Wouldn't You Like to be a Pooper, Too?!
Some friends and I were chatting online yesterday, and of all things, the subject of colonics came up. *For those who may not be familiar with the term, a "colonic" is the irrigation of the colon for cleansing purposes. Apparently the average person has 5-10lbs of impacted feces in their colon. And in an article in USA Today, according to the autopsy, John Wayne had 40lbs of impacted fecal matter in his body at death (I always contended he was full of shit). Elvis reportedly had 60. Can you believe that shit (pun intended)?! That's roughly the weight of a 5-6 year-old child! That's one helluva loaf to pinch. Why, that's an I Love Lucy-Pioneer Women episode-sized loaf! Damn! So, I decided to get online and learn more about colonics and how they work. In the process, I came across an informative, yet unintentionally funny site that promotes a product called Colonix. With testimonials (many including photos of the author. What's THAT about?) like: “You feel like dancing in the streets”, “You have given me hope and energy to really start enjoying my life again,” and my personal favorite: “We are having awesome adventures in the bathroom,” I was more than a little intrigued.
As I read through the testimonials, some as long as 6 paragraphs (one's own personal ode to better living through feculence), I couldn't help but laugh at the over exuberance of some of the proclamations: “I feel like I have so much more energy inside me just bursting to get out…” (yeah, as long as it doesn't happen in public) and “I experience anywhere from 14-20 bowel movements per week” (geez, I hope you took some vacation time). But "Daniel K" from New Jersey had the creepiest observation of them all: “I NOTICED some pretty neat stuff in my stool.” Gee, I hope you took pictures. gah. Daniel might want to consider getting cable.
As I read some of the symptoms that might make one a candidate for "internal cleansing," I realized some of them applied to me! Could I be the next testimonial? Could Colonix make ME the master of my own dookie destiny?! Could I be ready for MY close-up, Mr. DeMille? I'll admit I'm tempted, but also a little creeped out by some of the artifacts some of these people are discovering. Mainly the misc. parasites and the occasional "egg sac." BLEAH! I dunno if I'm prepared to know what's cruising through my colon. On the upside, the Colonix clients claim to have experienced weight loss, shinier hair and even more energy. Not a bad trade off. I'm still not completely sold in the idea of a colonic, but I am gonna do some more research.
posted by Kirkkitsch @ 7:40 AM
1 Comments:
Colonix is for real!
I've never posted a comment before on the internet, but your remarks prompted me to do so. I was involved in the development of the Colonix program seven years ago, and I am the one at DrNatura.com who reads every customer testimonial that comes in on a daily basis. My name is Leonard, and I am fully aware of how funny this topic can be since I've also done the program many times. For some weird reason when you start seeing what's exiting your body, all you can talk about is "poop" and parasites, etc.
To make this short, the topic IS funny, but what happens to someone who goes to the bathroom only once every two weeks is not funny at all. I can tell you this: EVERY SINGLE testimonial posted to DrNatura.com is REAL, they're posted as we receive them, the only changes we make is correcting obvious spelling errors. Since most people are skeptical about what a company says while promoting its products, I think it's important to see what actual users have to say. That's the reason why we decided to post this amazing number of testimonials about the Colonix.
It's easy to determine if the Colonix is really as good as DrNatura.com and its customers claim it to be - all you have to do is try it. There's absolutely nothing to lose but your skepticism.
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