Halloween is for "Sinners"

At the risk of inciting more drama, today's rant deals with a holiday that is near and dear to me; Halloween. *deep breath* Just when I thought things couldn't get any more retarded... I read an article last week about how some cities are all up in arms over Halloween falling on a Sunday this year. Because of this, these disciples will be celebrating Halloween earlier, some, as far ahead as THREE days!

Give me a fuckin' break, already! I am SO sick and tired of Christmas being the only holiday that "really" matters to people anymore, just because it involves a religious origin (yes, I realize Halloween does too, but how many Christians are going to acknowledge Paganism?). Don't get me wrong, I celebrate Christmas, but if you ask me, it's been a LONG time since it stood for what "Christians" would like you to think it does. It reminds me of the whole gay marriage argument that gay marriages will somehow deteriorate the "sanctity" of marriage. Puhleeeze! Over 40% of marriages in America end in divorce and let's not even get started on the whole domestic violence statistics. But I digress.

My point is, you'd never DARE suggest Christmas be shuffled to say, December 27th, so why Halloween? Because you think God is on your side? Feh. It never ceases to amaze me the convoluted thinking people will come up with to justify their own agenda. Absolutely mind-blowing. And I thought it was bad when the churches around here came up with their cornball "Harvest Parties." Yeesh. That sounds like fun:

"Will there be plenty of corn to shuck and squash casserole!?"
"One can only hope, Billy. One can only hope."
"Will there be lots of lactose/fat-free, low carb, low sodium, no peanut oil, treats. mommy?!"
"We'll see, sweetie. Why don't you go show Aunt Margaret your fireman, policeman, Holy Ghost costume."

I dread the thought of future generations saying (providing they can form complete sentences), "I remember around Halloween time, we would..." No! Noooo. Not around. ON Halloween. This kind of bullshit is what makes people like me harken (harken? Did I just use the word "harken?") for the old days, when things weren't made unnecessarily complicated.

Back when you could still find cardboard cutouts of green witches, black cats and assorted ghouls and monsters. "Scary" ones, not this PC cutesy shit that they've been replaced with.

Back when kids still hosted Halloween parties and knew what games like "apple on a string" and "bobbling for apples" really was. You know, back when you bobbed for apples in a big metal tub that had enough water in it to submerge your head. Not this goofy Rubbermaid shit with 6 inches (if that) of water in it, since apparently today's children (or parents) are such complete mouth-breathers that they run the risk of drowning. Geez, enough with the pampered-poodle-children, already!

Back when all kids knew what UNICEF was and what it stood for. And back when the people whose homes you trick or treated at also knew to have a bowl of change at the ready for just such an occasion.

All I'm saying is this. I KNOW times change. I can deal with that. But do they always have to change for the worse? Are we, as a society going to suck ever little morsel of fun out of everything before it's all said and done? I'm not saying don't be safe. I'm not saying don't take precautions. What I am saying is don't let traditions like Halloween die or be altered to the point beyond recognition, just because you grew up.
*For those who are interested in reading the article that started this high blood pressure-inducing rant, click here.

*I will also be posting throughout the Halloween weekend.