Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Sanity: 5¢

Meet Exact-Change Woman! She can't leap tall buildings in a single bound and she sure as hell ain't faster than a speeding locomotive. She can, however, leave long lines in her wake and has the ability to make time stand still. I had the displeasure of waiting 5 minutes out of my life, while she rummaged through her purse, her pockets and her coin purse. After exhausting all avenues, I thought she was gonna reach behind someone's ear and magically produce coinage. She continued to search for that all-consuming nickel that would irrevocably alter all our lives forever. Like The Breakfast Club, but much, much more frustrating.

My mind raced with questions that demanded to be answered: Could she do it? Did she have the moxie? Would any of us ever be the same again? Did I really need bagel chips? Both I, the cashier and the 2 people behind me, waited with bated breath. Once...twice, three times a dimwit. Eureka! She found it! It was in her pocket the whole time. That doggone rascally nickel. And that my friends, is the heroic tale of Exact-Change Woman. She'll forever have a special place in my colon heart.

Here's my question: What-the-fuck is up with old people and exact change? Another of my shopping pet peeves. Even my mom does this bullshit. Believe it or not, I'm normally a pretty patient person. More so than a lot of the people I encounter on a daily basis. However, my patience begins to wane when excessive retardery comes into play. Isn't the convenience factor pretty much made null and void once you've had to scour the four fuckin' corners of the globe to retrieve it? I'm completely mystified by this thought process. Maybe I just expect toomuch from people. You'd think at some point common sense would kick in and tell them that instead of making a bunch of other people wait while you go on a scavenger hunt in your purse, simply hand over a fuckin' dollar bill and be done with it all. WTF?

12 Comments:

Blogger Mariana said...

Ah, but then their dollar bill would no longer be intact, but divided into spare change -- a tragedy to be avoided at the cost of your time and health if necessary. Because then all that metal is going to weigh them down, or make clinking noises as they walk. So their supreme goal is to keep any paper money they may have in its original form, forever! They're in for a big disapointment...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 1:21:00 AM  
Blogger Clublint said...

You would think they'd be glad to pass over a measley freaken dollar so they had more change to play with.

Bastids.

Deb

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 2:20:00 AM  
Blogger Crazy Like A Fox said...

I guess when you are on a fixed income every penny counts. My pet peeve is people who pay with a check but wait until the last second to start filling the damn thing out. Get a check card retards!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 2:30:00 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Well who isn't on a fixed income? I don't have unlimited funds either, but I use something called a Coin Star machine. It's magic.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

Older people often develop little quirks like this. I'm sure someone knows why, but it's probably some boring brain chemistry explanation. Just remember, someday it will be you! Try to be even extra patient, and, if you can, grab one of your nickels and help her out.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 2:48:00 PM  
Blogger Queen of Ass said...

You could always carry around a little purse full of change to wack them over the head with when the urge strikes. Hey, I'm all about finding solutions to problems!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 3:19:00 PM  
Blogger RagDoll said...

I have been known to plop down the change myself in order to stave off the impulse of whopping the person with my own purse. I am not so patient at times! For the record...I thought the picture was of a man.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger HappySam said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 9:07:00 PM  
Blogger nccountry said...

I understand! I have to deal with that on a daily basis! Its irritatin' to no end! lol!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 9:25:00 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

I find your thoughts and perspective witty and honest. Keep up the writing!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005 3:48:00 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

Exact Change Lady...must be related to the Let's Dump Everything Out of My Wallet and See What I Come Up With Guy.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005 7:50:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Mariana-
It's a vicious, vicious cycle, Mariana. How do people cope with it? Lol! ;)

Clublint-
Lol! So true! It's alla 'bout the coinage!

Thanks for stoppin' by and commenting! :)

Crazy Like A Fox-
I guess I'm missing the failure to break a dollar bill/fixed income analogy. Since I write checks, I don't have a problem so much with the practice as much as I do with people who act like it just dawned on them that they were going to write a friggin' check. WTF? Take care of that shit BEFORE you get in line. How hard is that?

Thanks for commenting! :)

Terri-
But Coin Star takes a percentage, Terri. We're not all rich rock stars, you know! ;)

Annie-
You haven't been here before have you, Annie? The only thing I'd like to help her out with is out of the friggin' way, so the rest of the people waiting for her to dig a goddamn nickel outta her cobweb of a purse can get on with their lives. Trust me, this is not an age issue half as much as it's a stupidity issue. Sure, everyone ages, but not everyone has to turn into a moron in the process.

Thanks for stoppin' by and commenting! :)

Beth-
We need your problem solving skills in the White House. Have you ever considered running for office?

Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it! :)

Ragdoll-
If you thought THAT was a man, check out Ms. Hathaway on this past blog entry: http://kirkkitsch.blogspot.com/2004/10/jiggity-jog.html

By the way, don't give in by spending YOUR money. Trust me, these people know what they are doing. They think if they make you wait long enough, one of two things will happen: 1) The clerk will say "That's alright, sweetie. Don't worry about it." or 2) Someone nice like you will just pay it for them. Old people are craftier than you think.

Thanks for commenting! ;)

HappySam-
You and your SPAM-related message are full of corn. Enjoy your delete.

Nccountry-
Finally! Someone who can relate! I knew we were soulmates!

Mona-
Aw, thank you Mona. You're sweet and I appreciate the compliment. Thanks for stopping by! :)

Kate-
Actually, I think they are siblings and distant cousin of I Think I'll Breast Feed in the Mall's Food Court Lady. That's one crazy family reunion!

Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)

Monday, June 06, 2005 12:38:00 AM  

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