Thursday, March 30, 2006

I Want Your Sex...and Yours...and Yours...

A few weeks ago I touched on the subject of open-relationships, as they pertain to gay men. One of my readers requested I elaborate. Here's my opinion:

First off, I know there are a lot of gay men out there that don't like to hear/read anything negative when it pertains to the gay subculture. I can understand that to an extent because there's already plenty of negative stigmas surrounding homosexuality. However, just because homosexuals are an ostracized minority doesn't mean that they're beyond reproach.

I'm sure those who are in favor of so-called "open relationships" would argue that what constitutes a relationship is open to interpretation. And I'm sure some would even argue that there are such vast differences between the gay and the straight "lifestyle" that it's like comparing apples to oranges. To those people I say "That's a crock." Fundamentally a relationship is two people who share a mutual interdependence. Whether bound by a legal document or that of a common set of scruples. When I refer to a relationship, I'm referring to the male/female equivalent of a marriage. I'm not referring to people who are casually dating. I mean people who have a long history together and an unspoken understanding that they are exclusively monogamous. i.e having only one mate.

I'm of the opinion that an "open relationship" is nothing more than a red herring. An open relationships is Denial-ese for: two fuckbuddies sharing the rent. No matter how you slice it, an "open" relationship is an oxymoron. A relationship implies a certain level of commitment. The use of the word relationship in an open relationship is nothing more than a way for gay men to gloss over the fact that they're promiscuous (a nice way of saying "whore"). Naturally, the word "promiscuous" comes with negative connotations, primarily AIDS (or as I refer to it, radioactive). So, with all the bad implications that AIDS brings to the table, gay men opt to toss in the word "relationship" in order to give their lack of sexual restraint some credibility.

In short, do I believe in so-called "open relationships?" No, I don't. I think relationships are reserved for those who are emotionally and psychologically ready for an actual commitment. However, if you're of the mindset that feels "Open relationships aren't for everyone," well neither is chlamydia. Call it what you want, those of us grounded in reality know exactly what an open relationship implies and the kind of people who have them.

To read some not-so-surprising statistics about so-called gay couples and monogamy, click here.


Blogger Nathan said...


I am so proud of you for writing an intellectual and well thought out post on this topic.

I have wanted to do this many times, but never had the balls. Yes, I've talked about all kinds of racy topics before, but this is one I just couldn't touch.

I agree with what you said. My partner and I are involved in every aspect of each other's life. We hang out with friends together, we visit our family together, etc. We have a relationship.

Exactly what would we do if one of us was upstairs with a different guy in the bedroom? Am I supposed to just sit on the couch downstairs and wait until they are done?

I don't understand it. Not at all.

BUT... having said all that, I try to be supportive of people who do have open relationships? You'll probably disagree with me here. But here's where I'm coming from.

When conservative people try to argue about gay marriage, they list all kinds of facts that certainly make sense to them and their peers. They can throw out all kinds of scenarios that justify their opinions in their own minds.

But, just because it makes sense to them, doesn't mean it makes sense to us, or that it's fair.

So I guess I feel the same way about open relationships. I don't agree with them, I can list tons of reasons why they don't work, and I can rally up all kinds of people to support my views. But at the end of the day, it's up to people to do what works for them.

In any case, I applaud you for being candid and upfront with your feelings about open relationships. Well written.

Thursday, March 30, 2006 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Yes, open relationships are oxymorons. Straight or gay, it doesn't matter! If you need to be in an open relationship you or your partner are not ready to be in a relationship period!

Thursday, March 30, 2006 2:30:00 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

I agree with what you said here. Open relationships, in my opinion, are usually two people that want to be able to fuck whomever they want but don't want to be alone when they can't find the willing and able person to fulfill their needs.

However, people are free to live their lives the way they want to and although we don't agree I don't think that we should pass judgement on the people that engage in this behavior.

Friday, March 31, 2006 12:44:00 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Having an opinion is not passing judgement.

Friday, March 31, 2006 6:48:00 AM  
Blogger Mon said...

Great post! Open relationships mean to me, that you are just waiting for something better to come along, and someone will inevitably get hurt. This was very well written!

Friday, March 31, 2006 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger NATHANIEL R said...

i used to be very judgmental about this but the older i get the more i learn (not just in this area but in all areas) that I don't know what's best for other people.

sometimes people don't even know what's best for themselves. how can they presume to know if two other people are in a healthy relationship whatever the details of that relationship may be?

to each their own I say...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Thank you very much! The jury is still out as far as me being supportive of people who do have open relationships. I've yet to befriend anyone who has had one, so I can't say for sure if my bias would pass the test. If it ever happens, I promise I'll blog about it!

Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)

I concur, completely. Most people in open relationships are "ready" to commit once they become radioactive, kinda like those prisoners who magically "find Jesus" once they've been incarcerated.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it. :)

You're obviously not familiar with my blog. I'm not only judge and jury, I'm executioner. LOL! jk...kinda

But seriously, sure, people are entitled to do whatever they want with their lives, it's when it begins to affect on other people's lives/health, that I have a problem with it. Just like I'm entitled to my opinion of those people who choose this particular lifestyle choice. Everybody wins!

Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)

Right on, my sistah! ;)

Thanks for commenting! :)

Thank you! :D I agree. Like Bill Maher says "Men are only as loyal as their options."

Thanks for commenting! :)

Nathaniel R.-
I agree. To each their own. This particular each I wouldn't want to own though. Definitely not for me. I require a little more stability in my life. At this point in my life I lack the interest in babysitting, much less dealing with the ramifications of contracting an STD.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it! :)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 4:31:00 PM  

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