Jinkies! I Need to Put On My Glasses

Okay. I think I need to wear my glasses more often. I first realized this, back when I used to go to the gay bars (gee, I make it sound so glamorous). I'd be with a friend and we'd go sit somewhere and just watch people. We'd pick out particular people and go "Rowr!" or "HELLO!" and then we'd see what the other had deemed lunchable and say yaye, naye, or in my case "You really need to wear your glasses." On the one hand, it was my own private utopia, 'cause no one was ever that ugly and there were plenty of cuties. That all came to a screeching halt once I started wearing my glasses. Sad, sad, sad.

Well, today, marked yet another "Kirk, put on your glasses" milestone. I was on a stepladder, digging around in the cabinets over the shower, looking for some eBay fodder and getting a headstart on getting the Halloween decorations out. So, I happen to look down among the various sales circulars scattered on the floor, and I see a roach on the top corner of one of them. Now, I HATE roaches. Esp. in my house. So, I quietly descend the ladder to smack that mofo back to the future. I oh-so-quietly approach the sales circular, careful not to disturb him or he'll peel out faster than O.J. Simpson and be gone forever into the water heater closet. I get closer, I get closer, rolled up issue of Elle Decor poised for the smack down. Upon closer inspection, I realize I was about to kill... a picture of a golf bag that's on sale at Academy Sports & Outdoors. It's official. I'm retarded.