TAB Low Flavor Calorie Energy Drink

While waiting in line at the grocery store recently, I noticed in the refrigerated soft drink case (the impulse buy manipulation du jour) that my favorite soft drink of all time, TAB, has a new "energy drink." Of course, being only human, I had to get one.

First off, let me say that I have never drank, bought or been interested in so-called energy drinks. Personally, I think energy is overrated. If I need energy I'll get it the natural way, through endorphins released via good old-fashioned exercise. Wa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh my god, I knew I couldn't say that with a straight face!!! Were you buying that? Oh dear lord...ahem...anyway... But seriously, energy drinks hold no appeal for me. I consider them the retarded cousin of the other drinks I never cared about: Gatorade, flavored waters, beer, juice (except grape juice, which is just delicious) and the latest addition to the family "oxygenated water" (gimme a break already!). I bought the TAB energy drink simply because I am a big fan of its retrolicious, carbonated namesake.

Like a goofy little kid, I 'saved' the drink for when I got home, in order to savor it's (perceived) deliciousness...

Let's just say, if there was ever a flavor called "yuck," the people who developed the TAB energy drink deserve the recognition for inventing it. OMG, it tasted like what I can only assume gerbil ass with an aftertaste of sucralose-laden berries would taste like. HORRIBLE! It was like that old joke: "Your cooking is so bad that the dog had to lick his own ass to get the taste out of his mouth!" Soooo bad.

So, unless you have a death wish or are gearing up to be a contestant on Fear Factor, avoid this "drink" at all costs. With a taste this bad, it won't have a long shelf life anyway. On the plus side, I used the can opener to remove the top of the can and it makes a swell pencil cup!

Also New on the grocer's shelf:

• Eggo (yes, just like the waffles) cereal
• "Berry" Lucky Charms cereal