Friday, April 01, 2005

Cruise 'n Schmooze

I recently went to a 20% Off book sale at the local Half Price Books, with my friend Nathan. I actually found more fun stuff for a friend of mine, than I did for myself. However, I did manage to come away with 3 CDs (I'll be blogging about them on a later date), a magazine and a book for myself.

Nathan and I (as well as most of my friends) have an unspoken arrangement, whereas if we see something that we think the other person might like and it's affordable, we buy it for them. No keeping 'score' no collecting of money. It just is. I may not have a lot of friends, but then like the old saying goes "It's quality not quantity."

So, with this arrangement in mind, Nathan gave me a book on Three's Company (which I just finished reading last week), a CD and my #1 favorite thing: the Bad Hair daily calendar. OMG, when my friends know me they really know me, and this calendar is proof of that. It's filled from beginning to end with full-color photos of some of the all-time WORST hairdon'ts in the history of time. I'll scan some of my favorites and post them at a later date, but the accompanying images should give you a pretty good idea of just how bad they are. And just when you think it couldn't get any kitschier, there is a pocket comb and mirror included inside the calendar! Lol! I love it! And the really weird thing is (and things work out like this all the time around here) I'd just been talking to another friend the day before about how I didn't have a single 2005 calendar anywhere in the house so far this year. Which, for me, is unusual, considering I generally have at least 2: One for the computer room and one for the kitchen. Then out of the blue Nathan shows up and gives me this calendar. Funny how things work out.

The week prior to the sale at HPB, my friend Derik and I had been shopping in the same store. While we were looking at the CDs, some friendlier-than-usual employee came up to me and was asking me if I was finding anything good and engaged me in small talk, telling me about the sale they were having next week. During the conversation I got more than a little uncomfortable because (A) this guy had some serious peanut butter breath and (B) he was staring at me for prolonged periods of time with this enraptured look on his face. Very obviously, he was either cruising me or suspected me of shoplifting. Being me, I assumed the latter. I NEVER get looked at twice anywhere, so this was all new to me. I'm just one of those people that is completely oblivious to the whole 'mating ritual' mind set. And since it's totally alien to me, short of someone coming out and saying something, I'd never know if someone was interested. There's a lot to be said for low self-esteem.

So, being slightly unsettled by the guy, I gradually slipped away from the situation, all the while maintaining a friendly level of polite conversation. He eventually went back to work and that was my signal to get the hell outta dodge.

Just then I spotted a possible candid camera moment worthy of the blog and left Derik to continue browsing the CDs while I attempted to track down my subject. In the process of looking for said subject, I lost them among all the aisles of bookshelves. However, I found something else by accident.

As I was looking up and down rows of bookshelves and peering into cubbies, I passed by a table where a guy was sitting. As I looked over in his direction to see the aisle behind him, he practically stared a hole through me, giving me this uncomfortably long, relentless stare. I made the "cuckoo" sound mentally, smiled half-heartedly at him and continued my search. Not being able to find the person I wanted to take a picture of, I went back to join Derik at the CD section. No sooner had I arrived did StareBoy show up directly across the aisle from me, "browsing." It finally sunk in that he was "cruising" me too! WTF? [Believe me when I say this was a total fluke. Unlike Chad over at Stop Touching My Food, I am SO not a dude magnet. I'm the polar opposite of that. I have that "go yonder" look. Trust me, this is not false modesty.] Unlike 'Skippy,' this guy was kinda cute, but his overzealousness (not to mention his questionable taste in men) was a red light as far as I was concerned. I continued to throw out CD names to Derik and StareBoy eventually oozed away as quietly as he had appeared. Romance averted. Mission accomplished.

If you're a regular reader, then you may be asking yourself "Is this going somewhere?" Ah, but it is. Somewhere funny and not-so-surprising. As it turns out, I was relaying this story to Nathan when he called the following weekend to see if I wanted to go to the book sale and he told me that 'Skippy' also hit on him when he was at the bookstore the day before! Lol! And Nathan's straight! How funny is that? Not so much the fact that he's straight and a gay guy hit on him, but the fact that apparently that's the guy's MO: he hits on anyone and everyone apparently. I knew I knew better than to be flattered. Ha! Ain't it a small world?

*A big thank-you to Cheeky Prof for introducing me to the Urban Dictionary. Now I don't have to resort to the thesaurus every time I blog. Thanks CP!


Blogger Mariana said...

This was the first laugh of my day, rofl! :D
Am I right in assuming you're an old-fashioned kind of guy who first has to be introduced to someone by a friend, before romance can be considered?

Friday, April 01, 2005 3:24:00 AM  
Blogger Mariana said...

To say nothing of the Groucho Marx adage, "Any club that would take someone like me..." ;) I'm a bit like that as well, basically insecure.

Friday, April 01, 2005 3:26:00 AM  
Blogger Chox said...

Dude magnet?

I am SO not a dude magnet. Where did you come up with that? :-)

You saying that totally made my day, though. :-)

Wednesday, April 06, 2005 7:32:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Oh good, I'm glad I'm making SOMEONE laugh. ;) And you're right, I am an old-fashioned guy/romantic in lots of ways. And that's why I'm obsolete. Lol!

Funny you should mention that Groucho Marx quote. It's been used several times by other people to describe my self-deprecating humor/personal outlook.

Oh come now, you know you're the gay Austin Powers. Yeaaah, baby, yeaaah.

But seriously, you were the first person that popped into my head when I was thinking of a reference. I guess it's because when I think of you/your blog, the ones where you got hit on at the gym (the guy driving you home), etc. stand out in my mind. Go on wit cha' bad self! ;)

Thursday, April 07, 2005 2:52:00 PM  

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