Party Like It's 1976!

With New Year's Eve coming up, I felt it was a good time to share my latest super-groovy ephemera acquisition. It's the centerfold booklet from another booklet I bought, advertising the various spirits offered by a store called Liquor Mart (what a great name!) in Boulder, Colorado, circa 1976. After doing a little investigating, I found that Liquor Mart is still operating today and even maintains it's same groovalicious font. How cool is that?!

Anyway, if you want to be the envy of all your friends, just click on the images, print them out and assemble your very own copy to keep on hand.

New Year's Evil © 1980

[ Click to hear the song ]
Click here to see my list of movies to kick off the New Year with!

Crimp My Pibb

A few days ago while reading one of the local newspapers (I sometimes buy a copy of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram {the city to the west of Arlington} and The Dallas Morning News {the city to the east of Arlington), I ran across an article/review for a new book for children called "Mommy Has a Tattoo." I know I'll be the big bad Grinch for saying this, but that has to be the most retarded excuse for a children's book ever.

The really sad part is twofold: [1] all the rave reviews for it over at Amazon.com, and [2] the fact that it's going to sell like hotcakes to emo parents everywhere. People love to justify the most inane things, so this will be right up their alley. It cracks me up that more than one of the reviewers over on Amazon are all "Finally, acceptance/Tolerance at last, etc." Whatever. Fuuuuck off. I love how something someone chose to have done to modify themself and/or make them "unique" is now a "problem." With choices come consequences. You can handle it, "bro," after all, you're a rebel who doesn't care what anybody thinks, remember? Xtreme! What's next, "Mommy Has Her Clit Pierced?" Gimme a break. Don't laugh, I'm sure the piercing book is already in the works. There's a sucker born every minute.

Just remember, when you're 80-something and getting a sponge bath in "The Home" you can regale the nurse with your awesome story of how you got loaded one night and, "because all your friends had one," got a "sweet" butterfly "inked" on the small of your back. You know, where you have the Bursitis now. Neat!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against tattoos per se, but [A] this whole "children's book" concept is ridiculous and [B] don't try to pass yourself off as some misunderstood minority who "isn't treated fairly." More of us 'get' it than you think: You're alternative. Neat. Congratulations. Deal with it, and let's not romanticize the whole tattoo "backstory." It's a fad, you got caught up in it, the end.

Currently Reading

What do all these books have in common? I got all of them for Christmas! Hurray for people who know what I like! All synopsis are courtesy of Amazon.com.

I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris
Synopsis: Sedaris's sidesplitting guide to throwing parties hopes to return readers to the times when the word "entertainment" was "charmingly old-fashioned, like courtship or back alley abortions." While her tongue is firmly in cheek, novice party-planners will actually find some helpful hints along the way as Sedaris offers instructions and real recipes. Her tips run the gamut from how to properly freeze meatballs (freeze them on a cookie sheet before putting them into a freezer bag so they won't stick together) and deal with the inebriated ("Better to cut them off rather than pretend it's not happening and then allow them to stay over and wet your bed"). She's a generous but crafty hostess ("A good trick is to fill your medicine cabinet with marbles. Nothing announces a nosey guest better than an avalanche of marbles hitting a porcelain sink"). Etiquette pointers include inappropriate introductions ("This is Barbara, she can't have children") and things to avoid saying to the grieving ("Did she smoke?" "Was he drinking?" "Where were you when this happened?"). Her advice is both practical and hilarious; her instructions on removing vomit stains ends with "or just toss it, chances are you've stained it before."
Comments: YES! As you know, I had been wanting this book but was waiting for the price to come down before getting it. Fortunately, one of my friends knows me so well that he got it for me and didn't even know I wanted it! There's something to be said for synchronicity.

The book is even better than I'd imagined. I am LOVING it. A LOT of thought, time and effort went into this book and it shows. I'd love to author something similiar someday. Highly recommended!

The Way to a Man's Heart by Liz Wolf-Cohen
Synopsis: Savory recipes and funky 1950s style artwork reveal the path to any man's heart, be he boyfriend, dad, uncle, son, or potential mate. From man-sized snacks like Italian submarine sandwiches and buttermilk biscuits to sweets like angel food cake and Philadelphia sticky buns, this feast of recipes is designed to tempt masculine taste buds. Delights such as Hunky Salad, Rib Stickin' Beans 'n' Pasta, and Fisherman's Favorites are included.
Comments: Believe it or not, I'd never even seen this book before and believe me, that in and of itself is rare, cosidering how I hone in on all things kitsch. Loaded with tons of great vintage photos, clip art and recipes. I love it. Again, highly recommended!

Ice Cream Treats by Charity Ferreira
Synopsis: Food writer and "ice cream person" Ferreira explores the possibilities of store-bought ice cream with recipes ranging from a richly decadent eggnog ice cream torte to an airy raspberry sorbet sandwich with cocoa meringues. While the author admits that ice cream is difficult to improve upon, she maintains that even the subtlest addition—a twist of orange zest, a white chocolate drizzle—can make a big difference. There needn’t be much arm-twisting here—the mouthwatering photography does the dirty work for her. Along with recipes for cakes, inventive shakes and malts, hand-held treats and a variety of toppings, Ferreira offers a buying guide and tips on the basics, such as softening and shaping ice cream. For the reader who wants to try something more daring, the book also contains recipes for homemade ice cream in traditional flavors like coffee, dark chocolate and vanilla bean.
Comments: My next door neighbor gave me this book coupled with a really great ice cream scoop (mine has a lime green handle!). I love them both! The book is filled with all those lovely, yet completely unrealistic photos that I love so much. Think Pottery Barn catalog meets Real Simple magazine. Recommend!

Merry Christmas from Kirkkitsch

Vintage Christmas Card

Here's a Christmas card I bought earlier this year at an ephemera booth at a flea market. I was initially attracted to the kitschy glitter garland on the front of the card, but then was forced to buy it once I saw the name inscribed on the inside. I love it. Can you imagine growing up with that name?

Christmas Trimmings

*A few photos I took when I went back to my hometown recently.

Christmas Cards

Well, it's that time of year again. Yep, the time of year when I wait to the last possible minute to address and mail my Christmas cards. As usual, if anyone out there who still reads this ol' blog o'mine would like to receive a Christmas card from me, just e-mail me with the word 'card' as the subject and include your mailing address. Of course, if your name is Girlzoot, I already have your address (thank you for the great card, BTW).

I'll be addressing cards right up until the end of this week. I love sending cards and there's plenty, so don't be shy!

Update

Well, the garage sale went well, last weekend. I made more money than I thought I would. I believe a lot of the success goes to the "Everything 1/2 Off on Sunday" gimmick, because shit was flyin' off the tables all day long.

I ended up having the sale with both Derik and Lolita (Ms. Fossil's granddaughter). Heck, even Nathan and Christi stopped by to partake of the bargains and Nathan was instrumental in helpin us get things put away when it started to sprinkle on Sunday afternoon. I don't like to get mushy very often, but thank goodness for good friends. They really are a blessing. Okay, enough of that, on with the story...

Both Derik and Lolita brought plenty of variety to the sale, Derik selling amazing shit that even I bought some of, and Lolita bringing on her mom's behalf (and her mom stopping by with lunch on Sunday; chicken gumbo, So delicious!). We all ended up buying bits 'n pieces of each other's stuff (or just trading out, in some cases). I came away with a pair od bookends, an old metal toy typewriter, a vintage card game and a box of assorted lightbulbs. What didn't sell, Mission Arlington came and picked up, thank God, or I think I would have left it all there in the backyard, like the ruins of Pompei. It was EXHAUSTING.

We had a lot of really nice people stop by and buy things and the occasional not-so-nice person. And, of course, we were never short on the "interesting" shoppers either. One in particular, came dressed (very smartly, I might add) as what we assumed was someone who worked for the Salvation Army. He had the pea coat, matching hat, everything but the bell. We soon found out that he had no connection with them, he was just cuckoo for Coco Puffs. We were tipped off when he smiled and had teeth that resembled indian corn. I did my (now infamous) impression, later with some gummi cola bottles that I'd bitten in half and strategically placed on both my upper and lower teeth. He was friendly enough though (if not a little strange) and bought some of my videos (Salem's Lot, Prince of the City, etc.) and some of my books. And though he was nice, he lingered at the table for a lonnnnnnng time after he'd paid for his stuff and we'd put it into bags for him. So long in fact that we were beginning to wonder if he was ever going to leave. Here's how it went down:

Snaggletooth: I like comics. Do you like comics? I collect comics.
Me: Oh yeah, I love comics. Which ones do you collect?
Snaggletooth: Conan the Barbarian, Prince Valiant, etc. You collect any of those?
Me: That's cool. No, I don't have any of those. I collected The Incredible Hulk and Silver Surfer for a while though.

Insert pause that seemed to last a lifetime
*At this point in the conversation, he's just on 'Pause' and stares and breathes a lot. We all kind of shift uneasily, not sure where to go with the conversation.
Snaggletooth: I used to work at a comic book store, so I have boxes of comics at home from when I worked there.
Me: Oh really? Heh, I used to work at a video store, so that's why I have so many videos (points in the direction of the table with the videos on it).

Insert ANOTHER long pause
Me: Wellll, thank you very much. I hope you enjoy the videos and books.
Snaggletooth: Okay.

Insert ANOTHER long pause
*Snaggletooth walks over to my 25¢ table and picks up some random toy and brings it over and says "I think I'll take this little guy too."
Me: Oh, heh heh, okay. Yeah, he's cute. He's from some movie I forget the name of. Thank you!

Meanwhile, Lolita has peeled-the-fuck-out and went to the back of the yard to "fold clothes," while Derik exclaims "Is that fresh coffee I smell?!" and runs inside the house, leaving me there to talk to Napoleon Dynamite, Jr. for another 10 minutes. Thanks guys, you turds.

Then there was the couple that tag teamed me to sell them a $7 item for $4...then $4.50, then when I wouldn't (we made a deal NOT to budge on prices the first day, but pleasantly reminded people that everything would be half price on Sunday, if they want to come back), the girlfriend who'd been so friendly previously, says "fuckers" under her breath. What a dear.

Then there was Nacho Libre and her gang of banditos, who she had distract us by asking us prices on things that were clearly marked, while she and her other accomplice stole clothes marked 2 and 3 dollars. That's some classy motherfuckers.

And of course, there were the antique dealers, flea market sellers, assorted neighbors (one of which was the one I called and reported for their insanely loud music just a few weeks earlier, unbeknownst to them), lesbian couples, stinky old ladies, grouchy old men, friends and assorted transients. In the end, fun was had by all.

However, now I am sick as a dog and that's why I didn't feel like blogging last week. I am still sick, but it comes and goes. I'm sweating like Dick Cheney at a PFLAG meeting, yet I have no fever. The sore throat comes mostly in the morning and now I have a cough, snotty nose and enough lung butter to rival the folks at Country Crock. I'm sure I'll get better eventually, so if this week's blog posts seem stinkier than usual, you know why.

Napoleon Dynamite Would Be So Proud

(*especially when smothered in chili & cheese!)

Of Lawn Jockeys and Space Monkeys

Well, here is a load of pictures I have taken over the last few weeks. As usual, they are totally random, so here goes:


[1] Assorted Christmas ornaments at Target
[2] A picture of a walrus from the Compton Yearbook © 1961 (you can find them on Amazon for around 3-12 dollars). I bought it for 50¢ at a local flea market recently
[3] Vintage angel Christmas tree topper at the same flea market
[4] One of the vintage Christmas cards I bought at the flea market
[5] A great old sign near a local thrift store
[6] Fall finally comes to Texas...2 months late
[7] Elmer's new concept in 'bling,' Galactic Glitter glue
[8] The lawn jockey in Ms. Fossil's backyard. She had one of the original ones, I'd guess circa 50's, but it was damaged during a storm or something and was broken into pieces. So she bought this one new, unpainted and painted it herself. Oy
[9] This was both odd and sorta creepy. Someone abandoned this poor guy under a street lamp on a lonely road near my house. This is a recent picture (like within the last 2 days), and the jack o'lantern still looks Halloween fresh. No signs of decomposition. Strange.
[10] This is Ingemar Johansson, a boxer popular in the late 50's to early 60's. I just think he is so handsome. Another picture from the Compton Yearbook.
[11] A house in a nearby small town that is being renovated to be made into a bed & breakfast.
[12] One of the booths at the flea market I went to. The guy whom the booth belongs to, always has his stuff set up in a very visually-appealing way. Consciously or not, it's always interesting in its' eclecticism. He has a real eye for the unusual and kitschy.
[13] "Monkey in space suit" reads the caption for this photo and one of the main reasons I bought the book (see #2). She looks like she's dressed like a hoagie. LOL!
[14] This was the inside of a closet at an estate sale I went to. It was an older home and had lots of interesting little design elements I found interesting.
[15] In my hometown there is a box factory that has been around for decades and it's only open to the public once a year, around Christmastime. I love going there because it makes me feel like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and bcause you can buy huge sheets of wrapping paper for 10¢ and they have tons of great boxes ranging from 5¢-$2! These are some of the boxes they make.
[16] Another picture from the kitschalicious booth at the flea market. Love the cup full of spoons. Great colors. (*see #12)
[17/18] This is Petey. Well, I don't know what her name is, but I like to think it's Petey. She was one of the cuties at the local pet store. I wanted to hug her and squeeze her and take her home for a nap. Unfortunately I didn't have the ransom they wanted for her. Just look at that pouty lil' face!
[19] Another picture from the aforementioned book. For some reason this one made me laugh. I guess because this woman seems to be mesmerized by this gas incinerator. Yeah, be sure and stick your face right in there, idiot.
[20] Racks of the assorted wrapping papers from the box factory.
[21] This was the toilet from the estate sale I mentioned earlier. I thought the tank was so cute and small. I love the size and shape of it.
[22] Dig this funky ol' Arby's sign near a thrift store in a nearby town. I think it's so great. I love that you can still find stuff like this in the older parts of town. The restaurant is still open too! Great, now I want a roast beef and cheddar with a side of Arby's sauce.
[23] Detail of one of the "brushless" scrubbers in the local carwash. It reminded me of one of the "Fry Guys" from the 80's McDonald's commercials.

Ephemera

I went to a flea market this past weekend and found a few goodies. I had to dig through a lot of dusty ol' boxes, but it was worth it in the end. I really liked these two pieces in particular, but I couldn't tell you why exactly. The first one is an old (1941) fortune card like you'd get out of one of those old fortune teller machines.

The other is just some random receipt (for $1, no less!) that I found interesting. I don't wanna get all fruity and say "I was drawn to it, or that it "spoke" to me, but it did stand out from all the other scraps of paper. I did a little research, out of curiosity, and it turns out that The "A.T. & S.F. Railway System" stands for The Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway, which was one of the largest railroads in the United States and was founded in 1859. Click on the hyperlink to see some really interesting pictures from its' heydays and to read some interesting information about its' history.

'Tis the Season

This is going to be a really hectic week for me, what with getting everything together for the giant garage sale coming up this weekend, so my posts may be more of the visual nature than textual. I have some photos I've taken that I've been meaning to post, as well as some things I've been meaning to scan and share, so enjoy!

Excerpt from the 1963 book 'Sick, Sick, Sick' by Jules Feiffer

Better Homes & Gardens Dares to Ask...

[ Click on images to enlarge ] © 1961