Food for Thought

• Hamburger Helper Microwave Singles
When I saw this in the grocery store, I initially thought "What a great concept!" thinking that it would be along the lines of Kraft's Easy Mac. I personally don't like Easy Mac, but it seems to be popular. Knowing that I like the original varieties of Hamburger Helper, I bought TWO boxes, anticipating a new love affair.

Having followed the directions implicitly I opened the microwave and stirred what looked to be the byproduct of a rabbit taking a power dook in some runny cheese soup. The instructions said to allow the concoction to stand uncovered for 3 minutes, promising that the sauce would 'thicken as it cools.' Three minutes later and the sauce hadn't thickened and still resembled the diarrhea with pasta that originally emerged from the microwave.

Since the box boasted "Meat Included!," I took the opportunity to read the ingredients on the side of the box: Freeze dried cooked seasoned ground beef. I looked back at the steaming bowl of dookie goulash. Against my better judgement, I took a bite. If you like tasteless beef jerky nuggets, powdered cheese and flavorless pasta then this is the product for you! If you don't, then bypass this product and fix the original Hamburger Helper. You know, the one wherein you use real fresh ground beef (chicken, tuna...).

Bad Bad BAD. No wonder this crap is already in the discount bin, just 2 weeks after it's debut.

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• Mad-Croc Energy Gum: Power Peppermint
I have to admit I bought this for two reasons: [1] The packaging and [2] The larger pieces of gum. I spit this out for 1 reason: It was godawful! I'd rather lick the sawdust out of a wooden leg before I chewed another piece of this shitball 'energy' gum. If you wanna see for yourself, the makers are giving away free samples via their website. Prepare to 'Power' yak.

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• Dairy Queen Moolatte: Cappuccino
Believe it or not, I may be one of the last people on the planet to try an iced coffee drink. Since I don't frequent coffee establishments nor drink it (except in the fall or winter), I'm outta the java loop. Well, I was recently craving a Cappuccino/Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen, but was seduced by their new frosty, whipped cream-topped Mocha Moolatte (also available in Caramel, French Vanilla and Hazelnut varieties). I ordered one and was instantly smitten. DELICIOUS. Next time: Hazelnut! Highly recommended!

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• Starbucks Coffee Frappuccino Ice Cream Bars: Mocha
Craving some form of ice cream bar, but unable to locate anything that wasn't fat/sugar/carb-free, and since I'm a big fan of Starbuck's JavaChip ice cream, I (somewhat skeptically) took a chance on their "Low Fat" Mocha ice cream bars. Again, DELICIOUS. Surprisingly good! I will definitely be buying more and found it somewhat amusing that the box boasted "Now 6 Bars." My first thought was 'WTF? How many bars were there originally? 4? Good Grief!' Starbuck's and their pretentious marketing ploys.

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• FlatOut Bread: Traditional
I used to buy pre-made turkey wraps at the Super Target deli all the time. They were so good, but then they stopped putting shredded carrots in them (great for crunch!) and started putting this really fake-y "smoked" bacon in them. It's just awful. Tasted like someone had been blowing cigarette smoke directly into each wrap. Bleah!

So, while getting some pepper turkey sliced while on a recent outing to Tom Thumb, I noticed a display rack of FlatOut Bread. I was tempted to buy the Sun-dried Tomato or the Garden Spinach varieties, but opted for the Traditional. Well, let me tell you, I may never use white bread to make a turkey sandwich again. They're that good! Throw a little turkey, Provolone cheese, lettuce and/or baby spinach, shredded carrots and/or thinly-sliced cucumber, sprouts and/or Claussen Sandwich Slices, add some Ranch dressing or that new Wishbone Balsamic Breeze Vinaigrette Dressing in a spray, and you've got something seriously delicious.

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• Fruity Cheerios
I like Cheerios, I even like Honey Nut Cheerios. Heck, I even like their Apple Cinnamon Cheerios! So when I heard about their new Fruity Cheerios variety, of course I had to try them.

I first tried them straight from the box. SO good. Not too sweet, but enough to satisfy those of us who prefer sweetened cereals. Also, a pleasant surprise for anyone who is "old school" like me, they taste just like what Trix cereal used to taste like before they got turned into the super-fruity flavored, shellacked fruit-shaped shadow of their former selves.

I have to admit I do prefer them straight out of the box, though they're good in milk as well. I just felt like they lost something in translation, once combined with milk. I'm sure they'll grow on me over time, providing they stick around long enough. Definitely worth a try, especially if you miss the original flavor of Trix cereal.