and in the process set the groundwork for reversing Roe vs. Wade. So, before you break out the warm hugs and cheers of joy, keep in mind history has a way of coming back and biting you on the ass. We'll just have to wait and see what the future holds.

*Peterson's penalty phase is scheduled to begin Monday, November 22nd.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Upcoming Movies I Want to See: Vol. 2

Here are the trailers I saw before the beginning of Saw, plus some info on some other movies coming soon.

[1] Hide and Seek: As a widower tries to piece together his life in the wake of his wife's suicide, his daughter finds solace -- at first -- in her imaginary friend. Stars Robert DiNero, Dakota Fanning and Elisabeth Shue. Release date: January 28, 2005.

Comments: Looks like a good ghost story! Why do movie companies release trailers so damn far ahead? It's like the whole Christmas in October phenom all over again.

[2] Boogeyman: A great-looking horror/thriller produced by Sam Raimi (Evil Dead) and starring Barry "Seventh Heaven (ech)" Watson. The film is about a young man traumatized by the memories of the boogeyman he experienced during his childhood and must return home years later to face his fears.

Comments: On the plus side, the movie LOOKS great. On the down side, it's rated PG-13. I'm usually pretty skeptical of "scary" PG-13-rated movies, BUT was pleasantly surprised with What Lies Beneath and Darkness Falls (which, I don't care what anyone says, I think was a good ghost story/urban legend). And speaking of Darkness Falls, this movie has the same feel, so I think I will probably like it, too. Then again, it also has the feel of that turdtacular Wes Craven movie They, so it could go either way, I suppose.

The movie is slated to be released February 4, 2005.

[3] The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, starring Bill Murray (always love him), Owen Wilson, Anjelica Huston and Cate Blanchett. Directed by Wes Anderson (The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore), the movie premise is: With a plan to exact revenge on a mythical shark that killed his partner, oceanographer Steve Zissou (Murray) rallies a crew that includes his estranged wife (Huston), a journalist (Blanchett), and a man who may or may not be his son (Wilson).

Comments: I think this movie looks GREAT. I totally can't wait to see it. Though I was not a big fan of The Royal Tenenbaums (but loved the characters and the visuals), I did love Rushmore. Coming this Christmas.

[4]High Tension (French title: Haute Tension/Switchblade Romance): The film follows a couple of young female friends who decide to visit a family home only to have the family murdered in the middle of the night by an intruder. As the killer leaves the home with one of the girls as a hostage, the other girl follows the man back home.

Comments: This French horror film looks really good and very, very scary. It's been out overseas for some time, but is slated to debut on screens here on June 5, 2005. Creeepy trailer. Not for the squeamish.

While I was at the theater I saw a poster (shown) for the upcoming Tim Burton remake, "re-imagining" whatever they're calling it, of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It stars Johnny Depp (sorry folks, I've O.D.'ed on him and his "I'm so edgy and European."/"As stinky as I wanna be."-look), Helena Bonham Carter and Christopher Lee.

Wonka wannabes included: Steve Martin (too Botoxy), Robin Williams (too hyper), Christopher Walken (would have LOVED to see that... if you saw him play Oscar Wilde in Illuminata, then you know he could totally tackle Wonka), Nicolas Cage (too action film-y) and Michael Keaton (too Beetlejuic-y).

I love the look of Tim Burton's movies, so I'm sure I'll eventually see this one, though I must admit I feel a bit blasphemous since I love the original so much. The emo generation can have Johnny Depp's Wonka. Gene Wilder will forever be my Wonka.

Also, there is yet ANOTHER film about Hannibal Lecter in the works called Behind The Mask. This one's a prequel, highlighting his teen years. SIGH. Talk about beating a dead horse.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Seen Saw

Last Wednesday afternoon I went to go see a movie called Saw. For those not familiar with the premise, here's a quick synopsis: "Adam (Leigh Whannell) and Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes) wake up chained to pipes at opposite ends of a dirty utility room. They soon learn that they have become the victims of the Jigsaw, a serial killer who devises intricate situations to get his victims to kill each other. Pitted against the clock and each other, the two must work to outwit their captor and save Gordon's family, who have been taken hostage by the killer." I must also mention that it was nice to see Shawnee Smith in something new. I'll forever remember her as one of the girls from the 1988 made-for-TV-movie I Saw What You Did... and I Know Who You Are!

I've read multiple reviews, both in local newspapers and online that gave this movie rave reviews, for being very scary and genuinely frightening. The majority of people I've overheard talking about it have compared it to Se7en. If you ask me, I see it (the rampant comparison to Se7en) as just more herding mentality for those who lack an original opinion. With that said, I didn't find the movie all that it was hyped up to be. I'm not saying it didn't have its' moments, but I am saying it didn't cover any new territory as far as I'm concerned. The critics who've deemed the movie "edge-of-your-seat" obviously weren't sitting with me.

Let me preface this next paragraph by saying I am not one of those kind of guys who like to come off as Mr. Badass, who's incapable of being scared. If I find something scary, I'll tell ya. But on that same note, if I don't find something scary, I'll also tell you. With that said... Going into the film, I was apprehensive, expecting lots of gore with a title like "Saw," but there was very little. I'm no gore hound who likes gore for gore's sake (thus my being underwhelmed by Italian and Japanese horror), but I can handle it if the film calls for it.

I liked the look of the film and thought that some of the imagery was creepy, but having seen as many horror movies and thrillers as I have, I also recognized plenty of homages to movies like Black Christmas, Nightwatch, Silence of The Lambs and Deep Red. I saw people in the audience getting squirmish (why I don't know) towards the end when there was a struggle between two characters and a loaded gun. Personally, I felt no tension or genuine suspense anywhere throughout the film. What I imagined was going to happen was more frightening than what ended up taking place.

Another point of the film that many critics have pointed out is how you'll never guess who the killer is, "so don't even try." I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I did. Having read all the reviews, I knew going in that there would be red herrings (as in all psychological thrillers) and having seen enough thrillers, also knew that the most obvious choices are never what they seem. My rule of thumb is: No character is incidental, no matter how insignificant they may seem. And let's just leave it at that.

Overall, the film had a nice look to it, inventive murders, other assorted creepy elements and a promising concept. However, it was also lacking in suspense, ran longer than it needed to and had a lackluster ending that only solidified my lack of chills. Oh yeah, one more for the plus category: Cary Elwes is still pretty. I'd still give him kisses.

Tomorrow: Movie trailers I saw! (Sorry, but I had to get at least one pun in there somewhere)

Sunday, November 14, 2004

According To The "What Book Are You" Quiz, I am...

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
One of the best known people in your community, you have become something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing vendettas.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

*Thanks go out to Chana for this one!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Days Go By

I take so many pictures that I sometimes don't get around to showing them to you until I have enough to make a decent collage. So, that is why some of these pictures are not that current, but I still wanted you to see them anyway. Enjoy! (Images/descriptions go from left to right) *Please be patient, it may take some time to load, depending on your connection speed.

• This is my neighborhood hardware store. I love its' inviting feeling. They paint the windows for every holiday and season, so there's always something new to look at.
• Last Friday night I dropped by the bank around 5:30 and made a quick deposit and cashed in some change (I'm poor). Excited about going to get pizza afterwards, I locked my goddamn keys in the car! I haven't done that for years. I was so pissed at myself. And naturally, I left my cell phone in the car. It wouldn't have helped anyway, since I know absolutely no one to call and help. Since the bank I go to is so small and I am at the drive-thru practically all the time, all the employees know me. One of them asked one of their customers who owns a nearby garage, if he could help me out. His name was Mitch. He said 'sure' and went up the street to get some tools, came back and popped the lock in a matter of minutes. He didn't even charge me anything, though I offered to pay. How cool is THAT?! Nice people DO still exist. Those are his tail lights you're looking at.
• This is one of the Spongebob tattoos I got inside my recent purchase of a 6 pack of Air Heads candy. Mmmmm Sour Pineapple! Get some quick! They're limited edition.
• Some fluffy clouds.
• Mmmm! Boone's Farm "wine" sure comes in some purty colors! Alcoholism never tasted so good! Taste the rainbow!
• Some cute guy (who looked vaguely familiar... I think I had some classes with him or something). Eyecandy. Saw him while I was at the "Texas Workforce" (the new name). It used to be called The Texas Employment Commission, which I think sounded better. Now when I hear the name, images of winos and the homeless fill my mind. Words are weird.
Cup-A-Soup! I had no idea Lipton still made this stuff (where have I been?)! I was so excited. If only they made a mac n' cheese one, like Mug-O-Lunch used to. I had to buy two boxes (Tomato and Cream of Chicken).
• I took this picture the week of HALLOWEEN. One more reason to hate the rushing of the holidays.
• Took this the week of Halloween, too. Love the colors. Love the Trix Rabbit. Silly Rabbit! Yogurt is for health-conscious single women. That's all I ever see eating it on TV. What's that about?
• Candy-colored ride inside Walmart Marketplace. One of the ONLY Walmarts that I can stomach. It's actually quite nice. Plus, I have a crush on one of the night stocker guys (wasn't that a TV show with Darren McGavin?). He's friggin' hot. I'll try to get a picture sometime.
• The half sausage/half pepperoni pizza I ordered last Friday night (remember, the night I locked my keys in the car). The pizza place (Nizza Pizza) nearby makes THE best New York-style pizza! When you go inside, they have cases of freshly made calzone and stromboli. They also hand toss their pizza, "old school"-style. So damn good! A large pizza is a mere $11. And when I say large, I mean LARGE. let's put it this way, the box it comes in is 18" square! It's HUGE (I had lunch for 3 days). Forget about fitting it in the refrigerator. I also love that you can see the spices and little freshly-shredded chunks of parmesan on top. Oven-crisp crust. Did I mention it was delicious?
• Last night I went to a new Indian restaurant called Karam's (hope you're paying attention, Chana!). They offer a buffet of over 35 different items, but I opted for the chicken kabobs instead, with a side of rice (not a homus fan). SO delicious. This is my feta cheese, lettuce, onion and black olive salad from the salad bar. D-lish!
• My 6 pack of Air Heads. Yum!
• I dropped in on the public library yesterday afternoon, and rented a video (Silver Streak) and some CDs (Trainspotting soundtrack and Charlie Parker). I love this branch of the library. It's just down the street and is always so nice and serene. Sometimes I just go there to read or write. It's nice. And, as I've mentioned in a previous blog (I think), they also have a "Coupon Exchange." It's a little cloth-covered box with index card date dividers, that's FILLED with coupons. I clip some and bring them with me whenever I raid the box for coupons before I hit the grocery store. I swear, they have everything! Where else can you rent classic movies, DVDs and CDs for free?
• A picture I took while waiting at the bank drive-thru one day last week. I like its' symmetry.
• Mmmmm! Can you smell the kabobs? This is my chicken kabob platter from Keram's. Excellent.
• A mesquite tree frond at my house, wet with beads of rain water.
• The fronts of some Jones Soda found at the local Super Target (see Derik? I told you they sell them. He didn't believe me.) Sorry, no holiday flavors. Dang. But there was a hot guy with his Britney wannabe girlfriend. I managed a few blurry pictures (naturally). I'm waiting 'til I have enough before I post all my bad "cute guys" pics. Trust me, they're not that great (the pictures, not the guys).

Living Single Marathon on Oxygen Today

I don't care what anybody says, I loved Living Single. It was one of my favorite TV shows in the mid to late 90's. And yes, like every other critic of the show, I'll point out that Living Single pre-dated the white version, called Friends.

My favorite character on the show was Overton, portrayed by John Henton, whom I was totally crushin' on. He's just H-O-T. I read that he'd been in a disfiguring car accident (in real life) and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I hope he's doing okay.

My other favorite character was Max, portrayed by Erika Alexander. She's hilarious. I dunno what it is about the lawyer characters in TV shows, but she's the third "lawyer" I've had a crush on (Miranda/Cynthia Nixon from Sex and the City and Bobby/Dylan McDermott from The Practice).

Anyhoo, the reason for this post is to point out that the Oxygen channel will be airing a Living Single marathon Saturday, November 13th from 1PM-4:30PM (CST). Since the show has yet to be released to DVD, be sure you set your VCRs to record.

BTW, new links in the following categories: Art (1), Blog Resources (2), Food (2), Fun Stuff (2) and Resources (2).

Friday, November 12, 2004

Thirst for the Holidays?

Forget Pepsi Holiday Spice! How about some delicious Mashed Potato and Butter soda? Don't forget to save room for some Green Bean Casserole soda! Mmm mmmm! That's right, Jones Soda has managed to top last year's big seller: Turkey and Gravy soda, by coming up with 4 NEW holiday flavors just in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Prepare your tastebuds for:

• Mashed Potato Soda
• Fruitcake Soda
• Cranberry Soda
• Green Bean Casserole Soda

And of course last year's favorite is back for an encore:

• Turkey & Gravy Soda

For more information on the new holiday flavors or to check out the tons of other flavors available, go to Jones Soda.com I, for one, have always loved Jones' labels, which are quite collectible. Be sure you check out their gallery of labels and while you're there check out Stuff For Your Site! For those who aren't as adventurous in their soda flavors, may I suggest 5 of my favorites? (they sell them here at Target and Tom Thumb) You can also suggest your own flavors. I suggested pomegranate punch! I love pomegranates!

• Green Apple Soda
• Strawberry Lime Soda
• Peachy Keen Soda
• MP Grape Soda
• Cream Soda

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