My Fetishes

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was considering posting some, if not all of my fetishes. Since then I have been debating whether or not to go through with it, fearing that I may alienate and/or freak out some of my readers.

Then I remembered whose blog this was and said "fuck it." Besides, it was kinda fun.

I know when most people hear the word fetish, stereotypical (and tired) things like spiked dog collars, S&M and/or uniforms come to mind. And that's cool if you're into that. Personally I think there are all kinds of interesting aspects about a lot of the more mainstream fetishes out there. I'm not here to judge what other people like. If you like it, cool. If someone else has a problem with it, then it's THEIR problem. I'm pretty open minded about stuff like that, so none of it really phases me.

Let's just say I'm not easily shocked. Besides, never say never.

You're more than welcome to interpret, decipher and/or define my fetishes however you wish. Get Freudian (or, more appropriately, Jung), if you want to. Whatever floats your boat. I won't go into too much detail about each one, simply because I don't really have that much insight about each and every one of them. Besides, I feel like if I felt compelled to go into detail about each one, with only the intention of making YOU feel more comfortable, that verges on me justifying my personal tastes, which I think is total crap. Besides, there's nothing too hardcore and/or obscene in the fetishes to follow (depending on how sheltered you are). It's mainly about aesthetics with me. I think you'll survive unscathed.

Row A:
Bodybuilders/Pecs
This column is pretty self-explanatory. I love em'. Always have. As far back as 2nd grade, I remember being fascinated/aroused by muscles. The bigger, the better. And yes, I've already heard the crack about how "that guy has bigger 'boobs' than I do! (re: women/girls)," so tuck that lil' comic nugget away until you've scheduled a visit to the Funny Bone. I don't get why so many people (at least the ones I've talked to), find bodybuilders so "gross." I suspect the vascularity may be an issue for some people, or perhaps just the complete and utter narcissism of the sport itself. I dunno.

Row B:
Tank Tops
Some people call them "wife beaters" now, but whatever you call them, I think they are SO hot... on the right person. If one catches my eye, I can't help but look. Unfortunately, they're not always worn by the people who should be wearing them, but if I see one out of my peripheral vision, I'll look. It's involuntary now.

Row C:
Big Nipples
Not talking areolas, but the actual nipple itself. And for the record, I do NOT dig that extreme form of nipple enlargement using vacuum pumps and or "snake bite kits." I, personally find that a little creepy and disturbing. Esp. sexy: erect nipples hidden by fabric and/or nipple(s) peeking around the side of a tank top. ROWR!

Calves
Muscular calves, to be exact. I remember when I worked at a video store years ago, there was a customer who would come in who was an avid bicyclist. He was thin and pretty nondescript, BUT he had the hottest veins running through his calves I've ever seen. SO sexy. I wanted to bite em'!

Row D:
*Okay, this is where I get into the things about men's faces that I like and/or find attractive. It's kinda convoluted and sometimes contradicting, so I'll try to keep it simple.
Brunette
I've always preferred brunettes to blondes. On occasion there will be a blonde who has features that I like, but as a rule, I dig brunettes.
Short Hair
I just think it's sexy. Was never a Fabio fan, though he has nice pecs.
"Bedroom Eyes"
I think that's how most people refer to them. I always think of them in relation to that Bugs Bunny cartoon where he slaps the Tasmanian Devil on the back and says "Tag! You're it Baggy Eyes!" Baggy eyes. Lol. It's funny, but that's really pretty descriptive. I like that tired look; dark circles under the eyes.
Nose
As strange as it may sound, I have a nose fetish. I like large noses (Within reason. I'm not talkin' Jimmy Durante or ALF here). When I've mentioned that in the past, people have defined "big noses" as a Roman nose. I like that Italian-looking nose, too. I find Johnny Knoxville's nose very sexy. I think it has something to do with the nostrils.
Facial Hair
It's weird that I've come to find this attractive in men, since when I was younger I hated facial hair on a man. However, over the years, the tide has turned and I now find a mustache, goatee, stubble and occasionally, a beard, very attractive. I guess it could be chalked up to "masculinity."
Eyeglasses
As far back as I can remember, I have ALWAYS had an affinity for men who wear glasses. I just find it very, very sexy. I also think on some level I equate glasses with intelligence.
Curly Hair
One of the reasons I find Vince Vaughn so attractive is his eyes, his nose, his mouth and his naturally curly hair. I know, it sounds like that girl Frieda from the Peanuts gang, but I find curly/wavy hair on a man, attractive. No perms, please.
Czech/Russian Guys
I don't know what it is about Czech and Russian guys, but I find them SO hot. They just have a look that most American men don't. Plus, I also love the accent, though I am not a big fan of the typical accents that most women find attractive. You can have your Australian, English and French. I'll take Czech, Russian and Brooklyn any ol' day. I like New York/Brooklyn accents, as well.
Beefy Guys
Though I have a definite bodybuilder fetish, I can forego the whole vascularity, definition thing for a beefy guy. You know, that powerlifter, off-season bodybuilder-look. This guy in particular (the last image) has it ALL: brunette, curly hair, big nose, pecs, a grimace. Perfection.

Row E:
Big Nose (yes, again)
This is another example of a nose that I like. It's actually a hybrid of looks that I like. I call it the "Duh Look." Though this next statement completely contradicts the whole "eyeglasses=intelligence"-look that I mentioned earlier. I also like the stereotypical big and dumb-look. Though I like the LOOK, I don't think I could be happy with someone who wasn't remotely in the same intellectual ballpark as myself. But then, never say never. Vanity's a pretty powerful thing.
Nice Hands
Okay, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Big nose....hands. I know where this is going." Well, I hate to break this to you, but trust me when I say I do not equate these things in relation to penis size. That's never been of remote interest to me. I don't get hung up on penis size, age (within legal limitations) and/or financial status. None of those things have ever really piqued my interest. I do, however, like a man with nice hands. And by "nice hands" I don't mean manicure-licious. It's more about the fingers, top hand veins, etc. I find a man's hands very sexy.
Shaved Head
I think a guy with a shaved head is sexy. Not completely smooth, a la Kojak, but with a little stubble and/or shadow of a hairline. This picture is also twofold. I like it when muscular guys grimace and/or make faces. Don't ask me why. I don't get it either.
Boxers
No, not the underwear or the breed of dog. Think boxing gloves, punching, sweat, black eyes. I find it all really sexy. Out of all my fetishes, I actually think I know where this one stems from. I always wanted to learn to box, growing up, but never had the opportunity to learn. I think that's a big part of it. And again, it's very stereotypically masculine.
Mustache
Otherwise known as The Marlboro Man Syndrome. What can I say? I find them very sexy on the right person.
Blue/Green Eyes
I especially love the combination of a brunette with light eyes. I think that's why I find Czech guys so hot. They always seem to have blue or green eyes. Beautiful.

Well, I guess that about covers it. After typing this up, I've come to a few realizations: [1] I really prefer masculine guys (I already knew that). And [2] I think a lot of the features I find attractive on other men are things that I envy: Being comfortable enough with one's body image to wear a tank top. Being muscular, etc.

Now don't get the wrong idea, these fetishes are just that. Fetishes. Fantasy qualities, if you will. I definitely do not anticipate nor expect anyone I would date to have these qualities. I am a realist, after all. I mean I KNOW the league I'm in, so I wouldn't ever dream of getting someone in the league my fetishes fall under. In reality, my priorities for compatibility go: Sense of humor, intelligence, common interests. And with these kind of prerequisites, what are the chances that someone attractive or muscular is going to have these qualities? I mean, let's be realistic. Bods and Minds don't mix. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I've found it to be quite true. And for those thinking to themselves "Shyeah, right. Like he doesn't care what they look like as long as they have a 'great personality.' That's some Ricki Lake bullshit!" Not true. That's not what I'm saying. Of course, physical appearance plays some role, but for me, it's not THE defining characteristic. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all relative.

Share 'em if you got 'em. Let your freak flag fly!

*You may have noticed I use the word/sound "ROWR!" when referring to someone I think is sexy. For those who have wondered what it means or what I'm referencing, I've included a visual aid that accompanies the last paragraph, for future reference.