Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Spooky Movie Rental Reviews


Halloween Night © 2006
Synopsis: This horror movie tells the story of a high school student's Halloween party that goes terribly awry when a psychopath escapes from the local mental hospital and turns up at the party (which is in the same house as the psycho's childhood home). Suspense, surprises, and terrifying chills result in this film (allegedly...I've yet to find any proof. Methinks it's just a marketing ploy for the Ritalin Generation) based on true events.
Comments: It being close to Halloween, I was anxious to rent any and all new horror/slasher movies that looked remotely palpable.

The movie was 'okay.' It started out good enough and I'd hoped for some creative kills, but it just kinda went down hill after the first murder. On the plus side, there were some really good-lookin' guys in it (Jared Cohn {DAYUM!} and Mike Zent to name a few). However, though Jared was such the hottie, his performance could have been greatly improved by actually learning his lines instead of the whole "improvisational" riff he kept desperately clinging to. Methinks he was trying too hard to be a walking billboard for the improvisational classes that he teaches. Like most things, a little goes a lonnnnng way.
Survey Says: Eh, this movie was alright if you have nothing bette to do on a Friday night. Weak gore. Low bodycount. Worth a rental if you're really into slashers, but everyone else don't bother.

Salvage © 2006
Synopsis: College student Claire Parker is stalked and killed by a serial murderer. Awaking alive and well, she assumes the whole affair to have been a grisly nightmare. When the awful scenario repeats itself a second and then a third time, she is forced to conclude that something supernatural is afoot. Enlisting the aid of her best friend, the local detective, and her reluctant boyfriend Jimmy, Claire must somehow break the cycle and piece together the truth -- a truth too horrible to imagine.
Comments: Speaking of too horrible to imagine, that would describe this convoluted premise. It sounds intriguing enough, in a Groundhog Day kinda way, but it never really succeeds in successfully delivering a coherent ending.

I've read reviews, in regards to the "twist" ending, ranging from "You just don't 'get' it because you're not deep like me" to "Whu?" I was of the latter persuasion. Trust me, it's not my first time at the ol' picture show, so surprise endings are normally not lost on me, however badly executed, but this one was a total reach. I don't buy that the ending was just sooo profound that people aren't 'getting' it. That's called bad execution (no pun intended).
Survey Says: Relatively good performance by the female lead. The movie does have some genuine creepy moments, but overall this movie was a total waste of my time and an effort to watch. Wait for cable.

Heartstopper © 2006
Synopsis: Two hospitalized young people discover that things can get even worse when the dilapidated institution is stranded by a severe storm and a maniac stalks the corridors butchering the patients and staff.
Comments: I wanted so badly to love this movie. The premise is a lot like another 80's slasher-on the loose in the hospital, called Hospital Massacre. This movie wasn't anywhere near as interesting when it came to the actual murders. How many times can you see some 'supernatural' killer rip someone's beating heart from their chest before it gets monotonous? The movie reminded me of a less entertaining version of 1989's Shocker. Robert Englund brought absolutely nothing to the movie, but an annoyingly cliched character. Needless to say, the movie didn't even begin to hold my interest and I never got past the first 45 minutes.
Survey Says: BIG yawn. Monumental yawn. Don't waste your money renting this. Definitely one to watch on cable...if at all.

Slither © 2006
Synopsis: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters.
Comments: I'd heard lots of good word-of-mouth about this movie AND it's premise closely mirrored that of an 80's movie that I really liked, called Night of the Creeps, so naturally I rented it. Plus, the leads Nathan Fillion and Michael Rooker are pretty easy on the eyes. Rooker has a surprisingly tasty bod on him. Who knew?

Fun movie with juuust the right blend of humor (it's not laughing at its' own jokes). Likeable characters. A homage to the 80's horror movies, when they were still fresh and fun.
Survey Says: I liked this movie. A decent marriage of 'old school' prosthetics and CGI effects, especially in a day and age where CGI reigns. Definitely worth the rental. I might even buy it used, for the right price.

2 Comments:

Blogger Mon said...

I totally forgot I wanted to see slither when it came out on DVD. Glad it was decent!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Mon-
I did too, since every time I went to rent it it was all checked out. I finally remembered and I'm glad I did. It was a fun movie. Gross, but fun. :D

Monday, November 13, 2006 3:26:00 AM  

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