BBQ CEOs are Making Me GAG

After a long debate on where to go for lunch today, and after carefully weighing the pros and cons (food selection, price ranges, portion size, crowding, etc.), I finally decided on a tried and true destination: David's BBQ. I was in the mood for their delectable turkey sandwich with lotsa pickles. And for $6.49 (that includes drink), you just can't go wrong!
So, I get my tray, my sandwich (with mandatory extra bun, because they give you SO much meat!), gather my pile-o-pickles from the condiment bar and head for the corner booth.

While doing my high maintenance ritual of arranging/preparing everything for maximum practicality, I overhear the conversation at the table to my right. Here's a list of words and/or phrases I overheard:

• Assets
• Establish
• Acquisition
• Convoluted
• Facilitate
• Notarized
• Corporate
• Campaign
• Sidebar
• Strategy
• Scout
• Potential
• Efficiency
• Americon™ (the name of come bullshit corporation) "Americon™" Gimme a fuckin' break with that patriotastic name, already. For a glimpse at the more realistic ameriCON™, click here.
• Name recognition
• Operational oversight
• Transitional phase
• Short term goals
• Long term goals
• Let's sit down and map those out.
• It's not going to be the key to our success, but it's a start.
• We're on the same page.
• Customer service rep.
• He wants it in a certain graphical structure.
• What I hear you saying is, New Mexico can take care of itself.
• Performance improvement plan
• We want to accelerate sales.
• Bounce some ideas off you
• We need to figure out the mechanics on that, to make it happen.
• There's got to be a safe harbor out there somewhere.
• I'll run it by Ed.
• See where we are on that.

I guess the term "brainstorm" has been outmoded. Goddamn. And I thought I was full of shit. These people are cocooned in it. Especially the woman pictured. She was the one doing 95% of the talking. Her and the the golf-playing WASP at the end of the table (whose identity was concealed by the roll of paper towels on the far right.) These are the kind if people who eat at places like this because they're "so quaint." This is precisely why I will never be the CEO of a large corporation. The whole "big business" bullshit lingo and the dehumanization that inevitably accompanies it, leaves me cold.

Sure, I may have an extensive vocabulary, but I'd never be pretentious enough to try and exhaust it on one conversation. Accompanied by Miss Cobb's constant taking of cell phone calls (it's an 'off' switch bitch, use it!), each ending with a dramatic slap of the flip phone. And get this, to compound the fabulousness, the ring tone was the song they play during the scene in A Charlie Brown Christmas, where all the kids are dancing on stage. Under normal circumstances, cute. Under this circumstance, it made me want to shove it up her highfalutin' ass, not to mention her frequent interjections of how her 14 year old was "very respectful of women," (insert eye rolling here) and her spiel about how "You have to set limits with them" was enough to give me diarrhea. Needless to say, I quickly finished my lunch and got the fuck outta there. At this rate I'll never be fabulous.