Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Year's First Must-Read

I honestly don't really get into most tabloid magazines like The Enquirer and Star Magazine, though I admit to having bought them on occasion in the past. However, I freakin' love incredibly awful tabloids like Weekly World News. I don't see it very often (mostly due to the fact that they seem to sell out too quickly), but I recently saw one in the magazine section of one of my favorite places, Walgreen's, that I had to buy. After flipping through it, I REALLY had to buy it. God, it's soooo horribly delicious! How could I resist with articles entitled:

- Pilgrims of Poop
- The Bigfoot Diet!
- Krakens Corner Hotel Guests

Not to mention a regular advice column called Horse Sense by Lester the Typing Horse.

However, I have to admit that my favorite is The Bigfoot Diet article. Permit me to share some of my favorite excerpts with you:

• "This was not the slender, muscular Bigfoot I'd seen in photos...his gut was enormous!"

• "After limbering up, Bigfoot really got to work. He did a series of roundhouse kicks that culminated in him felling a mangrove with a mighty blow."

• "Then Bigfoot took a well-deserved snack break. I thought he'd head to the nearest chicken coop but instead he nibbled on a handful of healthy, low-calorie swamp berries. After that, he plucked a minty green leaf from the shore, chewing it like chaw. The leaf must have been an appetite supressant because I didn't see Bigfoot eat again."

So, run, don't walk to your nearest Walgreen's and pick up your very own issue. The best $2.99 you'll spend all year.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's so fake! Obviously Big-Foot didn't REALLY lose all that weight... they just shaved off some of his hair to make it look that way!

Thursday, January 04, 2007 3:48:00 AM  
Blogger Ark said...

I love the look of truimph and accomplishment in the slender bigfoot's face! Oh and you did not tell me that this issue had a prehistoric shark in Alaskan waters article also!

Thursday, January 04, 2007 4:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

Well Kirk you will be extremely jealous of one of my Xmass presents this year:

Bat Boy Lives!: The WEEKLY WORLD NEWS Guide to Politics, Culture, Celebrities, Alien Abductions, and the Mutant Freaks that Shape Our World

Available at Amazon for only $9.75! It's like a WWN greatest hits compiliation.

Thursday, January 04, 2007 7:41:00 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Bigfoot does Tae Bo!?

Thursday, January 04, 2007 9:59:00 AM  

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