Say It, Don't Gay It

Okay, let me preface this my saying I realize that I said that my jury duty ramblings were concluded a while back, however, this is something that took place during that time and I wanted to blog about so here it is.

One day, towards the end of the trial, some of the men and women got into a movie discussion. From time to time throughout our 'tour of duty,' various jurors (usually Darth Tater) would struggle to remember the title of a particular movie, and even though I knew the title, I wouldn't say a thing. I know it's petty, but eh, it gave me some cheap thrills. Anyway, the topic of Brokeback Mountain came up and naturally, all the men clammed up and went into macho-mode, priding themselves on not being homo enough to see that movie. Only two of the women, Chiffon and G.I. Joan would admit to seeing it and were discussing it. Since I wasn't asked or involved in the conversation, I just sat back and listened and observed (but I did throw in my distaste for Michelle Williams' performance being nominated instead of Anne Hathaway, which in turn "outed" me, I suppose).

While the women were discussing how sad the film was, Kenny Rogers with a Sunburn was preoccupied making gay jokes to the guys sitting next to him, Kojak and Pucker Pants. It was something oh-so-clever about butt sex and it proved a comical hit with all the men within earshot. Those wacky breeders!

Meanwhile, Chiffon and G.I. Joan were still discussing it and G.I. Joan said something to the effect of "I thought it was sad that they couldn't be together. I don't 'condone' it, but I think they should be able to be with whoever they want." To which Chiffon replied, with some comment about how "that" (re: being gay) didn't matter to her and how she had a friend whose daughter way gay, etc. It was at that point that Chiffon's stock soared, while the homophobes showed their true colors. I never looked at those people the same again.

First off, let me preface this whole ordeal by saying this: Whenever I go into a situation where there are going to be a bunch of people whom I don't know, the thought crosses my mind of 'How would these people react/interact with me if they knew I was gay?' At the risk of sounding like a martyr or like I go into any and all social situations LOOKING to be rejected, that's not it. Seriously. It's not like it preys on my mind the entire time, but the possibility of being the 'lone gay' (Hi Ho silver pattern, away!) amongst a group of straight people, DOES enter my mind because, not unlike the jurors, I've been in situations where people are nice TO YOUR FACE and should they know/detect that you are gay, put on that brave facade of "That's cool," but in reality they AREN'T okay with it. Personally, I'd rather know who's who and bypass the 'nuances.' Like I said, the foray into gay jokes/comments, really showed me who's who.

However it got me to thinking later on that day, while on the drive home: Could I be friends with someone who didn't approve of me/my lifestyle? I told myself 'Hey, it's no big deal, someone doesn't have to approve of homosexuality to be your friend. That's like saying "If you don't like meatloaf, you can't be my friend." People are going to have different mores and such, just roll with it and don't dwell on it too much.' Then the question still lingered and I put it into this perspective. Saying that we're friends, though you don't 'approve' of me, is like telling a black person "As a rule, I usually don't even like black people, but you're the exception." After asking some of my friends and getting their perspectives, it was unanimous, I don't think I could, with a clear conscious, befriend someone who, in the back of their mind, was disapproving of me. It may seem like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but that was the conclusion I ultimately ended up coming to.

For me, personally, the whole situation ranks right up there with those people you see on television trying to justify their bigotry with passages from the ultimate scapegoat, The Bible. The ones who claim that they don't 'hate' us (gay people), but they're "praying for us." I think that's the definition of a back-handed compliment. "We don't hate you, but we know you're going to Hell unless you change your wicked ways, so we're praying that YOU change." Fuuuuuck off.