Sanity: 5¢

Meet Exact-Change Woman! She can't leap tall buildings in a single bound and she sure as hell ain't faster than a speeding locomotive. She can, however, leave long lines in her wake and has the ability to make time stand still. I had the displeasure of waiting 5 minutes out of my life, while she rummaged through her purse, her pockets and her coin purse. After exhausting all avenues, I thought she was gonna reach behind someone's ear and magically produce coinage. She continued to search for that all-consuming nickel that would irrevocably alter all our lives forever. Like The Breakfast Club, but much, much more frustrating.

My mind raced with questions that demanded to be answered: Could she do it? Did she have the moxie? Would any of us ever be the same again? Did I really need bagel chips? Both I, the cashier and the 2 people behind me, waited with bated breath. Once...twice, three times a dimwit. Eureka! She found it! It was in her pocket the whole time. That doggone rascally nickel. And that my friends, is the heroic tale of Exact-Change Woman. She'll forever have a special place in my colon heart.

Here's my question: What-the-fuck is up with old people and exact change? Another of my shopping pet peeves. Even my mom does this bullshit. Believe it or not, I'm normally a pretty patient person. More so than a lot of the people I encounter on a daily basis. However, my patience begins to wane when excessive retardery comes into play. Isn't the convenience factor pretty much made null and void once you've had to scour the four fuckin' corners of the globe to retrieve it? I'm completely mystified by this thought process. Maybe I just expect toomuch from people. You'd think at some point common sense would kick in and tell them that instead of making a bunch of other people wait while you go on a scavenger hunt in your purse, simply hand over a fuckin' dollar bill and be done with it all. WTF?