Reality TV

I don't how many people out there actually keep up with any of the reality shows, but from time to time I'll tune in, depending on the subject matter, etc. I admit to being a fan of:
• Murder In Small Town X (Who's winner, sadly died in the 9/11 bombing. He was a firefighter.)
• MTV's Real World (I think I stopped after the 1994 "San Francisco" season with "Puck")
• I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here! (I was addicted to that cutie Cris Judd! What a great guy.)
• The Surreal Life (Season 1)
• The Osbournes
• Mad, Mad House (Art was so hot). I also sometimes like Sci-Fi Channel's Scare Tactics and can handle Simple Life in small doses (I quickly lose patience with the whole snotty "fish out of water" schtick perpetuated by the spoiled duo). Oh, and if Jackass is considered reality TV, then I also used to love that show. Can't get enough potty humor and/or Johnny Knoxville (ROWR ROWR!).

In short, I have watched my share of "reality" TV. For some reason, I seem to be drawn to the ones that never last. Lol!

I never got remotely interested or even seen most of the ones that seem to be so popular: Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire, etc. And I just couldn't handle the high fructose-factor on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy (though the soundtrack is cool and I think the guy who does the interior design is cute) or Boy Meets Boy, which had me dry heaving on the fab-factor, alone. Yeah, Boy Meets Boy is on DVD, but good shit like Square Pegs and/or Maude, isn't. That makes sense.

Oh, wait, no it doesn't!

So, back to the whole reason I was inspired to write this to begin with. I have a habit of recording That 70's Show every day from 6-7. Well, I let the tape run the other day and recorded UPN's latest turd-tastic reality gem: The Player. The name alone made me snicker (insert sarcastic fart sound here), but I decided to watch it anyway. A brief synopsis of the show: "An eight-week one-hour series set a palatial Miami mansion that follows a group of 13 self-described "players" in their quest to win the heart (or, at least, be the final selection) of a Miami model named Dawn ... assisted by her two girlfriends." Wow. I can't wait! Lol. NOT. Some observations: The biggest geek/Guido-esque "player" of the group, named "Alex," is a self-proclaimed "entrepreneur" (that's just precious) from right here in Texas, naturally. Way to represent Texas, dawg!....rheeee (my retardo sound). Whatever. "JJ" (who busted a phat rhyme for the ladies...ech. Whatever) looks like he rents his head out as a scratching post. And it's not much better when compounded with a skull cap. Nice look, Scarecrow. How about a little fire? Yeesh. And I can't help but give an honorable mention to "Bryan" (yet another personal trainer) whose perpetually arched eyebrow and flared nostrils seem to say "I smell a fart." And as far as the "show me your playa skillz" round, where each guy had to show some kinda "skillz," all I can say is: If the black guys weren't allowed to Rap, would they still have had anything to bring to the table? My Magic 8 Ball says "Outlook Not Good."

The only guy who I think is remotely attractive, but whose actual personality most-likely leaves a lot to be desired (he's a personal trainer), is Ben. He's a little hottie, but then I'm sure he tells himself that every day, during his "mirror time." When asked: Best physical features?, he answered Arms, chest, back, legs, face and abs. Gee, so humble. He forgot "neck & feet." Good thing they didn't ask him his worst features, he'd be stumped. Poor kid. He lists his special talents as "Modeling & wrestling," and his role model is Ashton Kutcher. I rest my case.

My question is: Is straight dating as shallow and cheesy as it's portrayed on television? Does everyone really fuck around pretty much immediately and are all the chicks money-grubbing ho's? If I was a woman, I honestly don't know if I could keep a straight face during some faux romantic candlelight dinner, preceded by that tired standard, the single rose. It's all a little too "Bennigan's prom" for me to swallow, not to mention a little desperate. Am I just getting the wrong image, or what? I never get this uptight about dates. I figure we'll either get along or we won't. If so, cool, if not, so be it. Is straight dating really all this complicated, and if so, why bother? Is "couple" status really the holy grail?