Mental Goulash II

While listening to the radio, I noticed just how retarded the lyrics to a lot of the commercials, especially fast food, really are. And how misleading. Take Poncho's Mexican Buffet, for instance: "Raise the flag, raise the flag, you're ready for a little more Poncho's Mexican Buffet."...and subsequently, a little more diarrhea. McDonald's: "Tastes so good, I can't contain it. What's special sauce? I dunno, can't explain it." Yeah, you know why you can't contain it? It's called Olean. And that "special sauce," it's called French Dressing. McDonald's, I'm not lovin' it. First it was Hip Hop. Then this Smashmouth-sounding jingle and the latest one I saw on TV was some Techno Rave version where people are coming in so late (from DJ'ing et al), that nothing but McGriddles will appease their hip, youthful cravings. Whatever. Stop the MTV madness, Ronald.

Lifetime (Television for battered wives) has been airing episodes of Laverne & Shirley, early in the mornings. They started out with the classic episodes, back when Laverne & Shirley still worked at the brewery. However, after only a week or so, they switched over to the super-lame older episodes, where Shirley had gotten married and moved away, leaving Laverne on her own in L.A. (Personally, I thought the move to L.A. was the beginning of the end...but the new "cousin" was hunkalicious...rowr!) Boy, all I can say is that I hope Penny Marshall was making these episodes because she was obligated by contract, not because she actually believed the show was still funny. Yikes.

Only AOL could label M. Night Shyamalan the "King of The Twist." Gimme a fuckin' break. I love how the entertainment industry jumps on these one-hit wonders bandwagon and instantly label them cinematic geniuses. Hardly. I admit to liking The Sixth Sense, had no interest in Unbreakable and wanted a refund after renting Signs (the inopportune "precious moments" scenes were too sappy for me). First off, the name itself is the biggest gimmick I have seen since the director "McG," whose style, I admit to liking, what with his saturated, high Pop-style, but the name is beyond pretentious. And while we're on the subject of pretentious, Shamalamadingdong's compulsion to have cameos in all his films, is a serious case of "been there, done that (much better)." Alfred Hitchcock he ain't. Strictly a director for the mall crowd.

While doing my usual sweep of the Internet for fun and/or unusual pictures, I had the misfortune of stumbling across this website for "Cherished Friends." Some goober named Lee Middleton makes a mint off these collectible monstrosities, which I'm sure Home Shopping Network sells out of on a regular basis. I've never been one of those people who find dolls and/or clowns scary, so that's not what I dislike about them. I just find the fact that someone out there actually shelled out $150 for this gopher shit in a dress. I think they all look like they have Downs Syndrome, but I'm sure some "collector" out there, thinks they are just precious.

The ones shown here are called Applelicious and Irish Eyes. I've renamed them Apple Juice Panties and Ragweed Ramona. Adorable! Also available: That's My Kitty, Baby's First Organ Harvest, Fecal Fiesta: Adventures in Toilet Training, and Hydrocephalic Alice.

On a recent trip to the store, I was happy to be reunited with an old friend. A&W Root Beer barrels! I forgot how much I love the taste of these hard candies! Man, are they good! Apparently, someone finally decided to refill the Brach's candy bins, and there they were, in all their rooty glory. Viva le root beer flavor! Visit the Nostalgic Candy store!

Here's a recent picture of Neil Patrick Harris AKA Doogie Howser. Apparently the once boy-genius is either an avid crack smoker with a traveling circus OR the new master of ceremonies in Broadway's "Cabaret." I'm so creeped out by this photo, I don't know where to begin. I'm sure teengirl Goth wannabe is swooning right now. I know androgyny is goth-a-licious, but I've never found androgyny "sexy." In all fairness, though, I must admit, Neil was pretty doggone funny in Undercover Brother, and I hear he has a cameo in the new Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.