The Magic Time Machine

After my eye exam, Derik and I stopped by Half Price Books (one of my favorite places to buy books, movies and music) and then went to eat at a restaurant called The Magic Time Machine. Derik had been wanting to go there ever since he heard about it, but none of his uptight friends would be caught dead there. Barnacle Boy to the rescue! (that's me) I had been there once, AGES ago.

Back in junior high (I think), my friend Tiffany had her birthday party there and I was invited. Tiffany's parents had money to burn, so the sky was usually the limit when it came to what Tiffany wanted. And Tiffany wanted a birthday party at The Magic Time Machine. I'd never been there before and, like everyone else, thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. You have to realize we lived in a small hick town in Texas (redundant?), so going all the way to Dallas, made it even cooler.

The restaurant is kind of hard to explain (it's kinda one of those "You have to be there" kinda places), but I'll try. Inside the cavernous restaurant there are various themed settings in which to eat. For example, you can eat inside a giant box of crayons, a trolley car, a teepee, a giant lunchbox, etc. The waiters/waitresses are dressed as various characters: Charlie Brown, Batman, Raggedy Ann, Frankenstein, etc. At Tiffany's party, we got seated inside a giant pumpkin and our waiter was Charlie Brown and our waitress was Lady Godiva! The salad bar is housed in the shell of a Model T and the phone booth was the actual front half of a school bus! Upstairs there was an arcade (I definitely remember playing Ms. Pac-Man) and a disco!

So, Derik and I get there around 6:30 or so. Once I see the front entrance, it all starts coming back to me. There was a life-size cutout of Superman, or rather the guy at this particular restaurant who portrays Superman and he is H-O-T. Naturally, it's his night off, so we get our choice of Alice in Wonderland, Joe Dirt or Bat Girl. Derik isn't familiar with Joe Dirt, so I say "Let's get Alice in Wonderland!" We get seated at the Casablanca table, giant fringed lamp over the table et al. We're both getting a total kick out of looking around the place, not to mention trying to see all the waitstaff, to see who's who. Soon "Alice" comes over and she looks just like Alice in Wonderland, British accent and all. However, she's speaking in a high-pitched, elfish-type voice, which kinda makes me uncomfortable (for her). She is totally perky, completely into her character and doesn't crack up once, while delivering her spiel of the specials and drinks. My first thought is: "I could ever work here in a million years. I could never be that fuckin' perky and/or keep a straight face." She did a great job and was really nice.

After taking our drink orders, Alice disappears, only to walk by in a few minutes to ask if we would like some napkins, and we say "yes" and she tosses a handful of napkins in our faces, before giggling and scurrying away like a ferret on acid. We just looked at each other and though "Fun!" She also comes back from time to time to tell us a joke, a story or to just scare the hell out of us, by popping a balloon behind our head and/or letting go of a half-filled balloon, so that it swirls around our heads before landing on the table. Poor Derik. He got the brunt of most of it, since his back was to the preparation area, where Alice lurked 9X outta 10. On the plus side, I could drool over Hercules, while he refilled drinks or picked up orders. He was pretty hunky, but methinks the dim lighting worked in his favor, facially.

Oh! And don't even think about asking where the bathroom is. 'Cause if you do, your waiter/waitress makes you get up, and you must march behind them throughout the restaurant, while they say in a very loud voice "I MUST!" and you have to say in a similarly loud voice "WEE WEE!" Thank god, I went to the bathroom while the coast was clear. Oh! And some couple and their little girl came in and got seated off to the right of me. Derik had a bird's eye view, so he saw more than I did, but apparently the "fabulous" mom just had to make a cell phone call from the table and before her conversation could even really get started, Alice swoops out of nowhere and pulls her seat (all the seats are on wheels) a looong distance from the table, while exclaiming "Wheeeeee!" and scuttling away. The woman was both startled and pissed. She just sat there at first with her mouth open, looking like "What the fuck?" It was hilarious! She rolled herself back to the table, then got up to finish her call elsewhere. It was great! What kind of asshole talks on the phone at the table anyway? Ech.

I ordered the Poison Apple (an apple martini) and I forget the name of what Derik ordered. Whatever it was, it had rum in it, was blue and it smoked. I had the fried shrimp, Derik ordered the salmon (I think) and we shared an appetizer of cheese sticks, and we both had the salad bar. Everything was delicious. When it came time for the check, Alice dropped it off, but not before she hurled a handful of Dum Dum suckers on our table. I got root beer and grape! Afterwards, we walked around, checking out all the places you could eat. Sadly, the pumpkin was gone, but the majority of the place still looked the same. We even ventured upstairs to the arcade/discoteque, and wow, it really took me back. They were both just as I had remembered them. Even Ms. Pac-Man was still there! It was great! The best time I have had in a long time.

I went to their website, and all the waiters/waitresses they show on the site must be from the San Antonio one, because I don't recognize any of the people. So, if you happen to find yourself in the Dallas area, be sure and check out The Magic Time Machine, you'll never forget it.

*Tomorrow, see what I picked up at Half Price Books!