We are Foxy. We are Fine. We're the Class of '89

It's that time of year when I sit my mom down and explain that regardless of who she talks to in my hometown (where both my parents are still sentenced, er reside), regardless how much they claim to have liked me, miss me, etc., not to give out my home address or phone number. That's what the P.O. box is for. That's right, it's class reunion time! My mom is the all-time worst at telling me about how "some girl/guy" asked about me today... then not being able to tell me who the fuck they were. It drives me in-sane. What's the point of telling me, then?! That's like me saying "Oh, I won the lottery. I know the ticket's around here somewhere." Fuckin' retarded. And the most baffling part of all? Half the time, the people she talks to are people I couldn't fuckin' stand in high school, or whom wouldn't give me the time of day. What's THAT about? Now I'm great? Now I'm missed? Whatever.

So, I got an e-mail from one of the few people from school I've kept in touch with, telling me that our class is having their 15 year reunion on the 18th of this month. And the best part? It's being held at the local American Legion. WTF? Why don't we just meet in the parking lot at Jack In The Box? I was always one of those people who liked school, it was the people I couldn't stand. I never went to a pep rally, game, assembly, unless I absolutely had to. I never gave a shit who was playing who on Friday night, who won and I definitely wasn't adored by all. Don't get me wrong, I was fairly popular, holding the obligatory office is this or that club, getting elected "Most Talented," and/or whatever other mediocre things you do in high school to be "popular," but there were really only a handful of people I enjoyed hanging out with and/or associating with. And, of course, there was the occasional person I had a crush on (I still wonder what Antonio* looks like now). When it came to friends I was pretty much kinda like I am now: picky. With me it was always quality over quantity. Needless to say, the pickin's were pretty slim.

Our high school was originally built over a swamp (sadly enough, I'm not kidding). This being as it was, I always felt like out mascot should have been an alligator, or considering the general mentality of the population, a possum wearing overalls and carrying a banjo, Deliverance-style. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. With the brilliant swampland acquisition, needless to say the land shifted over the years and the effect on the foundation/architecture of the buildings was one that made some of the class rooms and hallways slant and/or buckle. Every school should have speedbumps in the hallway. I always wondered if the dumbass whose bright idea it was to purchase and then BUILD over a swamp, also got a handful of magic beans in the arrangement. We may never know. Whatever the case, the high school was torn down 4 years ago and a new one was rebuilt in its' place, about 200 feet back from the original site. Naturally, this bullshit happens AFTER I've long gone. That was always the way, though. Our class was always getting screwed, ever since Intermediate school. Our history of getting fucked over went a little something like this: [1] Intermediate school- The "kids need a healthy alternative" fad swept the nation (déjà vu?) and therefore the snack/soda vending machines were briefly replaced with Hi-C fruit juice and fresh fruit machines. The next year, after we were gone, they re-instituted the old machines. [2] Same thing happened in Junior High. [3] In high school we had shitball facilities/resources for track, tennis, computers, etc, as well as the whole S.A.T. thing coming heavily into play for the first time. The next year new tennis courts and a track were built.

With the rebuilding of the school, those in charge actually did something intelligent, for once, and turned the area where the old school used to be, into a parking lot. The new school looks great and from what I've heard, the interior is nice as well. Of course, there are now beautiful new track and tennis areas, as well as ample parking. If only we'd waited 11 more years! Whatever. I went to the website for our high school (or at least, the land where our high school used to be) and I can see that the old alma mater's attention to quality has remained steadfast. Not. Someone has already had the brilliant idea of ruining an otherwise classy facade, with not 1 but THREE shitball painted signs across the front of the entrance. Well, you know what they say: You can lead a hillbilly to corn squeezin's, but you can't make him think. Ech. Fuckin' retards. Amazing how a school that costs the taxpayers thousands of dollars, can't even have a decent picture of the campus and/or a remotely informative/interesting web site. The damn architect's rendering looks better than the shitball photo they've used for the main page. Whoever did their webpage makes Christy Brown look dexterous.

*Name changed to protect the homophobic