Mental Goulash III

"Pet grooming at a parlor in southwestern China, includes a haircut and coloring, which start at 300 vuan (about $36 for small dogs)." I found this unusual photo on AOL News and HAD to report it here, for my blogger readers. I am NOT a poodle fan, but I'd take one of these day-glo fluffy sno-cones! Too cool! I'm assuming they use some sort of vegetable dye. It kinda reminds me of the late 70's fad of flocking Christmas trees in different colors. I still think the pink flocked Christmas trees looked pretty cool. I also remember, around Easter-time, when people would be selling/giving dyed baby chicks. They were too cute! I think maybe some people still do this, but I thought I remembered reading something about the dye killing the cute lil nuggets. I dunno. I could be wrong. I still think the poodles are rainbow-riffic!

If you're anything like me, then you love Cheri Oteri. I hated it the day she left Saturday Night Live. She was one of my all-time favorite SNL cast members (Gilda Radner, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Ellen Cleghorne, Phil Hartman, etc.) If your familiar with her characters, my all-time favorite character (shown) was Collette Reardon, the hypochondriac, "prescription" drug addict. I love her! She always was all fucked up and disheveled-looking (missed button holes, uneven makeup, mismatched earrings, etc.). Saturday Night Live will be having a Best of Cheri Oteri show on Saturday, September 4th, during their regular time-slot. So, be sure and check it out. Here's hoping there is a Best Of... DVD in the works!

While at Best Buy, earlier this week, doing some DVD shoppin', I saw this cute guy. I'd guesstimate he was maybe early 40's. He had salt-n-pepper hair and glasses (ROWR!). He was wearing shorts, so being the calves-fiend that I am, I checked out his calves (which were mighty nice, I must admit...Rowr!). That's when the whole picture came together for me. I thought something was "off" about him, but I initially couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly... until I saw the calves. He was orange! I walked by and got a closer look (he was looking for a CD title), and that's when it really hit home. His face, neck, arms, legs, they were all orange. Bad, bad, bad. And he's such a cutie, too, dammit! Why would you fuck up an otherwise cute overall package by applying a tanning product that makes you look like a Circus Peanut with glasses? Vanity thy name is QT. What a cryin' shame.

Remember ant farms? I never had one as a child, but always wanted one. However, having the typical mom, I was never allowed to have an ant farm, since there was always the possibility of me dropping it and therefore bringing the world to a premature end. Come to think of it, there were a lot of things I wasn't trusted with. I think that's why I like burning candles so much now. And I haven't even burned down my house yet! Sigh. Moms. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I guess it's another case of "everything old is new again," 'cause I just discovered this awesome new ant farm online! This new-age ant farm has a unique twist, though. Here's a synopsis of the "Antquarium," courtesy of the good folks at I Want One Of Those.com: " The Antquarium was developed by NASA scientists to allow astronauts to observe wildlife in space, and has been into orbit on the NASA Space Shuttle. The clear Perspex Antquarium contains a unique, non toxic transparent gel with special properties that allowed it to withstand the immense g-forces experienced during shuttle take-off.

The gel also forms an ideal habitat for ants, and provides all the nutrition ants need to survive for their average life expectancy of six months. Once the ants are inside, they burrow their way through the gel to create fascinating and totally unique patterns. Use the wooden stick provided to make four channels around 2 – 3cm long in the gel. Then use your multifunction stick to catch your ants (or entice them into another suitable container), insert them into the Antquarium and close the lid. Using your channels as a starting point, the little creepies will begin making their tunnels for your amusement and delight. "

How cool is THAT?! As God is my witness, I WILL make it mine... eventually. I will definitely be sending off for the ants, though. For two reasons: 1) I don't want to encourage the carpenter ants that are already around here and 2) I read the reviews of this product and it seems like the ants you send off for are prone to be more active. Plus, they are black! And black is always a cooler color than red. Oh! And if ants aren't your bag, then check out the "Plantquarium." It's the same basic premise, but it deals with growing plants (of course, I want one of these, too). Kinda like the terrariums in a bottle that were so popular in the late 70's. I remember we had one in an old glass (back when things still came in glass, like soft drinks and pancake syrup) water cooler bottle. Now my parents keep change in it.

And while we're on the topic of plants, BoysStuff also offers a hip, new product called the Flycatcher Mark II. Here's the synopsis: " Introducing the mechanical Venus Fly Trap. Using chemical free bait, the Flycatcher Mark II gets rid of flies, wasps and mosquitoes safely and quickly. Hot summer days mean barbecues, outdoor parties… and flies. So how do you get rid of the little buggers? With this top little gizmo, that's how. Place the bait inside the Flycatcher's mouth, turn it on, and watch as it attracts all the insects. Of course, the poor deluded insects don't know that the mouth contains sensors that detect their presence. Then, as they walk in looking for the bait, BAM! Down come the catcher's jaws, swatting the fly dead. No fuss, no muss. (Well, possibly a bit of muss, but you get a free brush to clean that out with.)

The original Flycatcher was a greedy little bugger who'd let rip an almighty burp after stuffing himself on fly pie. The new model still burps, but if you're the refined type who believes in table manners, there's an option to turn the burping off."

From the fun, to the idiotic. Apparently this news story happened back in April, but it was just featured on the local news here. You may have heard about the billboard worker in North Carolina who owed a debt, allowed his creditor to cover six billboard signs with a biblical passage condemning homosexuality. Personally, the sign amuses me more than it pisses me off. I love the fact that someone honestly believes that they are able to interspersedly go back and forth between homosexuality and heterosexuality. I think the technical term is "closet case," or "sex addict." *See also [de·ni·al]. Personally, I've known I was gay ever since I was in 3rd grade. You just are or you're aren't. Accept it (or in this case, don't) and get on with your life. I can't stand people straight or gay who limit themselves with labels and/or perceptions. There's just no excuse for it. "Jesus Christ changes lives." That's possible, but as we can see, it's not always for the better. I think too many self-proclaimed "Christians" wield/interpret The Bible and it's passages to their own agenda, which I view as being just as blasphemous as their accusations. We haven't come a long way, baby. I hope they're using condoms.

Waynetta Nolan of Houston, Texas can't get no satisfaction. However, she can get 10 years in prison. Way to represent, Wayway! News story, courtesy of Reuters: "A Texas woman was convicted of aggravated assault and sentenced to 10 years in jail for running over the manager of a McDonald's with her car because she wanted mayonnaise on her cheeseburger.

Waynetta Nolan, 37, showed no emotion Thursday as the sentence was read in court following a trial in which the McDonald's manager, Sherry Jenkins, said she gave Nolan the mayonnaise she requested, but she flew into a rage anyway. "I gave her everything she asked for -- mayonnaise, no mustard, onions, everything I could possibly do for this lady. Mayo, mayo, mayo, and it's still not good enough," Jenkins told reporters outside the courtroom.

Nolan, who was convicted of aggravated assault for the April 23 incident, became so angry when a McDonald's employee told her she could not get mayonnaise that she threw her cheeseburger into the drive-through the window, witnesses said.

Jenkins tried to placate her by offering a cheeseburger with mayonnaise, but Nolan continued to make demands until Jenkins finally called police. When she went outside to write down Nolan's license plate number, Nolan ran her over, breaking her pelvis.

Nolan testified that she was putting ketchup on her cheeseburger when she accidentally struck Jenkins."