Idiocy: Don't Leave Home Without It

Hi! You know me? You may not recognize me from the front, since you probably see the back of me the most. I'm the woman who's in front of you, in the middle of the aisle, wherever you need to be. I'm oblivious to anyone else in the vicinity and like to make frequent stops to just stand and think. It's so nice to have those moments alone...in the middle of the aisle.

I'm also the one that likes to stand in front of the shelves where the item(s) are that you need most. Yep, that was me manhandling that bag of cereal on the discount shelf. Ohhh, you got me again. That was also me fondling a bag of Jolly Ranchers for 10 minutes, trying to determine just how many are in the bag. Oopsie. That was me again, standing in the middle of the check out area, looking over my list and digging in my purse. I hadn't actually chosen a checkout lane yet, but I thought I'd block at least 2 lanes while I decided what my next strategic move would be.

If you still don't recognize me yet, I'm also the one who:
• Realizes after everything has been rung up, that I'll be writing a check. And I don't have a pen.
• Digs for exact change.
• Forgets to have her 'discount card' ready, even though I've shopped here for years.
• Has a fistful of coupons with specific instructions which I choose to overlook, then complain about when I don't get my savings (i.e. Save 50¢ when you buy 2...)
• Doesn't get the hint, however heavy-handed, that I'm in your way (and doesn't care).
• Stands in the middle of the aisle and reads nutritional labels.

Hope to see you soon! Maybe we can spend some time together in the produce section...then again on the cereal aisle...and in the meat department...bakery...and the canned goods aisle...and the frozen food section...