Whitebread Gangstas in Da Hizouse!

Moms, hide your purse! Dads, hide your pants! America, hide your face! Whitebread gangstas are in da hizoooooouse! When the Whitebread gangstas are on the loose, anything can happen! Parents can be asked for money for the latest Halo video game! Old Navy pants and caps will deplete without warning! Copies of Friday and The Fast and the Furious will fly off the shelves at Blockbuster! That's right, gangstas Dewey, Hunter and Matthew are on the prizowl and that means trizouble.

That's right. This is what American kids have come to: shirtless WASPs donning FUBU* clothes, baseball caps and firearms. And that's only when their parents aren't around. Whatever you do don't tell their mom or they're soccer coach or they'll be super-grounded!

All kidding aside, I sincerely weep for the future. I'm still waiting for the Samurai fad to hit, so I can see kids wearing kickass kimonos, loincloths (by Abercrombie & Fitch, of course) and sandals. And for those rainy days, raincoats made out of straw. Sigh. Kids today are retarded. The whole obsession with all things firearm is dorkalicious, simply because you know these dopey motherfuckers have no need whatsoever, for a gun. Not unless their skateboards need protectin' from the other kids in the "'hood." Puhleeeaze.

It all reminds me of that episode of The Chappelle Show, where he does a spoof of a reality show called Trading Spouses. When Chapelle walks in on his new white family and sees the lil' white kid listening to 50 cent he's all "What the Hell do you think you're listenin' to?" and the kid's all "Yo, dis fitty cent, I'm from da hood, GGGG G-Unit!". Chapelle: "GGGGGet yo' ass out here!" Then they drive to the ghetto and he drops off the kid and he tells him "And when you see yo' people, tell 'em I said I'm glad they got out. And if you need money, just sell rocks, I hear that's what they do around here." And he drives off and leaves this little kid from the suburbs in the ghetto.

*FUBU has some great clothes, so don't be turned off by the fact that idiots choose to wear it sometimes, too. How can you not embrace a clothing company that was cool enough to incorporate Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids into their clothing line LONG before the movie ever came to fruition? Very cool in my book.