Update

Well, the garage sale went well, last weekend. I made more money than I thought I would. I believe a lot of the success goes to the "Everything 1/2 Off on Sunday" gimmick, because shit was flyin' off the tables all day long.

I ended up having the sale with both Derik and Lolita (Ms. Fossil's granddaughter). Heck, even Nathan and Christi stopped by to partake of the bargains and Nathan was instrumental in helpin us get things put away when it started to sprinkle on Sunday afternoon. I don't like to get mushy very often, but thank goodness for good friends. They really are a blessing. Okay, enough of that, on with the story...

Both Derik and Lolita brought plenty of variety to the sale, Derik selling amazing shit that even I bought some of, and Lolita bringing on her mom's behalf (and her mom stopping by with lunch on Sunday; chicken gumbo, So delicious!). We all ended up buying bits 'n pieces of each other's stuff (or just trading out, in some cases). I came away with a pair od bookends, an old metal toy typewriter, a vintage card game and a box of assorted lightbulbs. What didn't sell, Mission Arlington came and picked up, thank God, or I think I would have left it all there in the backyard, like the ruins of Pompei. It was EXHAUSTING.

We had a lot of really nice people stop by and buy things and the occasional not-so-nice person. And, of course, we were never short on the "interesting" shoppers either. One in particular, came dressed (very smartly, I might add) as what we assumed was someone who worked for the Salvation Army. He had the pea coat, matching hat, everything but the bell. We soon found out that he had no connection with them, he was just cuckoo for Coco Puffs. We were tipped off when he smiled and had teeth that resembled indian corn. I did my (now infamous) impression, later with some gummi cola bottles that I'd bitten in half and strategically placed on both my upper and lower teeth. He was friendly enough though (if not a little strange) and bought some of my videos (Salem's Lot, Prince of the City, etc.) and some of my books. And though he was nice, he lingered at the table for a lonnnnnnng time after he'd paid for his stuff and we'd put it into bags for him. So long in fact that we were beginning to wonder if he was ever going to leave. Here's how it went down:

Snaggletooth: I like comics. Do you like comics? I collect comics.
Me: Oh yeah, I love comics. Which ones do you collect?
Snaggletooth: Conan the Barbarian, Prince Valiant, etc. You collect any of those?
Me: That's cool. No, I don't have any of those. I collected The Incredible Hulk and Silver Surfer for a while though.

Insert pause that seemed to last a lifetime
*At this point in the conversation, he's just on 'Pause' and stares and breathes a lot. We all kind of shift uneasily, not sure where to go with the conversation.
Snaggletooth: I used to work at a comic book store, so I have boxes of comics at home from when I worked there.
Me: Oh really? Heh, I used to work at a video store, so that's why I have so many videos (points in the direction of the table with the videos on it).

Insert ANOTHER long pause
Me: Wellll, thank you very much. I hope you enjoy the videos and books.
Snaggletooth: Okay.

Insert ANOTHER long pause
*Snaggletooth walks over to my 25¢ table and picks up some random toy and brings it over and says "I think I'll take this little guy too."
Me: Oh, heh heh, okay. Yeah, he's cute. He's from some movie I forget the name of. Thank you!

Meanwhile, Lolita has peeled-the-fuck-out and went to the back of the yard to "fold clothes," while Derik exclaims "Is that fresh coffee I smell?!" and runs inside the house, leaving me there to talk to Napoleon Dynamite, Jr. for another 10 minutes. Thanks guys, you turds.

Then there was the couple that tag teamed me to sell them a $7 item for $4...then $4.50, then when I wouldn't (we made a deal NOT to budge on prices the first day, but pleasantly reminded people that everything would be half price on Sunday, if they want to come back), the girlfriend who'd been so friendly previously, says "fuckers" under her breath. What a dear.

Then there was Nacho Libre and her gang of banditos, who she had distract us by asking us prices on things that were clearly marked, while she and her other accomplice stole clothes marked 2 and 3 dollars. That's some classy motherfuckers.

And of course, there were the antique dealers, flea market sellers, assorted neighbors (one of which was the one I called and reported for their insanely loud music just a few weeks earlier, unbeknownst to them), lesbian couples, stinky old ladies, grouchy old men, friends and assorted transients. In the end, fun was had by all.

However, now I am sick as a dog and that's why I didn't feel like blogging last week. I am still sick, but it comes and goes. I'm sweating like Dick Cheney at a PFLAG meeting, yet I have no fever. The sore throat comes mostly in the morning and now I have a cough, snotty nose and enough lung butter to rival the folks at Country Crock. I'm sure I'll get better eventually, so if this week's blog posts seem stinkier than usual, you know why.