The People in Your Neighborhood: Vol. III

[1] This nameplate is for one of the women who wait on me at the post office. She's really nice. However, whenever I see her name plate unattended (like so), I always wanna grab some nearby Liquid Paper and change it from AMRIT to ARMPIT. Yes, I'm 8 years old.

[2] David Crosby mails a letter. Oy. I will never understand the appeal that some aging men have with maintaining a ponytail. It must be a generational thing. I call it the Richard Grieco Syndrome (AKA Steven Segal Syndrome). If it is a generational thing, keep watch for MY generation to be sporting A Flock of Seagulls hair in about 20 years. Retarded.

[3] This woman, apparently going through her Witness Protection Program phase, was so fabulous and impatient that I wanted to grab her fuckin' tapping foot and snap it in half like a breadstick, while she waited in line.

Apparently she had sent a package to someone in France (fabulous!) and they hadn't received it yet. As it turns out, the dumbass she sent it to never thought to check the fuckin' POST OFFICE for the package. DERR! And somehow this was the U.S. post office's fault. Her defense was that France has multiple post offices and she didn't know which one to go to. Wow. Viva la Difference! Idiot. I so wanted to laugh when the woman at the counter advised her to tell the addressee to call information and find out what branch was nearest to her location. DUH! The woman, realizing what a dumbass she sounded like, still was in the mood to argue about it, though. Moron. P.s. Her feet were crustier than the sourdough bread at Macaroni Grill.

[4] This asshole is another example of the self-proclaimed "Mover & Shaker." This particular post office is SMALL and this jackass talks at full volume for the entire duration of his wait in line, spouting such pretentious business lingo as "Oh, it's a done deal. It's just a matter of taking him to lunch to seal the deal." Whatever, asshole.

[5] Make room for Impatient Woman AND her polka dot pants! This woman had the patience of Starr Jones at Jack in the Box. I swear to God, the post office BREEDS these type of people.

[6] I saw this guy at the post office, attempting to use the new self-serve postal machine. I thought he was hot. I have a thing for older men, though. Niiiiice legs. I had to restrain myself from vaulting over the counter and frisking him. I'm so lonely.

[7/8] Meet DJ Conner's aunt, PJ Conner. Jesus Christ. Does she really think that hairstyle looks good? I snapped the first picture just as she was about to sniff a red bellpepper that she's dropped while unloading her cart. WTF? Why would you smell it after it fell on the floor?

[9] And last, but not least, this woman. I call her Limburger Loins. I went with Derik recently to the local Movie Trading Company and while I was walking around browsing, I had the misfortune of crossing this woman's path. And whatta path it was! Initially I assumed a sewage line had broke somewhere in the vacinity. I even went so far as to check the bottoms of my shoes. My eyes were burning like someone pepper sprayed me. Goddamn! Either this woman was a zombie (which would explain the noxious odor wafting from her sphincter) or she has some dire intestinal issues that need medical attention, ASAP! Someone get this bitch a diaper and some toilet paper.

*Read Volume I & II.