Thursday, December 23, 2004

'Tis The Season(s)

Looking for some last-minute gift ideas? Have a vendetta against a loved one? Then have I got a deal for you! Here's a small sampling of the crapftacular goodies I found at a local craft mall. About the only thing there that I actually liked were the monkeys (see #2) and the votive candles that I buy there on a regular basis. They are amazing! They burn for at least 15 hours and my favorite scents include: White Linen, Clean, Rain, Cucumber and Pomegranate. They smell amazing.

[1] Irony? The sign posted outside the craft mall where these pictures were taken.

[2] Cute Monkeys! The one thing I actually thought was cute, turned out to be manufactured. I luvs monkeys!

[3] Furry purses made from yarn remnants! Just $65!

[4] A prime example of the resin-licious items that abound at the local craft malls.

[5] Don't ask me. I don't know either. All I know is that some "artisan" had a booth full of these clay monstrosities. This one was a mere $35!

[6] Ah, the crafsmanship! Ooh, the detail! This was another example of the above mentioned's booth. I'd like to think this person is mentally-challenged and/or working with just one left foot, but I know deep down inside, that's probably not true.

[7] Ah, the smooth song stylings of the neighborhood-reknown Vance Greek. Labeled "the world's premier independent artist," Vince has brought us such diverse albums as: Piano Favorites, Christmas Piano and the ever-popular, Piano Praise. For those who thought they had to leave the flashy life of motorized scooters and creamed corn back in Branson, Missouri, fear not! Vince brings all the good memories flooding back with more than a dozen albums to choose from. And don't forget to check out his son Steven's albums as well! With diverse titles like Imagine, I Need You and What Daddies Do, you're sure to find that perfect revenge gift for that special co-worker in your life! Visit Vince (and Steve) at

And that's not all! I've done some extensive research to bring you even MORE craptacular shopping ideas!:

• This one is actually something I wouldn't mind owning. It's the one practical gift in this entire post. Check out

• Not content just lighting dog poop in sack and leaving it on a neighbor's doorstep? Then make sure you visit

• Oh no! You'd like to start collecting religious-based resin figurines, but you don't know where to start. Well, you're in luck! Visit

• You say you're lookin' for heap big bargain huh? Well, look no further! Visit The Three Ladies

But wait! There's more! As a special treat I'd like to share with you something I was an eyewitness to yesterday evening, while running a few last minute Christmas shopping errands. I was first tipped off when I passed the register and saw stacks of bags of Conversation Hearts in a display across from the register. I barely managed to stifle a scream. SIGH.


Blogger The Cunning Linguist said...

Aaagh! My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Friday, December 24, 2004 4:10:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Imagine actually being in the same room with this crap. My camera actually said "gimme a fuckin' break" when it saw the clay tree stump monstrosity-thing in my viewfinder.

Saturday, December 25, 2004 10:51:00 AM  

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