Hair Dye Does Not a Punk Make

I still buy/read "teeny bopper" magazines, but my choice of periodicals isn't really the issue (no pun intended). However, it is where I got my latest idea for something to complain about. As I was flipping through a recent issue, I noticed a disturbing trend: What's passing as "Punk" today is a load of bollocks (I'm so British), or as I like to call it "poopie dooks." I don't know whether to laugh or cry, honestly. On the one hand, it's funny that some Nerfteen named Ashlee Simpson and some moussed boy band-looking guy with "rebel-teen (pphhllt)" hair named Ryan Cabrera are the new "Sid & Nancy" of the bubblegum set. On the other hand, it's sad because today's kiddles actually consider these prepackaged, snack-size wannabes as "Punk." Puhleeze.

Now, I'm not saying I was some badass, safety pinned, leather jacket wearing, mohawk-sporting punk when I was growing up, BUT I did know what it was and even listened/loved/owned some of it. There's a huge difference between knowing/appreciating the origins of something and worshipping at the Hot Topic alter of faux Punk music.

Gather 'round kiddies, and heed by words: Pink is not Punk. Ashlee is not Punk. Avril Lavigne is not Punk. Simple Plan is not Punk. A New Found Glory is not Punk. Good rule of thumb: If you can find it at Target, it's not Punk. Punk is Wendy O Williams wearing electrical tape over her nipples and performing topless on stage while chainsawing tv's. Punk is Johnny Rotten peeing on a drag queen after receiving head from her. Punk isn't pretty. If it is, it's not because it's trying to be. Here's what real Punk looks/sounds like:

• Johnny Rotten

• PiL

• The Ramones

• Wendy O Williams

• The Plasmatics

• The Cramps

• The Sex Pistols

• Sid & Nancy

• Fuzzbox

• The Dead Kennedys

• The Dead Milkmen

• Generation X

• Buzzcocks

• The Clash

• The Dickies

• The Damned

• Circle Jerks

• Iggy Pop

• Ziggy Stardust

And that's just the SHORT list. Now, I'm not sayin' black dye #5, er Ashlee Simpson should go pee on anyone (except maybe her sister.) or that Benji from Good Charlotte should stop being so doggone cute. What I AM sayin is faux punk can be enjoyable (on occasion), but in respect for its' roots, let's keep it in the category where it belongs. And that category is definitely NOT Punk. "Punk Lite", perhaps.