Friendship, a Perfect Blendship

I was dusting the bookshelves the other day and decided to sit down and look through some old scrapbooks and photo albums. For someone who detests having their picture taken, I sure take a lot of pictures. Anyway, as I started looking through the albums, I started thinking of how many people I've befriended and subsequently lost contact with and/or have fallen outta like with. Starting from 1990 (the year I entered Junior College), here's the list of friends of the past:

• Chad
• Lacy
• Moira
• Chris
• Bill
• Dan
• Nathan
• Dennis
• Andrea
• Elsa
• Tonia
• Cathy
• Kelly
• Nancy
• Tomm
• Kelea & John
• Robyn & Steve
• Frank & Steve
• Yolanda & Xander
• Sonny & Robert
• Starla & Michael
• Blake & David
• Arnie & Jon
• Dru & Dean
• Vickie & Steve

I estimate that approximately 9% of my past friendships eventually ended once that person/couple moved away. 2% mysteriously ended with no explanation. 4% ended after a falling out and the remaining 10% ended due to lack of communication, etc. The "etc." ranging from one friend who turned out to be a needy stalker (Imagine 7-8 phone calls a day + if i didn't answer the door, he would go from window to window, trying to see if I was home!) to one couple who I finally cut loose because I gave up on being the one who did all the work. i.e.- birthday remembering, phone calling, card sending, hosting, etc. After taking a good hard look at the list I realized that I still miss the friendships of exactly 3 individuals and 3 couples.

Out of all the friendships that have come and gone, the ones that bother me the most are the ones that ended with no explanation, no closure. Pretty cowardly, if you ask me, but then I've learned to roll with the punches. Now, I know what you're thinking (I've considered it, too). "Maybe you were too needy or too negative." On the contrary, I make a concerted effort not to be that gloomy gus people dread being around, nor the person whom calls so often that you start screening the caller I.D./answering machine. I've been on the receiving end of those traits and I don't like em' either. On the other hand, I'm always the one that keeps everyone laughing with my sarcasm. Maybe that's it. Maybe I was too sarcastic. Who knows. Maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.

As you get older, it becomes harder and harder to make new friends. It's like that time I was complaining to my mom, when I first moved here, about how difficult it is to meet people, especially when you don't get into the bar scene. And my mom, having grown up in the 50's, still has that 50's mentality. Her suggestion: go up to someone interesting, who was also alone, in the library, cafeteria, etc., introduce yourself and take it from there. Yeah. You know what happens when you do that? You get looked at like you just handed them a piece of paper that says "Give me all your money. This is a stick up." People today are just too suspicious, and I can't say I can really blame them, what with all the weirdness going on in the world today. It's unfortunate when something as innocent as looking to meet new people is looked upon as the realm of the spastic or the psychotic. And if you're thinking of going the whole Dear Abby route, by suggesting joining a group/club with people who have the same interests, that doesn't work either. I took tennis lessons for 3 summers in a row, joined a gay men's discussion group, volunteered and even resorted to personal ads (I'm currently working on a book about all my horrendous "dates."). I'm at a loss for ideas. I talk to a few people online who I enjoy talking to, but it'd be nice to have someone around to do stuff with from time to time. Even if it's just to play Boggle and order in Chinese food.

And on a closing note, should you find yourself feeling lonely and like nobody understands you, here is my prescription: Rent any (or all) of the movies below or better yet, make them a part of your DVD/VHS collection. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face!