Upcoming Movies I Want to See: Vol. 4

It's that time again: another installment of Upcoming Movies I Want to See. Time for you to indulge me while I gush over a new crop of upcoming movies. To see the last batch, click here.

Please be patient with the blog today, since there are more images than usual to download. It'll be worth it though. Lots of good stuff!

• Creep. No U.S. Release Date
Appeal Factor: God I'm excited about seeing this movie! The trailer looks SO, if you'll pardon the pun, CREEPY! Reminiscent of Raw Meat. I hope this one comes to theaters here in the U.S.!

• House of Wax. May 6.2005
Appeal Factor: I was initially really turned off by the fact that this Vincent Price classic was being remade. Then to add fuel to the fire (no pun intended), Paris Hilton was cast in the movie. Since viewing the trailer I've had a change of heart. I LOVE creepy teen slasher flicks and this one looks like it's gonna fit the bill. Reminiscent of another horror favorite: Tourist Trap. Plus, Chad Michael Murray in a tank top can't be all bad. ROWR! Plus, it doesn't hurt that Robert Ri'chard is in it as well. Double ROWR! I wish they'd stop calling these movies "remakes," though. Esp. when they have no resemblance to the original and they're just banking on name-recognition. Check out the official web site and download yourself a desktop or an AIM icon or two.

• Into the Blue. TBA.2005
Appeal Factor: Definitely a rental. I am not a Paul Walker fan in the least, but he actually looks hot on the poster (it's been manipulated, if you ask me). I think it's the shaved head. Scott Caan is also looking pretty hot, if only I could say the same for Josh Brolin, who plays one of the bad guys in the movie. I wish Josh would take a role where he gets to look GOOD for a change. What's with the long hair? Blech. If you ask me, the premise seems an awful lot like Peter Benchley's 1977 movie The Deep with Jacqueline Bisset and Nick Nolte. Maybe it's just me.

• Millions. March 11.2005
Appeal Factor: Love Danny Boyle's movies. Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, Twin Town... Hasn't disappointed me yet.

• Unleashed. April 8.2005
Appeal Factor: So not a Jet Li movie fan, but the trailer for this one looks pretty good. Can't go wrong with Morgan Freeman.

• Be Cool. March 4.2005
Appeal Factor: Man-o-man! Does Vince look H-O-T in this movie or what? LOVE the promo posters with each of the main characters. Gotta buy the one with Vince on it.

• Sin City. April 1.2005
Appeal Factor: *See my original comments. Plus, this new poster with Clive on it is a must-have. HOT!

• The Dukes of Hazzard. Estimated Release Date: June 2005
Appeal Factor: Duh. Johnny Knoxville. Still in production.

• The Ringer. TBA. 2005
Appeal Factor: *See above.

• Lords of Dogtown. June 3, 2005
Appeal Factor: Okay, I must admit that when I initially saw images of Johnny from this movie, I was like "WTF? I'll pass." Then I found out it was a skateboarding movie and my interest wained even more. HOWEVER, having recently seen the trailer and the context is which it takes place, now I really wanna see it! The movie takes place in Venice Beach, California, circa 1975 and is based on a true story about the Z-Boys and their contributions to the sport of skateboarding.

• The Amityville Horror. April 15, 2005
Appeal Factor: *Ryan Reynolds. I realize I already blogged about this, but I just wanted to post some new pictures from the new trailer.

• The Corpse Bride. Halloween 2005
Appeal Factor: I'm a sucker for Tim Burton movies and claymation!

• The Fantastic 4. July 8.2005
Appeal Factor: Finally, a comic book movie I'm actually looking forward to. Also, the guy who plays The Human Torch (Chris Evans) looks mighty fine. Plus, Julian McMahon is playing the villain! ROWR!

Denny, Johnny & Vinny

Okay, I've been really behind lately, so I need to get this out before the month of March is over. I meant to blog about it weeks ago, but got sidetracked with other things.

First off, musician Martin Denny, the father of the influential genre of pop called "Exotica," passed away earlier this month, at the age of 93. For those who are unfamiliar with the genre termed "Exotica," click the word to get an in depth explanation. A brief explanation via ookworld.com is: "Mood music incorporating elements evoking non-European / North American regions: Asia, India, Africa, South America, and the tropics in general. Though eventually outer space was involved as well."

Since I collect records, I actually am lucky enough to own some of Denny's records. Three to be exact: Exotica, Exotica III and The Enchanted Sea. My particular favorite songs include: Voodoo Love, The Enchanted Sea, Hypnotique, and Exotique Bossa Nova.

Denny was a true pioneer and I'm grateful that I was able to be exposed to his music and continue to collect his albums. Luckily, a lot of Denny's music is now available in CD format (personally, I still love the records). Click here, here, here, and here for links to some of the CDs available at Half.com.

To read some wonderful newspaper articles from Denny's home state of Hawaii, go here:
• The Honolulu Advisor
• Honolulu Star Bulletin

Also feel free to check out the Martin Denny links in the Music category on my Links list.

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In addition to Denny's passing, two of my favorite people celebrated their birthdays in the month of March: Johnny Knoxville turned 34 on March 11th, while Vince Vaughn turned 35 on March 28th. Birthday kisses all around!

Diarrhea: It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

Today's blog entry is dedicated to Marvo over at The Impulsive Buy, who risks his life and stomach lining on a daily basis. Kudos!

Do you have a mortal enemy? A grudge against a fellow co-worker or loved one? If so, the masochist folks at Homestyle Express have managed to package diarrhea into handsomely-packaged, yet affordable, "meals."

I'm not sure whose home these meals were styled after, but I have a sneaking suspicion it was the home of a serial killer or throat Cancer patient. 'Cause, let me tell ya, these things are A-W-F-U-L!

The 'Chicken Salsa Rice Bowl' made me want to Merengue to the nearest garbage disposal. While, after the first delectable bite of the 'Four Cheese Tortellini' I was compelled to simply open my mouth and let the contents therein fall back into it's original microwaveable receptacle. Seriously. It was a moveable feast: it moved from the microwave right to the trashcan. You've been warned.

This has been a public service announcement.

The I Inside

First I must preface this entry by saying: Ryan Phillippe is hot. Now, about a month ago I was very excited to read that Ryan Phillippe's latest movie, The I Inside was premiering on The Mystery Channel. Since it was coming on so early in the morning, I set the VCR to record it while I slumbered. The next day I settled in to watch it, expecting great things.

Well, I kinda got what I was hoping for, but I also kinda got confused.

I made the mistake of reading reviews about it before I saw it and had gotten the overall impression that it was "predictable." Now I've seen a lot of thrillers and I have to admit this one had (has) me stumped.

Here's a synopsis of the film: A young American (Ryan Phillippe) wakes up in a hospital bed suffering from amnesia. A doctor informs him that he's been involved in an accident, which claimed the life of his brother. He then meets his wife, who's actually his lover. Then he meets his real wife, who's actual his nurse. Slowly he begins to remember fragments of his life: a love affair, an argument, a murder. Closing his eyes, he looks inside himself to search for his true identity. When he awakes, he finds himself in the same hospital, only two years earlier, leaving him to question what's past and what's present. Adapted from screenwriter Michael Cooney's murder mystery play Point of Death, and directed by Roland Suso Richter, The I Inside takes the viewer on a nightmare journey through the distorted memory of one character, filled with dark corridors and sinister figures, leaving the viewer, like the character himself, questioning who can you trust, in a world where nothing is what it seems?

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, me no get it. That's not to say I didn't like the movie, though. It had a great look to it, and Ryan Phillippe was at his dreamiest since I Know What You Did Last Summer. I also am a fan of Stephen Rea and liked the concept of one of the actresses (Piper Perabo) playing duel roles (not unlike John Lithgow in another favorite of mine, Raising Cain... well actually it was multiple roles).

With that said, be sure and check it out, since it premiered on DVD March 8th. And if you do, let me know what your take on the ending is. It'll help put my mind at rest.

Disinfect the Disaffected

I recently signed up with a free site called MySpace.com. It's a site where you can do just about anything you'd want to do online: Meet people, make friends, blog, post pictures, instant message, e-mail, play games, etc. It's pretty fun. Anyway, I've been enjoying looking through all the pictures of various members. One thing I've noticed is the overwhelming majority of the participants are 12 years old (okay, I'm exaggerating), weigh 15lbs and are either gangstas, sex kittens or angst-riddled "alternative" (read 'faux') types. Being the voyeur that I am, I can't resist browsing through page after page of members' photos because I just find it interesting to see all the different faces, settings, etc. I have to also marvel at the fact that 85% of them are completely interchangeable: all the ones that envision themselves as cutting edge or alternative, just blend into the background, what with their generic tattoos, hairstyles and piercings. Irony at it's most amusing. Oh well, I guess everyone goes through that high-drama stage at some point, huh?

Part of the set-up with MySpace.com is that you can invite other people to be your 'friend' and/or vice versa. I accept anyone who asks. I mean really, in the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make? It's just something fun to do. Besides, I might meet some cool people in the process. I've recently said "what the fuck" and asked two total strangers to be my 'friend.' One because he was just too beautiful and has a GREAT name "Louie" and the other because his art totally kicks ass. I'm betting you $50 that "Louie" never responds or denies my request because he's mondo straight and will be threatened by the whole gay thing. Yeah, he's hot, but he's also virtual. I mean just because someone is attractive doesn't mean I'd go cuckoo for Coco Puffs if they were actually around. Check the ego at the door, 'dude.' Oh well, it's not like he's the first straight guy to have his machismo threatened by a gay guy. I know it sounds like he's already said 'no,' but trust me, I know how people tick, and I am rarely ever wrong.

The funny part about getting 'friends' at MySpace.com is that you can see how you stack up to everyone else, friend-wise. I currenty have 13 friends, through the site. I saw this one chick (now one of MY friends, via her request), "Tatiana" who has 7,474+ friends! However, I looked through a few pages of her friends and a lot of them are duplicates, so now I don't feel too insignificant. Lol! Besides, I get the distinct impression from her photo and her comments to other members that she pretty much befriends anyone with a penis. Pathetic. *Epilogue: "Tatiana" has since withdrawn her friendship. Methinks she must have overlooked the fact that I'm a gay male. LOL!

But, all is not lost. I've actually already met a couple of cool, interesting, intelligent people through the site. So what do I know? If you're interested in signing up, it has unlimited possibilities. It's absolutely free, so check it out and join the fun! If you'd like an invite, just let me know and I will send you one. Now, if you peeps will excuse me, I gotta go stuff a gun in my pants, get a tattoo, dye/gel my hair, get something pierced, put on some sweet-ass threads, purchase some kind of head wear (an Urban Sombrero, perhaps?) and practice my rebellious posturing. Wow, looking like an individual is gonna be hard! TTYL!

The Incredible, Edible Egg

Well another Easter holiday has come and gone, and you probably have some leftover eggs. Well, put them to good use with my egg salad recipe! It's an awful lot like my deviled egg recipe, so I'll be giving you both of them.
Kirk's Eggsellent Egg Salad
• 6-7 Boiled eggs, peeled
• 1 Tablespoon of honey
• 1 Level tablespoon of salad dressing
• 1 Tablespoon of dill pickle brine
• 1/2 Tablespoon of dill relish*
• 1/2 Tbsp. of drained/chopped black olives
• 1/2 Tablespoon of drained/chopped pimentos
• Celery seed
• Paprika
• Onion salt
• Black pepper (I like the course-ground kind)

* Or 2 hearty squirts of the Heinz relish in the squeezable bottle)
**Also optional: Fresh, chopped dill.

With a cheese grater, grate your eggs into a large bowl. Combine wet ingredients. Add dry ingredients to individual taste. Pimentos, black olives and fresh dill are optional. Let chill. Serve on white bread or wheat toast.

For Deviled Eggs:

Cut 6-7 peeled/boiled eggs in half lengthwise, set aside. Combine yolks and other ingredients in large bowl, with the exception of the black olives, paprika and dill. Once thoroughly mixed, place inside a Ziploc sandwich bag and let eggs and filling chill. Once chilled, cut the tip off of one end of the Ziploc bag and pipe into egg halves. Sprinkle lightly with paprika and garnish with black olives and/or fresh dill.

Thank You, Easter Bunny! Bawk! Bawk!

Hi everybody! The Easter Bunny, with the help of his trusty pal The Easter Pug, dropped by my house this morning and left me some Easter goodies! Marshmallow Peep bunnies, Cadbury caramel eggs, Necco mini malted eggs, some Pastel Lifesavers and my latest reason for living, a Zagnut bar! The Easter Bunny knows me so well! It's Easter magic! By the way, if you haven't tried the Pastel Lifesavers, they are a must. They come in 4 limited edition flavors, but the Banana and Cotton Candy ones are out of this world! Pick some up today (or at a significant discount tomorrow)!

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter (click this hyperlink for an Easter treat from me to you!). My Easter wishes to you come via some scans of my vintage greeting cards collection. I hope you enjoy them!

[Click Image For A Larger Version]

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

...choppin' down the bunny trail, clippity-cloppity, something else is on the way...

How'd you like to see this toothy cutie lurking in the bushes on Easter morning? A friend of mine recently sent me this photo. No warning, no nuthin'. Just told me "Open your e-mail. I just sent ya something." She sent me something alright: nightmares! I am officially traumatized. Werewolves already creep me out and since this thing is even funkier than a werewolf, I think I'd be leavin' some serious Raisinets all up and down the good ol' bunny trail if I ran into this thing on a dark night. Hell, any time! Creepy creepy creepy. Thanks a lot Rachel.

Kravitz. Gladys Kravitz.

I'm officially a busybody. There. I said it. But, in my defense, it happened by accident. I swear!

Remember that house down the street from me that I was gushing about a while back? The one that was for sale, bought, then "transformed" when they trimmed the forest that was their front yard. The one that updated the house by decades, simply by covering the outdated 70's scrollwork posts on the porch with simple wood pillar facades. The one that has the groovy lil' brick terrarium thingy on the south side of the house that I envy so much. Well, that's the house.

The house is positioned at the end of a street where there is a stop light. Think of the house location as being at the top part of a 'T' shape.

So, I'm sitting at the stop light, waiting for a chance to turn right, when I see a Ryder moving van pull into the driveway. I think to myself "I gotta see what's in there." You see, I have a natural curiosity about people's taste (or lack thereof..after all, this is Texas, home of the country craft mall, makeshift "tea rooms" and grapevine wreath) in home furnishings, etc.

There I am, mesmerized by the contents. I see an end table, some framed pictures of some kind, then I think I saw a...HONK!...is that their sofa or an arm chair?...HONK!...Did I just hear a honk? I hate having to honk at people. Wait, I'm the one getting honked at! I was so wrapped up in seeing the contents, that I had sat there long after the light had turned green. DOH!

It's a Spring Thing

[1] The new shipment of flowers have arrived at the local hardware store.

[2] Raggedy Ann, waiting to be loved at a nearby flea market. $12

[3] It's Easter time at the local Target! Stock up on Marshmallow Peeps now! On sale for just 88¢ at your nearest Kroger! 50¢ at your nearest Tom Thumb!

[4] The giant tub of Cokes hanging over the soft drink section at Albertson's.

[5] My daffodils. Pretty.

[6] 25¢ gets you a ride on day-glo gator or a pony!

[7] The Slurpee machine at a nearby 7-11. The new Spongebob Slurpee is yummers! It tastes like a gay pineapple!

[8] 50¢ gets you a chance to win the Care Bear knockoff of your dreams at Kountry Kitchen restaurant!

[9] This mound of food was courtesy of the local Chicken Express. I ordered it, then proceeded to get bloated after just 3 chicken strips. Lol! One of the rare occasions where my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Great okra, BTW!

[10] It's the little things that mean so much: One of my favorite things about Jason's Deli- they offer LIME wedges for your tea. Not just lemon. WOOT!

[11] My grilled chicken panini from Jason's Deli.

[12] An over-priced, yet cool pair of vintage ice skates at a garage sale.

[13] A close-up of some of the wisteria that surrounds the archway of my front porch.

[14] An over-priced (are you getting the theme of this particular garage sale?) vintage telephone ($40! w/e). Cool-looking, though.

[15] The front of my house with the wisteria in full bloom! Mmmmm! Smells so nice!

[16] Some groovy old metal table that looks like a mortar & pestle. VERY cool, but I have no place to put it. It'd be awesome in a kitschy bathroom, though! $40 (Do these people know any other price besides $40?)

[17] It's beginning to look a lot like Spring in Texas! Lock your car.

[18] A groovy old metal carrying case with great graphics. Purchased at a GOOD garage sale. $6

Mental Goulash V

[1] The New Chocolate Lucky Charms cereal...hmmm, I dunno about this one. I've never been much of a chocolate cereal fan. The only one I remotely liked was that Nestle Quik one with the Quik Rabbit on the box.

[2] MicroDancers. New from the makers of MicroPets, in conjunction with American Idol. I want the one wearing the red cap! Cute!

[3] My latest love affair: Maruchan Instant Wonton Soup from the makers of Ramen. It comes in 3 delicious flavors (honest, they are all good!): (1) Chicken (my personal favorite), (2) Oriental (i.e. "Beef") and (3) The elusive "Shrimp" (my 2nd favorite)

[4] I thought this was SUCH a great idea, I was compelled to buy one. Fisher Boy, the makers of delicious, affordable fishsticks, has now come out with a new Fun Bucket! The bucker contains three individually-packaged bags of: (1) Fishsticks, (2) Popcorn Shrimp and (3) Mini Crabcakes! All three are great and I love the variety. Bring on the tartar sauce!

[5] Trolli's (a subsidiary of Kraft Foods, in case you feel compelled to send an angry e-mail) latest (and now recalled) gummies: Road Kill Gummies! WOO HOO! Personally, I've bought tons of them and love them and thought the concept was hilarious. Unfortunately, the pickle pusses at PETA don't agree. They contend that they promote animal cruelty and send the wrong "message" (everything has to have a "message" now) to children: that's it's 'okay' to run over animals. SIGH. Gimme a fuckin' break already. Get some while you can.

[6] I recently saw this photo on a health insurance site and it made me laugh hysterically. I'm sorry, but I think the kid in the red shirt is gonna need some dookie insurance for his shoes, if he doesn't step away from Fido pretty darn quick. Maybe it's just me, but poochie looks like he's doin' some hardcore gruntin'. Just look at that face. Everyone else seems to be oblivious to Fido's intestinal woes.

[7] New in your grocer's freezer: Hooter's brand spicy chicken wings! What genius thought this up? Like people go to Hooter's for the food. Ha! Soon to be a collector's item.

[8] I miss these damn snacks. Why are they so hard to find now? I found some at Sav-A-Lot recently and was dismayed to find out that they no longer print a comic strip on the back! I remember the comic strip being one of the few highlights of my junior high lunch. After doing a little research online, I found out that they come in 7 varieties! (1) Hot (the only flavor, besides Cheddar that I've ever tasted/seen), (2) BBQ, (3) Cheddar, (4) Salsa, (5) Hot Chili Cheese and (6) Steak Fries: White Cheddar. Who knew?!

[9] Brushing your teeth was never so much fun! WARNING: Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen toothpaste may induce vomiting.

[10/13] A recent free sample of Tide Coldwater that I sent away for. If you read the back of the package carefully, you'll see: "DO NOT REUSE THIS PACKAGE FOR DISPENSING BEVERAGES OR OTHER FLUIDS." Dammit! There goes my gig at serving punch at the senior prom.

[11] The new line of 2005 male bodybuilders have arrived! Get yours today! Why do I find this somehow disturbingly erotic?

[12] You've heard of imposter perfumes, right? Well these imposter cucumbers (AKA "English Cucumbers") were recently on sale at Albertson's for a mere 99¢ each. Being an idiot, I assumed that even though they looked different, they were still cucumbers, therefore they would taste similarly. So wrong. Maybe I can make some nunchucks out of the others.

The People in Your Neighborhood

[1] Documented proof that you don't have to go to West Virginia to witness the result of years of inbreeding. Wow. I don't where to start with this motley crew of mouthbreathers. This is one of the few photos actually taken OUTSIDE my neighborhood at a Griff's Hamburgers about 20 minutes away. And by the way, this is just HALF of their brood. The other 4 were ricocheting off the remaining 3 walls of the establishment, apparently new to the dining out "experience."

Observations:
[A] The kid in the red shirt: This is the most still he was and probably ever will be. He was like a goddamn ferret with ADD.
[B] VPL girl: To be quite frank, she smelled like urine. There. I said it. Oh, and she was mad. Teen angst meets Hee Haw. *VPL= Visible Panty Line
[C] Godzilla with lipstick: I think that movie Far and Away best describes the width between her eyes. Wow, was she ever loud... and impatient. She came to the conclusion that they (i.e. the entire brood) would just go to McDonald's instead. They simply didn't have time for this "crap" (re: waiting in line).
[D] Pa Kettle: Obscured by Boobzilla, he was the one saving grace of the bunch. He was quiet and shockingly good-looking (compared to his counterparts who rivaled the combined cast of Gummo). Poor guy.

[2] Dude! Doritos are Xtreme!!!!! WOOOOOO! Okay, these people aren't really in my neighborhood, but their photo was on a display at the local Albertson's. These are some pretty excited motherfuckers. Hey, I like Doritos too, but if I ever get this enthusiastic over some mass-produced, over-priced, flavored tortilla chips, shoot me.

[3] This is the cashier at one of the gas stations I frequent. She's the coolest, nicest person. She's always upbeat and friendly, but not in a fake, nauseating way. I like her a lot.

[4] This "woman" I'll call Belchenstein. I came in contact with her and her digestive system (or lack thereof), at a nearby used bookstore. I was at the end of the same aisle she was on, browsing the movie-tie-in paperbacks, when I heard a belch so loud and so wet, I debated whether or not to offer her a bib and a Handi-wipe. I thought surely she'd feel embarrassed enough to say 'excuse me' or at the very least, laugh nervously and leave, but noooo. She proceeded to do it, not once, but 2 more times! I finally got up and left the aisle, fearing that the next one might come out the other end.

[5] Sasquatch with bifocals. Aw, I'm just kiddin'. He's actually a really nice guy. He works at a nearby Tom Thumb store, as a bag boy. The reason I took a picture of him is because I just can't get over how tall he is! I'd guesstimate to say he's at least 7'4". I was in the cereal aisle, debating the merits of Alpha Bits (they spell stuff!) and Honeycomb (it's big, yeah yeah yeah. It's not small. No no no ), when there was an eclipse. It was this guy doing a price check.

[6] Wow. This guy stunk. You know what? If you find yourself getting hot and sweaty (and apparently thirsty: notice the Busch Beer purchase), please, please, please have the common courtesy to grin and bear it. I said BEAR it, not BARE it. Or at the very least, keep it covered while in confined spaces with other people. Save it for the wilderness hike, Pepe Le Pew.

[7] Not much to say about this one. I really just needed another photo to balance these all out. Pretty cute. Crusty elbows (I hate that!). Nice nose and eyes. Could use an upper lip. Patient.

[8] This is the male counterpart to the fabulous woman whose photo I shared with you around Thanksgiving time. Suffering from what I've termed "The Tom Jones Syndrome," his snotty expression told me he obviously thought he was something wonderful. He was something, alright, whipping around the other customers like his Miller Lite purchase was a matter of life or death. Maybe it was. Maybe he had a pocketful of Roofies and his kid's babysitter waiting in the car. Who knows? Who cares? There's something about leather jackets that have that affect on people. All that's missing is the cell phone.

[9] This candidate for the next batch of Soylent Green, held up the check out line at Kroger's for at least 8 minutes of my life that I will never get back. Why? His total was more than it should be. After all, those Ramen noodles he bought were on sale. This prompted a sales circular scan, frantic phone calls for assistance and eventually the calling in of a manager. As it turns out, he was looking at the wrong total on the computer screen: The original total, not the one below it that showed his current total with his saving due to his Kroger card. Idiot!

[10] The Human Bang with telecommunication capabilities. I apologize for this somewhat blurry, distant shot. I was sitting in a booth at a restaurant and was unable to get any closer. BUT I wanted you to at least lay witness to The 'Do with a cell phone: The one in the middle, in the far back. This explains why our ozone is depleting: this woman's lust for AquaNet. The woman stayed on her cell phone for the entire duration of her meal. I just don't get it. And this isn't the first time I've witnessed this phenomenon. I see people consume entire meals and the phone never leaves their face. Are people this goddamn lonely? Do they have something against newspapers? Silence? Just another reason I HATE cell phones.

[11] This is "Sarah" at the local 7-11. Unfortunately, like an idiot, my thumb covered the lens on this shot, but I wanted to show you that I really did try to capture the moment for you, my loyal readers.

Here's the backstory: As Derik and I were waiting in line at 7-11 (Slurpees!) a black guy came in WITH a bottle of Aquafina bottled water, and proceeded to the candy aisle to get something. Well, this is the same line that I and Mister No-Lip in picture #7 were standing in for like 6 minutes, because Flabbutt & Costello behind the counter couldn't tag team it and pick up the fuckin' pace. So, Derik and I are standing in line with 5 other people...waiting. And waiting...and waiting. So the black guy finally loses patience (as did some others) and just decided to leave. As he's leaving the bitch behind the counter yells "Hey! You gonna pay for that water?!" And he comes back in and explains that he brought it in with him (which he did). She doesn't believe him, while the rest of us are shaking our heads that he did indeed come in with it, but she's already pissed and bitching about how people are driving her crazy. Her rant goes on for the duration of our visit. Yeah, she needs to be working with the public. Go help yourself to another donut, Bloatzilla.

The irony of it all? She didn't (but I did) see him stuff the candy he was originally gonna pay for, in his pants. Lol! Good for him! Fuck her. If they'd been doing their goddamn job, and Bloatzilla was as observant as she THOUGHT she was, none of it would have happened.

Zombie Survivor Quiz Results...

Official Survivor Congratulations! You scored 63%!

Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 50% on survivalpoints

Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

Thanks to Terri for giving me the heads up on this quiz!

Keyword Klatch & Link Updates: Vol. 4

Well, it's that time again. Time for me to show you the latest list of keywords people have typed into various search engines, that have led them to my little slice of the Internet: My So-Called Strife. This month's favorite keyword searches:

• alain delon balloons (Huh?)
• monkey robot humping rabbit pancake head kitten
• ready to take a chance again manilow lyrics sound bite (I love that song!)
• joy gohring (I miss her and her defunct show 'Good Girls Don't...')
• aids lesions pictures (When I blogged about AIDS recently, I was shocked at how few images of lesions I could find, not to mention how very few images I could find of Americans with the virus)
• goldfish suppositories, gay (WTF?)
• amber hagerman autopsy photos (Again, WTF?)
• christopher knight pecs (*See photo below)
• noah blake shirtless (God, I'd love to see that too! ALWAYS thought he was so damn HOT. FYI: He's Robert Blake's son.)

Since Christopher Knight's pecs seem to be on everyone's mind, I've decided to grace today's entry with a still from the fourth season of The Surreal Life. I know I initially wrote that I thought he was super dreamy, and I still do. However, as the show progresses I see that he's one of his biggest fans. Click the list below to enlarge it.

New Links Added:

Art
-Piero Fornasetti
-Vice Versa [Italian site]

Beefcake
-Athletic Briefs
-Muscle Memory: Bodybuilder Database
-The Muscle Gallery
-Rinaldi Fabrice [French site]

Blog Resources
-MySpace.com

Books & Magazines
-Books-Under-Cover: Flexible vinyl book covers & sleeves
-HUGE Magazine (Be sure and check out their desktops and thrift store art gallery!)

Celebs/Eyecandy
-Vin Diesel

Food
-Quickspice.com: International food source

Fun 'N Games
-Guess The Movie Game

Fun Stuff
-The Wacky Packages Page

Lounge Life
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New Blog Buttons...

I've just created some new self-promotional blog buttons and have posted them individually in the left -hand column. Feel free to download one and add it to your blog/web space if you'd like to. Thanks to everyone who links to me. I appreciate it!

According to the 'Are You Dominant or Submissive?' Quiz, I Am a...

Switch!

Top. Bottom. Giver. Taker. You can't make up your mind.
And truth is, why should you? Kink is wildest when you can switch roles.
You're ability to get off in all sorts of ways makes you a versitile lover.
You can get along with a sub or dom - but another switch is what really blows your mind.
Are You Dominant or Submissive?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I stumbled upon this quiz while blog surfing ages ago. Naturally, I had to take it. Call me square, but I didn't even know there was such a term. Anyway, the quiz was fun to take and the possibility that some of my readers would even consider taking it, much less post their results, made me laugh. So, naturally, I had to post my results and taunt you all. Lol! ;)

Guaranteed to Make Your Skin Crawl....

Okay, okay, I know Halloween is over and it's too soon to be suggesting "Summer reading," so I'll be putting these book suggestions under the category of "Creepiest books I've ever read." I know for some people that true crime, especially serial killers, doesn't scream (pun not intended) "fun." However, I love a good scary book, and I've read a lot of them, but very few have made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end like the two books I'll be talking about today.

---

• Deranged : The Shocking True Story of America's Most Fiendish Killer! by Harold Schechter ©1990
Synopsis: Harold Schechter is a professor of American culture at Queens College (CUNY) who takes an academic interest in the history of violent folklore: "Our pop entertainments aren't necessarily more brutal than those of the past," he writes. "They are simply ... more state of the art." In this book Schechter turns his keen historian's gaze on real-life serial killer Albert Fish, who killed--and ate--as many as 15 children in New York City in the 20s. Fish resembled a meek, kindly, white-haired grandfather, but was actually an intense sadomasochist whose sexual fetishes included almost everything known to psychiatry. For example, he stuck 29 needles into his pelvic region. Apparently Schechter, while writing his book Deviant about Ed Gein, asked Robert Bloch (author of Psycho), "Why are people so fascinated by Ed Gein?" Bloch answered, "Because they haven't heard about Albert Fish."
Comments: I read this book about 6 years ago and it still haunts me. You know how you hear critics toss around the review "I couldn't put it down"? Well, in the case of this book it was true. I was horrified but was compelled to finish it and see what happened next. There never seemed to be a good stopping off point. One thing would lead right into the other until before I knew it, I was finished reading the book. $7.75 at Half.com.
Goosebumps Moment: Reading the taunting letter Ed Fish sent to the parents of one of his victims.

• Razor's Song (AKA Incident at Potter's Bridge) by Joe Monninger ©1993
Synopsis: He shed first blood at the age of nine. Now he stalks a sleepy New Hampshire university town, collecting gruesome trophies from his beautiful, young victims--driven by an unspeakable hunger too horrifying to imagine...and too powerful to ignore. The police cannot stop him. His bloodlust is insatiable. And there is nowhere to hide. Zelda Fitzgibbon has come to Colbin College to start her lofe over--unaware that she has been chosen as the next to die. And now she is alone--as her worst nightmare draws closer...and closer...and closer...
Comments: I can't reccomend this creepy gem enough. Unfortunately not many of my friends read or have the same taste in books as I do, so I've yet to be able to discuss this underrated thriller with anyone. Unfortunate as well is the fact that the author has not gone on to write any more books. Disappointing, considering how effective this one is at unnerving you with its' imagery. It's seriously one of my favorite books. It's very inexpensive, so if you're like me and have become somewhat jaded about there being any truly scary books out there these days, let this little gem restore your faith. Trust me, this is one book that will have you looking over your shoulder and double checking the doors to make sure they're locked. 75¢ at Half.com.
Goosebumps Moment: Wow. Where do I begin with this one? ONE of the creepiest moments is when Jam, one of the school security guards, while looking for the killer in the wooded area that's home to some of the paths student take, runs into a student: "Excuse me," he said again, "I'm with the school's security office." And then she looked up. Which made Jam say holyfuckingshit to himself. Which made him reach for his gun, the hell with his knife, he wanted the .44 out of the holster now. Because it was not a woman. And she had a straight razor...

---

I enjoy stories of true crime even more when I can see them come to life on shows like Forensic Files, New Detectives /FBI Files, The Investigators or the like. The History Channel, The Discovery Channel and sometimes even A&E have especially great lineups around September, October and November. I currently have 2 such documentaries in my DVD collection:

Serial Killers: Profiling the Criminal Mind (an A&E 2 disc set)

• Four complete programs examine the twisted existence of serial killers from both sides of the equation.

• Includes interviews with John Douglas, the inventor of criminal profiling.

• Jailhouse footage of and interviews with Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy.

$10 at Half.com

Serial Killers: The Real Life Hannibal Lecters

$6.50 at Amazon.com

Check them out if you don't get creeped out easily. Fascinating stuff. But if true crime is not your thing, there are plenty of great thrillers available. Some of my favorites include:

• Copycat
• Jennifer 8
• Malice
• Manhunter
• Nightwatch
• When a Stranger Calls

St. Patrick's Day Giveaway

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I thought I'd bestow a little luck o' the Irish upon ye. On my most recent shopping exploit, I ran across these cute little Post-It note-style memo pads. I'll be giving away 7 of them. All you have to do to win one is be one of the first seven people to answer these 7 questions correctly (all the answers can be found on my blog):

[1] What is the name of my cranky next door neighbor?
[2] One of my guilty pleasure movies is ___________
[3] My motto is "People ______" (Hint: It rhymes with "ink")
[4] Name one of the 3 male celebrities I've blogged about who "Needs My Kisses"
[5] Name one of my favorite holidays.
[6] Name one of my favorite comic strips.
[7] Name something I recently purchased.

E-mail your answers to: KirkkitschBlog@aol.com

I'll announce the winners once I have received correct answers from 7 people. Winners will be notified by e-mail. One entry per person, please. The pad will be shipped to you FOC (Free Of Charge). Good luck bloggers!

Like, the Future 'n Stuff

Today's focus is on part 2 of my recent purchases of a couple of vintage magazines at a nearby flea market. $2 well spent:

• Popular Science ©1954

• Pageant ©1960

Here are some snippets of articles that I found interesting. Particularly the "Like Janice's Beat Glossary, Man" article. Click any of the images to enlarge them.

Cha-Cha Boogie Blues

As promised, today's blog is going to focus on the records I recently purchased at nearby flea markets and thrift stores. I always respond to great covers and these are no exceptions. As a rule I buy most of my records for the music (I love Mario Lanza!), but I also buy some solely on the basis of their great covers. Most are in good-fair condition, while the record for The Wild One looks like someone used it to buff a cement floor. Oh well, you can't have it all.

• Harmonicha Cha-Cha- The Harmonicats

• Let's Cha Cha Cha- Tito Morano and His Orchestra

• Jazz Themes From The Wild One

• Blue Hawaii- Billy Vaughn and His Orchestra

• Bionic Boogie ©1977

• Do You Wanna Go Party- KC and the Sunshine Band ©1979

• For The First Time- Mario Lanza ©1959

• Romeo & Juliet- Original Soundtrack ©1968

I bought the Romeo & Juliet record because I've always thought they (Leonard Whiting & Olivia Hussey) were the most beautiful Romeo & Juliet I've ever seen. It's insane how beautiful some people can be. I mean I loved the pop art iconography of the 1996 remake with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes, but they don't hold a candle to the pairing of Whiting and Hussey.

iTunes

Mannequins, Mullets & Spicy Shrimp

Last weekend my friend Derik called me and wanted to know if I wanted to accompany him to go shopping. Having no life, but actually having some money (for a change) I said "yes." We visited a flea market, had some lunch and browsed some antique stores. Normally I'm not much of an antique store fan, (pawn shops and thrift stores are more my speed) but Derik needed to pick up some things, so I tagged along (I had no choice, he was my ride). I'll be sharing more images of things I bought, later on in the week. Enjoy your virtual tour!

[1] The Cattle Barn at the stockyards in Fort Worth, Texas. Home to the Flea Market on the weekends.
[2] A great mint green chair.
[3] Reels of film for sale!
[4] Great old OOP books on Hollywood celebrities.
[5] An old photo I bought. $1
[6] Assorted goodies for sale.
[7] Toys ahoy!
[8] Hunky McHunkerson. Nice biceps. Bad mullet. Even worse: His tiger tooth earring. Rick Springfield called. He wants his hair back.
[9] More assorted treasures.
[10] Cool mannequin. Child mannequins are very rare and hard to find. FYI.
[11] The span of the flea market. There are 3 aisles like this!
[12] SPICY (I coughed my brains out for 4 minutes), but delicious shrimp at a nearby Chinese buffet (Tai Pai) where we had lunch.
[13] This is Sophie, the owner of this particular antique store's dog. She was a sweetie-face.
[14] One of the buffet areas at Tai Pai restaurant.
[15] One side of a awesome Disco lunchbox at one of the antique stores we stopped at.
[16] A Popeye gumball machine that I SO wanted and the clock is great too! I didn't even notice the clock until I was editing the pictures! I love orange!
[17] The "flip side" of the groovy Disco lunchbox.
[18] Two great vintage radios (both worked!).
[19] A really adorable cookie jar that I've never seen before. On top of the baker's hat there was a pie (I think...or maybe it was a bowl of fruit. I forget.) and when you turned it, it would up the music box inside the chef's hat and it played London Bridge is Falling Down. Cute!
[20] I just love the face on this cute lil' kitty. He was a bank and in great condition (but no rubber stopped on the bottom). I would have bought him but he was WAY over-priced. The one reason I don't frequent antique stores.
[21] A copy of Popular Science (1954) that Derik turned me on to. GREAT cover and even more great articles inside!

Create Your Own Garbage Pail Kids!

For those who grew up in the 80's (or at least remember them), you'll undoubtedly remember Garbage Pail Kids trading cards. Last year the maker's of the cards starting making new ones (available at a 7-11 near you!). Well, now you can design your very own Garbage Pail Kid!

To get started, just click here and register (it's fast 'n free). You can change backgrounds, add animations and even sound! To see some that friends of mine created, go here, here, here and here! Here are my latest creations: (to see them with their animations, go here, here and here!) Have fun!

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together

Look what I won! Look what I won! Yes, I've been stalking good ol' eBay again. This time around it was for a terrific autographed photo of my main man, Johnny Knoxville. Don't fret Vince (Vaughn) I haven't forsaken my love for you!

I will now proceed to patiently stalk the mailbox until it arrives. Then I can add it to my nice little collection of autographed photos. My collection includes: Dave Draper: His wife purchased something from me on eBay and I let her "pay" for it with a personally autographed photo of my choosing! WOOT! Rock Hudson: A gift from my friend Derik, 2 Christmases ago. David Naughton, Linda Blair and Carrie Fisher: All at a comic convention around Halloween about 4 years ago. Linda signed the insert of my Hell Night DVD, Carrie signed my VHS cover of Garbo Talks and David signed a Be a Pepper photo, telling me that I'M a Pepper! WOOT!

In addition, I also have autographed photos from Ben Affleck, Vince Vaughn (X4... one of which was in response to a letter I wrote him, but I don't think it was really signed by him. It looks too different from all the others I have) and Big Poppa Pump (ROWR!). Those are all from eBay.

Now for the people who I wrote to when I was growing up, whom were kind and generous enough to send me autographed photos: Madeline Kahn, Mindy Cohn (personalized!), Drew Barrymore (personalized!), Sylvester Stallone, Ratt (stamped Christmas postcard), The Dukes of Hazzard cast (stamped postcard), Olivia Newton-John (stamped photo), Tom Cruise (stamped photo), Jameson Parker (stamped photo), the entire cast of MTV's The State (genuinely signed by EACH cast member!), Corey Hart: Not actually a photo, but a hand-written letter on "official" Corey Hart Fan Club stationery! I used to be a member of his fan club (he's still hot, if you ask me) and I, thinking I was SO insightful, send him a fan letter and then proceeded to critique his latest music video. Lol! I'm such a homo. Ah, the turbulent 80's. You know I love 'em.

And now for my two autographed photos that go in the Hall of Shame. The first one was of Steven Seagal (personalized). When I went to Los Angeles about 10 years ago, I "looked up" a guy who is the son of some people who are my parent's friends (His name was Ronald G. Smith, in case you're skeptical). He's a Production Manager for Warner Bros. I got to go on the set of the movie they were filming: The Glimmer Man. A crime thriller starring Steven Seagal and Keenen Ivory Wayans (whatta combo!). Keenan signed my autograph book (I'm SO gay. I actually took an autograph book with me to L.A., thinking I might run into a celebrity. Lol! Am I sad or what?), while Steven, who was currently being a primadonna in his trailer and couldn't be bothered (according to the crew). He was going through his break-up with his wife at the time, Kelly LeBrock, whom I was SO hoping was on the set. I loved her in Weird Science and The Woman in Red. However, Steven was gracious enough to sign a photo for me, so I have no complaints.

And now for the final nail in my coffin, er list. About 15 years ago when I was still stupid enough to think I was going to have a good time at a bar, I went to one in Dallas called The Wave. I went with the sole purpose of getting my favorite gay porn star's autograph: "Tom Katt (AKA: Tom Payne, Brad Rock...Oy, the names porn stars choose)" Lol! I thought that he was SO friggin' hot. He had all those things I look for in a porn star: Bodybuilder-build, dark hair, big nose and was noticeably shorter than me at 5'6". I actually had my picture taken with him (Polaroid) and he came up to my shoulder. He signed my 8X10 "To Kirk- Take it sleazy." Lol! I bet he wrote that in everyone's yearbook, too. Today he's even bigger and better. Viva le Tom Katt!

Get Fuzzy

I love the comic strip Get Fuzzy. For those unfamiliar with the strip, it's about a guy named Rob who's the "guardian" of the simple, but loveable Satchel Pooch and the cantankerous Bucky Katt. Poor Satchel is well-meaning but hopelessly naive, while Bucky dreams of one day eating a monkey. Here are a few recent favorite strips. Enjoy!

[Click Image To Read Comics]

There's a Fine Line Between Geek and Nerd

Recently I had a hankerin' for some Beavis & Butthead, so I put in one of their DVDs. Work Sucks and Feel Our Pain to be specific. I know a lot of people, particularly women and the older generation find them insufferable, which I can understand. Initially I thought all their huh huhs and heh hehs would make me mental, but I eventually got into them and now I love them. It's not so much that it's Pulitzer prize-winning comedy or storylines, but because I can relate to them on some levels. One episode entitled "Patsies" is one of my all-time favorite episodes (shown). It's about a group of goody two shoe nerds who've formed a social club at school called The P.A.T.s. P.A.T. being the acronym for Positive-Acting Teens. Lol! You can pretty much imagine the types of kids that make up the group. If not, creator Mike Judge has done a good job making them come to life through his animation.

The episode begins with the dad of one of the P.A.T.s suggesting that they share some of their positivity with those less fortunate. Namely Beavis & Butthead, who are pulled from detention and forced to participate in an impromptu trash pick up along the highway. After enduring a car trip filled with inane debates over whether one would make Data a human being or restore Jordi's sight (re: Star Trek the Next Generation), naturally Beavis & Butthead are horrified. Once they reach their destination, everyone (with the exception of B&B, of course) begin singing Micheal, Row The Boat Ashore. The look on Butthead's face is priceless. My sentiments exactly.

My point? Geeks are annoying. Dorks and nerds I can tolerate, but geeks are insufferable. Yeah yeah I know what the goodies out there are gonna say "But those people who you call 'geeks' are going to be rich someday." And.... your point is? Sorry, you can have all the money in the world, it's still not gonna NOT make you a geek. So much for living "well" being the best revenge.

I was at Half Price Books recently with a couple of friends and we were privy to a cluster of geeks so intense that they even managed to transcend nationality. Interpret this however you will, but it was my first black geek sighting. Seriously! I've known Asian geeks, white geeks, even some Indian geeks, but never had I been cognizant of a black geek. I mean, think about it: Jazz, Rap, the Blues, Kool & the Gang. Not necessarily the realm of geeks. The closest thing we've had was Jaleel White playing Urkel on Family Matters, and that was just a television character. With that said, I was compelled to take photos of the next generation of the Trench Coat Mafia. I just know they were in a Matrix state of mind. Both my friends and I couldn't help but overhear their every gorked out conversation. Whether it was about computer software or, well, computer software.

For my older readers who are thinking "What about me? Is geekdom only for the young?" Fear not, geeks come in all ages, shapes and, apparently, nationalities. Why, just take a look at my collage for a picture of the road block with a pulse who felt compelled to pull up a chair right in the middle of one of the aisles. Nice. This doesn't necessarily fall into the category of 'geek' per say, but more in the category of 'idiot.' If my camera's charge hadn't puttered out, I would have been able to take pictures of TWO more people (I swear they could have been triplets) doing the exact same thing. One camped out in front of the Fashion section, Performing Arts section and ironically, the Health section. Why do people do stupid shit like this? I find it hard to believe that they take absolutely no consideration of others around them. It's not like there aren't out-of-the-way places in the store. I don't get it.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, the woman pictured sitting in the chair above was also browsing the DVD section at the same time I was, when whoever she was with called her name from across the store to which she bellowed "WHAT!?" Apparently tact isn't in her vocabulary. I've said it before and I'll say it again: People stink.

This brings me to some older photos I had stored in my camera. A few months ago, Nathan and I paid an impromptu visit to the local comic book store. Since I hadn't been there in like 10 years, I was anxious to see if there was any new, cool graphic novels and/or some of those groovy Ugly Dolls. Well, we knew we were in for a geekfest before we even reached the front door. Written in chalk on the sidewalk was the announcement that today was "D&D Game Day" Sigh. Evidently, Dungeons & Dragons' popularity didn't die in the 80's. Once inside, the geekularity was overwhelming. Apparently shoulder bags are the premiere geek accessory, as everyone seemed to be sporting them. What's in there anyway? A deck of Magic The Gathering cards, some Wrigley's Spearmint Gum and assorted LOTR action figures? Perhaps. Whatever the case, my photo shoot was cut short when I heard someone nearby making explosion sounds, yells and cries under their breath. When I turned around I saw nothing. Heard nothing. There were a couple of people browsing, one was some cute skater-type guy with hair in his face and the other was some guy in a motorized wheelchair (I had a class with him in college. He has an identical twin brother who is ALSO in a wheelchair. How bizarre is that? And no, it's not genetic. Both were due to accidents. Freaky).

I spy the Ugly Dolls and some really great Pulp Fiction Lego-style toys. As I'm looking the stuff over, I hear it again. More "explosions" and this time, assorted clicks and grunts. I turn around, and to my dismay, it's cutie skater guy acting out some battle between some action figures on a shelf in front of him. Oblivious that anyone is watching...listening. On the one hand it's great that he's got an active imagination, so many people don't these days. On the down side, he's acting out battle scenes between inanimate objects. In public. SIGH.

So there you have it. My rant for the day. And for those who feel the need to have Dork, Nerd and Geek terms defined, here they are, courtesy of Geekculture.com:

• Dork- Purely derogative. There is no implication of any skills (or useful knowledge) whatsoever. Interest may be present, but no actual skills.

• Nerd- Derogative but skills and/or knowledge are present. However a useful outlet for those skills is usually missing. Amateur status is also implied. For example: a "Computer Nerd" is most likely your neighbor who is quite familiar with the workings of the internet. (He/She might be able to install an extra hard-disk in a computer but is clueless about LVD SCSI.

• Geek- Similar to "Nerd" in basic description. "Geek" however implies hireability (for their skills and/or knowledge). Key to "Geek" is the implication of hireability.

WARNING: AIDS May be Hazardous to My Blood Pressure

Okay... ::deep breath:: here goes. I'm about to blog about a subject that really stresses me out and pisses me off. I am so not one of those activist-types who dwells on causes or propaganda at every opportunity. I'm one of those kind of people who knows these kind of problems exist, try to stay educated on the topic and get on with my life. I have no interest in educating the populous, displaying my "support" or trying to debate the subject. HOWEVER, with that said, today's BitchFest contribution involves the disease AIDS. So, with that said, if you are the ultra sensitive type or the type that feels compelled to "enlighten" me to the plight, please save your performance for drama class tryouts. As the character Homie The Clown from the television show In Living Color used to say "Homie don't play that," and neither do I.

So, you may be asking yourself "What brought on this urge to talk about AIDS?" Well, it all started late last year when I accidentally tuned into a documentary called The Gift. I say "accidentally," because I was channel surfing and thought I was tuning into the Cate Blanchett, Giovanni Ribisi movie by the same name, that was released in 2000. Well, let me tell you, these were VERY different movies. Though I think they would both fall under the category of "horror."

For those unfamiliar with the documentary (as I was), The Gift synopsis is as follows: The Gift documents the phenomenon of deliberate HIV infection. The film follows the stories of two "bug chasers" who sought out "the gift" of HIV infection. Also interviewed are AIDS activist and author, Walt Odets, PhD, and HIV+ and HIV- men. The film explores the normalization and glamorization of HIV/AIDS and discusses the isolation and division caused by HIV status in the gay community.

And people wonder where my gay "pride" is. There it is, rolling down the steet like a tumbleweed. No, you're not having a nightmare. That's the actual premise of the documentary. I sat and watched it. Horrified. Fuming. Waiting for someone to "enlighten" me as to why they would deliberately seek out and contract a deadly disease. It really made me angry, especially when I have seen firsthand what AIDS can reduce a person to. It's very sad and nowhere near as glamorous or hunkalicious as all the gay movies would lead you to believe. That is just one of the reasons I detest so many gay movies with a "courageous" character with AIDS: Not everyone with AIDS is a hunk with pouty pecs and abs of steel. Not everyone with AIDS looks healthy. Not everyone with AIDS is some innocent 'victim' of circumstance. The reality is that some people with AIDS have lesions, are depressed and were (and some still are) total whores who like to play the "Oh, but I've got this terrible disease" card.

I must admit, I originally was of the mind set that any gay man who was old enough to know the consequences of AIDS, and STILL managed to contract it (because of promiscuous/unprotected sex), deserved what they got. I know it sounds cruel, but it really pisses me off when gay men STILL manage to contract AIDS from unprotected sex. Especially in this day and age when so much information is available on the subject. No more of this excuse of "I didn't know what it was" or "I'd heard of this new 'gay disease' but didn't know anything about it" or "But my lover and I are monogamous." The 80's are over. No more excuses. And yes, I realize straight people get the disease too, so spare me the soapbox. I'm a gay man, so I'm focusing on gay men in particular. Well, you may or may not be happy to know that I've since had a change of heart about the gay men who contract it. Not necessarily because I had some profound experience with someone who has the disease that changed my life forever. Nothing that romanticized. But more because of their family and the people who love them that they leave behind to grieve. I still don't condone those who contract it because of their lack of self control, but I do have a little more compassion, not so much for the person, but for those they leave behind.

So, when I read news articles like the one that was released last December about the new AIDS "super drug" that is supposedly more voracious about combatting the disease, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I'm thankful to hear that SOMETHING has come of all these millions of dollars worth of banquets, proceeds, charities, benefits and red riboon sales. On the other hand, when breakthroughs like this happen it seems to be an open invitation to fuck without consequences because now "there's a pill for that." And if that's not bad enough, now we have to contend with these idiots hosting "conversion" parties. What is WRONG with people?! It's like a slap in the face to the families, researchers and thousand of people hoping, struggling to find a cure. And people scratch their heads and wonder where this new virulent strain of AIDS is coming from. Sigh...

SUV Simpletons

See these vehicles? They're owned by dumbasses. This is why people get their cars keyed. This is also why people like me want to get a sledgehammer and go John Henry on their goddamn windshield. There's zero excuse for this level of retardery.

If you can't park your car into a fuckin' parking space, then maybe your in the wrong car. Maybe you need to take that cell phone away from your ear long enough to park properly. Maybe you shouldn't be driving one of these retardmobiles if you don't know how to maneuver it properly in the first place. Maybe you need to do us all a favor and shoot yourself in the face right now. You stupid asshole, you.

And in case you're wondering, this ISN'T an occasional occurrence. I see this kind of bullshit on a daily basis. Why, just the other day there was a car parked directly in front of the grocery store, blocking traffic, with their hazard lights on. Apparently they're more important than anyone else and so was their errand. Naturally, there's never a fuckin' cop around when this kind of dumb shit happens. If I ever tried to pull that kind of dumb shit I'd get a ticket so fast I wouldn't have time to blink. People are ignorant assholes.

Thank you. This rant was brought to you by the letters 'F' and 'U.'

The Merits of Being Seen and Not Heard

Get a load of this guy. Survey says? Lunchable! I'm sorry. That was supa qweuh (say it like Vinnie Barbarino). I had to get it out of my system. I stumbled across this guy's self-made shrine site and stuck around long enough to download some peics.

He promotes himself as a Fitness/Promotional Model, Personality and Actor (natch), but I have a feeling he really wants "to direct." Amazing how the people with so little depth have the nerve to consider using the word "personality" when describing themselves. I'd wager to say it was more charisma than personality. There's a big difference. So get your hip boots, but watch out! He may draw you into his "sphere." ROTFLMAO! What-ever! Maybe ya'll can split a "Gourmet Frozen Dessert" while you're in said sphere.

Here's the misc. insight he offered about himself on his site: (words in parenthesis are my personal 2¢)

• Best Kept Secret: The original bad boy with a Big Heart... and a lot of Muscle! (Every guy like this thinks they're the "original" bad boy)
• Aspire: To be More (Vapid?)
• Accolades: Business Entrepreneur, Model, Actor, Entertainer (These types always major in Business)
• Role Models: James Dean (natch)/Roger Stauback/Kiss/The Hulk/Spiderman (What is it with muscleheads and superheroes?)

Personality: JD (Is that short for 'Jaded Dingleberry?') is a self-determined, goal-oriented go-getter. Once he sets his mind - watch out (But can he set his watch? That's the real test)! His goals are set and he follows through. JD is reliable, adventurous, fun-loving, genuine, what you see is what you get!!!! His fearsome, strong willed demeanor draws you into his sphere. This is the Real Thing... (God, could I write anything funnier than that bullshit?)

Hobbies: Motorcycle riding (natch), skiing, swimming, entertaining, outdoors (Does drinking a bottled water on the beach really qualify as "entertaining?"), business, sports, family and friends. Golfing (WASP alert!), weight training, college football at Southern Connecticut State (College plug, already), baseball, river rafting (Very Xtreme Mountain Dew of him), mountain biking, maker of Gourmet Frozen Desserts ('Gourmet.' The babes dig that)…

Don't get me wrong, he's kinda dreamy, except he sorta has a case of what I call PrimatePuss, BUT, in his defense, he has mastered that faraway, distant look. Enjoy!

Bitchfest 2005 has officially begun.