Voices Carry (a Big Stick)

A few months ago Nathan posted a request on his blog for people to share their 'coming out' (and I don't mean debutantes) or stories of homophobia, etc. It gave me an idea to blog about something that's been happening to me for years.

First off, let me preface this by saying I don't necessarily believe in the term "homophobia." Defined as: an irrational fear of homosexuals. It's not "fear." It's sooo many other things: bigotry, ignorance and hatred. The first two words are interchangeable, but you get the gist.

So, on with my tale of woe. A few weeks ago I visited a nearby Taco Bell drive-thru late one night. I placed my order and when I got to the window the two donkey jockeys (too harsh?) manning the register apparently found my voice hilarious. So much so that they could barely stop braying long enough to tell me my total. Once they got my money and the window was closed, they huddled together, talking to each other, looking over at me and continued to die laughing. Obviously making fun of the mariposa (i.e. fag). The didn't have to actually SAY it, I'm not completely clueless.

Then, when they opened the window to hand me my order I said those 5 magic words: "What's the store number here?" Chuckles' face fell and she got all serious as she said "372." I flashed her my pearly whites and said "Thanks!," before driving away.

Okay, first off, I know that my asking for the store number, filling out the customer service survey online and complaining via their web site would get me nowhere. I have zero aspirations of receiving any form of customer service when it comes to these faceless corporations. HOWEVER, I do have that momentary happy tingle when I see the look on their face when I ask for the corporate phone # or store #. It's the little things, right?

Secondly, it's not like this is an altogether new experience. I've been forced to deal with this bullshit for decades. And though some may wish to write me off as being paranoid, trust me when I say I'm not. I'm verrry observant. I KNOW bullshit when I experience it. I should, like I said it's been going on for a lonnnng time. Here's some examples:

[1] Recently while at the State Fair with my friend Derik, he went up to a stand that served wine to see what kinds they had, while I stood behind him, waiting. There was a straight couple standing at the register to the right of him. When he asked the vendor what kind of wines they had, the woman in the aformentioned couple, head down, "covertly" looked over at him, then me, looked like she was gonna burst out laughing, then, head still lowered, turned to her boyfriend and whispered something. Then he "covertly" turned his head to look at me, only to see me staring him in the face with my arms crossed, giving him my "Problem?"-look (that's right, bitch, I won't hesitate to eat you!). He quickly lowered his eyes and turned away. When she turned to look (not realizing he'd been "caught") I gave her some ice as well. Naturally, Derik was oblivious. I guess I should be too, I'd probably be a lot happier. I am far too idealistic when it comes to everyone being treated fairly. I tend to dwell on this bullshit, which I know is pointless and ultimately hurts no one but myself, but try as I may, I can't help but get pissed off by this behaviour. I just can't wrap my mind around why people feel compelled to make a problem where there initially wasn't one.

And for the record, I am so not about coming off as some "bad-ass" that's gonna "go there" in a flash kickin' ass. Surprisingly, I've never been in a fight. Not even when I was in school...BUT I'm also not the type to turn the other cheek while someone thinks they're "getting away" with something.

[2] Note: Picture me delivering my side of the conversation with a completely stone face. Think Droopy. I call it my "I'm so over this shit"-voice.

For this story, refer to the bootylicious cashier in picture one. She works at Whataburger. Late one night I went through the drive-thru and placed my order. Upon arriving at the window:

Shequan: I thought you were a woman!
Me: okay.
Shequan: (looking puzzled...thinking) I thought you were a woman, so when I saw you at the window it scared me.
Me: um okay. are you going to be alright?
Shequan: Here's your drink.

Sigh. Why did she feel compelled to share that with me? What was the point? Again, another case of rampant retardery.

[3] While at the grocery store earlier this year, an old customer from the store I used to work at, recognized me. He had his kid in tow, carrying them. I normally try to avoid most people associated with past employments, but he tracked me down in the toilet paper aisle and said "Hi! How's it goin'?" I said hello AND THEN his little kid says "HE TALKS FUNNY!" The dad just laughed. I stared stone-faced. Then she chimes in again with "WHY DOES HE TALK LIKE THAT?!" He laughed again. I continued to stare blankly. He quietly slipped away.

Yeah, I know what some of you are thinking: "Well, Kirk, she's just a child. She doesn't know any better." Um okay then. Then by that reasoning I can take a dump in her Barbie Dreamhouse because I "didn't know any better." I didn't know! All better now. Or better yet me I'll exclaim in a doe-eyed fashion "God, why's your dick's so tiny?!"

Here's my point: I don't lisp. I don't float. I don't swish. I don't deliberately draw attention to myself. I'm very low-key. I treat everyone the same until they give me a reason not to, then the kid gloves come off. It's not my job to make excuses for something I have no control over. It's also not my job to educate your ignorant condomless night-o-passion (AKA "cum cherub"...."vag urchin") that you had to break up the monotony.

Thank goodness I'm such a goddamn people person.