Tuesday, September 12, 2006

It Came From Next Door [Part 1 of 4]

Prologue: To be honest, I don't really have anything to blog about this week. At least anything that I've already prepared. I have lots of scanning to do for my future posts about my book purchases, estate sale finds, etc., but I haven't had time to scan them lately. SO, if you like drama, belly up to the bar. It's All-You-Can-Eat Week!

For those of you who have followed the misadventures of me and Ms. Fossil since I started this blog 2 years ago, you know what a pain-in-the-ass she can be. For those who are not familiar with Ms. Fossil (Click here for a taste), she is my 90-something next door neighbor who brings a whole new dimension to the word 'angst.'

So, here's the latest drama: Ms. Fossil's 24-year old granddaughter is in the process of moving from Indiana to here in Texas and is staying with her (with Ms. Fossil's encouragement) until she has enough money set aside to get an apartment. For the sake of this post, we'll refer to the granddaughter as Loco Lolita (you'd have to be crazy to live with Ms. Fossil).

Days before Lolita's arrival, Ms. Fossil confided in me (while also telling me that she just had a new lawn sprinkler system installed and for me not to destroy it...cuz that's how I am) that she was so glad that Lolita was coming to stay with her because she (Ms. F) was getting on in years and was lonely. I told her that was nice and that I would refrain from chewing on her new sprinkler system.

So, Lolita arrives and has been with Ms. Fossil for about a week before she comes over and we end up just sitting and talking about all the stuff she can't talk to her grandmother about. Over the next week we went to some garage sales and she came over and we watched movies and played video games. This lasted for about 4 days. We decided to pace ourselves since Ms. Fossil has a tendency to get jealous quickly when attention is detracted from her for any amount of time.

Lolita works from 9-5, and over a period of about 4 weeks we spent about a week together in total. She went with me and Nathan to the big Labor Day book sale at Half Price Books in Dallas. It was pretty much an all-day thing: 2-9pm. When I go to Dallas I like to make the most of it, so we all went out to eat and ended the evening going to the best new & used CD/DVD store in Dallas, CD Source.

A few days later I'm pulling into the drive way and see Ms. Fossil returning from her car. I assumed she'd just got home with groceries and had come out to close the trunk of her car (I found out later from Lolita that Ms. Fossil had just chewed out the phone company guy who came to bury my phone cable. I'd been having problems with my phone reception and it turned out it was in the cable so they came out, replaced the cable and left a note on the door telling me they would be back in 7-10 days to bury the cable. Naturally, Ms. Fossil is now convinced that her sprinkler system isn't operating as well as it 'used to.' WTF ever. They didn't even dig remotely close to her property line. UGH!) We make eye contact and even though I really don't want to talk to her, I say 'Hello' and ask her how's she's been and what she's been up to. She lets out a heavy sigh and says how she's been cooking all day (even though it's just 2 o'clock in the afternoon). She goes on to tell me how she made 24 cupcakes, shrimp with linguini, meatloaf... I say "Wow. Is there a special occasion? Are you taking it somewhere or something?" Feigning exhaustion, she says "No. Lolita has to eat 3x a day." I was like "Oh," knowing how she likes to exaggerate and play the martyr. She goes on to say how she hopes Lolita appreciates the FREE (emphasis) room and board, after all, she is 25 years old. I don't know what to say, but internally I'm rolling my eyes and saying "oy vey." Just 2 weeks ago she was all for the idea, "lonely," etc. Instead, I just say "Oh, I'm sure she does" to which she replies "She better, if she doesn't she should be ashamed of herself." That's my cue to cut this performance short, so I say "Well, I'll talk to you later. Bye!" I'm just not in the mood to listen to the bullshit.

So, later that evening, Lolita calls and we talk for a while. Lolita is no dummy and she knows exactly how her grandmother operates. She told me how she (Ms. F) talks shit about EVERYONE and how she likes to play the drama card. No one is exempt. She was telling me how she (Lolita) offered to help the woman who lives in the house on the other side of Ms. Fossil, with sorting her mother's clothes (who recently passed away) for a future yard sale. She said she was really nice and that when Ms. Fossil pumped her about info, she (Ms. F) went off into a tirade about how she WASN'T a very nice person and blah blah blah . So, Lolita is learning to arrive at her own conclusions and has written off grandma as the bitter, hateful old woman that she is. Toss in a pinch of Bipolar disorder and you've got a recipe to make your very own Ms. Fossil. We've both concluded that it all stems from the fact that her husband was fuckin' around during their marriage, leading to their eventual divorce, leaving Ms. Fossil to raise her 3 children alone. She's never gotten over it and has allowed it to completely overshadow her entire life, trumpeting to anyone that will listen, the fact that she RAISED THREE CHILDREN ALLLL ALONE. Fuck off. Get over it and MOVE ON already! Her scarlet letter would be 'M' for martyr. We've all heard it before and are tired of hearing it over and over again. A prime example of how holding onto/rehashing negative experiences can completely sabotage any potential happiness.


Anonymous Cheryl said...

Great rant! I like these 'slice of life' posts.

MY old biddy neighbor thinks that Evil, Evil Pigeons have launched a campaign to destroy her new roof, and I'm Aiding and Abetting them because I have a bird feeder in my yard.


Tuesday, September 12, 2006 7:27:00 AM  
Blogger Mon said...

Holey shit, this is exactly why I fear getting old! I don't want to turn out like that. I think your a damn good neighbor to even listen to her!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 10:17:00 AM  
Blogger Dave2 said...

Typical. Some people just aren't happy unless they're dealing out those drama cards. Everything is SOOOOO hard in their life and everybody else has it SOOOOO easy. I don't even pretend to be nice anymore, because it's just not worth the agony.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 6:45:00 PM  
Blogger Cindi said...

I agree with Cheryl above...love these "slice of life" posts. Since I was not familiar with Ms. Fossil ('been meaning to get caught up on your archived posts), I clicked on the link you provided in this post. The next to last paragraph in that linked post made me so curious. You said:
"Well, that's about it, really. There was one more topic we discussed, which pissed me off so much, I'm saving it for a future post. A topic not for the easily offended and/or the Geritol generation. You've been warned."

I have been reading forward from that December post and can't find what you hinted about! Can you help me and show the link to that post? lol

Tuesday, September 12, 2006 7:34:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Thanks! I debated whether or not to even blog about it, afraid that Lolita might surf the ol' web and discover my blog (she knows I have one, but I've never offered details of it), BUT it's not like I've made any of this up or embelished anything. Heck, I'm not even using real names, so I thought 'Eh, go for it.'

LOL! Oh wow, your pigeon drama sounds exactly like something Ms. Fossil would get her panties in a bunch over. I've lived here for over 10 years now and she's always experiencing some kind of drama...usually induced by me. She seriously needs to get a fuckin' hobby, life, enema, something.

Thanks for commenting! :)

I hear ya. One of my friends and I have similar conversations, fearing that we will turn into our own mothers. Cheese & crackers!, I hope not! I've always said I don't want to become one of those old people everyone hates to be around. But then, I don't know of many old people that I do want to be around. The irony is, growing up, most of my friends were older than me, and now the tables are turned and ALL my friends are younger than me. What's that about? Now I'm the "old" friend. ACK!

Thanks for commenting! :)

Oh man, tell ME about it. Sure, I bitch a lot, but mine is done more as a springboard for my cynical humor than woe-is-me. I hate sadsacks and drama queens. They wear me out with their incessant high drama. Literally, it wears me out to listen to it and feign interest. People like this need some kind of support group or something...or a bullet.

Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)

Oh boy. I completely forgot about that! I say things like that (that I'll blog about a particular topic at a later date) and then get comepletely sidetracked and never follow up. That is one of them, as is blogging about my OTHER next door neighbor, "Angela." She's cuckoo for CoCo Puffs and I can't STAND her!

As for the mystery topic mentioned in the old Ms. Fossil post, it was about how old people use their age to manipulate others into doing things for them, getting things for free, etc. Ms. Fossil wields her age like a sword and because we live in Texas (the land where old people and babies rule), people fall for it ALL the time. I'll go into more detail later, now that you've reminded me. We had a long talk a few times and she basically regailed me with stories of how she deliberately uses her age as leverage to her advantage. It REALLY pisses me off.

Since I don't have a post for that subject just yet, here's another Ms. Fossil post that may tide you over until then: Damn You, Jiminy Cricket

Thanks for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it! :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006 11:37:00 AM  

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