Thursday, May 12, 2005

The People in Your Neighborhood: Vol. II

[1] This is the woman that waited on me when I went to the cable company to upgrade my cable box. Her personality was just as dazzling as her helmet hairdo. Plus, she couldn't hear my questions because she couldn't manage to stop sucking on her empty cup from Sonic. Helpful Hint: When no more liquid is coming up through the straw, the cup feels lighter and you can't hear because your sucking the lining out of the styrofoam cup...it's time to put it down. It's EMPTY, goddammit!

[2] Saw this guy at the library. He reminded me of Snyder from One Day at a Time.

[3] The hot postman. We have 3. This is the one that has the nice legs. Ow!

[4 & 5] I call this woman "Nightmare in Pink" Yeesh. Her hair is full of secrets, that's why it's so big. She epitomizes the stereotypical Texas woman. Notice the craftastic purse with the slots to put in pictures of the grandkids. It's always nice to have potential criminals have firsthand knowledge of your family. Ack!

[6] I thought, for a while, that this old man's back had gone out. He stayed in this position reading soup can labels for about 6 minutes. My evil twin wanted to do one of three things: 1) Goose him, 2) Stick him with a hat pin or 3) Push him into the canned goods head-first, Once Bitten-style.

[7] The woman who runs the register at the BBQ place that I frequent. It took 5 years, but she eventually warmed up to me. Now she grunts "Hi."

She LOVES football, and I love to be around during the play offs when all the busboys aggravate her by telling her she doesn't know anything about football. LMAO! She gets FURIOUS and just blows up every single time. It's hilarious to listen to. Everyone who works there loves to aggravate her because she always falls for it.

My all-time favorite memory, pertaining to her getting angry, was back in the Winter a few years ago. It had just snowed and everything was really icy. While she was waiting for her ride to pick her up, one of the busboys told her that maybe they weren't coming...that he thought her ride said she was supposed to meet them up the street... Well, she went bananas and starts craning her neck, looking out the windows, saying that they better not have. Not in this weather! And on and on and on. She got so hyper so quickly that I had to hold up my newspaper and quietly snicker behind it. Man, she has a SHORT fuse and everyone loves to light it!

[8] I found Waldo at a nearby Dairy Queen. He seems to have misplaced his little cap, though.

[9] Cutie-face browsing CDs at the local Best Buy.

[10] Some guy I thought was cute at the local Half Price Books. It seems like everywhere I went, I kept running into him. I'd turn a corner, there he was. I'd go down an aisle, there he was again. You may not be able to tell it from the picture, but he was a cutie.

[11] Good Lord. I got stuck behind this sack of molasses in paisley, while trying to maneuver my way around the Target parking lot (and ended up parking next to her, natch). I think her top speed was 2 mph. And if I thought she was a slow driver, you should have seen her in action. Yikes. Why do these kind of people still have driver's licenses?

[12] This is one of the Fitting Room attendants at the local Dillard's outlet. She had all the personality of a wet cat. Her disposition/appearance reminded me of a disgruntled orangutan. She did NOT like the fact that she was basically told to butt out (re: # 14 & 15). By the way, Larry from The Three Stooges called, he wants his hairdo back.

[13] This cowpoke was wandering around outside the gun show in Fort Worth. You people out there that have never been to Texas have just been waiting to see if the stereotypes are true...they are.

[14 & 15] This is a close-up of the last photo. Poor cutie-face boy was stuck in the middle of it all.

The story takes place outside the Fitting Room at the Dillard's outlet. The fitting room attendant and her partner in crime (notice the old woman in the black v-neck blouse, reflected in the 3-way mirror) were obsessed with helping this woman...whether she wanted it or not. Needless to say an argument ensued. Personally, I think it all could have been avoided had the Fitting Room attendants waited to be asked for their input, instead of this tag team's overzealousness (the women were both diligently talking over the customer!). I was glad the woman finally told them, in no uncertain terms, that they (her and her kids) didn't need any help shopping. I can SO relate to that. It's my number one pet peeve. I don't know about you, but when I go shopping, I'm not looking for a buddy, advice, etc. If I need help, I'll ask for it. And if you become my fuckin' shadow, I'll just end up buying it somewhere else, which is exactly what happened in this scenario.

5 Comments:

Blogger Mariana said...

I'm having trouble fully downloading your pictures lately. :( This one never loaded further than nº9, and I never got to see the last picture in the "Cookies, Body Parts and Groovy Boots" post collage.

Thursday, May 12, 2005 5:28:00 AM  
Anonymous LOUP said...

When I first moved to texas (85) it scared the bejeebies out of me to see men walking about with their boots, hats and guns like they were on set of some Roy Rogers flick. After 3 years I got used to it -so much so I figured they'd be everywhere by then.

Thursday, May 12, 2005 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger Ms. Q said...

Where have you been all my life, er, I mean, lunch hour? I saw your comment on Cheeky Prof's site and laughed out loud! I clicked your name and voila. This post is so funny, my ham and cheese croissant nearly ended up on my monitor.

I grew up in Ft. Worth and I can see that nothing has changed in the last 19 years. Oy vey!

I'll be back. *mwah*

Thursday, May 12, 2005 4:34:00 PM  
Blogger Cheeky Prof said...

Hey Ms. Q, that's how I felt when I first found Kirk, too! (Via Blog Clicker or one of those things, if I remember correctly.) In any case, the keen eye for stupidity and snappy sense of humor makes me wish he lived closer so we could go out for cocktails and make fun of people in the bar. ;-)

Sunday, May 15, 2005 11:27:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Mariana-
I'm sorry you're having touble viewing some of my images. I checked with my image host and a few other people, but I can't seem to find anyone else having the problem. I'll send you the individual images' URLs.

Loup-
Oh man, you ain't seen nuthin' 'til you've been to a gun show in Texas. WOW. The corn is plentiful, lemme tell ya.

Ms. Q-
Heh heh, I'm glad you liked my comment at Cheeky Prof's. I thought for sure someone would find it offensive. Dang. ;)

Oh really? That's cool that you know of Fort Worth. I actually prefer it to Dallas, though as you can see from some of the photos, it also has its' share of disadvantages...mostly in the form of people. It's fun to visit, though. I think anywhere I go I end up appreciating the solitariness of my own life.

I'm so glad you like my blog, comments like yours really motivate me to keep writing in my blog. I hope you have the wherewithal to stick around for a while. Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it! :)

Cheeky Prof-
Oh Cheeky My Cheeky, if only we did live closer together I would have someone to share my venomous outlook on life with, in person! I'd probably be more sociable if I had a partner in crime somewhere around here! :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 5:01:00 AM  

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