Dorkville Calling...Don't Answer!

*Part 3 of a 4-part series

As you can see, I've assigned letters A-E for each photo, for easy referral while I try to decipher the various categories of men whom I, unfortunately, seem to appeal to. I'm sure that some of them would be just perfect for someone else out there, just not me. For some reason my sense of humor and friendliness (I am friendly, dammit! Stop laughing!) brings out the unsavory:

A: Trekkie: Wow. Where do I begin with this one? Better yet, is elaboration really necessary? I think the name pretty much says it all. Friendly enough, but socially awkward. Be prepared to debate the original Star Trek series to today's Star Trek Enterprise. May not be up to date on current music and/or movies (other than sci-fi, of course). May make obscure Star Trek references and/or spontaneously speak Klingon. Avoid. Age range: 19+. See also: King dweeb, Franklin Mint addict and/or Dungeons & Dragons Overlord: Level 10+ .

B: Comic Book Store Manager: Cool by association, at first, because of his comic book surroundings. Culminating in a later realization that that's all he really knows...or cares about (besides Renaissance festivals). Can name every villain Spider-Man ever fought, but can't remember your name or how to apply deodorant. A healthy appetite, who enjoys dining at Tex-Mex and buffet-style restaurants. Age range: 35+. See also: Super hero chat room, Weight Watchers refugee and/or Wiccan.

C: Gangsta: Not unlike Magic Shell, the Gangsta usually has a hard shell, which conceals a sassy, creamy soul sistah at heart. Big on "keepin' it real" while shopping at Academy Sports & Outdoors and/or Foot Locker. Listens to Rap and Hip-Hop only, because everything else is "queer." Limited knowledge of current events, just knows that "The Man" is keeping him oppressed. Must be prepared to receive anal, 'cause he's got a macho complex and "ain't no bitch."Age range: 20+. See also: Thug life, Closet case and Anal sex.

D: Nerd: Pleasantly goofy, yet detached from reality. Like the Trekkie, socially awkward and normally a spendthrift. He's saving those pennies for some new software, a system upgrade or retirement. A stranger to fashion, but no stranger to buying in bulk. Don't get on his bad side by mentioning that you own an Apple computer instead of PC, or it's the beginning of the end. Age range: 16+. See also: Red pubic hair, Pewter dragon collector and/or Computer technician.

E. Spooky Daddy: The anti-Countess Fagula (*see part 1), this guy's turn-ons include: sniffing your armpits, not wiping thoroughly (if at all) and facial hair. Notorious for bareback sex, justified by bucking the "system." A lover of uniforms, leather vests, German Shepherds and water sports, this guy doesn't have a lot to say and looks forward to taking you back to his place and teaching you a lesson in humility. Sometimes harbors an effeminate underbelly, only exposed to those who he really feels "know him." Avoid. Age range: 45+. See also: B&D, Leather and/or Deodorantly-challenged.

Tomorrow: You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.