Thursday, August 31, 2006

Idiocy: Don't Leave Home Without It

Hi! You know me? You may not recognize me from the front, since you probably see the back of me the most. I'm the woman who's in front of you, in the middle of the aisle, wherever you need to be. I'm oblivious to anyone else in the vicinity and like to make frequent stops to just stand and think. It's so nice to have those moments alone...in the middle of the aisle.

I'm also the one that likes to stand in front of the shelves where the item(s) are that you need most. Yep, that was me manhandling that bag of cereal on the discount shelf. Ohhh, you got me again. That was also me fondling a bag of Jolly Ranchers for 10 minutes, trying to determine just how many are in the bag. Oopsie. That was me again, standing in the middle of the check out area, looking over my list and digging in my purse. I hadn't actually chosen a checkout lane yet, but I thought I'd block at least 2 lanes while I decided what my next strategic move would be.

If you still don't recognize me yet, I'm also the one who:
• Realizes after everything has been rung up, that I'll be writing a check. And I don't have a pen.
• Digs for exact change.
• Forgets to have her 'discount card' ready, even though I've shopped here for years.
• Has a fistful of coupons with specific instructions which I choose to overlook, then complain about when I don't get my savings (i.e. Save 50¢ when you buy 2...)
• Doesn't get the hint, however heavy-handed, that I'm in your way (and doesn't care).
• Stands in the middle of the aisle and reads nutritional labels.

Hope to see you soon! Maybe we can spend some time together in the produce section...then again on the cereal aisle...and in the meat department...bakery...and the canned goods aisle...and the frozen food section...

9 Comments:

Blogger mytoys said...

I used to work at a supermarket and always HATED people like this. One would think it was their first time out and everything is foreign to them. Now when shopping, I just push their carts out of my way and shove my way past them to get to things I need. Oh and always HATED when the dreaded SCAT bus would pull up. YIKES!!!

Thursday, August 31, 2006 1:38:00 PM  
Blogger Dave2 said...

And yet if you bitch-slap these idiots, YOU'RE considered the criminal! There is no justice.

Thursday, August 31, 2006 2:10:00 PM  
Blogger supplymadam said...

Haha. That's a great analysis.
Linked you from MON

Thursday, August 31, 2006 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure I was behind her and her extended family numerous times at Target today.

Thursday, August 31, 2006 5:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Kristie said...

LOL! That is sooo funny!! lol! I'm crying here! lol!

I think this happens everytime I go grocery shopping! lol

but then, I do check the nutrition facts myself(not all of the time--only on foods I'm not familiar with)and to that I say "Up Yours buddy" so what? you're in my damn way while I'm checking them, so stay the hell out of my way... damn it.

lol!!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 12:39:00 AM  
Blogger Mon said...

Hey! Don't I know you? You sure get around, because you seem to be at the store every time I am. Do you do nothing but shop and annoy others?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 2:58:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Mytoys-
EXACTLY! You totally hit the nail on the head when you say "One would think it was their first time out and everything is foreign to them." I call it "sightseeing." Can you imagine living with these people? or being a passenger in the car with these people? Geez, Louise! I'd leap from the moving car's window...even if it was just going 25mph.

ROTFL @ the SCAT bus! Totally! Ours is called the "HandiTran."

Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)

Dave2-
I know, right? There is no justice in this world. Most of the time I just wanna goose these people and get their heart racing again so they know what it feels like to have a pulse. Oy

Thanks for commenting! :)

Supplymadam-
Thank you!

Janet-
I don't doubt it. The irony ism she gets around and her traveling schedule is quite extensive. If it wasn't her, maybe it was someone who attended her workshop. Ech

Thanks for commenting! :)

Kristie-
Thank you! I'm finding that a swift Judo chop to the throat seems to help these people move along or at the least, step aside. It's a bold, yet effective maneuver.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it! :)

Mon-
She also reports people's cat's pooping in her flowerbed, drives with her turn signal on for 4 blocks, is the one standing at the head of the Wendy's Hamburger line, debating what to get and complains when your music is too loud. She's a full-timer!

Thanks for commenting! :)

Friday, September 08, 2006 11:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Kristie said...

oh and makes turns (in the car) going 5 miles an hour... ugg!!

Saturday, September 09, 2006 2:22:00 PM  
Blogger Radmila said...

Ohhhhh I see her every time I go grocery shopping!

Friday, September 15, 2006 10:28:00 PM  

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