Why Is My Boyfriend's Wife Such A Dyke?

Life is filled with what I like to call "Scooby-Doo mysteries." You know, like:

• Why is that gorgeous man with her?
• What does she see in him?
• Agent Cody Banks made enough money to spawn a sequel?

Well, get Nancy Drew on the case, 'cause there's another mystery afoot at Shadow Ranch! Allow me to elaborate. There's this hot guy online, whose blog I've been ardently reading for a little over a year now. What keeps me coming back for more, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you. He's smart, funny, a great writer and not your typical bodybuilder (obnoxious/arrogant). And ... he's just so damn cute! His chin needs my kisses. I'll admit it, I'm smitten. He posts images in his blog entries, of himself before/during/after his workouts and I love em'. He's got the best nose and pecs. I know it's a weird combo, but hey, it's my thing, okay? I have all kinds of fetishes, big noses and pecs, being just one of them, and this guy has em' in spades! In the immortal words of the Kool-Aid Man "Oh YEAH!"

So anyway, over time, he's developed this nasty habit of posting pictures of his wife, who's also a bodybuilder (Female bodybuilders gross me out) and a dead ringer for Fear Factor's host, Joe Rogan dressed as Chyna. Pretty. And when I say he posts pictures of her, I don't mean just every once in a while. It's become a regular thing now, and it's really cramping our make believe relationship.

I've been following the sport of bodybuilding since the early 80's and one Scooby-Doo mystery that continues to rear it's ugly head is: Why do HOT male bodybuilders insist on choosing these bykes ('bisexual dyke')? Manly, yes, but they like em' too! Ech. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "He just likes a healthy woman who can keep up with him and his healthy lifestyle." Yeah, you know what? There's a big difference between healthy and horsey. 'Healthy' women come in all shapes and sizes and still maintain their femininity. These women the bodybuilders are choosin' are one cough away from a prostate exam, if you know what I mean.

All I'm saying is, I guess I'll never understand why some people make the choices they do. Especially the really cute ones. There's a million reasons, from personal preference to temporary insanity. I guess some mysteries will forever remain just that. A mystery. What a sad, sad day for this Hardy Boy.