Note to Self: Just Breathe

Earlier this week I experienced something truly pathetic, nauseating, infuriating, I could go on. Before I elaborate, lemme preface this by saying I worked in video rental/sales for a little over 11 years, so I have a little more vested interest on this particular subject. The subject of which I speak is Late Fees.

Apparently some things never change and with the current atmosphere of no one taking responsibility for anything, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised, but it still makes me crazy.

So, there I am at Hollywood Video. I'd just bought some DVDs and while checking out I mentioned that it was hard to find a used copy of the first Kill Bill on DVD. The guy who checked me out (He was too beautiful, BTW) offered to call another location and see if they had a used copy, so I told him the location nearest to where I lived and he called. They were busy at the moment but would call back in a few minutes. I didn't have anywhere to be, so I said okay, I'd wait around.

In walks Miss Wonderful (this town is infested with them, I swear!) and hands the guy 2 DVDs and says in a cutesy way "These are sooo late. *giggle*" and then comes around to the register to fulfill the charade that she doesn't realize HOW late they are and to quickly hand over a few paltry dollars and leave. Then he scans them, checking them in and they are literally almost a month late. I know this because one of the titles came out on JUNE 7th. So, this makes the total in the ballpark of $44. Naturally, Miss Wonderful is "shocked" and immediately starts back peddling with her story of why they are late, etc. If you've heard one excuse, you've heard them all. In her case, they got lost in the armoire their TV set is in. Putting myself in the place of the clerk my immediate thought is "What, renting them to you isn't enough? I'm supposed to be responsible for you keeping track of them too?" Gimme a fuckin' break.

Sidenote*: What pisses me off even more about people like this cunt is that she's the type whose husband is some corporate-type who takes home around $175,000 annually, lives in some cookie-cutter prefab house in some gated community and generally drop $44 like it's nothing anywhere else without a second thought. HOWEVER, when it comes to being expected to abide by the same rules as everyone else, that they AGREED to when they signed the rental agreement in the first place, suddenly it's an "injustice." What-the-fuck-ever.

Naturally her giggly upbeat facade changes to outrage and anger because SHE'S late returning movies and is actually expected to pay late fees on them. Then she does what I FUCKING HATE, she pulls out the tired ol' "threat" routine of "Well, I guess I'll have to start going to Blockbuster from now on." And I'm thinking "Go for it, cunt. Trot your happy-ass right on out the door and don't let the door hit you on the way out." and "See how you like them charging them to your credit card when you don't return them within 7 days, bitch." The clerk tells her that they're (Blockbuster) worse and she (like the atypical head-in-the-sand moron that she is) says "But they have no more late fees." At this point my head is about to implode and I have to interject "Yeah, read the small print. If you don't return them within 7 days, they charge the cost of each DVD to your credit card, with or without your authorization." To which he echoes "Yeah, it's all about the small print. That's why they got sued." And she's all "Oh...well... STILL....$44?" Jesus Christ. At this point I want to punch her in her WASP face and use her open mouth as a waste receptacle.

So, naturally, being a woman she pulls out the sad pouty-face routine, hanging her head in faux consternation. And before you get all femilicious on my ass, trust me, I've seen enough of this bullshit to know the difference in the m.o. of women as opposed to men: Women go the sad/pouty-faced, play-on-your-pathos-route, men opt for the Neanderthal route and rant and rave. Precious.

And here's where I get REALLY pissed off. Why do businesses bend over backwards to keep suck-ass customers like this? It's a complete, baffling mystery to me, that I will never understand. On the one hand if you DO take pity on the customer, giving them the benefit of the doubt and reduce the fees THEY incurred, you're losing money while at the same time setting a precedent for them pulling this routine later on down the road (and trust me, they do just that! Always.)

On the other hand, if they do pitch a fit (lol "if" who am I kidding?) and vow to take their business somewhere else, what are you really losing? A deadbeat 'customer' whose late fees are never their fault? Puhlease! I say good riddance and fuck off. For every person that leaves, 3 will return. And trust me, once they see what their alternatives are (i.e. Blockbuster), and/or run up REALLY late fees somewhere else, they'll be back in some guise (spouse, relative, offspring, or best of all, returning to bite the bullet and pay out the late fees like they should have done to begin with!)

As you can see, this shit really pisses me off. I can't tell you how many times over the years I have had to deal with this type of fucktard. May a M-80 find each and every one of their buttholes.