Friday, September 30, 2005

Just Can Get Enough

Okay, I'll admit I was deeply disturbed when I heard a dance song I actually used to dance to, back in 1990, being used in a fuckin' Huggies diaper commercial (I have remixes for God's sake!). Now, thanks to the assholes over in the ad department over at Huggies, I now can't hear the song without envisioning a sassy 2 year old emerging from the bathroom, jubilantly throwing his hands into the air, having just pinched one off, while exclaiming "Me made dookies, Mommy!," while "Mommy" frantically claps like a retard. *sigh*

I was horrified when I heard Modern English's "I Melt With You," from one of my favorite 80's movies, Valley Girl, being used on a Ritz cracker commercial last Christmas. I was deeply offended when I heard a (bad) cover of a Depeche Mode song ("Just Can't Get Enough") on a cell phone commercial a few weeks ago (After some research, I'm glad to say I missed it the first time around, when apparently it was used in, of all things, a GAP commercial back in 1999...or perhaps I blacked it out). And now, I'm officially depressed; I just heard a New Order song ("Bizarre Love Triangle") being used for Payless Shoes. Is nothing sacred?!! What's next? Crystal Method's 'Bound Too Long' for a Feen-a-mint commercial? Aaaiiigggh! Why stop there? Let's pull out all the stops:

Culture Club's 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?' for Doan's
Huey Lewis & The News' 'I Want a New Drug' for Nexium
Human League's '(Keep Feeling) Fascination' for KY Warming Liquid
Pat Benatar's 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' for Depends
Stray Cats' '(She's) Sexy + 17' for Valtrex
Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' for ept Pregnancy Test

Whatever happened to "the jingle?" If there are any ad execs out there, I'd really like to see the jingle make a comeback. Get off your lazy asses and actually do some work, you bastards. You've turned into the movie industry, who now, instead of relying on original ideas/ingenuity, churn out remakes of movies that don't need to be remade, big-screen versions of television shows and CGI-laden cineturds. Come back to the five and dime, Plop Plop Fizz Fizz.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

My 80's Hearththrob is...

Your 80's Heartthrob Is

Jason Bateman

BUT if I got to choose, it'd go a little more like this:

Your 80's Heartthrob Is

Michael Schoeffling

*Thanks to Cheeky for the heads up on this quiz...sorry you got stuck with stinky ol' Kirk can borrow Michael's code if you wanna ;)

Blast from the Past

OMG. Talk about a blast from the past. While going through some old binders and stuff, I ran across both my kindergarten AND 2nd grade class photos!

[ Click first image for detail ]

Some bullet points about my kindergarten photo:

• I'm wearing my favorite shirt. It was a turtleneck with graphics of pockets all over the front of it and crawling out of each pocket was a different colored frog. I thought it was so BOSS! And if you'll notice, I'm the only moron wearing fall clothes. It was really too hot to wear long-sleeved stuff, but I really wanted to wear my favorite turtleneck. So stubborn. So fashionably-challenged.

• I practically was ORGASMIC over those inflatable letters at the top of the picture. They were called "Letter People" and each week we would "meet" a new letter and listen to it's corresponding record. The one I remember most was the letter 'S' (Mr. SuperSocks)...and part of the song: "Mr. SuperSocks Streak in the Skyyy..." God, I thought they were the shiznit!!!

• Once, while sitting in a circle, doing flashcards with Ms. Hutton (the one wearing glasses on the left), she held up a picture of an acorn (NUT) and asked us "What is this?" and I blurted out "A nut like you!" and she made me sit out in the hall. We were never really close.

• It took me forever to learn to tie my shoes. Jesus, I never thought I was gonna be able to take the construction paper shoe with my name on it home! I got the paper telephone (learned my phone number) and the paper house (learned my address), but the shoe proved to be very elusive.

[ Click first image for detail ]

Some bullet points about my 2nd grade photo:

• I'm wearing my super-groovy, especially-made-for-me denim shirt from my previous post (re: Mementos). Oh! And my super-awesome Sesame Street belt with various characters all around it. SWEET!

• Judging from both photos, apparently there was a 1 black kid, 2 mexican ("latino"..."hispanic"...whatever) kids and one red-haired kid class quota in effect at the time.

• I was already being labeled a 'fag' as early as second grade. Delightful.

Mementos (Like Mentos, Just Not as Fresh)

I mentioned a while back that I went home to get my car inspection sticker changed. While I was there, my mom gave me a box of assorted things she'd run across while cleaning house. After sifting through them all, this is what I decided to keep. It was kind of a kick seeing some of it again.

*The Peanuts plate on the left is from my 7th birthday party! Fun!

[1] My 5th grade P.E. report card. It probably looks like a relic compared to today's report cards. Kids today probably get hologram or interactive CD-ROM report cards.

[2] The graphics from the front of a plastic souvenir bag from, the now defunct, Seven Seas (think Sea World) in Arlington, Texas.

[3] My 5th grade spiral assignment book. Notice the fagadelic cursive writing on "Top Secret!"'s best described as a cross between preteen girl and serial killer. Yeah, homework is so "top secret." *rolls eyes*

[4/5] A denim shirt my mom embroidered for me when I was in 2nd grade.

[6] How 80's is this? Wow. A notepad circa the late 80's.

[7] One of my favorite storybooks. I always loved the cover and the illustrations. Price: 15¢. Ah, the good ol' days.

[8] The Time Bomb from the game of the same name. It was kinda like playing Hot Potato. You would twist the red stem all the way around and it would start ticking. Then you would toss it around in a circle of friends and the one who was left holding it when it went off, was "out." Stressfuuuul!!

[9] A leftover Pac-Man napkin from one of my 80's birthday parties. I was obsessed with Pac-Man back then! I still love it.

[10] One of my kickass folders from my junior high years. I still think it's very cool.

[11] One of my favorite coloring books. Beautiful illustrations. I miss the days of good, detailed coloring books.

[12] Another of my favorite puzzle books. I always loved the cover with the pink kangaroo. One of these days I'll have to show you all my coloring book collection. Yes, I still love to color.

[13] This is an AWESOME old toy. The body of the train is made from metal, while the engineer is made from plastic. In its' heyday it used to run on 2 'D' batteries, made "wooo woo" sounds and the engineer would bob his head out the side!! How cool is that?!! And that's not all! There is a little area in the cockpit where the engineer is, that looks like a red-hot furnace, that lit up and "glowed"....AND you could buy little smoke pellets to put in the red recepticle at the front of the train, and it would smoke! Just too cool.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The Ultimate Flotation Device

Since today's my birthday, I decided to celebrate with some Johnnycakes. It just doesn't get any better than this, I tell ya. Sigh...dreamy. He so needs my kisses.

Happy Birthday to Me

I got the sweetest e-mail from my friend Mariana yesterday. And I quote:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too!

She says the sweetest things...okaaay, I lied about the monkey part, but still...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

You Had Me at "Peep"

*Oy vey* Why do I continue to think the chat rooms will be different 'this time?' No one ever talks to me...I dunno why.

Would You Believe...

Actor Don Adams Dies at 82

(IMDB)- Don Adams, the comedic actor who won three consecutive Emmys for his role as Agent Maxwell Smart in the hit comedy series Get Smart, died yesterday in Los Angeles; he was 82. The actor died of a lung infection at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and had apparently been in ill health for the past year, after suffering a broken hip.

Adams began his Hollywood career after World War II, working as a stand-up comedian and writing and performing for television. Changing his last name from Yarmy to Adams, reportedly because he wanted to be called first and not last at auditions, the actor provided the voice of animated character Tennesee Tuxedo, and his numerous appearances on talk shows provided him with the opportunity to star in Get Smart. A spy spoof created after the surging popularity of the James Bond films, the show wasn't something that interested Adams initially, until he found out that Mel Brooks and Buck Henry had written the pilot. As the snappy but not-quite-intrepid secret agent Maxwell Smart, he was paired with the much smarter and much sexier Agent 99 (Barbara Feldon), and his standard line "Would you believe?!" became a national catchphrase; fans will also remember Smart's infamous "shoe phone" and the agency names CONTROL (the good guys) and KAOS (the bad guys). Adams became an instant star, and the show ran from 1965-1970, winning the Outstanding Comedy Series Emmy award in 1968 and 1969. Adams himself won three Emmys and received a fourth nomination. After the series ended, Adams continued to make numerous television appearances, and even starred in a Maxwell Smart movie, The Nude Bomb (1980), after the show became a hit in syndication. In the 80s, Adams also provided the lead voice for the popular animated series Inspector Gadget, which spawned another well-known phrase, "Go, go, Gadget!" After a failed attempt to revise the Get Smart show in 1995, Adams worked mainly offscreen, providing Inspector Gadget's voice and others for various animated shows.

Though he was probably best-known for Get Smart!, which I loved, Don will forever live in my heart as the voice of one of my favorite cartoons: Tennessee Tuxedo, the talking penguin. I just loved him and his sidekick, the dimwitted walrus, Chumley! I've alwasy contended that if I ever got another cat, I would name it Chumley.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody

I've been watching the Sundance Channel more than usual lately. It all started when I tuned in to finally watch Tarnation, a movie I blogged about in a previous post, that I really wanted to see. It kind of snowballed from there. Lots of good stuff goin' on, check out their schedule. You're sure to find something that interests you.

TransGeneration: This 8-part documentary series premiered last week and comes on Tuesdays @ 9PM. The show goes inside the daily lives of four transgender college students at campuses across the United States. Directed by Jeremy Simmons of the award-winning production company World of Wonder, TransGeneration follows its subjects over the course of a school year, capturing both their triumphs and struggles as they juggle the challenges of academia with their commitment to transitioning from their birth sex.
Comments: Though I've only watched one episode so far, I find the show really interesting. I can't say I necessarily agree with some of the more "radical" (politically) ones, but for the most part, it's an interesting look into at subject matter that doesn't stumble into the spotlight very often.

The Al Franken Show: Al unapologetically takes on right-wing politicos while simultaneously confounding expectations of what political commentary is supposed to be. Recorded live in the Air America studios. Weeknights @ 11:30.
Comments: I like Al Franken because he's savvy and keeps me informed on things I might not be made aware of otherwise, on the the other news channels. However, even though I like him, I don't necessarily think the show is as funny as he and his co-host seem to think it is. I could do without the lame attempts at humor and would be totally content with the more soft-spoken humor that always seems to permeate the show. MUCH funnier. Stop with the skits and attempt at song parodies already. OMG, they are AWFUL.

Tanner on Tanner: Sixteen years after their revolutionary TV miniseries "Tanner '88" cast a scathing eye on American politics, director Robert Altman and writer Garry Trudeau present a four-part follow-up, shot during the 2004 presidential race. Episodes begin September 28 @ 11PM.
Comments: I just loooove Cynthia Nixon (she plays Tanner's daughter). Back in 1988 I was nowhere near interested in the world of politics, so I did not get to enjoy Tanner '88 the first go round. However, I did see it years later and found it very funny and original, so needless to say I am anxious to see it's follow-up, Tanner on Tanner.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Time to Toe the Line...

I've been tagged by Nathan! He'll now proceed to track and record my eating and mating rituals...okay, not really, but he did tag me with this meme:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find you 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

Mine is: Haven't you heard? It's hip to be square, man.

I choose:

1. OCB
2. Fred
3. Stacy
4. Cheeky
5. Samantha

Katrina and the Knaves

WARNING: If you're easily offended or have chosen to fashion your world to resemble Candyland, where there's no room for reality, then read no further. Otherwise...

Are you ready for some bullshit? I hope you remembered to take your blood pressure medication. Here goes... I can't say I didn't see this coming.

According to FOX 4 News, Houston, Texas police have been notified that some Hurricane Katrina evacuees have been using their FEMA-issued debit cards to buy lap dances and beer at strips clubs (namely Baby Dolls and Caligula 21).

The cards, meant to be used for food an necessities, have some evacuees abusing them by using their FEMA cards to purchase designer jeans, handbags and electronics.

And don't give me the "Some of these people have known poverty all their life and maybe this was the first opportunity they ever had, or may ever have to afford something like insert name of item here." To that I say "Horsecakes! Big steamy ones." These are the exact same people that are going to be complaining later that they have no money...or food for their place to live, or they're not being helped. So what, is taxpayer's money supposed to continue to support these kind of people? Where does it end? When is it "enough?" And yeah, I know: "One bad apple...blah blah blah ," but you know what? I'm not really surprised by this at all. I saw this coming a mile away. This is precisely the reason I thought these cards were an ill-conceived idea to begin with. What? Ill-conceived ideas during this administration? *gasp!*...SIGH

Blood pressure inducer #2: A local woman (Fort Worth, Texas) was robbed by the family of evacuees she allowed to live in her home.

The woman opened up her home, with the understanding that it would only be for a few weeks. While the woman stayed with friends, the 9 member family "allegedly" wiped her out, stealing her TV, dressers, washer & dryer, etc. Then they "allegedly" came BACK after she'd changed the locks and helped themselves to some more. You should have seen the place. What was once a cute little house, I'm sure, had garbage strewn all over the place and was a wreck. Grrrrr!

The news reporter for FOX 4 News contacted the family who are now staying in a motel, and naturally, they denied everything. The guy she talked showed the reporter what they we're supposed to expect to fuckin' SEE the shit that was stolen, in their motel room. Puhlease. That shit was pawned ASAP. I so don't buy that they didn't steal the shit. Sorry folks, but these people look like some rough trade to me. Besides, everything the guy was saying was basically regurgitating whatever the accusations were, back onto the woman who allowed them into her home to begin with.

The reporter said that the woman may press charges and naturally, the guy's response is something like "Well, we may press charges too." Uh huh. Right, sticky fingers. Whatever.

News story #3: Some low-life real estate/"land-developer" pricks are preying on the residents of New Orleans by offering to buy their property for pennies on the dollar. These pricks are taking advantage of the fact that the majority of the families that lost their homes are poor and/or middle class and are in need of quick cash, may not have had flood insurance or may simply not know how much their property is worth.

If the old adage "What goes around comes around" is true, then I hope these motherfuckers get theirs. Scumbags.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Revenge of the Rheeee!

Well, I managed to do it again. I just embarrassed the shit out of myself at the grocery store. I had a craving for a BLT, but alas, I had no B no L and I don't like the T anyway, so I decided to make a quick run to the store.

There's a new grocery store down the street and they have really cheap groceries, so naturally that's where I went. BTW, speaking of cheap, what the hell is "Economy Grade" bacon? Naturally, it was a couple of bucks cheaper than the other bacon, and I'll admit I was tempted, but the words Economy Grade conjured up images of orphanages and scenes from prison movies, and that time I saw that wedge of cheese at Albertson's that had the mysterious words "Cheese Food Product" written on the packaging. I opted for the other bacon, besides, it had real maple flavor cooked right in! Mmmmm! Maple-y! Anyhoo, I was just curious if anyone out there knows what Economy Grade actually means. I mean, it's not like bacon is good for you to begin with, but I just envision it containing sawdust and porcine byproducts.

Anyway, back to how I garroted myself in the parking lot. So, I gathered up my bags from the shopping cart, and as I was walking through the parking lot, my mind started to wander (as it often does), and *TWANG!* I get the shit choked outta me and drop my groceries. As it turns out, I did a throat limbo on some goddamn piece of rope (the blue and yellow thing in the accompanying photo), roping off one of the medians in the parking lot. Brilliant! Naturally, there were like 5 or 6 people just getting out of their cars and heading towards the store, so my humiliation had a captive audience. Rheeee!

*Epilogue: I just looked up "Economy Grade" on the Internet: The lower grade in both material and workmanship and intended for work where price outweighs quality considerations. Hmmmm. I kinda thought that might be what it meant. Interesting.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

My Pizza Personality is...

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.
You focus on living a quality life.
You're not easily impressed with novelty.
Yet, you easily impress others.

Friday, September 23, 2005

The Trials and Tribulations of Ordering a Sandwich Vol.2

I'm running low on patience today, so I'll try to keep this post short 'n sweet: These guys are assholes. Okay, okaaay, I'll elaborate, but just enough so that you'll come away saying "Wow, those guys really are assholes."

The problem: Guy #1, I call Mr. Big Stuff. The "stuff" comprised mostly of bullshit. The scary thing...he probably believes his own hype. My remedy: Repeatedly punch the motherfucker in the face with a meat cleaver...lovingly, of course.

Keep in mind that there are 8 other people behind this fucktard and he can barely tear himself away from his conversation with his lackey, to actually ORDER his fuckin' sandwich:

Mr. Big Stuff: (making smartass comments to his friend about how long this is taking, then takes waaay too goddamn long to decide what is is he actually wants on his sub)

Subway employee #1: Would you like sweet onion sauce on that?

Mr. Big Stuff: Looks at employee #1 and says 'Yes,' while simultaneously looking over as employee #2.

Subway employee #2: (trying to get him rung up, so as to get the line moving again) Do you want chips & a drink with that?

Mr. Big Stuff: (looking back at his sub being prepared and goes ballistic upon seeing that she is putting sweet onion sauce on his sub.) Wait! I didn't want THAT!

Subway employee #1: ...but you said 'yes' when I asked you just now...

Mr. Big Stuff: Nooo. No I didn't. I was talking to him (employee #2), you were both talking to me at the same time! Now what?!!

Subway employee #1: (remaining calm) I'll just take it off. {takes it off before he can even ask}

Mr. Big Stuff: How are you going to do that?! (Let's out an exasperated huff of air, then continues muttering about how he didn't want it on his sub, turning to his lackey, reiterating his point about how they were BOTH talking to him at the same time and had he known...etc.)

Subway employee #1: Like that.

So, the cocksucker finally got his sub, paid and got the fuck outta dodge. He goes to sit at a table near the exit, and I eventually get a table facing him about 4 tables away. He's talking so loud and boisterously that I can't help but eavesdrop:

Mr. Big Stuff: she's coming in for an interview tomorrow. I mean, it's not like she has a husband or children or anything. She's not like us (him and his lackey...both wearing wedding bands) She had a boyfriend but we waited for that to die down before calling her back for an interview. She doesn't have a life, which is what we're looking for. Her job is gonna be her life. heh heh heh . And if they (women) have a boyfriend or something we'll just cut back their hours until they get their priorities straight.

And now you know why he should be impaled on a rusty spike.

Which brings me to the Henny Youngman of Blockbuster. Just look at that picture. He's not gay at all. Whatta turdburglar.

Anyway, I visit Subway around 9PM one night, and I'm sitting there reading the newspaper when Nancy walks in. First off, a little background. There is a Blockbuster video located directly across the street from this particular Subway...where this guy works, judging from his I.D. tag...yet this guy drove here. What's that about? Secondly...

The woman preparing the subs asks him what he would like to order and he orders two different types of subs. When she asks what kind of bread, he draws a blank...for a long time...laughing about how he forgot to ask and how he needs to call and find out (Stand back! This is a high-priority phonecall!)

So he gets out his cellphone and calls...and he laughs and jokes, reminisces about the good ol' days, reads them a bedtime story...okay, maybe not those last two, but still. He continues to laugh and joke around with whoever is on the other end of the phone (presumably another employee at Blockbuster)...for like FOUR minutes. It may not seem like long to you, but when you are trying to get other things done and the only thing standing between you and completing a transaction, four minutes is a LONG time to wait.

Then it dawns on him why he called: "Oh! What kind of bread do you want?" Then more laughing, and kidding around...3 minutes later he gets off the phone and tells the woman, who's attempting to prepare his subs: "White." Aaaaaiiiigggh!!!! I wanted to pick up one of those heavy chairs and beat him unconscious! People like this need to just die and stop wasting oxygen. I'll never understand people. Manners are truly dead. R.I.P.

Ugh, so much for "short n sweet." Oh well, 1 outta 2 ain't bad.

To read Volume 1, click here.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Things That Make You Go Rheeee!

Geez, I'm seriously losing it. This is a testament to how out of it I've been lately...

I was at Target yesterday checkin' out the assorted Halloween stuff, buying groceries, browsing, etc.

So, I'm shopping in the frozen food section. I pick out some great no-tail shrimp and some herb-roasted steak fries...Mmmmm. I'm thinking about how much it just cost me to fill up the car with gas, how much my cart is adding up to and keeping an eye out for this cute tattooed guy who's roaming the grocery area of the store...then it dawns on me, you know, my cart's fucking up. Instead of the wheels turning, it feels like I've been sliding it across the floor. I just assume I chose yet another winner of a cart, as usual (I always seem to pick the one that's retarded) and keep on strolling around, browsing.

Then, with a jolt, the cart comes to a complete stop. I look down and see exactly why my cart has been acting weird...I've succeeded in running over a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign that was, as it turned out, near a spill on the previous aisle. I've managed to leave a trail, not unlike a snail, of exactly how far I've dragged it, and now it's completely lodged under my cart. RHEEEE! Embarrassed, I look around and quickly lift my cart, dislodging the sign, giving it a kind of half-hearted sideways kick, while making a face like "What the? Stupid sign!," on the off chance someone saw me.

I decided it was time to go home.

Reason #226 Why I Don't Date Anymore

Shallow gene pools. *shudder*

My Brain Pattern is...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.
You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.
For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.
Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

*Thanks go out to Nathan for the inspiration.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Don't Stop 'til You Get a Huff

Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

Last week my friend Bill called me one afternoon, telling me he heard voices and could see shadows of multiple people outside, behind his condo unit and was gonna go check it out, but wanted to call me first, on the off chance that something happened to him. I advised him to call the police first, so he did, then proceeded outside...

Once outside, he finds:
A. A drug deal going down
B. The Welcome Wagon
C. A gang of rogue Mormons
D. Teens huffing the A/C freon

You guessed it. The correct answer is D. Oy vey. I never heard of huffing freon. Paint, Scotch Guard and glue, yes. Freon, no. There is one laying on the ground and 3 or 4 others standing around. He eventually chases off Beavis & Buttheads (once it registers in their collectively chemical-induced brains to run away). He then calls his neighbor and tells him what is going on, so that he too can keep a watch out (plus, their A/C units are the ones on that side of the building).

Bill then calls me, and proceeds to get all Nancy Reagan on me. Vowing to put a stop to it once and for all, or at the very least deter them...but how? First, I look through the Yellow Pages for some type of cage to cover the unit, but to no avail. Meanwhile, Bill is racking his brain trying to think of something to put in or near the unit to deter the little booger-eaters. I suggest ginger root or cinnamon oil, 'cause both are REALLY hot. No, Bill says. Bill suggests roadkill. Nah. What could he possibly put on the valve they're suckin' on, that no sane person would ever wanna put their mouth on? Since we didn't have access to Carrot Top's penis, I suggested some good old-fashioned dookie. Eureka!, exclaims Bill. A lil' dab'l do ya!

Bill calls me the next day, reporting on how he pinched a loaf in an old Starbuck's cup, 'cause the best part of waking up is poopin' in a cup! Then he proceeded to wait until the coast was clear, snuck out and with the aid of a rubber glove, applied an ample amount-o-poop directly to the area these kids are suckin' on...and they still did it anyway. Geez.

Around 4:30, Bill hears a familiar commotion behind his building, but because of the angle of his windows, he can't see anything but shadows. Yes, again. He calls his next door neighbor and tells him that "they're back." His neighbor leaps into action with his 3 vicious-looking dogs (Penny being the most vicious) in tow, goes outside and the kids scatter to the four winds, some being chased across the property and across the street by Penny 'n pals. Bill's neighbor manages to snag one of them and holds him until the police arrive. Bill calls to tells me how hilarious it all was and that he's going out to get a picture of the kid, for future reference (as well as blog fodder for lil' ol' me!).

The police finally arrive and take the kid away. Bill said it was kinda sad because when the cop went through the kid's pockets, stuff like candy and Pokémon cards fell out, which tells you just how young this kid is. Bill said the others were older, but this kid was the youngest. Sad. Stupid, but sad.

So, there you have it. A tale of pubescence, poop and pooches.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Easy Come, Easy Geaux

As I was sifting through my old e-mails, I ran across one that brought back a flood of sweet, sweet memories. I thought I'd share it here with you today. Knowing how much a lot of my readers are like me, I thought you'd enjoy it.

As I've mentioned before. Me likee the eBay. I have been buying/selling on eBay off and on for nearly 8 years now. In that time I have lovingly swooped in and outbid many of my fellow eBayers, all in the name of good old-fashioned greed competition. I've bought lamps, books, photos and yes, even DVDs.

One of those DVDs was Un Flic starring Alain Delon; one of the hottest things to come outta France since Joan of Arc (pun intended). I love him and I love his movies, particularly those made between the late 50's and early 70's.

Since the majority of Alain's films are foreign, that translates into expen$ive, here in the US, so I only have a few of his films on DVD: Rocco and His Brothers (AKA Rocco et ses frères) and Purple Noon (AKA Plein soleil...remade as The Talented Mr. Ripley). I still really want Joy House (AKA Les Félins), The Red Circle (AKA Le Cercle Rouge), The Godson (AKA Le Samouraï..DVD release October 18th!), The Girl on a Motorcycle (AKA La Motocyclette) and one of my all-time favorites, which was recently released to DVD for the first time, The Eclipse (AKA L'Eclisse). God, it's such a beautiful movie! I definitely recommend all the ones listed here, especially if you dig guns, crime and beautiful dames!

Some things on eBay are a real steal. Especially foreign films (at least at the time I won this auction...people may be more savvy now, I dunno), since the majority of Americans consider subtitles "hard work." Sooo, when I saw Dirty Money (AKA Un Flic), starring Alain and Catherine Deneuve, at a more than half the cost that it originally sells for ($ the time), I knew I had to grab it! So, I bookmarked it, stalked it and using my surefire method of last-minute bidding (BTW, those "sniping" programs are for pussies), I won it. Mere seconds after winning it, I received this e-mail from some eBayer named frederic882000 24 (

"You freaking bastard! that was mine! You outbid me within 10 seconds just to piss me off or what? Je gage que tu ne parle meme pas français en plus!"

LMAO! Roughly translated "Je gage que tu ne parle meme pas français en plus!" means "What's more, I bet you don't even speak French!" Oh Frederic, you're beautiful when you're angry.

DVD you really wanted: $10
Shipping for DVD: $3
Outbidding a sore loser: Priceless

Faith vs Faith

Striking while the iron's hot, the Baptist church, hot on the heels of the Catholic church's new priest recruitment poster, have counteracted with a recruitment poster of their very own, sponsored in part by Dasani: The water Jesus would never turn into wine, because it's perfect just the way it is!

Monday, September 19, 2005

A Reminder from Kirkkitsch...

The New Fall Season

Let me be the first to say "Hooray!" for the new fall TV schedule. I haven't been this interested in a fall season in a lonnnng time. So many good shows, so little time! I've listed the shows I am most looking forward to, although my interest is somewhat piqued by NBC's Surface and FOX's Killer Instinct, as well. And though I have never seen an episode of NBC's Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Vincent D'Onofrio looks so friggin' hot that I may just have to tune in! God, he's beautiful!

7:30PMKitchen Confidential (FOX: Premieres Sept. 19)
8:00PMPrison Break (FOX)

7:00PMBones (FOX)
8:00PMSupernatural (WB)
9:00PMNip/Tuck (FX: Premieres Sept. 20)

7:00PMThe Apprentice: Martha Stewart (NBC: Premieres Sept. 21)

8:00PMThe Night Stalker (ABC: Premieres Sept. 29)
9:30PMThe Showbiz Show with David Spade (Comedy Central)

(*Check local listings for time and channel.)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Just Because it Makes Me Laugh...

Friday, September 16, 2005

Give My Regards to...

A few weeks ago I was responding to a comment left on one of my posts and in order to make a reference point, I had to look up an image on the Internet. In the process I ran across the Broadway poster for the musical Wicked, which is loosely-based on a premise originated by The Wizard of Oz.

Well, it lead me to start browsing through some Broadway musicals/plays posters and I was pleasantly surprised to see just how beautiful a lot of them were.

As a rule, I'm just not into the whole musical, live-performance "thing." I just don't have the patience for 95% of it. Ironically my gay "pride" takes form in the fact that I don't subscribe to a lot of the stereotypical gay stuff. Anyway, in the process of talking to a friend about my self-proclaimed lack of interest in musicals, I went to go see how many I actually own on DVD. Seventeen. Seventeen. Lol! So much for not conforming to stereotypes. Here's the evidence, along with what I really like about them...surprisingly, it's rarely about the actual music:

V= Visuals • CF= Classic Film • E= Everything • KF=Kitsch Factor • GK= Gene Kelly • EC= Eyecandy

42nd Street (V, CF)
An American in Paris (V, CF, GK)
Anchors Aweigh (V, CF, GK)
Babes in Toyland (V, KF)
Can't Stop the Music (KF, EC)
Grease (E)
Madame Satan (E)
Moulin Rouge! (E)
Muscle Beach Party/Ski Party (KF, EC)
Phantom of Paradise (V)
The Pirate Movie (E)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (E)
Singin' in the Rain (CF, GK)
Stage Door Canteen (CF)
Take Me Out to the Ball Game (CF, GK)
Till the Clouds Roll By (CF)
Xanadu (E)

In addition to "discovering" the wonderful world of Broadway poster art, I also learned that a lot of celebrities have performed on Broadway. I had no idea!

Brendan Fraser (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), Sebastian Bach (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde), Sean "Puffy" Combs (A Raisin in the Sun), Alec Baldwin (Streetcar Named Desire), Harry Connick, Jr. (Thou Shalt Not) and John Stamos (Cabaret), just to name a few.

To see more Broadway poster art, visit:

Triton Gallery

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Steal This Coupon

You Better Watch Out, You Better Not Cry

Every year I look forward to Halloween. A few weeks ago I was having Halloween withdrawels, so I decided to go and see if any of the stores were putting out their Halloween stuff yet. I paid a visit to JoAnn Fabrics. Since JoAnn's begins stocking friggin' Easter and Valentine's decorations the day after Christmas, I knew I could count on them for a Halloween fix.

Their stuff this year wasn't anywhere near as interesting as last year's, but there were a few things that stood out. I liked the bat cookie jar ($14), but I can live without it. Intead, I opted to buy a personal pack of Halloween-themed tissues made by Swankie and a Halloween cross stitch project (click image to enlarge). I'm so not gifted when it comes to sewing or anything, but I do enjoy doing small projects like the mini cross stitch projects offered by NeedleMagic. It's as big a commitment as I'm willing to make.

[1] Cookie jar #1 at JoAnn's.
[2] Spooky hanging ghosties and ghoulies at Kroger.
[3] Spooky Treats (love the logo!)
[4] Cookie jar #2 at JoAnn's.
[5] I miss "old school" honeycomb decorations.
[6] Great little pens that you can clip onto your backpack. Kroger.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Oh the Irony...

Which General Mills Monster Cereal Are you?

Fruit Brute

You are a jovial werewolf whose cereal has the howling good taste of fruit. Alas, you were discontinued in 1983.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz


I stumbled across this er, auction over on eBay some time ago and have been waiting until I had time to make a collage of it. I'm...uh...not really sure what to say about this, er fetish. It's a new one on me. I never even knew such a thing existed. Where would we be without the Internet, huh? I'm going to start a new sexual fetish where someone gets hot while biting a ruler while curled up under a coffee table dressed like an elf. I think it could catch on!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Rummaging 4 Records

A while back I mentioned that I went home to get my new inspection sticker for my car. While I was there I visited my favorite junk store. They have sooo much great stuff if you're willing to do the work to find it. I'm willing. P.s. I know how much Dennis loves him some ONJ, so this post if dedicated to him.

[1/5] Olivia Newton John's LP Physical (© 1981). It was in pristine condition and even still had the original bonus poster (5) inside! Wheeee! This is why I miss records. You just can't duplicate this kinda stuff with a CD, no matter how hard you try.

[2/4] K-Tel Presents Disco Fire (© 1978)! I still loooove finding old K-Tel albums. Especially the Disco ones. They always had such fun, TV-friendly covers, like this one! It's a double record LP and when you open up the sleeve, inside it says: "Put some FIRE into your DISCO; Learn to do the Hot Chocolate!"'s even illustrated! You know I had to buy it.

[3] This is my absolute favorite find of the day: K-Tel Presents- Night Moves: The Professional Approach to Disco Dance Instruction (© 1979) none other than...Deney Terrio!!!!! Yep, the same Deney Terrio that taught Travolta how to dance for Saturday Night Fever and host of Dance Fever! The box was still in it's original plastic and contained 2 LPs and a fully-illustrated book! I about wet 'em!! The photographs are insanely GREAT. Before it's all said and done, we're gonna learn how to Disco dance, muthafucka! And that's a promise. Coming soon to a blog near you!

[6/7] And last, but certainly not least, I found this pristine, complete box set: The Swing Era: The Music of 1940/1941. This was just one in a series of boxset released by Time Life in the mid 70's. There were 15 sets total. The boxset I bought contained 3 records, 2 plastic records (anyone remember these? They were made from flimsy plastic and you usually had to put a penny on them, when you played them, so they would stay put) and a fully-illustrated, hardcover book titled How It was to Be Young Then. The books are really great. If you run across one, I definitely recommend picking it up. Great photographs. Fantastic "trippy" cover.

So, there you have it. The few things I couldn't live without. And I was serious when I said I was gonna teach you how to disco dance. I'm scanning as you read this!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Quotable Quotes 2

"I don't want to chat during sex. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but fucking is fucking, it's not a time for sharing."- Terri (AKA Catherine Keener)- Your Friends & Neighbors

"Oh my god, this sponge I'm washing dishes with is unbelievable. (sniffs sponge) Oh my god, it smells like a hot dog! It's disgusting! And I can't stop smelling it! (sniffs sponge again)- Amelia (AKA Catherine Keener)- Walking and Talking

"That reminds me, why were you at church so long? After a while too much praying turns into nagging."- Archie Bunker

"For everybody's own good you gotta use force. That's the Christian way."- Archie Bunker

"An octopus has eight testicles."- Archie Bunker

"I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear.- Margaret Smith (comedienne)

"I poop too much. And then I get tired."- Beavis

"Kids suck!"- Mama Fratelli (AKA Anne Ramsey)- The Goonies

"Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers."- Alan King (comedian)

"I want to thank my friend, Sen. Bill Frist, for joining us today. … He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. {Laughter} Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."- George W. Bush: Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

"They misunderestimated me."- George W. Bush: Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children."- Phyllis Diller (comedienne)

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."- Phyllis Diller

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."- Andre Gide (writer)

"Never eat more than you can lift."- Miss Piggy

*Click here to read volume 1.

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