Thursday, September 14, 2006

When a Dingleberry Calls [Part 3 of 4]

Thursday, 8:32am. The caller I.D. shows that I received a phone call from Ms. Fossil. I didn't wake up until 10:30am. I looked out the front door to check the mail and noticed the yard men's truck in Ms. Fossil's driveway. Assuming she called (like she has in the past) to see if I wanted them to mow my front yard, I called her back. No answer. Two-thirty rolls around and I get another phone call from her. Here's a rough transcript of the conversation that took place:

Ms. Fossil: Kirk, this is Ms. Fossil.
Me: Hi
Ms. Fossil: (pissed) I want to know what you said to Lolita!
Me: (lying through my teeth) ...said to Lolita...about what?
Ms. Fossil: About what we talked about the other day.
Me: Yesterday (feigning like I was trying to remember)...Oh, you mean when we talked on your front porch?
Ms. Fossil: Yes, what did you tell her?!
Me: I didn't tell her anything about our conversation. That was between you and me (*batting eyelashes*).
Ms. Fossil: Well, I'd hope so....but I'm just certain you said something to her. I thought maybe you misunderstood what I was saying about her staying with me (there's no "misinterpreting" talking shit).
Me: No. I talked to her the other day at work, but we didn't talk about what you and I talked about. She was just telling me she couldn't come over (I said this because Lolita was telling me how Ms. Fossil pitches a fit when Lolita tells someone that she (Ms.F) won't "let her go" somewhere {which is the truth...well, technically she's not physically holding her down, but she's VERY disuasive}. Lolita was telling me how she was going to feign a phone call, one of these days, within earshot of her grandmother {who is the eyes and ears of the neighborhood}, telling her fictitious caller that "she" wouldn't "let" her go, knowing it would piss her off to be perceived as the tyrant that she is...I thought I'd instigate it a little sooner).
Ms. Fossil: (extremely pissed off...raising her voice) I DIDN'T SAY SHE 'COULDN'T' GO OVER THERE! (begins to snort and huff and puff) I said I thought you and she spent too much time together! You and she spent a week together, then the holidays (I had to think about that one..."holidays" to me says Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's, then it dawned one me...the book sale in Dallas was on LABOR DAY. "The holidays." Gimme a fuckin' break!) then she was over there 3 days last week!
Me: Oh. Well, she is an adult. I assumed that if she knew it was going to cause a conflict that she had the option of saying 'no.'
Ms. Fossil: I know she gets bored here, I get bored here. There's nothing for her to do over here. I don't have cable or a computer and she doesn't have her stereo here or anything to do. (I start thinking of that proverb 'Misery Loves Company')
Me: (At this point I just let her go on her tirade. I have nothing to contribute to this kook's blathering.)

She keeps trying to get me to admit to something, and it's just NOT gonna happen. I stick to my story and basically tell her to talk to Lolita, that I don't know what's up with her. She says she's going to talk to her when she gets home from work. But this isn't the last I'll be hearing from Ms. Fossil about this matter. Perhaps I'll have a visitor tomorrow...

3 Comments:

Blogger Cindi said...

Looking forward to Part 4. Better watch out...what if Lolita ends up asking if she can stay with you until she can get her own place?

Thursday, September 14, 2006 6:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

I don't know why I am so enthralled by this tale, but I am. Petty gossip about total strangers rocks! :)

Thursday, September 14, 2006 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Cindi-
Thanks! And as far as Lolita wanting to stay here, she's outta luck. LOL! I know that may sound mean, but I am not about to open that can of worms. I've heard enough horror stories and watched enough sitcoms to think it would end up being anything short of a disaster.

Cheryl-
Heh heh. I hear ya! Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg. You should hear the whole background of the rest of the family. Hell, even my whole family history is nothing short of best seller material. I may have to blog about certain aspects of it in the future. Trust me, Jacki Collins couldn think of shit this good. Lol! It's got all the elements: attempted murder, infidelity, drugs, sabotage, laughter, tears, chills, thrills, you name it. I'm convinced that everyone has a dysfunctional family on some level, whether they'll own up to it or not.

Friday, September 15, 2006 3:06:00 AM  

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