You Haven't Come a Long Way, Baby

Living in Texas all my life, you'd think I'd have come to terms with summer by now. Well, I haven't. I still dread it every year, 'cause I know it's gonna be miserable. My friend Derik and I have an ongoing morbid joke about how it's not officially summer in Texas until somebody leaves their baby in the car. If only George Foreman designed cars. I know, it's sad, it's horrible, it's reality. And it happens E V E R Y single year. Last year alone, 95 such deaths happened nationwide, 530 since 1998. It's like some sort of barometer for stupidity. Derik's philosophy is that it's some sort of intentional genetic candle snuffer, since a suspiciously overwhelming majority of the children just happen to be mentally/physically handicapped. It's like the parents' way of ridding themselves of life's lil' speedbump. Some people just weren't meant to be parents.

Well, this year the state of Texas is instigating a new campaign that reminds people not to leave their baby in their car. It's called the "Look before you leave" campaign. Just another ridiculous waste of money and resources. I can't believe that people have to be taught how NOT to kill their child. Over the years I see more and more absentee parents. People don't discipline their children anymore.

Here's a prime example of the kind of morons passing themselves off as "parents," that I come in contact with on a regular basis. I was at the grocery store the other day, in line at the check out, 4 people deep. I rubberneck ahead to see what the holdup is: Is the checker using an abacus? Is the sacker on his cellphone again? Is another dumbass waiting until they've watched ever item scan, before they start writing their goddamn check? Or is some old coot rummaging to the bottom of their fuckin' coin purse/pockets for exact change again? What?! WHAT?! No, it's none of these things. It's a woman, holding up her 4 year old, letting her scan her goddamn groceries! 'Cause "she likes to." This at peak shopping hours. I fucking kid you not. I'm lookin' around for the Candid Camera crew. I could not believe it. I'd like to sail lil' Hailey's spoiled ass right across that fuckin' scanner and into a brick wall, like a goddamn air hockey puck! Man! Parents are retarded!

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. From tantrums that end in "rewards" for stopping, to "time outs" that have all the effectiveness of a Whiffle brand diaphragm. Today's parents feel compelled to take their kids with them EVERYWHERE. Whatever happened to baby-sitters? Whatever happened to discipline? Whatever happened to parenting? Fuck this "Dr." Phil psychobabble rhetoric about damaging their delicate lil' psyche. Children must have discipline, or face my wrath (Khan has nuthin' on me...and I don't mean Chaka). Come back to the five and dime, Mabel King, Mabel King.