Mental Goulash 6

[1] Last Friday I mentioned that Johnny Knoxville would be hosting Saturday Night Live. Naturally, I tuned in to watch it, and as much as it pains me to say it...wow, was it ever baaaaad (sorry, LOUP). I don't blame Johnny, though. You're only as good as your material and the sketches were AWFUL. I think maybe 2 out of the 8 or 9 sketches actually made me laugh. Poor Johnny. Oh well, he still looked great, as always.

OMG, and speaking of poor things, my poor ears. The 'musical' guest (and I use the term "musical" loosely) was System of a Down. Wow. More like System of a Down Syndrome. Hands down, the absolute WORST musical guest performance ever. I'm open to all kinds of music, but this shit was bad. Maybe they sound better on their albums, once all the 'magic' has been put into place, but live, they sucked HARD. I even went so far as to listen to the second "performance," yet nothing changed. Still awful. To give you an idea of their awesome music, here is a sampling of some of the lyrics from one of the "songs" they performed called 'Aerials':

Aerials, in the sky
When you lose small mind
You free your life
Aerials, so up high
When you free your eyes eternal prize

Now screech about 19 "Ohhh oh oh's" and you've got yourself something worthy of Scoop Away. The really scary part is a couple of blogs that I have since come across that thought they were "awesome!" Goddamn. If that's awesome, someone cash in by placing a microphone next to the toilet next time you're experiencing IBS.

[2] Recently, I posted the latest list of keywords that people had typed into search engines that, in turn, brought them to my blog. One of those searches in particular cracked me and another reader up: "cameltoe on bicycle seats" In my response to her comment, I mentioned a photo that I had of Mary Tyler Moore, where she was sportin' some serious 'toe, and should I relocate it, I would post it. Well, as you can see, I found it. Just say 'No' to Jazzercise.

[3] Here in Texas, we have some AWFUL local business commercials (usually relegated to bloated GM trucks and sue-happy lawyers). Well, there are currently some running that include this guy (located directly beneath MTM in the collage) whose name, not unlike whatever it is he's actually advertising, escapes me, but the visual of his hair lingers on...and on... Wow. And I thought Texas women's hair defied the laws of gravity. I bet his hair is crispy-crunchy. Bless his heart.

[4] While channel-surfing, I landed on the local Spanish/Mexican channel: GalaVision. At first I thought Dinah Shore had risen from the grave and raided Siegfried & Roy's wardrobe. Upon closer inspection I realized it was a MAN. Eek! Since I opted to take French as my foreign language in both high school and college, I know very little "Spanish." However, I got the gist of it and apparently he (shim) was doing daily horoscopes. Lots of flamboyant hand gestures (at one point, the rarely seen-outside of a-Woodstock revival "double peace sign."), lots of dazzle. It's complexion rivaled the bottom of an albino's feet, while the eyes were eerily black. I'm frightened. Hold me.

[5] I recently bought I [Heart] Huckabees on DVD, and just have to say "Mark" Wahlberg is still friggin' HOT. I'd hold HIM. ROWR!

[6] And last, but not least, I dunno if there is a Burlington Coat Factory wherever you live, but they have been running this commercial here for some time now. The premise is this: The woman walks up to the man (both of whom have Italian accents) and says something to the affect that she's not dating a sailor and that she hates that he wears so much blue, then rips off his sleeve. (ROWR! Molto caldo!*) He, in turn voices his disgust for the color black and does the same to her. Then the commercial goes on to show them both in a virtual rainbow of summer clothing available at the local Burlington Coat Factory.

He's so pretty. I love that his name is 'Marcello.' He needs my kisses. I'd rip off more than his shirt sleeve. Mama mia, thatsa spicy meatballa!

*Very hot