Madonna is Full of Crap

WARNING: Attention hypersensitive Madonna fans: Today's post will be a negative one. Viewer discretion is advised.

Growing up in the 80's, I loved Madonna. I thought she was the coolest thing to happen to Pop music, ever. She had great style, vision and music. I loved how imaginative she used to be when it came to "re-inventing" herself. I dare say she invented what we today consider "reinvention" (well, her or Boy George). *Click the image to the left to see the original cover before it was airbrushed!

I STILL love, what I consider to be the pinnacle of her musical career (1990), her singles/music videos for Justify My Love and Vogue. Of course these were proceeded (and followed) by a string of other great singles and their prospective music videos.

HOWEVER, I am not one of those people who thinks the sun doesn't rise until Madonna wakes up. I grew up loving her, but my interest in her and her music began to wain around 1994. And though I LOVE both the video and the song from her '94 album Bedtime Stories, it was the beginning of the one-hit-wonder string of albums, which were to become a disappointing trend.

Fast forward to 1998 when her Ray of Light album was released. I remember anticipating the premiere of her video for her single Frozen. She looked great and I fell in love all over again, also finding newfound faith in her other singles Ray of Light and Nothing Really Matters. Unfortunately, my hopes that she'd returned to her original splendor were short-lived.

Then the corn hit the popper: (not necessarily in chronological order)

• She gets married
• Squeezed out a couple of kids
• Jumps on the Kabbalah wagon (making the red string bracelet the hot accessory du jour in celebrity circles)
• Moves to Britain (and somehow manages to acquire a British accent)
• Takes the spiritual name "Esther"
• Embraces Farrah Hair with a vengeance
• Becomes a children's book author
and
• Makes a contrived attempt at being "controversal" by pulling a lame publicity stunt at the MTV Awards, by kissing shebilly Brittany Spears.

First off, I've grown weary of every song/album being a "message" album. What? Now that she's become a mother and found spirituality she's "deep" now? Whatever. I find the fact that she's turned into a completely uptight, pretentious shell of her former self, an extreme turnoff. Sure, depth is nice, but when you wield it like a badge of honor, a little goes a lonnnnnng way. Second, I hate her tired attempt at trying to single-handedly bring back Farrah hair and Danskins. Third I have little to no interest in hearing parenting tips from someone who was once quoted as saying "Sometimes I stick my finger in my pussy and wiggle it around the dark wetness and feel what a cock or a tongue must feel when I'm sitting on it. I pull my finger out and I always taste and smell it. It's hard to describe, it smells like a baby to me, fresh and full of life." Apparently Madonna's panty hamster is the Mentos of vaginas. Whatever.

So, the October 2005 issue of People magazine rolls around and I read an article entitled Madonna Airs Her Dirty Laundry in Public. I was completely turned off when I read: Off-limits to the children are TV, magazines and newspapers – not to mention milk and ice cream. "My kids don't watch TV. We have televisions but they're not hooked up to anything but movies. TV is trash. I was raised without it. We don't have newspapers or magazines in the house either.”

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you know I believe that discipline is dead when it comes to the way most parents raise their children these days. However, there's discipline and then there's extremism. I realize all parents and their "technique" vary from individual to individual. I have no qualms with instilling a sense of respect, responsibility, etiquette, etc. in a child. And with the buzzword du jour being "childhood obesity epidemic," (which I think is just another bullshit opportunity for parents to play the blame game) I can also understand instigating a certain amount of self-control when it comes to food choices.

So, keeping all this in mind, what is Madonna's deal with playing milk/TV/magazine/newspaper Gestapo? Granted, too many parents today use television as a babysitter, but I also think that those parents who deliberately overcompensate for their own childhood issues by keeping their child in some kind of vacuum from society are just asking for it to backfire later on. It may not manifest itself right away, but at some point resentment will set in.

The kind of people who try to shield their kids from pop culture, in whatever form it takes: television/movies/literature/advertising, are going to be the exact same parents who scream "FOUL!" whenever their child does begin to rebel. If you don't believe me, pick up a newspaper or turn on the news. Today's generation of parents are sue-happy when it comes to their children's "best interest." Disputes ranging from some parent's precious angel not making the cheerleader squad to holding the school responsible for their child's self-esteem to what kids are being permitted to eat at school. Everything that happens to their kids is someone else's fault.

Parents who want to raise their children in some unrealistic hyper utopian bubble where the school cafeteria offers a milk "alternative" (i.e. soy milk=bullshit), low-carb/organic/whole grain lunch devoid of preservatives, zero exposure to mainstream media, violence, bullying and competition, seriously need to look into homeschooling, where they can control every facet of their child's life. It's not the school's responsibility to uphold your religious convictions, diet, etc. And should you choose homeschooling for all these reasons don't be surprised when you end up with a maladjusted, high-maintenance product that can't relate to other children and vice versa. On the contrary, ignorance is not bliss.

In closing, I'd like to leave you with a parody song entitled Off My Horse I Will Fly* sung to the tune of Madonna's Power of Goodbye, written by fellow blogger Stephen M. Silverman:

My collarbone's broken and my hand too
My ribs are a cracklin', I'm black and blue
Went a-flyin' when my horsie let go
I think I'll stay home just countin' my dough

Shouldn'a' gone ridin', what can I say
How'd I know he'd throw me away
Pain is a warning that something's broke
I pray to God he'll knock off his jokes

Chorus 1:
My tailbone is on fire!
There's nothing I can move
I think I cut my eye
I need to go potty
But I can't even try

I talked to my doctor, said I can't sing
A second opinion'd be a nice thing
At least I've got on a brand new sling
Stupid old horsie

Chorus 2:
There's nothing I can feel
I hope that my wounds heal
I wish that my horsie
Had warned me with a squeal

I know what I'll do
I'll turn him into glue

(Chorus)
(Chorus2)

*In reference to the news article regarding Madonna being thrown from a horse, back in August of '05.