Good Things Come to Those Who Don't Fuck it Up

You know that saying that goes "All good things must come to an end?" Well, for those of you who eat at Subway and take advantage of their Sub Club stamp card, today is the last day to use it. Apparently some turd stole rolls of stamps and sold them on eBay. Wonderful. I love how it just takes one dumb asshole to ruin it for the rest of us:

For instance, the Nestle Wonderball, the short-lived American version of Kinder Surprise. The Nestle Wonderball, which is still being manufactured in a much lamer version, was a round plastic ball (imagine a round version of our classic, plastic Easter eggs) that was coated with chocolate and contained a small, plastic toy surprise. When I was buying them, they contained various Disney characters. I still have my toys from Hercules, Aladdin and 101 Dalmations

The Nestle Wonderball was basically a rip-off of the popular Italian (now worldwide...except in America) version, called Kinder Surprise, which originated in 1974 and is still as popular as ever, verging on a cult phenomenon among discerning adults.

Now, here's where the retardery (and the point of my post) kicks in: Kinder Eggs are sold all over the world; except in the United States where the FDA has banned the toys, due to safety concerns and regulations against non-food products within a food shell. Kinder Eggs are available, but only in a form filled with small candies and queer stickers the size of your fingernail. whee.

A form filled with small candies. So, because American kids are apparently too retarded to not ingest something plastic and/or their parents are too retarded to not read "Kinder Eggs containing toys are not suitable for children under the age of three due to the small parts which may be ingested or inhaled." the assumption is the rest of us are too retarded to handle their obvious space-age complexity. I find it fascinating how children overseas (and in Canada) have somehow managed to resist the temptation of choking on them, yet here in America, the kids are all emergency tracheotomies waiting to happen. Oy, so since mommy's little genius can't be supervised and/or deterred from ingesting fuckin' plastic, the rest of us have to settle for an inferior version. Thanks fer nuthin' 'tards.

And that is just one of many, many things over the years that some moron somewhere ruined for those of us.

I got over the loss of Denny's free meal on your birthday, so I'm sure I'll get over this too. Oh well, I still have Hollywood Video's free movie rental on your birthday, at lest until someone finds a way to ruin that too.

By the way, while I'm on the topic of Subway, I recently saw this commercial with Jarrod, where he's pissing and moaning about how "other places" batter/fry their chicken, while Subway doesn't, then goes on to talk about how great Subway's chicken is.

Well, you know what, Jarrod? Subway's chicken may have less calories, but everytime I've ordered it it's always had some cheap-ass, disgusting gristle/fat shit in it, that once I've bite into it, ruins the rest of my meal for fear of hitting another cartilicious piece. No wonder you're able to suppress your appetite. You also neglected to mention the "oven-roasted" chicken gets nuked in the microwave, you four-eyed toiletmonkey.