Thursday, August 25, 2005

Mental Goulash 9

Today's blog entry is about various products, some old, some new. It initially started out as something else, but the idea sat in my "Future Blog Ideas" folder for so long, I had to combine them into what you see today. That's the only down side to writing your posts weeks in advance, sometimes things that were new/topical at the moment, aren't by the time you get around to blogging about them. Oh well, that's the price you pay, I guess. Enjoy the "reviews."

[1] Sly is Sylvester Stallone's new magazine. It's like Men's Health magazine, but less interesting. I find it amusing that articles that boast "Stallone's (*insert body part here*) Workout" never seem to have Stallone actually performing the workout. Most pictures that accompany articles about Stallone are like looking through a scrapbook of his acting history.

And, the website...well, it doesn't remotely resemble the magazine at all. I dunno if the magazine's "concept" is in the process of being reinvented or what. Never a good sign, and I should know. I've had subscriptions to multiple magazines that have dramatically changed format (Bonkers and Stance, to name a few). Stallone is hot, but his magazine isn't.

[2] What's new in Pop Tarts? Strawberry Milkshake! Apparently (according to their web site's latest makeover) they are hawking the taste-sensation of freezing your Pop Tarts. Hmmm. I dunno 'bout that. I love the original strawberry, I might like this one as well. According to their site, Pop Tart currently has 32 flavors! Who knew?!

[3] Jesus Christ. You knew this was coming: Patriotic Pop Tarts. Oy vey. These "limited edition" Pop Tarts are Wild Strawberry flavor. I think I've seen it all now. First with the red/white/blue corn chips, then the Pringles, Mother's Iced Animal Cookies, etc. I'm holding out for the red/white/blue (think Aquafresh) Preparation H cream.

[4] While searching for the frozen ravioli recently at the local Kroger (they always hide the fuckin' frozen ravioli!), I saw this and knew I had to blog about it. Stored in the frozen food case were loaves of Ezekiel 4:9 bread. There were various varieties, too: Cinnamon Raisin, Organic Low Carb Savory (sounds delish! Not.), 7 Sprouted Grains, Carrot, Walnut, Sesame and plenty more. And get a load of this, there's even a (I shit you not) Genesis 1:29 bread.

[5] Hurray! I had no idea that Freezer Queen was even still in business, until I recently spied them at the Minyard's in south Arlington. I only go to Minyard's for certain things (Borden's ice cream and Del Monte spaghetti one else here carries them), and now I have one more thing to go there for: Freezer Queen frozen entrees! Freezer Queen has been around since the late 50's. I am lovin' me some Onion Gravy & King-Size Beef Patties. They make for some tasty burgers! I just wish Minyard's carried more of a variety Chicken would be a nice change of pace.

[6] I used to tell tales of how in the mid 80's I went to a health food store with my mom, in our hometown, and bought a celery-flavored soda. No one every believed that such a thing existed. I recall how disgusting it was, but being a kid, I wanted it for the novelty factor. You know, kinda like how kids love blue food. It's a kid thing. Anyway, I recently found some (on clearance no less, naturally) at the Wal-Mart Marketplace. So it does exist and it's still being made! Weird. It's made by Dr. Brown's (the maker of my favorite Root Beer and Creme Soda) and is called Cel-Ray. Dr. Brown's has been produced since 1869. No self-respecting deli in New York would be caught without Dr. Brown's on hand.

[7] I normally hate Scott brand toilet paper, as well as "Angel" Soft (apparently angels are comprised of a low-grade sandpaper). Well, I recently have been seeing commercials for how much "softer" Scott allegedly is now, so I bought a few single roles. Um, I didn't even know anyone even made fuckin' SINGLE-ply toilet paper anymore! They're ad slogan should be "When rice paper just won't do." Geez, Louise.

[8] The dental hygienist gave me a sample tube of some Sensodyne toothpaste recently. I hesitate to call it the "dentist's" office since he rarely seems to make an appearance. Must be nice to have your minions do your work for you and just collect a check at the end of the month. Anyway, Sensodyne toothpaste tastes like shit. You'd have more luck finding something more flavorful by raking your toothbrush across a cat's ass.

[9] I have fond childhood memories of Aquafresh toothpaste. I normally use Mentadent, but recently I succumbed to the urge to harken back to my childhood days and bought a tube of Aquafresh. Let's just say the love affair is over. Wow. Let me preface this next sentence by saying, yes, I realize it is called tooth "paste" for a reason, but it tastes too pasty. Not smooth enough. Leaves a weird aftertaste/coating in my mouth. Me no likee. I miss the "old school" Aquafresh that I remember. Kinda like I miss the way Doritos used to taste. More like the taco-flavored ones! Mmmm taco-y.


Blogger Mariana said...

Fantastic! I thought the church had the exclusive on holy bread! Do they promise this one will make miracles on your digestive tract?

Thursday, August 25, 2005 2:48:00 AM  
Anonymous kris said...

Amen, brotha, on the "old skool" Doritos. They taste like crap now.

And I think the push for freezing PopTarts is in response to the numerous dumbasses who have burned down their kitchens because they don't know how to work a toaster. eh, I still prefer 'em "raw"...

Thursday, August 25, 2005 1:34:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

I didn't even know there was a "holy" bread! I tried to find the site for the makers of the bread, but I could only find sites that sold it. Weird.

Lol! Miracles indeed. I'm not sure about the digestive tract, but I've heard that you can literally pinch a heavenly loaf.

I'm so glad someone else can relate to what I'm talking about when I say Doritos just ain't the same. The really frustrating part is that Doritos DO make a Taco flavor (which, personally, takes me right back to the 70's/80's, 'cause they taste like I remember). BUT, they don't sell it here in Texas!!! Grrrrr! Yet, we have Pepperjack-flavored Doritos while others don't. Yeah, they're tasty, but I'd trade for the Taco ANY day!

LMAO, you SO have a point. I never even thought of that, but I bet you are right. I've read stories of fires that were started because of retards who lack the knowledge of how to warm a toaster pastry. Then there's the stories of third degree burns, someone losing an eye and eventually death.

I agree with you, I prefer them "raw" myself. Though the new Cinnamon Bun ones and the S'mores ones seem to benefit from the heat.

Thanks for commenting! :D

Friday, August 26, 2005 9:27:00 AM  
Anonymous LOUP said...

I like PTs raw too. I tried the Strawberry Milkshake flavor recently against better judgement and man are my taste buds sorry about that. It was awful! BLEH.

Monday, August 29, 2005 3:29:00 PM  

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