Friday, February 17, 2006

God Warriors, Come Out to Play-ay!


I rebuke thee gargyles! I rebuke thee toothbrush! I rebuke thee electricity! I rebuke thee low-fat caramel corn! 'Cause I'm a GOD WARRIOR!!! (let's out Xena-like war cry) Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I was torn between titling this blog entry "Geeezus Christ! Superstar? or what I ended up calling it. I was gonna add one of my "old school" '-or-,' but decided against it. I'm too retentive to have the title be longer than one line long. I know, I'm rambling.

As disgusting as it is to talk about, I feel I must let those of you who may have missed it the first time around, know that the episode of the reality show Trading Spouses with the inbred "God Warrior" (AKA Marguerite Perrin), will be airing an encore presentation of the episode. I mentioned it briefly in a previous post, so if you didn't see it, you have to set your TiVo, VCR, whatever, and see it for yourself. There's just no way to explain how fuckin' retarded this loser really is.

And here's the REALLY scary part. Now she's gone Hollywood and is a fuckin' "celebrity." I shit you not, she has her own website (which I refuse to link to...just Google "Marguerite Perrin" if you dare), complete with "calendar of events", photo gallery (at the Billboard Music Awards, etc.), bulletin boards (hilarious must-reads!) and get this, even a CD single where she (deep breath) RAPS on her "debut single" Marguerite (Why Can't You Be Sweet). Hit me in the face with a brick. Right now. Hard. I don't want to live in a world where some toothless hillbilly who doesn't know how to pronounce the word "gargoyles" is a celebrity.

Courtesy of her website:
Marguerite made her primary impact on America with her unforgettable appearance on the reality TV show, Trading Spouses. Her appearance, heavily advertised during the World Series, became the highest rated episode. Marguerite did not stop there. Appearances have included an interview with Mad Mama Makeover (Access Hollywood), chatting with the winners of The Biggest Loser, sharing her opinions on Inside Edition, OK Magazine and Reality Remix, as well as a second episode of Trading Spouses, whose video clip was one of the top rated clips for VH1 in 2005. And, after two appearances on The Kennedy Show, she accepted invitations for radio tours for both the Billboard and Radio Music Awards.

After appearing in TV Guide (a full page feature) and in the LA Times calendar section (which was one of the most read issues of 2005), much to her surprise a bobble head doll was created in her honor. Viewed on eBay by 350,000 people, the doll sold for $870, only to be presented to her on the Tonight Show as a special surprise by Jay Leno. A return appearance on the Tonight Show is being scheduled, and Marguerite's first music CD entitled "Marguerite (Why Can't You Be Sweet)" has been released to radio, as well as an upcoming movie role in Pandora's Yacht. This small town girl has definitely begun to make a name for herself in Tinsel Town. However, with all her fame and success, she still remains, well, somewhat unchanged.


The saddest part of all is that this ignorant sack of gopher turds actually thinks she's some kind of talent that's been unearthed. She doesn't realize that she's the biggest inbred joke to come along since that little boy who starred in those Problem Child movies. We can only hope she's not blowing all her dough on a fleet of pimped-out Rascals (one for every day of the week!) and the good ice cream (instead of the store brand), 'cause her 15 minutes is ticking away. Maybe she can make those unsold CDs into a suncatcher for her yard.

A group calling themselves Goes Cube has created a spoof song about her, called Slagkick. Click on the song title and hear the MP3 for yourself*. You'll get a little taste of just how squirrely this bitch really is, via sound clips from the Trading Spouses episode where she goes apeshit on national television. *The hyperlink to the song seems to come and go, so if it's not working now, Google "Slagkick."

Trading Spouses airs tonite on the FOX network at 7pm (CST). Check local listings for time and channel.

4 Comments:

Anonymous kris said...

How crazy that I was just thinking about this nutbag this morning...you're, like, in my head, man!

And I have no idea why she was.

Help...me....

Friday, February 17, 2006 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger taarzaan said...

When I first saw her, I suddenly understood how some people could be driven to commit axe murder. That kind of insight I don't need.

Friday, February 17, 2006 7:17:00 PM  
Blogger the depressed nurse said...

Enjoyed your blog. Very cool.

Saturday, February 18, 2006 11:33:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Kris-
Were you brushing your teeth at the time? Were you internally debating on which snack cake was your favorite? Any of these things could have unconsciously set you off. All I know is, if she continues to prey on your mind, you may need to call an exorcist immediately. One that specializes in gargyles.

Thanks for commenting! :)

Taarzaan-
Oh man, me too. My friend Erik always has one single reaction to her: "Someone fucked that?" Truly frightening. I just picture the grimace of orgasmic pleasure on her face...the wind whistling through the gap in her teeth. Terrifying.

Thanks for commenting! :)

Anna-
Thank you! I'm so glad you like my blog. What a nice compliment. :D Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)

Saturday, March 04, 2006 1:33:00 PM  

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