Deja Poo

I went home today to get the inspection sticker on my car renewed. This is the "conversation" I had with my mother over lunch. Keep in mind that we've been having this exact same conversation since 1990. Apparently she's under the impression that I subsist on a diet of sugar, sugar and more sugar.

I merely mentioned that I was going to buy a glucose test and see what my glucose level is since I am in the process of making my first doctor appointment in years. I envision the doctor diagnosing me with the ailment du jour "borderline Diabetes," so, I want to be sure I'm informed before I go. Call me paranoid, but I think it's gotten to a point where people are being giving these lifetime sentences of overpriced prescriptions that aren't necessary, all in the name of the insurance premiums and I think it's bullshit. I don't want to become a automaton statistic, so I think the best defense is a good offense.

Mother: Have you been eating a lot of sugar?
Me: *sigh* Nooo. Why do you always ask me that? You and Daddy are the ones who are ice cream, pie, sundaes and cake fiends.
Mother: You know what they have at the dollar store?
Me: Lots of cheap crap?
Mother: *hmph* Noo, they have these cookies that are made with that sweetener...I forget the name...it's like sugar without the sugar...
Me: *SIGH* Splenda.
Mother: That's it! They have that in them and you can't tell the difference. They taste just like the real thing.
Me: Then you should buy some. I've told you a million times I don't like Splenda or Equal or any of that artificial sweetener crap, except Saccharin.
Mother: Sugar sugar sugar dollar store sugar sugar sugar dollar. Dollar sugar store sugar sugar , sugar.
Me: Why do we always have this conversation?
Mother: Well, do you eat a lot of sugar?
Me: Yes. Yes I do. I can't get enough of it. Sugar sugar sugar .
Mother: That's not good for you. You know they sell that stuff that's like sugar, but it's not.

Rinse and repeat for 6 minutes.
P.s. I've talked to friends who have aging parents and/or grandparents and apparently this whole dollar store obsession is not an isolated event but a universally-shared experience. One of my friends was just telling me how her grandmother buys a lot of her cleaners there and how she (my friend) always sarcastically asks her 'which colored water she wants to clean her bathroom with this time.' LOL!

And don't think I'm completely anti-dollar store, I'm not, but you know what? At some point you have to tighten that death grip on your coin purse and spend that extra $1.39 and get some fuckin' BRAND NAME shit that will get the job done! The dollar store has plenty of good things to offer (Fabuloso, Bleach, Kleenex, DVDs, candy (yes, I eat candy, goddammit!), etc.), but it also has it's share of bullshit. You have to have that internal filter in your head that tells you what's crap and what isn't. My mom thinks it's ALL fuckin' golden! Just like the piles of shit at their house: it's all potential treasure. Geez Louise. Don't get me started...