Poppa Can You Hear Me? Poppa Can You See Me?

Though I usually consider the world of professional wrestling (& NASCAR) to be the realm of the mullet crowd, I must come clean. I fall in lust with the occasional wrestler from time to time. The first wrestler I remember lusting after, was way back in the late 80's: Lex Luger (real name Larry Pfohl), AKA "The Perfect Package." Rowr rowr! Appropriately named, I instantly fell for Lex's pex and (yes again) his nose. My interest started to wane once he got all lean and defined and took on some hokey American Gladiator-style persona. Goofy red, white and blue costume to match. Not to mention his penchant for punchin' the ladies. Classy! I guess everything has a price. Regardless, I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for his random arrogant bouts of pec bouncing and flexing. Good times.

Fast forward to 1999 or so, and my ring had a new king: Big Poppa Pump (formerly Scott Steiner). I kinda knew who he was, before his new persona, but really took notice once he cut that damn brown mullet of his, dyed his hair blonde, grew a goatee and got into some serious pharmaceuticals. He had a great bod before, it just got bigger and more streamlined. Thanks Synthol! Regardless of the how and why, Big Poppa Pump emerged from his cocoon lookin' mighty pinchable. The only thing that kinda creeped me out about him, besides his relentless pursuit of the almighty panty hamster, was his unusually small forearms. They just don't match his HUGE biceps. I dunno if it's a genetic thing or a side effect of the "vitamins" but it was noticeable.

Well, it looks like the big P has all but disappeared from sight. I no longer see or read anything new about him. Since I never really watched his matches for the wrestling, I didn't keep up with the 'storyline,' so maybe he was written out, got too big for his britches (sigh) or was irreversibly injured in some way. All I have to remind me of him is a couple of misc. magazines and the occasional action figure. I miss my Big Poppa Pump. I hope he's doing okay.