Guilty Pleasures

We all have them in whatever guise they may take on: Books, music, movies or comfort food, guilty pleasures are a part of our collective psyche. In particular, I'm talking about those guilty cinematic pleasures that you enjoy behind closed doors. Those movies you'd never admit to liking (but secretly do). Most of the movies that follow can be found quite cheaply (natch) at Half.com or eBay for under $6. So, draw the curtains, put the Jiffy Pop on the stove, get that comfy blanket out and be prepared to embrace these movies. I promise I won't tell.

Stewardess School (1986)

This is one flight you'll never forget.

Synopsis: Philo and George test their wings at stewardess school when their dreams of piloting the friendly skies fail due to poor eyesight. But the skies remain unfriendly to these two hooligans when all the high class airlines reject these rejects, and they have to contend with a skid row airline to prove their equality, fraternity and liberty.

Comments: Rule of thumb: If Wendie Jo Sperber is in it, I'll watch it. For those not familiar with the name, you're undoubtedly familiar with the face: Amy Cassidy from the TV show Bosom Buddies. Dr. Tina Gassko from Bachelor Party, who gets jiggy with one of the strippers at a bachelorette party, to the tune of Ally Oop. And so many more memorable performances. This is one of my favorite movies from the 80's. I fell in love with one of the minor characters played by Mark Neely (the FAA Inspector). He's my idea of perfection. I'll post a picture of him on the blog sometime, providing I can find one. H-O-T.

Moving Violations (1985)

A crash course in traffic school

Synopsis: A group of careless and unlucky drivers are sentenced to attend traffic school to keep their records clean. Mistreated by inept and cruel police instructors, a smart-alecky teen leads the group in revenge against their tormentors.

Comments: One name says it all: Wendie Jo Sperber. 'nuff said.

Mac and Me (1988)

Out of this world and into your heart.

Synopsis: A Mysterious Alien Creature (MAC) trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a young boy in a wheel chair.

Comments: Warning: This has got to be one of the all-time worst movies ever. This is the poor man's E.T. That's why I love it so. For example: [1] The huge dance number at a McDonald's birthday party (complete with Ronald!). [2] The blatant McDonald's product placement. [3] The high octane wheelchair chase! And SO much MORE! Three words for you: Rent it now.

No Holds Barred (1989)

No Ring. No Ref. No Rules.

Synopsis: Rip is the World Wrestling Federation champion who is faithful to his fans and the network he wrestles for. Brell, the new head of the World Television Network, wants Rip to wrestle for his network. Rip refuses and goes back to his normal life. Still looking for a way to raise ratings, Brell initiates a show called "The Battle of the Tough Guys", a violent brawling competition.

Comments: Okay, I'll admit it. Once upon a time I had a crush on Hulk Hogan. Okay, not so much Hulk Hogan the person, but Hulk Hogan the possessor of pecs and "pythons" of steel! Woo hoo! Hold on tight, baby! I pretty much forward wound through this movie for 2 scenes: [1] The chauffeur getting picked up by his lapels by an angry "Rip" (Hulk Hogan) and asking him, while sniffing the air: "What's that smell?!" To which the chauffeur, voice quivering, answers "Doo...doo...doooookie!" Yep, it's official. I am a red-blooded American male. I like potty humor. And [2] The scene where Rip gets shirtless with the ladies. Oh yeaaaah. Break out the Courvoisier and Malt Duck! Pecalicious!

Hello Again (1987)

Her life just hasn't been the same since her death.

Synopsis: A suburban housewife chokes to death and is brought back to life by a spell cast by her wacky sister.

Comments: Remember Shelley Long? She's probably best known for her role as "Diane" on the TV show Cheers. However, she'll always be Shelley Long SUPA-STAR to me. She's in three of my guilty pleasure favorites: Hello Again, Troop Beverly Hills and Outrageous Fortune. All are B (C?) movie classics. Check em' out if you feel the need for cheez.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985)

Getting into trouble is easy but getting out of it is all the fun!

Synopsis: Janey is new in town, and soon meets Lynne, who shares her passion for dancing in general, and "Dance TV" in particular. When a competition is announced to find a new Dance TV regular couple, Janey and Lynne are determined to audition. The only problem is that Janey's father doesn't approve of that kind of thing.

Comments: I've always loved Sarah Jessica Parker. Whether it was Footloose, or one of my all-time favorite TV shows: Square Pegs. Add a dash of Helen Hunt, hunkalicious Lee Montgomery (whatever happened to him anyway?), a snotty teen princess, a ruined debutante ball and a kick-ass dance showdown-80's-style (You just got served, beeotch!), and what do you get? Cheese-coated fun wrapped in more cheese, served with a side of cheese sticks. Yummy! "Totally" fun!

The Pirate Movie (1982)

Buckle Your Swash and Jolly Your Roger for the Funniest Rock 'N Rollickin' Adventure Ever!

Synopsis: A parody/homage to Pirates of Penzance. A musical comedy utilizing both new songs and parodies from the original, as well as references to popular films of the time, including Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark. In your typical boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy fights girl with swords plot, the story revolves around Mabel, the youngest of Maj. Gen. Stanley's many daughters, and Frederic, an ex-Pirate of Penzance. They fall in love and proceed to retrieve the Stanley's fortune from the Pirates (stolen 20 years ago). The Pirate King informs Frederic that due to him being born on Feb. 29th (during a leap year), Frederic is still technically the King's apprentice. Frederic must then decide between duty and honor, the only good qualities the King taught him, and true love.

Comments: I pretty much covered how much I loved this movie when it first came out, in yesterday's ode to Kristy McNichol blog. However, this is one of those movies that I proudly file under "Musical Cheese," alongside Can't Stop The Music, Roller Boogie and Xanadu.

Teen Witch (1989)

When you're young, boys are a mystery. And love is pure magic.

Synopsis: Louise is not very popular at her high school. Then she learns that she's descended from the witches of Salem and has inherited their powers. At first she uses them to get back at the girls and teachers who teased her and to win the heart of the handsome football captain. But soon she has doubts if it's right to 'cheat' her way to popularity.

Comments: I can't stress this enough: I LOVE THIS MOVIE! This movie is so adorably lame, I can't help but embrace it. From the random musical numbers like the "I Like Boys" scene in the girls locker room, to the driveby Rap by Louise's nerdy best friend Polly. Also, the eyecandy can't be beat: Hello Dan Gauthier! HELLO Noah Blake! Guaranteed to make you laugh. A Halloween tradition at my house.