Crimp My Pibb

A few days ago while reading one of the local newspapers (I sometimes buy a copy of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram {the city to the west of Arlington} and The Dallas Morning News {the city to the east of Arlington), I ran across an article/review for a new book for children called "Mommy Has a Tattoo." I know I'll be the big bad Grinch for saying this, but that has to be the most retarded excuse for a children's book ever.

The really sad part is twofold: [1] all the rave reviews for it over at Amazon.com, and [2] the fact that it's going to sell like hotcakes to emo parents everywhere. People love to justify the most inane things, so this will be right up their alley. It cracks me up that more than one of the reviewers over on Amazon are all "Finally, acceptance/Tolerance at last, etc." Whatever. Fuuuuck off. I love how something someone chose to have done to modify themself and/or make them "unique" is now a "problem." With choices come consequences. You can handle it, "bro," after all, you're a rebel who doesn't care what anybody thinks, remember? Xtreme! What's next, "Mommy Has Her Clit Pierced?" Gimme a break. Don't laugh, I'm sure the piercing book is already in the works. There's a sucker born every minute.

Just remember, when you're 80-something and getting a sponge bath in "The Home" you can regale the nurse with your awesome story of how you got loaded one night and, "because all your friends had one," got a "sweet" butterfly "inked" on the small of your back. You know, where you have the Bursitis now. Neat!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against tattoos per se, but [A] this whole "children's book" concept is ridiculous and [B] don't try to pass yourself off as some misunderstood minority who "isn't treated fairly." More of us 'get' it than you think: You're alternative. Neat. Congratulations. Deal with it, and let's not romanticize the whole tattoo "backstory." It's a fad, you got caught up in it, the end.