I Love it When a Plan Comes Together

Look what I won! Look what I won! Yes, I've been stalking good ol' eBay again. This time around it was for a terrific autographed photo of my main man, Johnny Knoxville. Don't fret Vince (Vaughn) I haven't forsaken my love for you!

I will now proceed to patiently stalk the mailbox until it arrives. Then I can add it to my nice little collection of autographed photos. My collection includes: Dave Draper: His wife purchased something from me on eBay and I let her "pay" for it with a personally autographed photo of my choosing! WOOT! Rock Hudson: A gift from my friend Derik, 2 Christmases ago. David Naughton, Linda Blair and Carrie Fisher: All at a comic convention around Halloween about 4 years ago. Linda signed the insert of my Hell Night DVD, Carrie signed my VHS cover of Garbo Talks and David signed a Be a Pepper photo, telling me that I'M a Pepper! WOOT!

In addition, I also have autographed photos from Ben Affleck, Vince Vaughn (X4... one of which was in response to a letter I wrote him, but I don't think it was really signed by him. It looks too different from all the others I have) and Big Poppa Pump (ROWR!). Those are all from eBay.

Now for the people who I wrote to when I was growing up, whom were kind and generous enough to send me autographed photos: Madeline Kahn, Mindy Cohn (personalized!), Drew Barrymore (personalized!), Sylvester Stallone, Ratt (stamped Christmas postcard), The Dukes of Hazzard cast (stamped postcard), Olivia Newton-John (stamped photo), Tom Cruise (stamped photo), Jameson Parker (stamped photo), the entire cast of MTV's The State (genuinely signed by EACH cast member!), Corey Hart: Not actually a photo, but a hand-written letter on "official" Corey Hart Fan Club stationery! I used to be a member of his fan club (he's still hot, if you ask me) and I, thinking I was SO insightful, send him a fan letter and then proceeded to critique his latest music video. Lol! I'm such a homo. Ah, the turbulent 80's. You know I love 'em.

And now for my two autographed photos that go in the Hall of Shame. The first one was of Steven Seagal (personalized). When I went to Los Angeles about 10 years ago, I "looked up" a guy who is the son of some people who are my parent's friends (His name was Ronald G. Smith, in case you're skeptical). He's a Production Manager for Warner Bros. I got to go on the set of the movie they were filming: The Glimmer Man. A crime thriller starring Steven Seagal and Keenen Ivory Wayans (whatta combo!). Keenan signed my autograph book (I'm SO gay. I actually took an autograph book with me to L.A., thinking I might run into a celebrity. Lol! Am I sad or what?), while Steven, who was currently being a primadonna in his trailer and couldn't be bothered (according to the crew). He was going through his break-up with his wife at the time, Kelly LeBrock, whom I was SO hoping was on the set. I loved her in Weird Science and The Woman in Red. However, Steven was gracious enough to sign a photo for me, so I have no complaints.

And now for the final nail in my coffin, er list. About 15 years ago when I was still stupid enough to think I was going to have a good time at a bar, I went to one in Dallas called The Wave. I went with the sole purpose of getting my favorite gay porn star's autograph: "Tom Katt (AKA: Tom Payne, Brad Rock...Oy, the names porn stars choose)" Lol! I thought that he was SO friggin' hot. He had all those things I look for in a porn star: Bodybuilder-build, dark hair, big nose and was noticeably shorter than me at 5'6". I actually had my picture taken with him (Polaroid) and he came up to my shoulder. He signed my 8X10 "To Kirk- Take it sleazy." Lol! I bet he wrote that in everyone's yearbook, too. Today he's even bigger and better. Viva le Tom Katt!