Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Crimp My Pibb

A few days ago while reading one of the local newspapers (I sometimes buy a copy of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram {the city to the west of Arlington} and The Dallas Morning News {the city to the east of Arlington), I ran across an article/review for a new book for children called "Mommy Has a Tattoo." I know I'll be the big bad Grinch for saying this, but that has to be the most retarded excuse for a children's book ever.

The really sad part is twofold: [1] all the rave reviews for it over at, and [2] the fact that it's going to sell like hotcakes to emo parents everywhere. People love to justify the most inane things, so this will be right up their alley. It cracks me up that more than one of the reviewers over on Amazon are all "Finally, acceptance/Tolerance at last, etc." Whatever. Fuuuuck off. I love how something someone chose to have done to modify themself and/or make them "unique" is now a "problem." With choices come consequences. You can handle it, "bro," after all, you're a rebel who doesn't care what anybody thinks, remember? Xtreme! What's next, "Mommy Has Her Clit Pierced?" Gimme a break. Don't laugh, I'm sure the piercing book is already in the works. There's a sucker born every minute.

Just remember, when you're 80-something and getting a sponge bath in "The Home" you can regale the nurse with your awesome story of how you got loaded one night and, "because all your friends had one," got a "sweet" butterfly "inked" on the small of your back. You know, where you have the Bursitis now. Neat!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against tattoos per se, but [A] this whole "children's book" concept is ridiculous and [B] don't try to pass yourself off as some misunderstood minority who "isn't treated fairly." More of us 'get' it than you think: You're alternative. Neat. Congratulations. Deal with it, and let's not romanticize the whole tattoo "backstory." It's a fad, you got caught up in it, the end.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm guessing the book I'm working on right now... "Mommy Has a Clitoral Piercing"... will receive an equally chilly reception??

Sunday, December 31, 2006 3:22:00 AM  
Blogger nccountry said...

Look kirk i happen to be a mommy and have a tattoo but who cares, whoever wrote that book is a retard! Who gives a rats ass!

Sunday, December 31, 2006 4:30:00 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

when you told me about this the other day, I thought you were joking. Why am I working instead of writing children's books?

Sunday, December 31, 2006 8:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

I have three tattoos and am the furthest thing from Emo you'll ever care to meet. I just really, really like to decorate things, and I that includes my body too. :)

But what I want to say is: WHY can't these dipshit breeders explain to their spawn what a tattoos is/why they got one by themselves, without the help of a book?? Gawd, it's not nuclear physics!!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007 7:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


OH MY! That is hysterical. It has to be a joke. I am so in the wrong business. I have a million ideas for books like that. You've already covered one topic. I definitely need to write a book for my neighbor's children called "My mommy is a crack-whore".

Speaking of tattoos, they are retarded much of the time, too. And getting them removed? Hurts like hell. So, don't do it!! Girls, your tramp stamp is going to be ridiculous when you're 80. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007 6:54:00 PM  

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