I'm Here, I Jeer, Get Used To It!

AOL posts the top news stories on the main page on a daily basis, so that, along with the news and the newspaper, is how I go about seeing what's going on in the world these days. I read yesterday how George Dubya has recently thrown in his 2¢ on the subject of gay marriage. He's against it. Wow. Alert the media.

Now before I get into the whole gay marriage "thing" let me give you a little insight into my background as well as the whole gay subculture. I'll be primarily referencing gay MEN, since that's what I know. So, don't get the impression that I am anti-women/lesbian. However, I can't say that I don't have my prejudices within the gay subculture. I hate the words "gay community," because that implies unity, and that's not necessarily the case. There are WAY too many cliques within the so-called community, not to mention the dissension (Gay Republicans. Need I say more?). At least that's what I've experienced.

Sure, recent television shows and movies portray gay men as physically fit, good-looking, funny, fruity, promiscuous, well-groomed and of course, stricken with AIDS. Well, I hope you're sitting down, but trust me when I say not all gay men are all those things. There are plenty of average guys out there that believe in monogamy, love, God, etc. I personally have never been a big fan of organized religion (can you blame me?), but then that's a whole other blog. My point is, unless you know the person, don't automatically assume that they or their mores fit the stereotype for their particular "lifestyle."

On the other hand, I don't consider myself to be anything like the typical gay men that I meet:

• I don't do the bar scene.
• I can't stand show tunes.
• I don't believe in "open relationships."
• I don't dig the drag queen scene. (Not opposed to it, just not interested.)
• I'm not a whore.
• My bathroom doesn't resemble a Clinique lab or GNC.
• I wear what I like. (Don't care about labels or names.)
• I'm not pretentious or high maintenance.
• I don't like to travel.
• My cologne collection doesn't belong on a lazy susan.

I've never been to a gay pride parade. Mainly because I've never been brimming with pride about being gay. I'm not ashamed, in the closet or in denial, I just never had any reason to don some leather chaps and choreograph an elaborate routine involving a flag and handfuls of confetti. I've been busy. If someone asks if I'm gay and I don't think it's any of their business, I have no problem telling them that. But I also don't edit my conversations for the comfort of others. I just don't have the energy, and besides, why should I? Secondly, I don't like parades. Too many children. I can't stand them (just shattered that stereotype about gay men fuckin' lil' kids). I'm totally content with the televised Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade once a year.

I know, what your thinking. I can hear the Adam Ant song playing in your mind: Don't drink, don't smoke, what do ya do? As little as possible. Bada bing! Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all week! T-shirts and CDs in the lobby! But seriously, I'm just me. That's the only way I know how to say it. I'm just a guy who enjoys Chinese food, playing Boggle, reading my weirdo books, shopping for and watching DVDs and hanging out with friends. I don't need someone to "complete me," but if someone comes along that I click with, then that's great. If not, that's cool, too.

Now, onto the whole gay marriage thing. I don't see the big deal, or really care one way or the other, to be quite honest. The only benefit I'd like to see come out of any of it, is to be able to legally have your significant other on your insurance, taxes, etc. Just to simplify things.

Then I read the AOL message boards (where people can post their thoughts on current events) and I remember why I find the whole gay topic depressing. No matter how much you think the world is becoming more tolerant, all you have to do is read the majority of the posts on AOL, to get a bitter dose of reality. I'll be bypassing the Bible monkeys. You know, the 'people' who brought us the clever "Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve!" Wow, the words rhyme n' stuff. That's a keeper. Now let's think of something that rhymes with tribal! I also won't linger on the people who like to think homosexuality is a choice, preference, sickness, etc. What sane person wouldn't choose to be hated, not based on your mores or who you are, but what you are. Goodie gumdrops! But the ones that irk me the most are the people who use taxes as an excuse to hate. Because of the beloved children. So they don't want gay people to be able to claim their significant other on their insurance etc., because seemingly their insurance rates will go up. BUT the people who don't have kids are supposed to be okay with paying taxes for some bigot's genetic dingleberries to go to school? Shyeah! I think not. You wanted the little troglodytes so much, YOU pay for em'. This ain't no Whitney Houston song. I don't believe the children are our future.

And last, but certainly not least, how could any self-respecting gay person be "director of vice presidential operations for the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign?" Yep, that's right. One of Cheney's own kids is a lesbian. According to an article issued by the Associated Press, she's been "less visible" this year, due to "travel and working at campaign headquarters in Arlington, Va." However, she's expected to conveniently be more visible as election day nears, and undoubtedly be the GOP's "voice" for the homosexual people. Yeah, I think the word for that is 'token' Let's hope she comes to her senses and gets some self-respect. Some people never learn.